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3 months off Klonopin - still struggling


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Hey guys, I’m a little over 3 months off Klon after a horribly rough 8 month taper. I’m starting to have a few good days here and there but I’m still suffering a lot, mostly with mental symptoms. The anxiety and brain fog are the worst today. My entire family is outside enjoying a family BBQ and I’m inside alone blogging on here .... feel so frustrated that I cannot work. My boss keeps calling wanting to know when I’m coming back to work and I want to say “ I wish I could F-ing  tell you!!!” I want to go back to work and return to some semblance of my old life but I’m still so out of my mind.

 

Does anyone else feel like their living in parallel universe and life is just happening around them?! I’m trying to be positive but this is so damn tortuous, through the taper and the W/D it’s been a year of living in absolute torment. Sorry just needed to vent today. Feeling so alone in this world.

 

Anyone else about 3 months out? How are you feeling? Are you getting good waves yet?

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Hello

 

I’m just over two months off Diazepam, I totally understand how you are feeling it’s a difficult time but things will improve as we heal, I am not working either and it’s my goal to get back into some sort of work at some point. I can’t go out and enjoy normal things either , I get this too but in time things will return to normal and life will be good again.

 

I have had the odd window recently which is so encouraging although it makes the bad days seem worse, people say you start to get more good days and then the bad days don’t freak you out as much.

 

Keep going, you’re still in early recovery and time will help.

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Thanks Pushing on! I woke up feeling pretty good today in time for my sons graduation party, so very thankful for that! I’m starting to have windows too and know that we are healing, I just need to be patient. It’s such a long hard road but thankful to have you all to talk about this with. Wishing you a good day today  :smitten:
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Glad you're feeling better today! I stopped around the same time as you it seems and the mental stuff /brain fog is still terrible. Some days are slightly better than others but I never feel purely happy or like my old self but I've started to have glimpses of windows where the fog parts slightly and I feel a bit like my old self which is weird because its a reminder that life can be happy and there is a normal me there somewhere. I'm curious to follow your posts since we are in a similar place.
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I’m glad to have met someone in a similar place! If you would like to chat please feel free to PM or we can chat anytime. As I’m sure you know this can feel like such a lonely journey. The mental symptoms have been hardest for me. The brain fog and anxiety and depression are the absolute WORST for me. But I do have windows and get glimpses of what life WILL be like for all of us again! Slow and steady wins the race .... :)
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Re: 3 months off Klonopin - still struggling

« Reply #5 on: June 12, 2019, 12:13:13 am »

Quote

You need to plan on at least 3 years to recover.  3 months is early days.....hang in there buddy!!

 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

This type of shit right here is total bullshit. Don't believe that for a second. This is the type of comment that is only designed to scare people in my opinion. Better yet PLAN your speedy recovery !

 

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Online HI1989

Buddie

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Posts: 90

Gender: Male

I love BenzoBuddies!

View Profile  Personal Message (Online)

 

Re: 3 months off Klonopin - still struggling

« Reply #5 on: June 12, 2019, 12:13:13 am »

Quote

You need to plan on at least 3 years to recover.  3 months is early days.....hang in there buddy!!

 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

This type of shit right here is total bullshit. Don't believe that for a second. This is the type of comment that is only designed to scare people in my opinion. Better yet PLAN your speedy recovery !

 

I completely agree, just bc some on here take year’s to recover doesn’t mean that you will. This process is way too individualized to even make a statement like that with any accuracy whatsoever. The thought of that alone can be harmful to the recovery process. You’re brain is much more powerful than most give it credit for & the way you think directly affects your state of recovery. Nobody, not even any doctors can definitively tell each individual how long it is going to take them to heal, there are way too many variables that come into play. I don’t see any purpose in telling another that doesn’t have the same experience that they’re going to take year’s to heal, it’s entirely counterproductive.

 

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Thanks guys. I know its early in the recovery period, but I am 100% approaching with this mentality that I am healing, every day! I already have many good days starting to appear. I know that we all heal at different periods, but I believe in the power of a positive mind and I don't think there are standard timelines for any of this healing, but I do 100% believe our attitudes and mind set will play a big role in the healing process. I have that evil drug out of my body and that in and of itself makes me want to jump with joy. The cutting was so hard for me, perhaps harder than my acute symptoms. Im celebrating being benzo free!!! And yes, I have TERRIBLE days sometimes and my life has been completely turned upside down by this, BUT I also have good days and am learning so much about myself. Thank you to those with the positive messages and words of encouragement, doom and gloom isn't helpful for anyone. We all have to search for the rainbow in the storm and Im searching for those rainbows daily! I hope you all have a beautiful day!
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Thank you for posting this. I am just about three months off too. I am having some windows where I feel like I have moments of seeing myself and the world again. More recently this lasts for a day or two and then I go back to feeling yucky. My DP/DR have improved where I don't have to constantly ponder if things are real or not. Many of my physical symptoms have improved and I get about 6-8 hours of sleep at night but they are often interrupted. The worse symptoms for me are crushing depression and hopelessness. I lost my mother, best friend and boyfriend all within the same few months and have been fighting through tolerance and a rapid taper to survive and sometimes I wonder, "what did I fight so hard for when I have no life left???" My main support system is obliterated and life as I know it feels ugly and pointless. Before all of this I was a very positive, cheerful, outgoing girl. I had a few bouts of depression over the years but not like this where I feel so crazy and out of my mind that I would rather die. I'd rather deal with the physical symptoms honestly than the mental ones. But I am a single mom of four and my children have been through so much so I try to make it through every day for them but 3 of them are teenagers and I don't know if they really care or not. It's good to talk with others who have similar timelines. 
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Warrior24, my heart goes out to you. Completely. I agree with you that I would take the physical symptoms over mental Symptoms ANY DAY. I too have struggled with extreme CRUSHING depression, suicidal ideation, and out of this world anxiety, but these beautiful windows give me hope. I’ve actually had a great day today, feel normal and good so I am just trying to enjoy it and savor each moment of this day and use it as hope and fuel to keep going!! We will feel well again , who knows, we may even feel better than ever after all of this is over with! I too am a single mom, I have a 14 year old son. It’s so hard to be a single mom, especially to a teenager, and you have it 4 times over! But we must remember that those little people, need us, they love us and depend upon us and they will need us even when they are old and grey. How you feel about your mom is how they feel about you ( even if they don’t show it, they are teenagers after all). We CAN DO THIS!

 

I can’t imagine suffering all the losses that you have while going through this horrible horrible process. I lost my best friend 2 years ago next month and I think about her every day. Having a support system is so important, I live alone (well other than my child) and there are many days where I feel like I’m going crazy with just me, myself and my crazy thoughts! I have leaned on my brother, my cousins, and my mom. I hope you have at least one person there to listen and support you through this. I sometimes wish I had a husband or partner to help me through this. If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me since we are in similiar places on this journey. Stay strong Warrior24... you are a warrior!!!

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I am sorry you are going through this Ever Hopeful Quest. I understand your pain. The depression coming off these meds can be terrible. I suffered with suicidal ideation up to a year probably off and it's improving now. It was awful. For me, working actually helped me because whenever I took days off work I felt unsafe and didn't like being alone. I just forced myself to work through the depression. And while I'm a lot further off than you, I still have some mental symptoms going on, but the depression is a little bit better now. I don't have suicidal ideation like I used to. I'm suffering mostly from rage and anxiety and low mood now.
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Warrior24, my heart goes out to you. Completely. I agree with you that I would take the physical symptoms over mental Symptoms ANY DAY. I too have struggled with extreme CRUSHING depression, suicidal ideation, and out of this world anxiety, but these beautiful windows give me hope. I’ve actually had a great day today, feel normal and good so I am just trying to enjoy it and savor each moment of this day and use it as hope and fuel to keep going!! We will feel well again , who knows, we may even feel better than ever after all of this is over with! I too am a single mom, I have a 14 year old son. It’s so hard to be a single mom, especially to a teenager, and you have it 4 times over! But we must remember that those little people, need us, they love us and depend upon us and they will need us even when they are old and grey. How you feel about your mom is how they feel about you ( even if they don’t show it, they are teenagers after all). We CAN DO THIS!

 

I can’t imagine suffering all the losses that you have while going through this horrible horrible process. I lost my best friend 2 years ago next month and I think about her every day. Having a support system is so important, I live alone (well other than my child) and there are many days where I feel like I’m going crazy with just me, myself and my crazy thoughts! I have leaned on my brother, my cousins, and my mom. I hope you have at least one person there to listen and support you through this. I sometimes wish I had a husband or partner to help me through this. If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me since we are in similiar places on this journey. Stay strong Warrior24... you are a warrior!!!

 

Thank you so much for your sweet words of encouragement. I constantly try to tell myself that my girls need me like I wish I still had my mom but my thoughts are so screwed up these days it's hard to discern fact from feeling. I am so happy to hear that you have had a great and normal day. That must feel amazing!  I wish I could access that and hope I will soon someday. I am actually a Licensed Mental Health Therapist and went back to work about 25 hours a week just days after I rapid-tapered. I still can't believe I did that but helping my clients gets my mind off of myself and out of my head. I struggle every day because it's difficult work holding emotional space when people are suffering AND I'm suffering but I'm doing my best. I'd love to chat with you sometime.

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I am sorry you are going through this Ever Hopeful Quest. I understand your pain. The depression coming off these meds can be terrible. I suffered with suicidal ideation up to a year probably off and it's improving now. It was awful. For me, working actually helped me because whenever I took days off work I felt unsafe and didn't like being alone. I just forced myself to work through the depression. And while I'm a lot further off than you, I still have some mental symptoms going on, but the depression is a little bit better now. I don't have suicidal ideation like I used to. I'm suffering mostly from rage and anxiety and low mood now.

 

 

Thank you Boomboxboy21. I really do want to go back to work , it’s just that my work is mentally very demanding and I literally don’t feel like I have the mental cognition to do it or to get up and do public presentations right now. I went back to work after 1 month off and had a complete mental breakdown. I’m going to try and go back again in august, because I agree with you, having something else to focus on is very important and work helps give us purpose and self esteem. I’m sorry to hear you’re still suffering a year out, but it sounds like you have improved so that’s good to hear! My taper was worse than my acute symptoms, I feel like my anxiety is slowly but surely getting better as compared to how it was during my taper. Thank you for the kind words of encouragement.

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