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A warning from my experience


[Em...]

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I just want to put this out there to anyone who is considering going on a Benzo or to anyone making the extremely tough decision to come off a Benzo. I started dabbling with this medication about 4 years ago. I should be honest and let everyone know that I have a history of addiction, but I still believe this nasty drug can take down just about anyone.

I became very tolerant to Xanax and continually upped my dosage do dangerous amounts.

The last 9 months of my use was horrific.. I barely remember the year of 2018 and the beginning of 2019. I could not tell you where I was for thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday, etc. It’s such an unsettling feeling, to put it lightly. Hell, it was a god damn nightmare! No need to sugar coat here. My behavior was something I do not even recognize. I was in 3 car accidents in a matter of 2 months. I gained weight and slept enough for the rest of my life. I separated myself from everyone in my life. I was black out hammered on benzos.

Whatever you’re going through THIS IS NOT THE FIX! Trust me when I say whatever you’re feeling or going through now is totally manageable. The consequences of this drug are not. I had to quit my job and all things required to function.

I live in Chicago and have seen some top notch doctors. If they don’t know this information then I don’t have much hope that anyone dealing with psychiatric issues will be given the best advice.

When I sought help, I was told to do a medical detox. That entire experience alone is enough to show the health care field doesn’t understand this drug.

I was tapered off 8-10mg of Xanax in a matter of 5 days. I went home and ended up right back in the hospital from grand mal seuizures. I was deathly ill.

It’s now been almost 3 months and I’m finally feeling just A TINY BIT normal. I still have lots of healing to do.

The only thing that keeps me going is I know it does get better. We’re lucky enough to make the choice to heal. It’s going to take time, but we actually have the time. Just make sure to stay on this board and do your research! Get off of these drugs the right way and you can be healthy again.

-emilyann

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I just want to put this out there to anyone who is considering going on a Benzo or to anyone making the extremely tough decision to come off a Benzo. I started dabbling with this medication about 4 years ago. I should be honest and let everyone know that I have a history of addiction, but I still believe this nasty drug can take down just about anyone.

I became very tolerant to Xanax and continually upped my dosage do dangerous amounts.

The last 9 months of my use was horrific.. I barely remember the year of 2018 and the beginning of 2019. I could not tell you where I was for thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday, etc. It’s such an unsettling feeling, to put it lightly. Hell, it was a god damn nightmare! No need to sugar coat here. My behavior was something I do not even recognize. I was in 3 car accidents in a matter of 2 months. I gained weight and slept enough for the rest of my life. I separated myself from everyone in my life. I was black out hammered on benzos.

Whatever you’re going through THIS IS NOT THE FIX! Trust me when I say whatever you’re feeling or going through now is totally manageable. The consequences of this drug are not. I had to quit my job and all things required to function.

I live in Chicago and have seen some top notch doctors. If they don’t know this information then I don’t have much hope that anyone dealing with psychiatric issues will be given the best advice.

When I sought help, I was told to do a medical detox. That entire experience alone is enough to show the health care field doesn’t understand this drug.

I was tapered off 8-10mg of Xanax in a matter of 5 days. I went home and ended up right back in the hospital from grand mal seuizures. I was deathly ill.

It’s now been almost 3 months and I’m finally feeling just A TINY BIT normal. I still have lots of healing to do.

The only thing that keeps me going is I know it does get better. We’re lucky enough to make the choice to heal. It’s going to take time, but we actually have the time. Just make sure to stay on this board and do your research! Get off of these drugs the right way and you can be healthy again.

-emilyann

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You’re very lucky to feel that good after only three months on that high of an amount. Not trying to be rude but just letting you know don’t ever play with fire ever again. It can and does get much worse

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Emily,

I for one really appreciate your candor. The same thing happened to me but MY addiction started back in 1982 when I became an RN and ready access to benzos. OH what a huge mistake, but I did not know how bad benzos truly are. I took them for insomnia fort 30 years and my over all health gradually worsened and worsened, but I never connected this to my benzo use. In 2012, my PMD finally figured this out and he forced me to go CT off two benzos and 2 ADs. And I am NOT angry about this: I am GLAD it happened. I know very well that if I had stayed on benzos I would now be dead and dead gone.

I have had addiction issues all my life too. Cigarettes, alcohol, street drugs in the 60's, and alcohol. So I very well understand where you are coming from.

I too was carted off to a detox unit and it basically WAS a cold turkey. I didn't get any benzos there, nor did I get any other drug for things like high blood pressure. And when my insurance refused to pay, I was promptly booted out in full blown acute BWD. I was hallucinating, for heavens sake. And just sent home, like I was human garbage.

Emily, something I know quite well is that when you say you sort of feel better, you are minimizing stuff. I did that too. I guess this is a sort of defensive thing. I always minimized my symptoms, because I was SURE I was MUCH worse off than anyone else here on BB. I know now that isn't true. I was truly humiliated by my  hallucinating with ALL 5 senses, and worried that I truly had gone insane. I hadn't but it took several years for me to understand even that. Benzo brain had affected me so badly.

Whatever. Please just hang on and keep on going. You will heal from this, but for some people it does take some time.

east

BIG HUG! to a fellow sufferer

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Thank you. And I completely agree, I’m never touching that stuff again.. And yes  I’m extremely lucky, I have an awesome support group. I’m an introvert so Its difficult for me to reach out and talk to people about something so personal.. but I can say I would not  get through this without help. It’s absolutely necessary. When I say I feel better I mean to say I’ve stopped  having seizures. . I never would’ve considered that a step up, but that’s my road to recovery right now. I was also taking 100mg  of trazadone and suboxone...anti depressants..mood stabilizers. All CT. I made a big mistake doing so, what can I say, I was not in the right state of mind.

Im very grateful this community exists.

Thanks again! Much love 💗

-EA 

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Emilyann  :thumbsup:

 

On your side.  That must have been terrible for you. 

 

Is all of medicine in a time warp or something?  Truly culpable. 

 

Wishing you well. 

 

Dee

 

 

 

 

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Thank you very much for sharing your story Emily! Strong gal! ALL so true and sad...  but you are doing so much good for tell it to others!
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You keep on going, EA. You have done a good job with something that is NOT easy to do. Getting off benzos was, without any doubt, the worst thing I have ever been through. And because of my dumb love affair with benzos over 30 years, I have been through some truly horrible stuff, mostly medical but also legal problems. I had no ideas that over time, benzos can ruin your health. Well, now I know. And will never forget. So sorry we both had to learn the truly hard way.

east

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I went to a Detox Center as well. Left there a Total train wreck!!  Whacked out of my mind!! Suffered beyond belief!

 

But heres some good news I'm about to tell you...... I'm totally healed. All 100 plus nightmarish symptoms are GONE!! It took some time....and it wasnt fun at ALL! But it DOES end! Promise!!

 

Please push forward .....theres light at the end of the tunnel. If I can make it thru my  Detox nightmare.....so can you!! Theres nothing special about me! I just wanted to live and get better! So here I am.

 

That's why I still log onto this site......to let people like you know healing DOES happen. Even in the most extreme cases like myself.

 

Your normal life awaits you!!  Hold tight....its coming!

 

 

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Thank you oh so much for your wonderful support and positivity ! I apologize for not commenting to each response  individually..I haven’t been performing at my best. But I want to say that you’ve all helped me tremendously during this time! It’s been 4 months and I can say I’m feeling closer to my normal self these past few days. And I would like to say this, before anyone jumps on me, I don’t care about your opinions of how long it should take! I wake up every day and do everything in my power to be healthy again. If I see any progress at all I hold onto that like it’s a god damn miracle sent by the gods! I so appreciate the people on here that stayed to let others know about their success stories. We need you! Those people are getting me through every hour of every day! I can’t thank you enough!

I never thought I’d feel like a person again. I was so scared that I’d have to give up.. I was starting to think I either stay on these meds the rest of my life or sadly, I was thinking I couldn’t live anymore.

But sweet Jesus, there are no words to express how grateful I am I fought through it. And I’m still not even close to being healed! But I’m seeing some light at the end of the tunnel and all I can say it does get better. And what helps me most is reading your wonderful success stories. So thank you thank you thank you. So much love to you all!

Further down the road I want to share my story and give others the hope you all gave me.

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Thank you. And I completely agree, I’m never touching that stuff again.. And yes  I’m extremely lucky, I have an awesome support group. I’m an introvert so Its difficult for me to reach out and talk to people about something so personal.. but I can say I would not  get through this without help. It’s absolutely necessary. When I say I feel better I mean to say I’ve stopped  having seizures. . I never would’ve considered that a step up, but that’s my road to recovery right now. I was also taking 100mg  of trazadone and suboxone...anti depressants..mood stabilizers. All CT. I made a big mistake doing so, what can I say, I was not in the right state of mind.

Im very grateful this community exists.

Thanks again! Much love 💗

-EA

 

Wow, I can't believe you're still alive. Nice work there. You must have the nervous system of a god...or at least an Olympian.

 

Glad you made it and thanks for sharing your story. Inspiring.

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So after 4-5 months off of benzos, most people see no progress at all? None whatsoever? If so I feel so horrible for you. My heart aches thinking about how much you must be suffering. I’ll be praying for you.
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So after 4-5 months off of benzos, most people see no progress at all? None whatsoever? If so I feel so horrible for you. My heart aches thinking about how much you must be suffering. I’ll be praying for you.

 

No windows for almost 3 years off - in fact, worse now than ever - Up late last night - in abject mental anguish, my head buried in my hands, scared more of losing my mind than losing my life. God help us . . .

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EA,

 

I am 5+ months post CT and I see improvement.  I feel I’m still in Acute, but see improvement.

 

SaraSue

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Hang in there! I today 8 months after CT. I feel so much better! We need to find something that distracts from the pain. Hugs!
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Wow, Emily...

 

I am glad you are still alive! Cannot even imagine how could that be with 8-10 mg of xanax...my highest dose was 0.75 , I am 14.5 months off and sometimes I feel there's no progress whatsoever...I started to feel better in month6-7 I was so happy but after that a massive setback...I think I am still coming out from that...

I wish you well, keep healthy, distract yourself ( I started to learn a language actually), if you survived that you will survive this too. Take care of yourself.

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