Three Years, Eight Months Benzo Free

It's been awhile since I've posted on here. I have not forgotten this site or the help it provided me during my journey through hell. I am not completely healed, but I am healed for the most part. Here I am, going on four full years of being benzo free, from a small dose, taken over a relatively short amount of time, and I'm still not fully healed.

 

The biggest thing that took a hit on me was my heart. I already had an enlarged heart, so the racing heart really did a number on me and my chronic heart failure turned into acute heart failure. Only in the past year has my heart gotten better. Only in the past 6 months has my blood pressure returned to my pre-benzo numbers.

 

I still get times when I gasp for air, but not nearly as bad as I used to. I don't get the Charlie horses like I used to, but I still get muscle spasms from time to time. I don't get weird smells very often, and the color that my eyes see is fully saturated once again. For a long time, color looked washed out and muted. Fluorescent lights don't bother me nearly as bad as they did as recently as last fall.

 

Another real problem that I had for years was tinnitus. It's not really bad anymore, but I still get bouts of it. It nearly drove me insane for years.

 

I am now able to enjoy alcohol in very small amounts again. It took me a long time to be able to cope with caffeine, but alcohol was really off the table for years. Even as recent as last fall, if I had more than a swallow of beer, my head would spin shortly afterwards and I felt ill.

 

Occasionally, I am still bothered by traveling in a vehicle. However, the symptoms of my "waves" aren't nearly as scary or bad as they once were. Now, when I get an attack, it's mild and I can usually get it to stop by changing my circumstances.

 

I was last hospitalized for my attacks in February of 2018. The doctor really pushed beta blockers for my heart, which have really helped. I was on Metoprolol for a long time, but because I was starting to get diabetes, he switched me to Carvedilol which has worked wonders for keeping my heart calm. He also pushed a heavy dose of potassium, which has also helped. I take 20Mg Equivalent, 4 times daily. I'm also taking Isosorbide Mononitrate to help with heart issues, as well as CoQ10. All of these have helped keep me out of the hospital for these heart attack-like spells that benzo withdrawal caused me.

 

I am still healing. I have told myself that it'll probably take another few years to be fully healed. I'm at a tolerable place at the moment.

 

Benzo withdrawal was a nightmare. It was pure hell. I feel for ANYONE going through it. I feel sorry for those who are taking benzos for sleep issues, or anxiety issues, not realizing that it's the benzo itself that has made their condition worse.

 

Benzos ought to be outlawed except in cases where it works well for surgery. I wish all of you suffering the very best in your recovery.

Jack,

Happy you have made it to a "tolerable: place. I remember not being able to see colors the way I used to during withdrawal, and lacking clarity. Prayers for continued healing for you brother!

 

B strong

You are the hero! God bless you!

Jack,

 

I’m happy for you.  May you heal more than a tolerable level quickly. 

 

SaraSue 

Hi Jack, thanks so much for writing in with your story. I am 2.5 years out from short-term usage and like you, still waiting for complete healing to arrive. My biggest issue is sleep, which is still not normal for me. But I too am in a much more tolerable place, and will keep on moving forward. Congrats to you on 3 years 8 months! Hope you arrive at complete healing soon!