Withdrawal and Cognitive Impairment

It’s been nine months since my rapid taper of just five weeks. I have made significant improvements over that time but I can’t help but feel that my remaining symptoms are permanent. The most concerning symptom that I still have is a really nasty case of cognitive impairment. Now I understand that anxiety and depression can leave the brain fogging, but this feels different. It feels as though my mind is completely blank. I struggle with even the most basic forms of problem solving. Even more concerning is my struggle to form intelligent sentences. My speech often comes out slurred, choppy and confused. Simply put it feels like I have dementia at 26 years old. Now maybe this is just my brain jumping to conclusions, but could this be brain damage on a cellular level? I’m not an expert on the topic but could this be a case of excitotoxity? I’m concerned my brain cells have been damaged/destroyed and it really has me worked up most days. I would appreciate it if anyone could shed some light on this.

I personally don’t believe that the cognitive issues r permanent. In month 7 & the majority of my mental symptoms seem to b fading away, including my cognitive impairments. For several months I thought that I’ve permanently dumbed myself down. I would stutter, easily loose my train of thought, & even completely mix words up like switching their arrangement in a sentence. It really bothered me at first bc I felt that I have always been fairly quick witted as well as a fast learner. Over time this has slowly faded. The more I challenge myself cognitively, the easier it gets. Things that felt incredibly difficult 2 month’s ago I am now able to do without it seeming so monumental. It’s only natural for us to look for an explanation & when we can’t find one, we worry. I had every test under the sun done over a 2 year period bc I was unknowingly experiencing tolerance wd & was convinced that something was severely wrong in my body. I truly believed that I was slowly dying. Thought that at 34 I had had a stroke that had gone untreated. Our brains r incredibly powerful. After extensive medical testing on every area of my body I could possibly think of, absolutely nothing showed up. In fact, besides my high bp, every doctor said I am in really good health. Try not to self diagnose. As a surgical tech I personally know how difficult this can b. I too was searching for an answer to all of the strangeness that was going on but in hindsight, it really just kept me in a high state of unnecessary stress. I don’t know about ur rx history but I do know that most buddies especially protracted members consider 9 month’s to b a very short time. Our brains r built to self heal but we have to give them what they need in order to aid in this process. Constant worry & stress can definitely hinder that. I hope this can b helpful, hang in there. And if ur concern becomes overwhelming, get urself some medical reassurance. It definitely helped me to find out that there was nothing seriously wrong going on. I believe this allowed me to accept that it was just the benzo’s & since then it’s been a lot easier to cope with.

Freedom,

 

I’m at beginning of month 4 since Xanax CT and my Cognitive function has been almost as good as before (for the last month).  I had an excellent Cognitive functioning brain until Dec 2018.  Thankful it has improved!

 

Easy, thank you.

 

We are healing.

 

SS

 

 

Nice, thoughtful post, easydoes it. I think you are right on track about this stuff.

east

Thank you for your reply. I was on Klonopin 1mg twice a day for 4 1/2 years. The last nine months have been a living hell and it’s tough to be patient when all you want to do is get your life back on track.

I was on one mg of Clonazepam for about four years too. I always thought of it as a subtle medication, I didn't feel significantly different or notice any drastic changes.  I'm normally very sensitive to medication and stay on low doses, but I don't know why Clonazepam felt like it had little effect on me (even taken at large doses). It's only through the withdrawal process that I've realized how significantly it alters brain chemistry and causes physical dependency.

 

I CT'ed just a couple weeks ago and feeling at a blank was one of the first symptoms I experienced. It's gradually improved over the last week, but I don't know if this is a window or if I'm understating how simple the process has been. It's been okay, definitely not as bad as other experiences but I'm glad I found this forum so that I didn't start reinstating at the first sign of withdrawal symptoms. I could have been on the medication for another year or two (at least) and I do believe it significantly impacts both concentration and energy levels. I have difficulty in concentrating and keeping to one task for an extended amount of time to begin with! But I don't think it's a permanent change and daily habits of course alter our brain chemistry as well. It's my plan to start exercising just 10-20 minutes a day to see how that helps, as it can greatly improve focus. The kind of catch 22 is that you need to have enough mental clarity to get to that point, and I wouldn't have been able to do it a week ago. There are many things that help better our cognitive functioning and even just simple interactions throughout the day can start rebuilding connections or help with anxiety about processing information and response time.

 

Another thing, I've also started listening to an audiobook. It's too much to try to read something heavy at this point but I chose Game of Thrones on Audible and listen to it before bed. In terms of focus, it's not as demanding as trying to read the physical book and helps keep your mind occupied. It also feels encouraging to listen to a story and hear vivid and descriptive words about the trees, scenery, all kinds of things! Audible has a free one month trial where you can pick one book out with a credit and I chose this series as the first book alone is over 30 hours. I'm currently only 1-2 hours in but it feels like I have a go-to when I start to dwell on my cognitive state and feel like I'm not using my mind at all. Most days I stay in bed and don't do anything significant but it's a healing process and I try to be kind with myself. Hope you are too!

 

Your body and brain are awesome and you're serving them well by tapering off a harmful substance

DepressionCherry,

 

I’m happy for you that this process has been easier.  Hopefully, it will continue to be easy.  Very happy you never want to reinstate!  Hold on to that thought!

 

We all will heal.

 

Ss

 

 

Thank you so much for the kind words SaraSue, again it might be too early to tell but I hope so too! And no reinstating, time to reconfigure our brain chemistries