Author Topic: I am free. I am back to myself, you can too.  (Read 2281 times)

[Buddie]

Re: I am free. I am back to myself, you can too.
« Reply #10 on: April 06, 2019, 03:21:51 am »
A huge congratulations to you Hockey. I am so very happy you healed. Also, thank you very much for coming back and write your success story. It gives me and those who are still struggling that we will also regain our health and healing when the right time comes.

May you continue to receive joy, peace, love and wellness with your new life!

Blessings!
[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I am free. I am back to myself, you can too.
« Reply #11 on: April 10, 2019, 08:11:43 am »
Congrats on your recovery!  I have one question for you, how did you find the strength to workout?  Every time I try to lift weights, my arms feel like jello and shake.  I can get through about 2 or 3 sets of curls then I feel so fatigued.  The only exercise I can do is walking which is close to 15 miles everyday. 
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I am free. I am back to myself, you can too.
« Reply #12 on: April 11, 2019, 05:20:10 am »
Thank you very much for [...]! When I read your story I cried. I'm paying for the first time in twenty years. Perhaps are returning normal human feelings! Thank God for this site! Thank God for all who recovers! God bless you all!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I am free. I am back to myself, you can too.
« Reply #13 on: April 14, 2019, 03:11:33 am »
Thank you so much I needed to hear this today!! Iím having a pity party thinking Iíll never get better. So happy to hear youíre healed!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I am free. I am back to myself, you can too.
« Reply #14 on: May 18, 2019, 08:34:55 pm »
Interesting read.

I'm at 12mg diazepam at the moment now (having reduced from 40mg at highest point) and I can easily say that benzo withdrawal is indeed the hardest of them all... Harder than Heroin, methadone, alcohol, cannabis, etc..


Tell me, how long did it take to feel less 'brain fog'?
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I am free. I am back to myself, you can too.
« Reply #15 on: May 18, 2019, 11:30:39 pm »
Great post, and thank you for sharing!

2 years and 2 months. I'll add that to my notes. ;)
I've been going with 3 years as an average estimate. 2 years and 2 months is a win!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I am free. I am back to myself, you can too.
« Reply #16 on: May 19, 2019, 12:30:21 am »
Hey Guys,
I posted on here back in August and Iím just going to paste what I posted and then add some stuff!

ď
I would first like to say, if someone would of just said to me, you are not going crazy, you will one day be back to yourself and to try really hard to realize your central nervous system has been flipped upside down and it will find its way back I probably would of felt a little more [...]. So there you go, I [...] that helps.

Secondly I would like to say that I was on klonopin 1mg (prescribed) for 3 years. I, like so many of us, abused my prescriptions and doctor shopped and would some days go 5 days without any, and then back to a good 25 days on the pills, anywhere from 1-15mg of some sort of benzo in my system. During those three years i used, klonopin, xannax, ativan and I'm sure others. But please don't stop reading there, just because addiction is apart of my story doesn't mean our healing process will be that much different.

I almost have tears running down my face right now because I remember being on the other side just wondering if and when it will ever get better. and it did. So whats my story, ill try to keep it short and sweet.

On february 19th 2017 i checked myself into a treatment center in Texas to get off of these horrible horrible pills. I had tried many times to cold turkey by myself or taper and I would literally feel like I was going to die. I would shake and faint and would feel like my eyes were going to pop out of my head, I eventually had seizures and had to be rushed to the hospital many times. Quick note!!! Doctors who don't prescribe these things, and some that even do prescribe them, have no idea what in the hell they are doing. I got sent home by the ER one time with a antibiotic and they said that withdraws were only 2 days and I would feel better soon. I ended up
having another seizure and got some benzos to hold me over.  Back to my story, so i went to a treatment center and they gave me a two day taper and took me off all benzos just like that. For the first 5-7 days i felt fine, somewhat weird the last two and then hell.

I went into a 2 week psychosis, i do not remember anything, i was on anti seizure meds for 2 months and other crap. I woke up out of whatever i was in and I had never felt so weird in my life. I thought i had died and woke up in hell. I was afraid of my own shadow, I was a college athlete ice hockey player who is slammed into the boards by 300lb men and I couldn't barely even talk i was so scared. I felt like the world around me was hell. literally.

I couldn't walk, read, write for about a month. I barely ate, i lost 30lbs. I wish i could say that it got better quick but it didn't. It started to get a tiny bit better around 60 days. I would have moments in the day where i felt like i could breathe and be myself. Then i would feel hell again. These are what i like to call the benzo waves. I got out of treatment at 90 days and still felt funky. These waves lasted for about 10 months. Every time they would get shorter and shorter, meaning i would be better longer than i was bad. Then around a year and 3 months in I started feeling good. I am a year and half in and I'm not going to lie, some days i feel like crap, i still have tiny waves, but they last no longer than a couple days and i finally know that when this happens i can relax and know it will pass!

What has helped me the most? Well for me its what i call God, i was super mad at God and i eventually formed a relationship with him and prayed and prayed a lot. During those months of hell there was nothing money could buy to help me so hearing someone say they would pray for me meant a ton.
Secondly the gym. The gym has and does save my ass. Some days i would go 3 times a day. I would work myself to exhaustion.
Third, eating healthy. I had put such toxic shit in my life for so many years that when i finally started putting in good things my body helped me out.
I went to therapy, and worked out problems in my life that caused anxiety which i could of never have faced alone.
I formed a community and got honest with people about what i was going through.
I started getting acupuncture and massages. This was key when i started having waves, it always always helped.
Lastly and probably the most important, i cut myself a break. I started to tell myself its okay, we can do this, I love you, all that kind of weird stuff that if i saw someone else doing a couple years ago i would of laughed. I reminded myself that i sent my central nervous system into complete and utter shock and its just going to take some time to heal. I slept a lot. I got back into playing hockey a lot. I got a job that i love, to occupy my time.

In all honesty, I'm not the best writer, so there are probably tons of errors up there but i don't care, i survived a horrible life changing benzo detox, i truly try to not sweat the small shit anymore. But I hadn't thought of this website for a long long long time, because when you start feeling better you stop thinking about it. It popped into my head several times the last couple of days and i thought ya know what maybe my testimony will help another person out. So if thats you, I just want you to know: 1) I'm praying for you 2) its going to get better, no you are not stuck like this, no you are not going crazy. 3) your body will heal, you need to just treat it right. 4) One day you two will look back at this and say, No I never will or want to do that again but I don't think there is literally ANYTHING life can throw at me now that i cannot handle. Ive dealt with death, missing people, illnesses all that sad stuff, doesn't even scrape the surface of what hell a benzo detox was. So i truly say to you good luck,  cut yourself a break, take care of yourself and hang on, it will get better i promise.

ď

I am at 2 years and 2 months off Benzoís and I can successfully say I am 100% back to myself and have not had a withdraw feelings in months. I was always so worried I would never get back to my baseline and that I would always be messed up, but itís not true and Iím just so happy!!!! Hang in there and message me if you want any help!

Congrats that's awesome you are ok now thank you for the words they help 😊
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: I am free. I am back to myself, you can too.
« Reply #17 on: May 19, 2019, 03:55:51 am »
Thank you so much for sharing. The one thing we all have in common is we all want to heal and be free of benzos. Iím glad youíre free.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.