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40 months in hell, but better!


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Diazepam, Gabapentin, Xanax and Zopiclone 25 years in and out. CT x 3. The Health care said "everything is anxiety".

And my husband, and solmate, died.

I was quite sure, that I wouldn't survive. This was too much, both psychologically and physically. All symptoms on the list.

 

A year ago bedridden in a dark room. Crawl to the bathroom. Benzo-flu, looping music and more. You know.... And so weak, could hardly lift my arms. I didn't eat, and slept 15-18 hours a day. No windows, a hellish wave all the time. My home was a big mess, almost misery.

 

Now I'm no longer stuck on the couch. I can clean, but have to rest often. I am very sensitive, especially for stress. And still tired and exhausted.

 

I have started with easier exercises without setbacks. And I can meditate without being totally terrified. And laugh!

 

I am no longer a wreck, but one step at a time! :)

 

Anna

 

 

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I’m very proud of you and you should be too!  Congrats on healing! :smitten:

 

I’m so sorry about your husband.

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Thanks TheAtivan! But there is always some concern. Since I have hardly had any windows, I never know. So sometimes, it's hard to relax, and not feel fear. But I try to enjoy every moment!

 

And I hope, you feel better soon! :)

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Hi Anna,

 

So sorry about the loss of your husband. :'(

I am so happy for you and your progress from so much suffering. I wish you support and strength to keep getting better. You are healing one day at a time. So glad to hear that you are laughing again, too. I had a very good laugh yesterday with my boyfriend and it felt so good. Laughing heals the soul or at least is a good BandAid for awhile!

 

Hugs to you :hug:

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Thanks Sensi and Tater!

 

Yes! Laughing heals! 

I feel, like I have woken up -hello world! A friend, asked why I have an advent star in my window. Ooops! I haven't seen it!

 

And hugs to you!

 

Anna

 

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Congratulations to reaching 40 months!!! This is a very hard road but we are healing every day and we have to keep moving forward! We will get there one day!

So sorry for your loss.  :(

Hugs

Vica

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Diazepam, Gabapentin, Xanax and Zopiclone 25 years in and out. CT x 3. The Health care said "everything is anxiety".

And my husband, and solmate, died.

I was quite sure, that I wouldn't survive. This was too much, both psychologically and physically. All symptoms on the list.

 

A year ago bedridden in a dark room. Crawl to the bathroom. Benzo-flu, looping music and more. You know.... And so weak, could hardly lift my arms. I didn't eat, and slept 15-18 hours a day. No windows, a hellish wave all the time. My home was a big mess, almost misery.

 

Now I'm no longer stuck on the couch. I can clean, but have to rest often. I am very sensitive, especially for stress. And still tired and exhausted.

 

I have started with easier exercises without setbacks. And I can meditate without being totally terrified. And laugh!

 

I am no longer a wreck, but one step at a time! :)

 

Anna

 

Congrats on all your progress! You've come so far, despite devastating setbacks! Major kudos to you!

 

I feel finding out my mom's breast cancer has metastasized, on my one year celebration of jumping, has made things more difficult for me. I'm still leaps and bounds better than I was, but parts of my progress have been hindered in certain ways.

 

I'm proud of you! Keep going!  :smitten:

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AJUSTA: I think, tolerance and WD has caused a lot of muscle problem. In addition, bedridden and stuck on the sofa 40 months. So I have "no muscles".  Of course my body protests: weak, breathless and no power. Pain and stiffness. I tested jump rope, but almost killed myself.

 

The stronger my body becomes, the pain becomes weaker. And I don't have to give up. Maybe not ski on a railing, but in the future? So my problem was wrong diagnosis, tolerance, WD and inactivity for a long time. One step at a time!

 

I hope you feel better soon! :)

 

Anna

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Congratulations, Anna!  :smitten:

 

I am very sorry for the loss of your Husband...  :'( ...there is no good time to say goodbye to a loved one, but in withdrawal?...  :'(

A big Well Done on making it off all these awful drugs and CTs, and getting to 40 months off...  :thumbsup: that is no small feat!!

You now seem to be reaching the light at the end of the tunnel, you know healing is happening and things are getting easier - that's the exciting part. It won't all be about cleaning your house and doing chores, but getting to know what you want to do with this life now that your house is tidy and that you feel you want to share your smile with the world!  :smitten:

Warm Hugs!

Julz x

 

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THANKS ALL AMAZING FRIENDS!

 

My life is no longer a dark place in hell. And my thoughts are not about giving up.

 

I have always been very sensitive, so I have to be careful. The smallest can cause setbacks, and I'm still a "porcelain doll". So it's always a balancing act.

 

But my dearest, family and friends are so understanding, and that's my rescue. But the world can't hold it's breath for my sake, so I'm so grateful for every little moment! :)

 

Anna

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Anna dear friend, you are a warrior! Your faith and humor is going to heal you, so happy that you are feeling a bit better, I hope one day you are healed, take care dear! :smitten:
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THANKS PATRI, YOU ARE A VERY NICE FRIEND! :)

 

It's always hard to know, if Mr.Withdrawal laughs behind the door. And especially when I stand in front of the mirror - DO'H! But I'm no longer green on my face.

 

But now I'm so tired of this horrible situation, so I have to do something: my thoughts. We have about 60.000 thoughts every day. And about 75% are the same as the day before. So after 40 months? I'm stuck!

 

And now I can talk about everything. I didn't want to scare my family: "my soles were stuck in the ceiling, and I fell through my bed over and over again". Then they had said: RUN!

 

So I try to focus on meditation and mindfulness. And I use a diary, and write every little thought. And I mustn't cheat! Then I'm so tired of myself.

 

Another good sign, is that I now want to help others. Previosly, everything was about myself.

 

Sometimes, and too often, our lives are a hell. But there is a light in the tunnel. So don't give up! :)

 

(Sorry, my English is gibberish)

 

Hug!

 

Anna

 

 

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TRIGGER - MUSIC!

 

Everything can happen, but I'm so happy! I have done this, and they threw us out.

 

Anna

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