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Need a Little Help From My Friends


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I need some help. Several people have written me asking how they can find Success Stories written by cold turkey people, other than mine. I remember I had trouble searching for these too. Can any of you good people tell me (and others) a couple of SS of CT people?

Over my time here on BB, I have noticed that cold turkey people are sort of looked down on. Sort of written off as in perhaps we got our benzos illegally, and other prejudices again CT. Not sure on this, or why it might be, but its something I have felt for a long time.

The longer I have been off benzos and been active on BB, the more I am GLAD I went CT. It did not kill me and my WD was NO worse than many taperers. If I had NOT gone off benzos CT, I know I would now be dead in in a grave.

SO- if any of you good people know of a couple SS written by CT people (other than mine) let me know.

Thank you.....

east

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BUMP!

We all need some help, SaraSue. I need to know more SS of healed CT people, so I can refer new BB friends to them.

Hope you are okay, my friend.

east

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I'm really sorry you feel as though people who CT are looked down upon east.  I've not noticed it, but you would know the subtleties more than I, as you have direct experience.  Personally, I try not to judge anyone here.  My own training taught me this.  It is futile, mean, and counter productive. 

 

What I have seen is people being forced to CT by their doctors, losing supply, etc.  I look down upon the doctors who do this, and a system that has people resort to the street, the net,  because they could not gain supply, and who are suffering horribly, wanting to taper. 

 

My own view Sara Sue is that people can and do heal after CT.  Maybe it will take a little longer as our brains adjust to an absolute assault, idk, maybe it won't, as can be seen in (some) people walking out free as a bird.  This is an absolute, individual experience Sara Sue. 

 

Still, I hold to the view that people can and do heal after CT. 

 

Keep the faith. 

 

Dee

:smitten:

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I am 90 percent healed from 10 plus years of Ativan as needed (roughly 60  1 mg pills a year) and then 3 1/2 years of Clonazepam ( 1mg daily and used alcohol during tolerance to get the same affect).  It has been a long 11 month journey from my 8 day rapid detox but the last 3 months have been dramatic improvements.  I have gone from housebound trembling in my bed to traveling across the country and skiing.  There have been setbacks (big huge wave at month 4-6) but the progress and my recovery is proving to be exactly like East assured me it would back when I first joined BB. I know what I did was not smart but I honestly don't know if I would have survived a long taper with extended pain.  Please take my story has simple evidence that C/T or rapid detox CAN work for some people... even if we didn't choose it.  I simply did not know any better.  But yes, I am healing and know that I will be recovered in the near future.  And NO, I did not believe that I was ever going to heal so I just had to believe others.  They didn't lie.  I will write my success story in due time as I am not fully functional with 100 percent duty cycle yet.... I still need to rest and pace myself but BOY am I appreciating life so much more now!
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I’ve made significant progress after a 10 day detox off 12 years of use of alprazolam and alcohol in May 2017 and a month long taper off clonazepam July-August 2018.  I’m about 80% I’d say but I’m going all the way back to how healthy I was 19 years ago as my potential.  I will be writing a SS but it won’t be for awhile. My recovery is on my mind a lot still and I have some stubbornly difficult behavioral symptoms - overeating and isolating - and some mental symptoms when I go through a wave - social anxiety, dysthymia, agitation, cognitive.  Always had difficulty in social situations.  I have lots of hope now for my continued recovery. I believed for a couple years I wouldn’t make it. I can attest that recovery is happening for me after CT/rapid taper.
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[fd...]
I haven't found any success stories so far of people that have CT/RT especially after being kindled.  Most people you find haven't logged on for a while and their last posts weren't too positive.  It would be nice to see some hope.
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Seltzer,

 

I’m sorry about your CT.  However, happy to hear you are so far along in recovery!  It gives me hope reading about other Xanax CT healers.

 

SaraSue  :smitten:

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I CT and recovery is slowly moving along.

Without planning it I took the same 60 mile ride

in heavy six lane traffic interupted by 80 mph bursts

spaced out six months apart.

The difference between the two rides was enormous.

Nothing compares to acute withdrawal, when it's over it's hard

to believe it really happened. Even in a long bad wave all I do is

think about acute and it all comes into perspective.

When emergencies occur I can operate at full speed and then

unwind (crash) later, just like before withdrawal.

Lifes not perfect but it's OK, when I have a wave sneak up on me

with all my old symptoms at 5-15% strength I know it's all going to

end when my brains finished rewiring.  :thumbsup:

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Oh yes. Nothing can top acute WD. Glad that is over and done with.

Do you feel you were somehow damaged by benzos? I guess I do, but not in any major way. I am just so sorry I wasted thirty years on drugs that were only hurting me.

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Some nice replies, and I do thank all of you for taking some time to write. I will look at the suggested stories when I get a minute to do so.

Benzo withdrawal was the hardest thing I ever did (so far!). I would imagine having a terminal disease will be harder, but probably NOT as miserable as BWD. Getting through a CT off a ton of benzos and ADs taught me so much, in a way, I do not regret this.

My PMD forced me to go CT and I am NOT angry about this. I have to be honest here. I was SO addicted I could not see the forest for the trees. I would have fought tooth and nail to keep taking my benzos.

What he did was not "right" but only I know it was my ONLY chance at being healthy again. After 12 years he finally guessed right about all my medical problems (and there were a lot of them back then). He phoned my psych doc and threatened him. He also called the psych doc I was referred to, and when I went on my first appointment, hoping to get yet another RX for Klonapin, I was told if I did not immediately sign myself into a psych hospital, I would be forced to. Benzo brain tells you all sorts of lies and thus I did what I was told. Because at the time I had been working as a Psych Nurse, I should have realized that NO DOCTOR can force you to go inpatient unless you are suicidal. Benzo brain....oh dear.

None of this matters now. I did survive and have managed to thrive despite it all, and all with the help of my BB friends.

Keep looking for more healed CT stories, please. I love all of you.

east

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Seltzer,

 

I’m sorry about your CT.  However, happy to hear you are so far along in recovery!  It gives me hope reading about other Xanax CT healers.

 

SaraSue  :smitten:

 

SaraSue,  We were on a similar length of time.  Xanax is so potent.  It can come on pretty strong and that seemed to be the right amount for me when experiencing such intense panic and anxiety.  I seriously thought it was OK bc my doctors knew what was going on.  I realize now how much it changed me and not just while it was in my system.  In all those years I didn’t take it daily until the very end but it didn’t matter.  I could go a week or more without using it and still be under the spell of it.  Crazy where I got and didn’t quite realize it but I’m still here underneath all of that and getting back to my old self.  It’s happening. The first CT happened almost two years ago.  The second 7 months ago.  I’ve come back to me in stages because I got so far out there and with other psych meds and alcohol in the mix.  I’m amazed I’ve made it this far back and I’m starting to look forward now to what happens next in my life.  I believe it’ll happen for you too.  Hang in there and exercise if you can!

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Thank you, seltzerer.

 

I’m going to make it through eventually.  I had no idea I was taking a potent drug.  It never made me feel any different that I remember (until the CT).  I will search and read more of your story.

 

I appreciate words of experience.

 

SaraSue  :smitten:

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Thank you, seltzerer.

 

I’m going to make it through eventually.  I had no idea I was taking a potent drug.  It never made me feel any different that I remember (until the CT).  I will search and read more of your story.

 

I appreciate words of experience.

 

SaraSue  :smitten:

 

That’s great you know you’ll make it through.  That says so much right there.  I’m amazed when I hear someone say they didn’t feel any different because right from the start I noticed how helpful half a .25mg tablet was.  Once it wore off, I thought I went back to me but no, it was subtly changing me and those changes were cumulative.  I haven’t really laid out my story yet but I will one day.  There are pieces scattered in my posts.  Best to you!

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Friends do not lose heart! Positive attitude is the basis of healing. I'm recovering very well, thanks to you! I don't pay attention to pain. Will pass! It is difficult to fight fatigue, but it will pass! Waves of fear will pass too! How good it feels to be alive! How good to be able to cry and laugh! Feel the life, the wind, the sun, the freedom! This happiness! I have been a living corpse for many many years and am gradually coming to life. Isn't that wonderful? Hugs!
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None of us knew how potent benzos are. I sure didn't and I am an RN! That made me truly worry about my entire knowledge base, finding out that some people go through what we are. I was embarrassed that I never once was told the entire truth about benzos. OR floroquinalones antibiotics (and I cannot spell tonight! LOL!)

If I had been told the whole truth I would have done things much differently, just as all of you would. But we did not know and here we are.

Keeping a positive attitude will turn out to be the best and most helpful thing you will do for yourself. It might even hasten your recovery. And by being positive, you will affect many other people, giving them hope.

And keep your sense of humor!

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I had NO sense of humor during WD. I was such a total wreck of a person. But this stuff does return. Just hang on tight and dont give up.
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  • 2 weeks later...
Hey East,  I hear ya.  When I did my intro people told me to reinstate.  It felt like a reprimand for my stupidity.  I need to change my profile. I said, "please taper".... I am not so sure these slow tapers serve everyone so well.  The first 2.5 months was like a toxic acid trip that didn't end.  But it did end.  I am doing pretty well.  I think about acute when a wave hits me.  I see nothing but improvement compared to acute.  The psychological impact will probably be with me for a long time.  But I am stronger and more hopeful than ever before.  Thanks for bringing this to light. 
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