Finally, success after short-term Ativan use!

I have been putting off posting this for awhile because I wanted to be 100% sure that I was in a good place to share. I am now two years post-jump and so happy to be back here posting success rather than logging on in the middle of the night in tears. I read so many of these success stories when I was struggling and they are truly all that encouraged me to keep going.

 

I was a short-term Ativan user who jumped without realizing what it would be to go cold turkey. I'm sure my story is still in my signature but I haven't updated it so I will try to get around to that. Basically, I went to a doctor because I was having anxiety. He put me on Lexapro, which I had taken successfully in the past for post-partum depression. For some reason, instead of helping, it triggered panic attacks. When I went to see him again, he took me off Lexapro and put me on propranalol and Ativan only as needed. The panic attacks kept coming and the fear of panic attacks just led to more panic attacks. I went back and he put me on .5mg Ativan 3x a day. It calmed me but left me feeling very dead inside-- like, no emotions, no likes or dislikes, etc. I was on that for only about three weeks when I started looking online and realized I was taking a fairly dangerous medication and that I should try to stop it. The doctor said I could stop it cold turkey because I hadn't been on it that long but I did a brief taper.

 

I jumped after only about a week-- maybe less?-- of tapering and spent the next two weeks so sick I could not function. I didn't sleep at night at all, I had no appetite, and I felt suicidal and anxious 24/7. Truly, it was the worst and darkest time of my entire life. I joined Benzo Buddies out of actual desperation because I was considering checking myself into rehab if only to relieve the burden off my husband and to get myself out of the house with my kids around. I hated them seeing me so sick. I tried seeing a doctor during this time and was told it was all in my head and that it takes years to become addicted to benzos. I also saw a psychiatrist who told me patients only experience withdrawal after taking benzos for 20+ years. I seriously felt like I was losing my mind.

 

After two weeks, the worst of my symptoms abated although my post-jump anxiety was still through the roof. I tried to deal with it for the next couple of months on my own. I tried yoga, l-theanine, and magnesium, but the anxiety was truly affecting my ability to function. It was hundreds of times worse than it had even been before I tried the Lexapro. I suspect I probably had some kind of PTSD from my experience. I started seeing a new therapist and while I was very much against the option of trying more medication, especially given what I had been through, he encouraged me to get genetic testing to see what medications might work for me in the future if I chose to go that route. I had the testing (and sure enough, Lexapro and propranolol showed up on my "do not take" list) and it showed that I would likely have reactions with most of the common anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. The only two listed as possibilities were Buspar and Pristiq.

 

After a very long summer of struggling post-jump, I was facing the reality of having to go back to work (as a teacher) and decided to try Buspar, given that it is seen as generally safe, addiction-wise, and had few side effects. I was very anti-med at this point but it was down to either trying Buspar or not being able to go back to work, so I tried it, and miraculously, it worked for me. It cut my anxiety down to a point where I could function and feel relatively normal. When I was in high-stress moments, I would still feel nervous or panicky, but I never had panic attacks and I could make it through the day without dwelling on my anxiety 24/7. I would probably have stayed on Buspar forever without changing, but about a year after jumping from Ativan, last summer came along and after being in the sun a few days, I started to have a medication reaction with Buspar-- full body rash every time I went into the sun, basically. I had a skin biopsy done to confirm that it was a drug reaction and was faced with the reality that I needed to go off Buspar. I did not know what to do and did not feel that I could function on my own. I felt at that point that I should give Pristiq a try even though I was so nervous about it, given that it's very hard to come off, and given my past experiences. I was so panicky about even trying it that I almost had a panic attack just swallowing the first pill. However, I have had a great experience with it. No side effects and I feel even better on it than I did on Buspar. I know that coming off if, like an other anti-depressant, will be awful. At this point, I plan to just stay on it until I die.

 

I know not everyone supports the idea of going back onto meds after coming off benzos, but for me, it has ended up being the right choice. I know it is not the right choice for everyone. I worry a lot about what happens if I stop having a good experience with it, and what options I'll be left with. I am trying not to dwell on these thoughts and I feel I am doing a much better job, two years out, dealing with my past experiences. I am sad that I had this experience at such a young age-- I was only 34 when I jumped from Ativan-- but I am even sadder when I think about how my first doctor did me such a disservice in treating my anxiety the way he did. I really like the doctor I have now and I like that she has encouraged me to treat my anxiety with therapy and diet and yoga and exercise before meds, and that she has been honest with me about what using medications for anxiety looks like. I have tried to be an advocate for anxiety with my students-- sharing my experiences with them and trying to encourage them to listen to their feelings and to find a doctor who will do what is best for them and not just what is the fastest and easiest treatment (seems like a lot of doctors just default to benzos because they are easy!).

 

For those of you reading this and dealing with withdrawal, whether after short-term use or long-term use, know that it will get better. Coming on and reading these stories when I was in my darkest times and felt like I was never going to feel human again meant so much to me. The solutions I've found for myself are definitely not for everyone, but I am so glad I did not give up on pushing through this. Sending much love and hugs to those of you who are in a dark place with this. You have to hang in there and understand that this is not your fault. For so long, I beat myself up on how I could be so stupid as to start a medication like Ativan without even researching it, but I know am in a place where I realize that this has happened to many others and that I am not at fault. Hang in there!

Congratulations Jessica I am happy you found something that works for you. I take Buspar for anxiety also and it works well for me. So far no adverse reactions and it has been almost 5 years. Does Pristiq help with anxiety? I thought it was only for depression. What is the test called that checks to see what meds we should take?

 

I’m also a short term user of A. Shocking how evil this drug is! Also shocking how ignorant some doctors can be. So glad you are feeling better! Thank you for sharing your story 😊

Congratulations Jessica I am happy you found something that works for you. I take Buspar for anxiety also and it works well for me. So far no adverse reactions and it has been almost 5 years. Does Pristiq help with anxiety? I thought it was only for depression. What is the test called that checks to see what meds we should take?

 

Preachergirl....saw your question,  hope this helps.

Pharmacogenetic testing or DNA Drug sensitivity testing.

Doesn't so much tell you what to take, more what you shouldn't....sensitivities based on genetic testing.

 

B strong

Congratulations Jessica I am happy you found something that works for you. I take Buspar for anxiety also and it works well for me. So far no adverse reactions and it has been almost 5 years. Does Pristiq help with anxiety? I thought it was only for depression. What is the test called that checks to see what meds we should take?

 

Preachergirl....saw your question,  hope this helps.

Pharmacogenetic testing or DNA Drug sensitivity testing.

Doesn't so much tell you what to take, more what you shouldn't....sensitivities based on genetic testing.

 

B strong

 

Okay thank you!

Congrats Jessica.  Can you please tell the name of the genetic test that was done to find out which meds would agree with you. Thanks.

Congratulations Jessica I am happy you found something that works for you. I take Buspar for anxiety also and it works well for me. So far no adverse reactions and it has been almost 5 years. Does Pristiq help with anxiety? I thought it was only for depression. What is the test called that checks to see what meds we should take?

 

Thank you! I did really love Buspar and if not for the interactions, I would have stayed on it. Pristiq apparently can help with anxiety the same way any other SSRI or SNRI can help-- like Prozac, for instance. Designed for depression, I believe, but it works on anxiety for some. I am so glad it's worked for me.

 

The test I had done was through my physician and was called GeneSight. There are other companies. It's called pharmacogenomic testing. It shows you which medications you are likely to have positive/negative reactions to and how you can adjust meds (like serum levels) accordingly. Most insurance companies do not cover it so I did have to pay $330 to have it done (although I was able to do a payment plan and pay $50 a month). It was well worth it for me. I would never have been brave enough to cycle through all the other possible meds that might have worked after my awful experience with Lexapro. My doctor said she would never have prescribed Pristiq in the first place because it's so expensive (close to $400 a month on my insurance, but I use a GoodRx coupon and pay $30 a month) if she hadn't had the test results saying it might work for me.

I’m also a short term user of A. Shocking how evil this drug is! Also shocking how ignorant some doctors can be. So glad you are feeling better! Thank you for sharing your story 😊

 

It's a terrible drug. I also, like you, started to experience intradose withdrawal very quickly. Some doctors seem to know almost nothing about benzos.

Congrats Jessica.  Can you please tell the name of the genetic test that was done to find out which meds would agree with you. Thanks.

 

I used Genesight. My new physician did the testing for me in her office. There are other companies that will do it, too. It's a simple cheek swab and you then go over the results with your doctor or a genetic counselor (they would not give me the results directly-- only through my doc).

 

I found this article explaining it:

https://oneome.com/blog/genetic-testing-for-medications-5-things-to-know/