Sleeping 1 Night and Not the Next ... Help!

I’ve posted sporadically on this board.  I’m 6.5 months out and have been in a phase for the last 3 months of sleeping 1 night and not the next.  I am under a lot marital stress, have been contemplating divorce and now my MIL is very sick. 

 

I’m sure the stress is severely effecting my recovery.  My husband is not an empath and is a functioning alcoholic/marijuana smoker who has his own business.  I had to leave my job of 20 years be/c of this nightmare.  When I first jumped, I was getting between 3-7 hours every night for the first 2-3 months.  I thought things were going to improve, then I transitioned into this phase. 

 

When I sleep, I have a better day (window if you will), but my anxiety will start later in the day and I’ll have a bad night.  After a bad night, the depression, crying, head pressure, and body aches are so bad.  I’m usually so tired that I then get 6-7 hours of sleep.  I am taking melatonin, tryptophan and l-theanine.  Perhaps I am taking too much??  I would love to stop the supplements, but am scared.

 

Has anyone else experienced this phase in their recovery and did it progress to 2 good nights then a bad, then 3 and so on?  I just desperately want to hear that this is not uncommon.  I meditate 2x a day, listen to delta waves at night, do deep breathing, yoga and take epsom salt baths before bed.  I do spend too much time laying in bed and should probably practice sleep restriction.

 

On my better days, I have more hope and am able to get a little more accomplished only to have it slammed shut the next day.  Talk about non-linear!  I pray to God that he heals me and sees me through this incredibly dark night of the soul. 

 

 

i have the same thing sleep one night than two nights wide awake i have tried every thing to help me sleep over the counter ,cbd oil ,thc nothing worked more a couple nights in a row then i back to square one .

Hopeful, One thing you might want to try is to restrict how long you sleep on your "good" night. For example, what if you forced yourself to stay up later and restrict yourself to 5 hours? May be it would increase your sleep drive enough that you could get at least a couple of hours of sleep on your bad night. Then stick with it for a while and may be things smooth out into a more stable sleep pattern.

 

Sleep restriction is a proven CBT-I technique and may not work if this is 100% driven by physiological factors due to withdrawal, but it might be worth a try. I think consistently getting 4 or 5 hours of sleep every night beats 0 one night, 7 the next, 0 the next night, etc.

Hopefulinpa,

 

This is a VERY common pattern in wd. People make different decisions around it. Some choose to go for it on their long nights and suck up the lousy nights. Others do what Lilac said and cut short the longer nights to start to balance it out. I know this is tough to do but I think it's the path with less suffering. You might try it for a week or two and see what you think. It takes a while, but it starts to even out.

I have this same problem and it's gotten worse the longer out I am.  I am tapering an antidepressant, so that's probably making it worse.  But, there doesn't seem to be an answer.  I can't imagine living like this indefinitely, but that may well be what's in store.  It's made living life an impossibility and I am merely existing day to day, just trying to stay alive.  The depression is the blackest I've ever known and seems to get worse with time.  I'm on my own and have no one to depend on or talk to so am at my wits end with years of antidepressant tapering ahead and then multiple years of healing after that. At age 66, I don't see much hope.

Always with insomnia its like Newton law: for every action/problem there a equal and opposite reaction/effect. But sleep can improve in time if you have the willpower and patience to wait for it. All pills start off nice but one day they stop working or side effects become to much with either physical dependence and/or tolerance than insomnia returns as withdrawal effect plus maybe rebound too. Make the insomnia worse than before taking pills. But if you can gain sleep back post withdraw sooner or maybe later it will make life more meaningful for anyone at the every end. When and how fast is up to nature or maybe God to decide if religious. May all of us be drugfree and sleep naturally every night one day.

Hopefulinpa,

 

This is a VERY common pattern in wd. People make different decisions around it. Some choose to go for it on their long nights and suck up the lousy nights. Others do what Lilac said and cut short the longer nights to start to balance it out. I know this is tough to do but I think it's the path with less suffering. You might try it for a week or two and see what you think. It takes a while, but it starts to even out.

 

Thank you, MT and Lilac, for the suggestion.  I stayed up a little longer on Tuesday and Wednesday nights and was able to get around 5 hours both nights.  It's not quality sleep, but I'll take it.  Yesterday, I had a bad wave in the afternoon (anxiety/head pressure out of nowhere) and last night was rough with very little sleep despite staying up later.  I will continue to do this in hopes that it evens out.  I am starting the Sleepio CBT-I program this week.  I am also meditating 2x/day (using the Ziva technique), pray, eat clean and exercising in the mornings.  I'm only 43 and have had everything checked out.  My only medical issue is MTHFR, and of course, the stress in my life.  Asking God daily for healing.

I have this same problem and it's gotten worse the longer out I am.  I am tapering an antidepressant, so that's probably making it worse.  But, there doesn't seem to be an answer.  I can't imagine living like this indefinitely, but that may well be what's in store.  It's made living life an impossibility and I am merely existing day to day, just trying to stay alive.  The depression is the blackest I've ever known and seems to get worse with time.  I'm on my own and have no one to depend on or talk to so am at my wits end with years of antidepressant tapering ahead and then multiple years of healing after that. At age 66, I don't see much hope.

 

I tend to see wd as this metaphorical beast. The beast wants to convince you that there's no hope. The changes happening in our bodies/minds, the sleep deprivation, the depression, all feed the beast and its lies. But if you know the "game" that it's all a story being sold to you by a suffering mind, you can call it out and not be victimized by it. I jumped off the benzos two years before jumping off the antidepressant. After getting off the antidepressant I was in a terrible space with very long periods without sleep and when it would come, it was brief and broken. It was so easy to believe I had been permanently damaged. I'm a bit younger than you but with a gnarly drug history. At times I appeared to have dementia because of how sleep loss affects thinking and memory. But, in time, it ever so gradually got better. I stayed sane by noticing people on BB who had similar, or even worse, stories and still got better. Notice what you're saying to yourself and work to tell yourself a different story. For example: "This is really tough right now but my brain and body are doing their best and I will get better." Look for even the tiniest good things in each day for which you can be grateful.

 

It takes *effort* to break out of the depression mindset and notice the tricks of the mind but it's worth fighting back.

 

Hopefulinpa, good work on all of the things you're trying. Sometimes it can feel like throwing a bunch of stuff up in the air and seeing what sticks. Every little bit helps.

 

Courage, my friends. Try to be patient with yourselves and your recovery.

Hopefulinpa,

 

This is a VERY common pattern in wd. People make different decisions around it. Some choose to go for it on their long nights and suck up the lousy nights. Others do what Lilac said and cut short the longer nights to start to balance it out. I know this is tough to do but I think it's the path with less suffering. You might try it for a week or two and see what you think. It takes a while, but it starts to even out.

 

Thank you, MT and Lilac, for the suggestion.  I stayed up a little longer on Tuesday and Wednesday nights and was able to get around 5 hours both nights. It's not quality sleep, but I'll take it.  Yesterday, I had a bad wave in the afternoon (anxiety/head pressure out of nowhere) and last night was rough with very little sleep despite staying up later.  I will continue to do this in hopes that it evens out.  I am starting the Sleepio CBT-I program this week.  I am also meditating 2x/day (using the Ziva technique), pray, eat clean and exercising in the mornings.  I'm only 43 and have had everything checked out.  My only medical issue is MTHFR, and of course, the stress in my life.  Asking God daily for healing.

 

Good to see that you had some early success with this approach! One thing that you probably don't need to hear but I will say it anyway is that these natural techniques require patience. Meditation, exercise, sleep restriction, etc. don't necessarily work overnight, but over time they start stacking the odds in your favor for better sleep. Staying with it is the hardest part.

Hopefulinpa,

 

This is a VERY common pattern in wd. People make different decisions around it. Some choose to go for it on their long nights and suck up the lousy nights. Others do what Lilac said and cut short the longer nights to start to balance it out. I know this is tough to do but I think it's the path with less suffering. You might try it for a week or two and see what you think. It takes a while, but it starts to even out.

 

Thank you, MT and Lilac, for the suggestion.  I stayed up a little longer on Tuesday and Wednesday nights and was able to get around 5 hours both nights. It's not quality sleep, but I'll take it.  Yesterday, I had a bad wave in the afternoon (anxiety/head pressure out of nowhere) and last night was rough with very little sleep despite staying up later.  I will continue to do this in hopes that it evens out.  I am starting the Sleepio CBT-I program this week.  I am also meditating 2x/day (using the Ziva technique), pray, eat clean and exercising in the mornings.  I'm only 43 and have had everything checked out.  My only medical issue is MTHFR, and of course, the stress in my life.  Asking God daily for healing.

 

Good to see that you had some early success with this approach! One thing that you probably don't need to hear but I will say it anyway is that these natural techniques require patience. Meditation, exercise, sleep restriction, etc. don't necessarily work overnight, but over time they start stacking the odds in your favor for better sleep. Staying with it is the hardest part.

 

Lilac,

 

Yes, this is going to take a lot of time and patience.  I met with my therapist yesterday and he had a very valid point.  He said that anxiety and depression are the body's natural way of reacting to stress and trauma and I do not have a disease.  He said it took years for this to culminate and manifest and it will take time for me to heal and achieve homeostasis again. 

 

Unfortunately, it's been complicated by taking the drugs and the continued stress in my life.  If left untreated, this would have probably resolved itself within 1-2 years as I've read (Dr. Kelly Brogan and Robert Whitaker) and been told by another psychologist (one who offended me and said Benzo withdrawal cannot cause bodily pain, I immediately stopped going to her). 

 

Thank you to you and MTFan for the encouragement.