please read and respond if able!!!!!! I want opinions

OK so I cant remember if ive posted on here or on a support facebook site.

ive had anxiety...generalized anxiety for years probably 10-12 years. I obsess over diseases and symptoms. I won't go into detail of my past anxiety I will just touch on the last few years. July 2017 family vacation I quit taking Zoloft that I had been on and off for years. shortly after this I started experiencing intense anxiety and dizziness episodes. I thought this was from my 0.5mg ativan dose that I was on for a few years daily. So months later with my anxiety increasing and dizziness, fuzzy headedness feelings I decided to to fast wean ativan as well. Now at 1 year off anything for anxiety im miserable. People tell me oh its wd, it was tolerance wd, you will heal, time, time, time. Im starting to believe this is not true. Before with ativan and zoloft I still had anxiety but it was more of a obsessive kind ex. child has a fever and instead of it being just a fever he will be fine, for my anxious brain my child will end up in the hospital and die.

now off all meds I have had every symptom imaginable and I can no longer continue to life this way. Why are people so against medication? when I was on meds I functioned just fine, I worked, my family and I took nice vacations. NOW im housebound, going to a store is too much for my brain. I cant describe if I tried how I feel when im not at home. Even if its just playing with my kids at the park, running in to grab a pick up order from Target (since I cant be in stores too long I do all stuff online ordering) I have some bizarre ass neurological symptoms that have puzzled the 4 neurologists ive seen in the last year. I have insomnia, vision issues, dp/dr like a mother..... etc etc etc. I have 3 kids 17, 12 and 3. I want to live and I WAS living when I had meds on board. yes I do agree that Benzos should not be taken long term, but what about SSRI that I was on ? whats wrong with that? since getting off ativan a year ago I have done everything to try and """""HEAL""""" and healing hasn't happened. What about us individuals that do suffer anxiety??? dont some of us need an SSRI?? I have done 2 sessions weekly of cbt, I have an entire notebook full of stuff from my therapist. ive been practicing meditation, exposure therapy, eating healing, yoga etc. yet I still have my original anxiety that I feel now has blown up out of control into a non functioning state. ive been seeing a psychiatrist who believes in functional medicine first (vitamins, hormones etc) he knows im at my wits end so he said I could try going back on my zoloft.

I need something for my poor anxiety and nervous system. when I walk I feel like my legs are jelly, im shaking all the time, my mind is a constant dp/dr, the sensory stuff and I dont know if its a "sensory" issue anymore I think it may be a extreme panic that sends my brain into another world when im out of my house and/or stores.

if I had high blood pressure wouldnt it be responsible to take a high blood pressure med as well as exercise, weight loss, diet etc? I fi had diabetes wouldnt I take insulin/meds, if I had a seizure disorder (which sometimes I question I do with how I feel) wouldnt I take medication. SO why wouldnt I if I have anxiety?? yes I do 100%%%% believe that other things have to happen like therapy, exercise etc. but I have been doing those things and it hasn't helped. I can no longer blame this on ""good ol Benzo wd"" and sit around and watch my kids grow up and miss out on so much right before my eyes.

what I felt and feel every dang time when out when I took my precious 3 year old to see the easter bunny NO ONE should have to endure. I took her to the mall and I felt so irritable, cant concentrate, very uncomfortable feeling in my brain, lights send me into a weird dp/dr feeling. complete overload/overhwhelming feeling in my brain. instead of enjoying my weekend with my kids im sitting her stewing of why cant I be out in public, why do I feel like this, when will it get better. well I have to be honest with myself and far the fact that it may not get better without some form of medication.

I personaly think that ISSR are good medications. Dont touch benzo but i see that you use benzo as prescripted and did not increase your dose which is fine. If i used benzos like you  i will not have concerns. But dont use benzos for now.

Dont you see any improvements. How is your sleep?

I dont feel im better maybe a little or maybe im just used to dealing with it. ive never had issues with sleep except when coming off my meds. now my sleep is I wake up early am and several times in the night.

I can understand being against medications (specifically benzo’s) if it was making u feel worse instead of better. In my case, benzo’s were causing more problems instead of helping with the one’s that I already had. While I started experiencing tolerance withdrawal I started developing health issues that I had never had before taking benzo’s so the most logical conclusion for me was to eliminate the cause. It sounds like ur quality of life has really gone down hill since u decided to try & go med free. And kudos to u for doing so & maintaining it as long as u have. Anyone who has done it especially after long term use knows how difficult this is. I personally believe that even with a healthy diet, exercise, yoga, & meditation, there is some people that just need some sort of medication assisted treatment in order to maintain the quality of life that they desire. And it sounds like u just might b one of those people. IMO, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that whatsoever. If that’s what u feel u need in order to live the life that u want, I’m all for it. I personally felt that the benzo’s as well as other medications were unnecessary for me. I had just gotten used to taking a pill to solve whatever problems I might have been having at that time. And now in hindsight, that seemed to just have created more problems. By never getting to the root cause & just masking the problems I already had, I felt that I was just piling more problems on top problems. This was a personal decision for me as I feel it is for every person. I truly believe when it comes to deciding whether or not u feel the need for medication, it comes down to ur quality of life. U said it best. A person with high BP takes medication to lower it. A person with diabetes requires insulin. This shouldn’t b any different for a person suffering from severe anxiety especially if it is hindering ur day to day life. Nobody knows how u truly feel except for u. U sound like a very strong individual that just wants to b able to enjoy life without the constant distress that an anxiety disorder can cause. It’s ur decision & u shouldn’t let anyone else tell u otherwise. U have my full support & understanding in whatever decision u feel is best for u. I really hope that u find whatever resolution u feel fits u best. Take care & all the best.

Thank you easydoesit45! I really appreciate the response. I will let keep my site updated if the Zoloft works.

I'm exactly the same way.  Even before benzos, I had severe anxiety where I would wake up in the morning focused on anxiety and go to sleep focused on anxiety.  I've been on SSRI's on and off in the past that took away my panic attacks and a little bit of anxiety enough for me to function.  I did try and Cold Turkey Prozac a few years ago and went through horrific withdrawal for a week before I reinstated.  The problem now is our neurotransmitters are going up and down from our brains trying to heal. 

 

From what I understand serotonin is needed to boost GABA production or something along those lines.  I really can't seem myself making it through the suffering for years.  I am looking into genetics and other things right now to see exactly what is going on.  Some of us clear neurotransmitters at a faster rate (MAO gene) so being on something might be beneficial whether it is SAM-E or 5HTP or something.  I don't believe "waiting" to get back to homeostasis is something I want to do.

 

All of the success stories you read people went on for "off-label" reasons, not for severe anxiety/panic/OCD. 

 

I hope you find something that works for you so you can get back to living life!

H101,

 

I’m sorry you are suffering.

 

SaraSue 

I took high doses of Xanax for a very long time!  I have all the same thoughts and triggers.  I’m now at a point that I don’t have anxiety or depression.  I have many symptoms of many diseases but at this point I’m pretty sure all those symptoms are from Xanax.  I’ve been tested for most everything and after my last appointment my doctor had told me to just stay live......quit worrying be logical and live.  That is exactly what I’m trying to do.  It’s not easy, and we all worry or we wouldn’t be here. 

Remeron was the only thing that helped me and I know it helped many others including Parker.