Withdrawing from Ativan

Hello my name is True self.  I am a 65 year old nurse who became addicted to Ativan after my divorce from a man I was married to for 33 years. I also  became addicted to opiates (OxyContin,) and am currently on Suboxone.I have been taking 4-5 mg of Ativan for 4 years. I have previously taken xanax 3-4 mg daily for 6 months as well as zolpidem dIly for 2 years. As I remember it  was very difficult to get off the Xanax but not this hard. I went to a rehab program to  begin my taper and was put in Librium 10 -20 mg daily for 1 week.  Then only took 1 10 mg Librium per week for the next three weeks. I had severe bleoharospasm, shaking high blood pressure splitting headaches.sweating, cold and light intolerance. That is a partial list.I thought the worst was over and the phychiatrist gave me 29 Librium to take homE. This was a month ago.a month ago. I have been taking about 2.5 to 5 mg Librium every other day but have episodes of  shaking, depersonalization, headache and really severe tinnitis., no appetite.

Does anyone think this taper is too fast? The psychiatrist  is saying I should take less every week but I’m finding I can’t get the energy to walk my dog and go to AA meetings , which is my only responsibility now. AA has welcomed me, even though I am not an alcoholic but the root cause of addiction is the same., I think .I also attend NA meetings once per week. It’s hard for me to get to NA meetings because they are located far from me.

I know my story is not a happy one.. I have such feelings if shame about what I have become. I was a practicing nurse for 40 years  and was working 60 hrs a week for the last seven years and was able to stand the grind only with the use of drugs.  My addiction was not apparent to my employer and they are holding my job, though I won’t be able to return to that sort of work.I am now in disability due to my addiction. And also for Graves’ disease.( hyperthyroidism).

My primary doctor is sympathetic and lovely. She is treating me for hyperthyroidism.

My family has no idea of the seriousness of my disease. I have their support but I need to take my 93 y/o mother to MD appts and help her with shopping . I don’t want to disclose my feelings to her and my grown children so I try to act “as if” I’m feeling better.

Any feedback would be welcome. Thank you so much.

Edit:  username removed from title

Welcome to BenzoBuddies!  We are glad you decided to join us.  You'll find a lot of support and information on this forum, which is the only one of its kind online.  I'm sorry you are going through all this.  Withdrawing from benzos more than once can make subsequent withdrawals more difficult for some of us, due to "kindling."

For those starting a taper, we generally recommend starting out at a rate of 5 to 10% every 10-14 days, then adjusting the taper to suit your own needs.  Many taper slower than that though. Note: very short term users may be able to taper faster.

Withdrawal symptoms, which vary widely but commonly include anxiety and insomnia, often occur during a taper, but these are temporary and will get better in time.  In general, first tapers are easier, but cold turkeys or multiple withdrawals may be more severe and longer lasting.  Here are a few links to get you started:

The Ashton Manual, a concise reference for tapering and symptom issues.

Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

Once again, welcome!