Somebody help me please...

I have been taking Lorazepam on and off for the last 6 months. I had to cold turkey after taking 2mg, 3x daily for 3 months. I went to the E.R. for suicidal ideations and they told me I was pregnant and had me admitted into a behavioral health center for a little over a week where I was CT’d off the Lorazepam and I thought I was going to die.

 

After I got out of behavioral health I decided to have an abortion because I was in such a bad place mentally, I wanted to get back on the medication. I got back on it for a little bit but then I tried to taper myself off and I just kept getting worse and worse.

 

I’ve always had severe anxiety and a severe fear of losing my mind/completely losing my memory, and the Lorazepam has helped me function but I built up quite a tolerance to it. I am currently trying to taper off of it AGAIN, but I have had a very very rough past couple of days. My doctor messed up my dosage and I ran out before the pharmacy could refill it so I went a few days without taking any after I have been taking 1-2mg once or twice a day.

 

I get severely mentally confused if I do not take it, and I was so bad when I finally went in to get my refill I thought I was going to die. I was standing in Walmart and my mind just became so blank and empty it felt like I was completely losing touch with everything. With where I was, who I was, EVERYTHING. This feeling sent so much fear into me I thought I was really going to die. My chest began hurting so bad, I couldn’t breathe, this was by far one of the worse panic attacks I’ve had, and they just seem to keep getting worse.

 

When I got out of Walmart I took 1mg and waited but it did not do much to help..I still felt like I was going crazy. This morning I had another very scary attack. I woke up and I was so confused I could barely form words in my own head and I couldn’t remember a thing. I panicked. I felt like I was slipping away again. I took 3mg in hopes I would feel better but not even 3mg’s is helping this feeling go away... I am so terribly frightened that I am losing my mind.

 

I can’t think about anything except for the moment when I forget who I am completely. I forget my family. My life. How to talk. How to dress myself. I can feel it happening. It’s like my mind is slowly slipping away. Each day gets worse and worse. Nobody seems to understand and they say that it’s just all in my head. It probably is but I am obsessing over losing my mind so much I think it is really happening and I don’t know how to stop it. I know the Lorazepam can be contributing to this nightmare but it’s the only hope I have to dull the fear a little bit.

 

I hope somebody can please help me..before I completely slip away.. I have a 3 year old daughter to raise but I have almost no memories of her besides pictures and the pictures don’t even seem real..it’s so so scary... I feel panicked when I’m around my family because I’m constantly asking myself if I can remember them, how I remember them, am I going to forget them tomorrow.. it’s awful. I am living in a complete nightmare. I’ve forgotten how to live normally. I am losing it.  :'(

Hi sweetie,

I’m so sorry you’re having a rough time, especially as a mom.  I have 2 of my own and though they are teenagers, it’s still difficult.  Are you seeing a counselor?  That would be my first suggestion.  I’ve found many in my area that work on a scale of pay.  Also, have you tried meditation?  It is amazing!  It well help ground you and maybe help to clear your mind.  I also strongly suggest seeking medical help to try to quit the benzo. The side effects of taking them are not worth the few hours of feeling ok and hiding your emotions.  I hope you get some relief soon

❤️J

Thank you Jlaw,

I am seeing a counselor and practicing yoga. I have tried meditation but it hasn’t worked very well for me in the past. My doctor is helping me taper off the Lorazepam, I just feel like I’m becoming brain dead in some way it is getting harder and harder to think and make sense of my life and it is the scariest feeling in the world. I would not wish it on anyone to feel this way.

Maybe it’s the taper that making you feel like your brain is a mess.  Hopefully you can figure it out.  You should see you PCP to rule out anything else:)

 

Hi Live4love,  I'm so sorry you're going through this.  It's not you, it's the medication.  Lorazepam is a pretty potent benzodiazepine and it looks like you got pretty high up there with your dose.  I'm a little unclear on your timeline.  Can you answer the following?  What dose are you on now?  How long have you been on it?

 

What is a rough history of your use?  You said 6mg/day for 3 months then a CT for 1 week while you were in the hospital?  How long ago was the CT hospital stay and what has been your use since?

 

I am so sorry you had to go through that CT in the behavioral health unit.  That is cruel and you should have been tapered off the medication or stayed on it I believe because of your pregnancy.  I'm not familiar with use during pregnancy but a CT should not have happened!

 

It will probably help you to switch over to a longer acting benzo like diazepam or clonazepam and taper off one of those.  Taking the lorazepam inconsistently until your symptoms go away will only make things more difficult later on.  So the idea would be to find a dose, preferably on a longer acting benzo, you can stabilize on and then taper from there.  With the above details, we might be able to help you sort through how to do that but I suggest to also work with your doctor.  I hope others will chime in here too to help in case I'm missing anything.  I think the counselor is a good idea for support.  Highest priority is probably to get the medication figured out so you can stabilize.

I had the exact same effects after just a few weeks on Ativan (lower dose tho) - it messes with your head bad.

I switched direct to Valium at the time, and the feelings all went away pretty quick, and then I stoooed the Valium quite quickly but after a few weeks of feeling brain dead, I started feeling better.

 

Def change to Valium if you can tolerate it and taper from there. Ativan is well known for causing the insanity feeling and suicidal ideation... it’s a nasty drug, as are all these bloody things and why were here!!

 

Good luck, just know you’re not going crazy, and it’ll pass once you get off it x

Hi! I understand your pain. I went out without a cone because I didn't know anything about the effects of benzodiazepines on the brain. It gets easier with time, that's my experience. I wish you a speedy recovery! Hold on! Hugs! God bless you!

Please let us know you are all right. BB people do care and we worry when someone does not respond.

I forgot to say something important. Because you were pregnant, your hormones are out of whack and might be causing an increase in weird symptoms.

Thank you for all of the replies. I am slowly getting worse and worse each day. The Lorazepam gives no relief at all to the brain dead feeling. It’s hard to think. It’s hard to breathe. It’s hard to do anything. I feel like I have almost completely forgotten everything. My long term memory is gone and my short term memory is gone. I feel sick. I feel like I’m going to die at any point. This is complete hell.

Hold on, my dear! Keep your hands up! This is a experienced...