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TRIGGER WARNING.....ER Staff Abuse. TRIGGER WARNING


[Fi...]

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FM, and if you read my post you will know I understand this...personally.

I just wish I knew what weird procedure they DID on you! This just confounds me. You DO have the right to view your records, and all you have to do is go to that hospital, to their medical records office and demand that they be released to you. I did this. And it worked. Patients do have rights. Once you have the records (be specific, in that you want your records about your ER visit-), go through them carefully and try to find the name of whatever procedure they did on you without consent.

Because the general medical world still does not the entire truth about benzos, medical people will continue to judge people incorrectly, label them as "addicts" or "attention seeking" or "drug seeking" or even "she is crazy." I am quite sure those ideas came into the minds of the nurses and doctors who took care of me in my bad days. And probably much worse things.

I also believe you might have grounds for a lawsuit, depending on what procedure they truly did. In your records, it should say....          if you somehow did consent, without knowing exactly what they were going to do...…. without truly understanding, that is grounds for a malpractice suit.

Love you FM. No one should go through what you did.

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Don Killian was in a psych ward where he was cold turkeyed off Benzos and given ECT.  This was many years ago and if I remember correctly it was mandatory.  It’s in his book and he mentioned it in one of his videos.
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Years ago, ECT was thought to be some sort of wonder cure for mental problems. Back then, they did not need consent to administer it. NOW, they do. It should never be done unless the patient is lucid enough to give proper consent, or a family member is present. Even then, it considered an enormous step to take and should never be done without a lot of intervention and consideration. If the ER staff found you to be delerious or manic, ECT would never be the proper treatment, as you could not GIVE consent. What happened to you is just beyond me.

Over the years the laws have changed significantly regarding this sort of thing. At least in the US. I worked on an acute psych unit for several years. It did not matter if the patient was outright crazy dangerous - we were not allowed to do anything potentially dangerous to a patient. Even putting someone in restraints was a huge deal and we had to document precisely why it was needed. Thus, we seldom did it. Only with acutely dangerous patients. Ones that might hurt other patients or the staff.

Are you going to demand that get a copy of those records? That may be the only way you will know what they did, and viewing those records IS your right. I strongly suggest that you do this, because its plain to me that this experience is hindering your recovering from benzos. Perhaps it is time to really find out what happened, and take control of your life again.

Love you, sweetheart. I am rooting for you.

east

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You should call the authorities....

I’m very sorry this happened to you, sounds like a bunch of crazy sadistic medical practitioners having fun....go to the police immediatly

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I’m too neurologically damaged from what they did.  Life was hard enough before, now......it’s hopeless. 

 

I can physically feel my brain is damaged.  My heart is beating out of synch with the rest of my body.  It’s hard to catch a full breath, even though O2 meter says 98.  Feels like my brain is full of pop rocks.  Just can’t survive something so horrific on a daily basis.  To feel so lost and uncomfortable in your own skin.  If I doze off for a short nap, I wake up in the most horrible state.  I’ve

Literally been destroyed by this. 

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The heart racing out of sync with body and hard to breath/ catch your breath is how I feel. It just doesn't stop and feels like muscles and body is full of poison. They claim it's dysautonomia for me at least. I think you've said you were on Klonopin as I was, which is the worst of the worst hands down, so if we can somehow convince ourselves this is withdrawal it's going to take us longer to maybe feel somewhat better since we were on the pill specially formulated by Satan himself.
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The heart racing out of sync with body and hard to breath/ catch your breath is how I feel. It just doesn't stop and feels like muscles and body is full of poison. They claim it's dysautonomia for me at least. I think you've said you were on Klonopin as I was, which is the worst of the worst hands down, so if we can somehow convince ourselves this is withdrawal it's going to take us longer to maybe feel somewhat better since we were on the pill specially formulated by Satan himself.

 

I believe you are correct about dysautonomia.  I think have that on top of considerable neuron damage. 

 

Have you had any improvements in your symptoms?  I hope you do very soon.

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FM, I truly care about you. And I want you to feel better.

Benzos work on the brain. The brain is the source of every single thing about you. Part of the work to heal from benzos is  fighting negative thinking. Benzos cause that, they cause us to feel defeated, anxious and depressed and we just do not associate this stuff with our little pills. The more we buy into that frame of mind, the worse we will feel.

During wd, some people sense this and actively combat feeling negatively. I did. At the time I did NOT know my negativitely was being CAUSED by benzos and ADs. Well, I do now. This is why I started faking it. "Fake it til you make it" is a tried and true method of healing your brain without using drugs. Every time you have a negative, down, worthless sort of thought, reverse it asap.

If you do this enough, over time you will be re-training your mind to BE more positive and hopeful. This is a proven therapy trick and it really does work. It takles effort nd conscious thought, but negativity CAN be re-trained into being positive.

Have you done any more work to find out what the heck they did to you? You have every right to demand an explanation. It is your body, your brain! I know fighting the medical system is difficult but patients DO have rights and full disclosure of their treatment is one of them.

Big hug, my friend. Don't give up.

east

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dear Fighting  :smitten:

 

we're all fighting for you.  we all care.  please don't lose hope.  please don't give up.  we can't let them win xx

 

oh dear buddie -- your posts are coherent - a good sign + O2 is normal.

 

your current SXS... are these new since the ER ?

 

think you said you have your discharge records -- does it not name any Doc at all ?

 

maybe you can still make your rightful claim of mistreatment ? as East suggests ?

 

i have the name of my ER 'Doc'... + 6 other GPs, specialists, etc -- who continue to destroy me + i want to have them all struck off --  but feel overwhelmed after 3 yrs of hell... + still need GP to taper.

 

desperate to taper rapidly these poisons ASAP - but i fear my head + feet jerking violently as they did for the 1st time the other week....!?  ...devil drug indeed.

 

want to detox or CT... already so much damage anyway... others heal, why can't we ?

 

i cry daily + feel your pain of neuron damage.... my mobility/ brain/ spinal cord... IDK.... but i cling to your strength as you brave each day.

 

can you go for a short/ quiet walk ?  if so, can you take a few steps for me ?

 

eating ~ 6 tiny meals is good - instead of 3 big - much better for blood sugar [i'm hypoglycemic].

 

>Gemini : Yes dysautonomia + Klon + YES horrific drug.

 

read many BB have a form of 'dysautonomia' or POTS post-w/d...from any benzo.

 

a BB got POTS during 'X' taper -- became w/chair bound, but was a crossfit athlete prior... + she just posted Success Story.

 

i was already v debilitated prior to Klon - but i try to live in hope + wish + pray every day, for us all.

 

i've already fainted during tapering, thankfully got to the bed just in time.

 

i've had this a decade prior to benzos -- my old GP called it a 'vagus nerve' problem. 

 

i was fainting, panic attacks/lack of O2, thought were heart attacks, constant dizzy + nausea, weight loss, extremely weak, unsteady, severe GI probs + much much more.

 

took 6 months + naturopathic remedies + i slowly improved my 'vagus nerve' probs.

 

>East : v encouraging RE positive re-training neural pathways - many BB say it helps.

 

let's try this, FFM -- i know it's so hard when we feel destroyed.

 

tho a tiny part of me refuses to give in + i desperately want to heal.

 

i know you do too FFM + you will.

 

sending light + love - we will overcome + survive this journey together + heal x

 

 

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Chipmunk,

 

I agree with so much you and East have said.

 

Of course I want to live.  We all want to live.  I’m only human and want so badly to feel semi normal in my body.  Things have been so very difficult for so very very long.  This ER incident made things another level I didn’t know existed.  I thought I was scared before all of this.  Now I’m truly terrified.  My son who is a young adult, keeps saying WE can’t give up.  He knows nothing about what happened.  He says you have me, and I always have your back, mom.  Breaks my heart.  He doesn’t know how truly bad it’s become. 

 

I have been able to get any identifying information from the ER.  If they were corrupt enough to treat me the way they did.  You know they are going to cover their tracks.  I didn’t even have an armband. No one told me their name.  No one explained anything. 

 

My attitude is one of someone who has major damage to their brain.  It wasn’t only Benzo damage.  It was involuntary and unethical. 

 

I didn’t have a lot of hope prior to this.  But, now there isn’t much to hold on too. 

 

I do believe that others will heal.  They need time to allow their nervous systems time to settle.

 

Everything about me has changed, my personality,  my body feels totally out of synch with my brain.  I’m electrically altered.  You can’t fix that.  The level of nerve pain has increased.  From the time I wake up it’s complete pain and chaos.  My faith in my own healing is truly gone. 

 

Chipmunk I believe in your recovery.  You will heal. 

 

East and Chipmunk, I thank you so much for your kindness and encouragement.  It is truly appreciated.  It’s been a very hard journey, and I wish things had turned out differently.

 

T

 

 

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Chipmunk,

 

I agree with so much you and East have said.

 

Of course I want to live.  We all want to live.  I’m only human and want so badly to feel semi normal in my body.  Things have been so very difficult for so very very long.  This ER incident made things another level I didn’t know existed.  I thought I was scared before all of this.  Now I’m truly terrified.  My son who is a young adult, keeps saying WE can’t give up.  He knows nothing about what happened.  He says you have me, and I always have your back, mom.  Breaks my heart.  He doesn’t know how truly bad it’s become. 

 

I have been able to get any identifying information from the ER.  If they were corrupt enough to treat me the way they did.  You know they are going to cover their tracks.  I didn’t even have an armband. No one told me their name.  No one explained anything. 

 

My attitude is one of someone who has major damage to their brain.  It wasn’t only Benzo damage.  It was involuntary and unethical. 

 

I didn’t have a lot of hope prior to this.  But, now there isn’t much to hold on too. 

 

I do believe that others will heal.  They need time to allow their nervous systems time to settle.

 

Everything about me has changed, my personality,  my body feels totally out of synch with my brain.  I’m electrically altered.  You can’t fix that.  The level of nerve pain has increased.  From the time I wake up it’s complete pain and chaos.  My faith in my own healing is truly gone. 

 

Chipmunk I believe in your recovery.  You will heal. 

 

East and Chipmunk, I thank you so much for your kindness and encouragement.  It is truly appreciated.  It’s been a very hard journey, and I wish things had turned out differently.

 

T

 

 

 

F4M, I’m truly sorry for what u have had to endure. I haven’t the slightest idea of what u experienced but I too have had multiple visits to several ER’s after multiple CT’s from high doses of xanax. All I’m wondering is that is there a possibility, just a possibility, that due to the fact that u were in & out of consciousness, that when u thought u were being electrocuted, it was actually just some sort of intravenous type of treatment that ur brain was interpreting as being electrocuted? Could the device used just have been a syringe but bc of how badly benzo’s affect our vision that it was interpreted as a 4 pronged needle? Please hear me out on this bc I can actually relate. I was convinced for over a year that I had a serious illness that was just getting worse & worse by the day. I had no clue what was the cause bc my bloodwork & diagnostic test up to that point showed nothing. All I knew was that my symptoms would b triggered by whatever I ingested (food, liquids, & the worst of all, medications). So I had every medical test/procedure I could possibly think of relating to the worst of my symptoms which seemed to all originate in my digestive tract. One of the last tests I had done was an abdominal CT with contrast done in order to check the blood flow going to my intestinal tract. Now this is all happening while I was in full blown withdrawal & I can TOTALLY relate to the electrocution feeling. When I was injected with the contrast medium my body went into complete sensory overload & as the contrast was being injected, I swore that it felt very much like I was being intentionally electrocuted but at the same time I have had procedures like this done through the course of my entire life & never had any issues. It was incredibly scary & I had no control over the way my body was reacting. My heart rate skyrocketed, I started shaking uncontrollably with hot & cold flashes, & immediately thought that I was having a stroke, it’s still touchy to even think or talk about for it truly was traumatic. But now that I’m on the road to recovery & can look at it from an entirely different perspective, I feel that I have a much better understanding of what was constituting this electrical shock I was feeling. And even before this had happened I had a colonoscopy & was given a cocktail that included fentanyl while I was on suboxone & xanax! I tried to explain to the doctor that it wouldn’t work as a sedative bc my opiate receptors were already being occupied by buprenorphrine & naloxone but due to his lack of knowledge about the medication I was given this cocktail anyway. I woke up during the procedure & they attempted to sedate me with even more which didn’t work so I immediately had them end the procedure. I then came home and had been thrown into an acute withdrawal to the point to where I was sleep deprived for 5 days so bad that my dreams began to blend with reality. It got so bad that I had to be 52/50’d on a 72 hr hold bc I was hallucinating & had basically gone into a full blown medication induced psychosis. On other multiple occasions while I was in the ER, I also believed that staff was laughing at me, mocking me, talking about me, & thinking I was just totally insane. But as time went on I realized that the majority of these sensations, thoughts, & feelings were the sole cause of my benzo usage. I had no clue how detrimental stopping & starting this medication was as I would take it for several month’s & then just stop for weeks at a time thinking this was helping when it was actually just making things worse than ever. As many times as I have been to different ER’s & felt outraged about my treatment at the time, when I look back on it now I don’t perceive them as doing anything but trying to treat the symptoms I presented them with the only way they know how. The problem with this as we all know so well, is that they completely lack the knowledge. Now am I in no way saying that I know what happened to u bc I was not there, I’m just wondering, could there b ANY possibility that while in & out of such a vulnerable state of mind combined with an extremely hypersensitive nervous system that u could have interpreted a very common & standard type of treatment as being something much more horrendous? And the only reason I say this is bc I have also been in there. Early hrs of the morning, no sleep for days, at my wits end, in & out of reality & could easily picture what u describe happened to u as something I too have experienced. When I first started getting the electrical zaps to & from my brain they would also travel the exact same route as u describe, always my left side enduring the worst. Anytime I was given medications intravenous or by mouth, they would intensify to something so painful & indescribable that electrocution seems to b the only word that can describe it the best. So I feel like I can visualize exactly what u mean when u describe that feeling. I was in a similar place as u, I thought that I had done too much damage to my brain & there was no coming back from it. My cognitive skills were so screwed up that I was having trouble doing mindless tasks I had done for year’s on end. It was flat out terrifying bc the only thought that was running through my head constantly was the one of how far gone I am with no hope of return. But here I am now, 7 month’s down the road & have seen a complete 180 degree turnaround. Benzo’s r an INCREDIBLY powerful medication & have the ability to alter so many different parts of the brain that it still baffles me as to why they r prescribed in the amounts & frequency they still are. But our brains r more powerful & have an amazing ability to heal themselves. I really just want u to know that I thought the exact same way u have, but once my brain begun to heal & I have been able to reflect on all of the experiences I went through while kindling, in tolerance withdrawal, or poly drugged, that I am now able to understand that the only reason I thought this way or that these things were happening to me is bc of benzo’s. I never had ANY of the health problems or felt ANY of the sensations/feelings/thoughts that I did until benzo’s entered the picture. Therefore the only logical conclusion I could come to was that benzo’s were the entire cause! I believe that u too will get past the thought that there has been too much damage done to come back from as I was on high doses of multiple medications for year’s but never dealt with true physical & mental anguish until I introduced benzo’s into the mix. Whatever happened to u was truly a horrific experience that has noticeably caused a lasting impression. But don’t count urself out of this fight to heal yet, bc no matter how powerful this drug is, our brains r even more powerful & can do things that we can’t even fathom. 6 month’s ago, I would have said the same thing. I’m too far gone to heal, this is permanent, there’s no coming back. Today, I know for a fact that we heal. This process is still an individual one that takes time. But I have no doubt in my mind that you will overcome this hellish experience & b able to b amazed at how far you’ve come. I truly wish u all the best in healing, you’re in my prayers, take care

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Easydoesit,

 

Thank you for sharing your experience.  I have to focus on the here and now.  At this point it’s all I can do.  I can’t change what happened, and what’s done is done.  You are right I have written myself off because I feel so very “off”.  Hoping in time, things will start to show signs of healing.

 

Wishing you complete healing.

F

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Easydoesit,

 

Thank you for sharing your experience.  I have to focus on the here and now.  At this point it’s all I can do.  I can’t change what happened, and what’s done is done.  You are right I have written myself off because I feel so very “off”.  Hoping in time, things will start to show signs of healing.

 

Wishing you complete healing.

F

 

Of course. And ur absolutely right. I agree that focusing on the here & now is the best thing u can do.  Wish u all the best in ur healing journey.

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dear Fighting

 

i understand.  i'm terrified too.  i don't want to live like this.  the pain + disability is soul crushing.

 

but - you are blessed to have your dear son to hold on to - to fight for - to let his hopeful spirit lift you.

 

he may not know what happened - maybe for the best - but he will not give up on you, either way.

 

i don't have that.... my only support is losing hope + suffering + will give up - if i give up. 

 

in Canada, i was given ER armband + discharge docs.  but in the UK, i got nothing.  so i guess it varies.

 

it enrages me that we both suffered "involuntary and unethical" damage by the ER.

 

+ i feel mine is already *permanent* - esp. physically, due to both Gaba A + previous Gaba B damage, by forced CT. 

 

but - thank you for having faith in my future.

 

+ i have faith in yours.

 

Fighting - I believe in your recovery. You will heal. 

 

thank you so v much for your kindness + encouragement, so v grateful.

 

did you ever read Rubylove's posts ?  she deleted her account + posts - but she was healing so well - tho perhaps needed a break from BB - IDK for sure.

 

but since childhood she suffered some sort of horrific, abusive electric shock treatment + was polydrugged.

 

i wish you could read her posts now... she was full of light + love + optimism.

 

i know you're not sure what happened to you in that ER... but i wish you could find someone to relate to - about any form of 'shock treatment'. 

 

in fact - no, i'm NOT SURE - so please ANYONE correct if in error - i've not been able to scroll past posts - or tried to reach out to them - as this just occurred to me now...

 

-- but if you can -- or have already maybe read some posts by SundanceShaman....?

 

gosh i *think* + hope i got the correct BB ? 

 

if it is SunShaman - i *think* she has posted about ECT + CT ?  + she is healing, based on recent posts.

 

i feel tapering is just adding more poisons + the damage is already done or worsening, for me.

 

i want OFF these drugs now - like you are.  Detox, ASAP.  will speak to GP.

 

...tho afraid of ER... + the further toll on my distressed, overburdened + only support. 

 

always thinking of you + sending prayers + love to heal + you will survive this x

 

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Chipmunk, you are such a sweet, authentic, and kind hearted lady.  I thank you so much for your encouragement and belief in my healing. 

 

I don’t know why this happened to us.  At this point we have to keep pushing forward.  We may never know why this happened.  I can only hope that things will become more tolerable for the both of us.

 

My son is amazing.  I thank you for your kind reminder that I’m fortunate to have his love and support.  I so desperately want to see him cry tears of joy.  He has stood by me through this whole ordeal.  We’ve even come up with code words for my bad days.  That way no details need to be given. 

 

All my other support has grown tired and left.  It’s human nature I guess. 

 

We have each other!  That’s a true blessing. 

 

I think you have more possibility of healing then you realize. 

 

I believe in your healing.  I truly do.  It make take time to get off the medication, however, that could be the very thing that initiates healing. 

 

T

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I believe you Fighting4Me. I’m heartbroken with you, I believe every word you have said and I am just about crying, I am. I have to be extremely quiet at night though so I can’t wail the way I’d be able to

 

I am silently crying and I want you to make it so bad. Please don’t give up Hope

 

I’m sending my love, I really am. I love the energy I feel from you, it is not bad or negative

 

I want to PM you when I’m more stable and well. You will always find kindness and validation from me.

 

I posted because I really feel you aren’t confused about what happened to you and I also find you very likable. I’m not posting more but I had posted after a break the last two days and saw this. I will get back to you and anyone else I care for and be available through message when I am better

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Mon pilote,

 

Thank you for your kind post.  I’m not doing well, so I will keep this short.  When you are feeling up to it, please PM me.    Hope your day is a good one.

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Mon pilote,

 

Thank you for your kind post.  I’m not doing well, so I will keep this short.  When you are feeling up to it, please PM me.    Hope your day is a good one.

 

OK, sounds good. Not doing too well myself despite all the words I posted (too.) Thank you. Please let’s continue holding on.

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dear Fighting

 

so v grateful for your kind words + faith.... i feel blessed to have met you here, despite the circumstances...

 

will be back as soon as i can... desperate to go to detox/hospital today.... not sure tho...

 

with prayers + hope for healing x

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Stuff that I hear about makes me scared of the ER or doctors. I hadn’t been in A ER in 20 years until late 2014 my blood pressure went to 200/110 ambulance comes on the way to the ER the  paramedics are laughing and having a good ole time talking about what their weekend plans were. One Of the paramedics fell into me in the ambulance it’s snickered. Same paramedic goes into the ER and stands there and eats Chips as I’m being checked out. I was so pissed I refused to pay my copay and reported it to the insurance company. Another time I hadn’t slept in 5 days went to urgent care. The doctor suggested I do meditation and try praying to Jesus for  Guidance. Another one that didn’t get paid.
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Im just reading this how terrible. You said your family took you into ER, do they not have any idea what they did? Surely there must be some reference of what happened even if it isn't fully accurate.
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