Sometimes I wish I never discovered BenzoBuddies

This website is great for support and advice etc but it feels like a magnet I can't detach from. 

 

I try my best not to come on here but it's so hard not to and the more I read the information on here the more I am woken up to the reality of how long this is going to take and if healing actually happens or not. 

 

Sometimes I feel like being on here is my only distraction but at the same time, it feeds the subconscious mind negativity and hopelessness.

 

Not sure why I posted on here.  Just needed to vent.

 

I feel the same way!

I’m right there with you. I keep reminding myself that there are millions of people worldwide on these poison pills and many trying to quit. I think we see some of the worst cases here and in the grand scheme of things it’s a small percentage.

 

I just had to reinstate and I kept reading about it not working or having adverse effects or it’s takes weeks to stabilize. I was back to normal on my original dose within one hour of reinstatement.

 

When I’m not pacing I’m reading. I usually stick to the success stories.

 

 

Stay,

Yes the group is double edged sword.

But I obviously am one of the people with lot of trouble getting off.

I read hoping to find a way to survive this.

You got off then went back on?  How long were you off?

 

I have tried to slow taper and don't make much progress and just sick.  And old.

I know exactly what you’re saying. I was discouraged and freaked out that my recovery time could potentially be very very long.  There’s a great deal of negativity on this board —  and for obvious reasons ...  Benzo withdrawal is hell and people are suffering tremendously.

 

I tried to stick to certain threads that would be helpful ( such as general wellness or alternative treatments etc.)  and avoid other threads.  If there was a certain thread I was particularly interested in, I signed up for notifications.  And I used the board primarily to correspond with a buddy I had met on here who was in a similar situation as me ...  it was a life line !

 

I also read through the success stories and found numerous  examples of people who healed fairly quickly ( within 3 to 6 months), And this was a huge encouragement!

I’m right there with you. I keep reminding myself that there are millions of people worldwide on these poison pills and many trying to quit. I think we see some of the worst cases here and in the grand scheme of things it’s a small percentage.

 

I just had to reinstate and I kept reading about it not working or having adverse effects or it’s takes weeks to stabilize. I was back to normal on my original dose within one hour of reinstatement.

 

When I’m not pacing I’m reading. I usually stick to the success stories.

Welcome..

 

Would be great if you could find the time to post your updose experience on the Updose Support Group.. 

 

All the best with your journey...

 

Yes, agree with Cant on posting that... even THAT is encouraging to be ok on the damn drugs!!!!

 

I so wish had someone in my situation to talk to-- would mean a great deal.  But few been on these this long, few had primary sleep problem that extreme, on my drugs...  etc etc.

Restoration how did you meet your lifeline buddy?

This website is great for support and advice etc but it feels like a magnet I can't detach from. 

 

I try my best not to come on here but it's so hard not to and the more I read the information on here the more I am woken up to the reality of how long this is going to take and if healing actually happens or not. 

 

Sometimes I feel like being on here is my only distraction but at the same time, it feeds the subconscious mind negativity and hopelessness.

 

Not sure why I posted on here.  Just needed to vent.

 

I see exactly what your saying. I came here looking for answers to some questions, and the feedback has been awesome.

 

But I will say that it can be a very toxic environment reading all the negative stories (in that I mean setbacks, things u shouldn’t do in recovery, etc...).    If we all surround ourself with the daily reminder that we don’t want to be defined by this, not are we going to be wrapped up in cotton wool and we are going to live our lives. Because yes,  no one is guaranteed a Trw.

 

If we all live in the parameters of withdrawal, and don’t step out of that box, well, the stuff is always going to be there.  I know for myself, if I was to come and be active on here and ready every post, it would put me far back than anything else that people have described or listed on here that has put them back.

 

Be very careful what you read on the internet about anything, for every negative out there, there is a positive or 2 that no one is caring to share.   

 

And always remember, you can’t expect to change or see results when you don’t change your environment!

I feel the same way too. It is like an addiction to me...seek for support o read how others feel. I know it takes all long time to recover. I am in protracted w/d but that support group was so scary that I stopped reading posts there. Bb has been a lifeline for me many times. But can also made me really afraid. I try not to "be" here on BB all the time. But being bedbound and nothing to do. I end up here

This website is great for support and advice etc but it feels like a magnet I can't detach from. 

 

I try my best not to come on here but it's so hard not to and the more I read the information on here the more I am woken up to the reality of how long this is going to take and if healing actually happens or not. 

 

Sometimes I feel like being on here is my only distraction but at the same time, it feeds the subconscious mind negativity and hopelessness.

 

Not sure why I posted on here.  Just needed to vent.

 

Hello,

 

I can only impart my personal experience with BB, as we all do.  I came from knowing virtually nothing about benzos, dependency, withdrawal and the like, even while on the drug.  I found BB and another forum and decided that even though I spent very little time on the computer and no time at all on social media, that I needed support and information. I chose BB because of the organization and the fact that Colin had set the forum up to protect our privacy.

 

All of a sudden, after joining, I was not alone. Finally I could 'speak' to others who also didn't understand the ramifications of benzo withdrawal, who were like me, googling every symptom thinking they had a terrible disease.  While withdrawal is not a disease as such, it is repair from damage done to the cns.

 

I finally became informed and educated about this class of drugs. I thank a few people who I interacted with for helping me garner a vast amount of knowledge about this process.  Sure, I had days of pity parties and symptoms that I though would never leave, but now I learned the reasons behind how I felt.

 

This allowed me to finally accept the process and allow my body to heal, and I did believe that it would heal.

 

Certainly some of the posts, coming from fragile and desperate people, can be scary.  I 'shopped' for the threads that best supported my needs. I found a group of people to communicate with on our blogs. We supported each other on a daily basis. 

 

Without the information and support of BB I'm not sure where I'd be today. When doctors tell you things that are false or misleading over and over, after time a person might start believing them.  I credit BB as being my port in the stormy seas of withdrawal.

 

pianogirl 

This website is great for support and advice etc but it feels like a magnet I can't detach from. 

 

I try my best not to come on here but it's so hard not to and the more I read the information on here the more I am woken up to the reality of how long this is going to take and if healing actually happens or not. 

 

Sometimes I feel like being on here is my only distraction but at the same time, it feeds the subconscious mind negativity and hopelessness.

 

Not sure why I posted on here.  Just needed to vent.

 

Hello,

 

I can only impart my personal experience with BB, as we all do.  I came from knowing virtually nothing about benzos, dependency, withdrawal and the like, even while on the drug.  I found BB and another forum and decided that even though I spent very little time on the computer and no time at all on social media, that I needed support and information. I chose BB because of the organization and the fact that Colin had set the forum up to protect our privacy.

 

All of a sudden, after joining, I was not alone. Finally I could 'speak' to others who also didn't understand the ramifications of benzo withdrawal, who were like me, googling every symptom thinking they had a terrible disease.  While withdrawal is not a disease as such, it is repair from damage done to the cns.

 

I finally became informed and educated about this class of drugs. I thank a few people who I interacted with for helping me garner a vast amount of knowledge about this process.  Sure, I had days of pity parties and symptoms that I though would never leave, but now I learned the reasons behind how I felt.

 

This allowed me to finally accept the process and allow my body to heal, and I did believe that it would heal.

 

Certainly some of the posts, coming from fragile and desperate people, can be scary.  I 'shopped' for the threads that best supported my needs. I found a group of people to communicate with on our blogs. We supported each other on a daily basis. 

 

Without the information and support of BB I'm not sure where I'd be today. When doctors tell you things that are false or misleading over and over, after time a person might start believing them.  I credit BB as being my port in the stormy seas of withdrawal.

 

pianogirl 

Gosh, -I could have written just that Pianogirl..!! I was not an internet person at all.. -as im sure you noticed..!! Lol

 

But I soon gravitated to 2 very special spots here, and one main board at times.. This is where I spent many months.. I too came to realise what was my path to get off, and knew I would be ok..

 

I would hate to think where I would be without BB on what is a long journey with a ways to go yet..

I had a number of Drs that were lost with it all, and likely very glad I found BB too..!!

 

I did have a pretty good period around my valium jump time, and it seemed natural to spend less time here, but I also wanted to share it with my Buddies, so tried to keep in touch pretty regularly..

Further med tapering has thrown me back a bit, and it is a true blessing to have the Village gently carry me through as we encourage and lean on each other as needed..

 

I do understand what people are saying here, and I guess there is a time and place for everything, and that will differ for everyone.. But understanding and perspective have made BB work fantasticly for my needs.. 

 

I think different symptoms and perhaps? personalities can need extra consideration with how to use BB.. I didnt have much health anxiety or similar, and It was clear to me that others situations may not be mine.. But im pretty sure there is a place here to suit everyone, and that may vary throught ones journey... I used to play the games a lot, then blog, -joined a "chatty"   support group, and now the wider boards... The reasons for being here can evolve, and the NEED lessen.. Thats the goal..!!

 

The best thing I learnt was to run my own race, one day at a time, -but with a good Buddy beside me on each shoulder...

 

 

 

Well Cant took the words out of mouth too...but let me put my two cents in...I came to BB and was lost for many months, I did not know how to get around the forum...so I stayed on Intro from June to Oct...finally I found my way to the Forum, and I realized that I pretty much already had my taper planned out before coming here...but the wonderful Friends I acquired along the way...well that has been Priceless, and I started many threads for distraction and to this day I post on them each day. I think we all find where we fit here in our own way. Without BB, I am not sure I would have done as well and I have been blessed to have my own Taper Buddy that has been beside me now for a long time, we have both learned and leaned on each other. I read most threads, and if they are too sad, I try not to, but I understand the horror they are going through as I had two horrific tapers, before this third taper...so read what you can and if you can't there are places here to play games with others and a blog is good to start and a progress log. If I had not joined BB I would not have known how to do a liquid taper, I thank God for Colin and the Mods here, without Colin we would not have this amazing place to come and post to others and not be by ourselves. The Mods have been terrific and I know they are here to support and keep us safe. So for me, I am grateful for all that I have learned here and my amazing Friends that I have found. Like everything in Life, we get out of it what we want or need. So for me, I know how much time I want to spend here and have a Life. Best to all. 💖 Peace and Healing.

Yes, agree with Cant on posting that... even THAT is encouraging to be ok on the damn drugs!!!!

 

I so wish had someone in my situation to talk to-- would mean a great deal.  But few been on these this long, few had primary sleep problem that extreme, on my drugs...  etc etc.

Restoration how did you meet your lifeline buddy?

 

I met here here on BB .... she was in a similar situation as me: short term user of Ativan. so we were in the same boat!

I’m thankful for BB.  I had no information on Benzo Withdrawal from my pdocs (them forcing CT and saying no withdrawal).  I don’t know how I would have survived the past 5 months without BB and support people on BB.  I stay off when reading anxious posts.  It helps me to know my sxs are common in long term BWD.

 

I agree with PG and Can’tFly.

 

SaraSue 

This website may have saved my life. Had I not known this was all w/d and other people were going through this I would have thought it was all me and I don't know what I would have done.  I agree its hard to stop checking posts some days but it's worth that. I think it's important to gauge your own symptoms and progress. Sure some people on here have it very rough but that does not mean you are the same. I did talk to a doctor yesterday about benzo w/d and she said "your brain is going to take some time to heal but it will heal". I think that is what you have to take away from people's stories on here too.

I'm grateful to BB for the information and support, but I was somewhat dismayed to find out that getting off benzos was going to be a lot more arduous than I had originally anticipated. The biggest downfall here is that talking about them and related topics all the time, I find now that I'm getting the occasional craving that I hadn't experienced before. I'll still make it, I'm a stubborn bee-yotch, and I have my outrage at the medical/pharmaceutical/health insurance complex to hang onto to carry me through.

 

I've been through withdrawals for other substances, and while not a cakewalk, weren't that bad. Over in a week or two. Figured benzos would be the same, just had to get over my "fear of no sleep" phobia. Now that I'm over the phobia thing (delta waves worked great for my sleep), I'm just waiting out the symptoms. I suspect that I'll have an easier time than most, as my dose was pretty low, but I AM trying to get off 2 different sleep meds at the same time, both addictive. I just thought it would be a lot easier than it is. Two weeks just to get TO the worst of the symptoms, ugh.

As u begin to feel better & better, the feeling of needing to come here will start to dwindle. You’ll become much more focused on living life & have a whole new appreciation for being able to do the simple things that I feel like took for granted. I know that’s the case with me. I was the same way after I found this place. Spending hrs upon hrs of my day reading posts, doing research, trying to gauge how long it would take me to heal. But tbh, no matter how much information u gather or how closely related ur drug history is to someone else’s, everyone heals differently. Once I took the focus off of how long this process is going to take & put it towards the process itself? I noticed a huge shift in sx intensity & severity. If u allow ur mind to b consumed by nothing of ur sx & focus on how u feel 24/7, it’s inevitable that ur going detect every little shift in sx intensity. I know it’s difficult, I’ve been there, but once u shift ur focus to doing things that r beneficial to ur overall health & well being you’ll begin to notice that u don’t think about how ur feeling nearly as often as u did before. Hopefully this can happen soon for u. Take care, & all the best in healing.

Definitely relate to this. I want to stay distracted but I can’t work or do anything really because one day I’m fine and the next day I’m not. It’s hard to find a reason to do anything at this point.  Coming here does add to my stress at times. I desperately search for people with chemical sensitivities who have healed but I haven’t found anyone really so I am very discouraged. I need to remember that this forum doesn’t have ALLLL the answers and my healing doesn’t reflect anyone elses. There’s a ton of good info on here. Just a matter of limiting your time.

Get them to ban you for 3 months and see how you feel. I've done it and it's good. I don't read much anymore, or post, know what's going on, rarely need to, and I hear you, it's why I don't read much. Depressing as all hell and bad for my head. Try it.

Totally understand. I think we do it because nobody understands even if they are totally supportive. Over the years, I realized it takes a really special person to research any issue you are having and educate themselves to point where it actually helps. Of course support and love help, however this is something about another person understanding.

Get them to ban you for 3 months and see how you feel. I've done it and it's good. I don't read much anymore, or post, know what's going on, rarely need to, and I hear you, it's why I don't read much. Depressing as all hell and bad for my head. Try it.

 

You were banned? Why?!

That is like that really large FB group that regularly bans people for no reason whatsoever and says they don't need a reason...  kind of a shock when it happens to you! 

That is like that really large FB group that regularly bans people for no reason whatsoever and says they don't need a reason...  kind of a shock when it happens to you!

 

We rarely ban anyone here on the forum. Sometimes people request a 'time out' from the forum which can be a healthy thing. The way we do this is to 'ban' the account for the length of time they request.  They are not being arbitrarily banned at all. 

 

pianogirl

That is like that really large FB group that regularly bans people for no reason whatsoever and says they don't need a reason...  kind of a shock when it happens to you!

 

We rarely ban anyone here on the forum. Sometimes people request a 'time out' from the forum which can be a healthy thing. The way we do this is to 'ban' the account for the length of time they request.  They are not being arbitrarily banned at all. 

 

pianogirl

 

Hmmmmm.  I keep saying I'm going to take a break, but then can't.

I may have to initiate this!

Thanks for the info.

I think we all have moments, when you want to take a step back. For my part, this happens when I am too sensitive. Then I get sad for the very least, and want to hide under the blanket.

 

But then I'm wondering how all friends feel. So it won't be long before I'm back. I would take a break! But suddenly I longed for everyone.