Does it Ever Go away

Good Morning All,

 

Today marks 4 months since I took my last benzo.  All in all I would say I am doing pretty well from where I was but the depression and anger don't seem to go away.  I wake up unhappy and sad, and the smallest things set me off.  I have no interest in doing anything that I use to love doing and it's honestly crushing me.  I feel like I am going to cry all the time and I don't know what to do.  Does it ever go away? What are some tips to help cope with this. I try and distract but I just feel like I cant do anything.

Hi NewLife99,

 

I am also struggling with depression at 9-10 months out. From what I gather, it's normal for post-withdrawal. It didn't even really set in for me until after my taper. At 4 months off, I was flying off the handle at every little thing - the irritability and mood swings were insane, but they have become less intense. Even the depression seems to be gradually lifting, even if that just means I have fewer meltdowns. For me the looping, intrusive thoughts kept setting me off and those are also gradually becoming less intense.

 

I do believe we ought to be active participants in our recovery. I have struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life; it's why I started taking Valium to begin with. So while I attribute the extreme nature of it to benzo withdrawal, I do not believe that I will fully recover until I address the underlying issues and learn to cope without Valium. Journaling, exercising, getting outside, healthy eating, socializing, reading, mediation/yoga...I have found that these all help. Cannabis has also been a godsend for me, and I plan to get back into cognitive behavioral therapy.

 

Please hang in there. I do believe that it gets better. We like to say here on BB that it just takes time, and while that's true, anything you can do to help yourself even a little bit is worthwhile. Stay strong.

 

Gwinna

Thanks Gwinna. I stopped smoking weed after 15 years of daily use when I started my taper.  It was hit or miss as far as adding to or taking away my anxiety.  My head just feels so cloudy and off, and it's hard to think after 4 months its still from meds but I know it is.  I went on the meds for anxiety and depression as well, so after 8 years it is very hard dealing with life right now.  Hoping it will pass. I do take CBD for bed because otherwise my mind races.

Newlife99. I am still struggling with depression at 14-15 months off. It's not as bad as it was but it's still present. With the depression is an anger and often a feeling that my mind is going too fast that leads to confusion and disorientation. I'm doing the best I can and staying off all drugs but was thinking of trying CBD oil over the summer. It's such a long haul and I've thought of taking other meds so many times but I haven't yet. I am waiting to see how I feel at 18 months off and then go from there.

Hi there,

 

Same here, depression and anger. I am breaking things in the house, like yesterday the chopping board. I feel that I want to break everything I can touch..not every day but often. And no interest in nothing, I am 14 month out, and the last 6 month depression was present...I don`t know the answer..I am struggling hardcore too, want to cry all the time, don`t even want to go out...I have bought an excercise bike now because all of this lethargy I am putting on weight too...doing sports can help they say...so let`s see. Hang on there (this is what I say to myself too all the time) it`s very very hard...

Hey, Cookiegirl. We are on very similar timelines. I am 14.5 months off now. Lots of anger and depression and confusion. Lots of anxiety about seeing certain people because of the anger. I have been thinking of trying some other meds at this point. Nothing seems to be changing at all. I will be exercising a ton this summer and trying to take naps when possible. I don't know what else to try at this point. The worst of it is a lot of my anger is toward my daughter so much so that I don't even want to be around her most the time. It feels very weird and uncomfortable.

For me it did go away, but it took a year and half.  I did not take anti-depressant, though and just lived with it one day at a time.  I suspect that if I tapered I would not feel awful for so long, but I had to cold turkey because my doctor retired and nobody else would give me benzo.  I feel a lot tougher after going through depression, and don't worry about things as much.

Im sure hoping that it does! I was feeling so good and then a crushing wave of sadness and depression overcame me today. I too have suffered from anxiety and depression since I was a young teen, anxiety is why my doc put me on benzos in the first place. I do think I was unknowingly numbing my emotions for so many years, perhaps Im being overwhelmed by all these emotions now. Kinda like ripping off the band aide of life and Il feeling everything through a big gaping, open wound. On days like this when the depression is super dark, there isn't much that seems to help other than just accepting how I feel and not fighting it, knowing it will pass.

 

But I couldn't agree with Gwinna more. Time is an absolute key component to our healing but I agree that we have to work every day to do what we can to help to aide in our own healing. Some of the tools Im working on daily are exercise, DBT therapy and skills classes, journaling, and CBD oil. I think anxiety and depression are things that I will have to deal with for the rest of my life, and some days are way worse than others, but I refuse to believe that I cant live a happy life. I will conquer this beast and live to learn with my anxiety and depression. Easier said than done, but Ive got to keep going for my son.