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5 months off..


[Ra...]

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I’m 5 months from going cold turkey now and having

a hard time with some of these symptoms. I’m not sure if

this is OCD but I’ve been calling it that. But omg it drives

me nuts sometimes.. For example: When I’m locking my rabbit’s

cage up after feeding her, I check to make sure I did in fact lock it

over and over and over and over... uuugh! I know I’ve checked it but

I keep having to check JUST IN CASE I somehow screwed up and didn’t

lock it right. It’s exhausting and frustrating... It comes at me throughout

the day during my daily routine as well. Has anyone else experienced this?

It never happened before and

I’m just ready to be calm and not stress about this too, but I’ve tried

everything (or just about) to try and at least calm down this symptom..

I can’t seem to... I keep reminding myself it’s going to take a bit more time.

And then the thought of time starts completely freaking me out.. Ah!

Thank you for listening to me!! I’ve been wanting to post this for a while but

it’s so hard to talk about sometimes

 

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I’ve read that OCD as well as memory issues r definitely symptoms of wd. I have experienced something similar to this. Even though I had just put something away, I’d have to double check bc no matter how recent it had been I still had to make sure that I did. I was really concerned about my memory in the beginning but now I’d say it’s back to about 80% normal. As for the OCD, I didn’t feel the need to do things over & over for the sake of doing them, more so just for reassurance that I had done it. Like I was never 100% that I had just done what I had. In month 7 now & haven’t thought about this in quite some time. What I’ve noticed is that over time, the awareness of every little thing ur doing while ur doing it slowly fades. It has been exhausting analyzing the most mundane day to day tasks that we never used to give much thought to. IMO, just our brains doing what they need to do to return to proper balance. Hope this is helpful, hang in there it does get better. I notice the biggest changes month to month.
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I’ve read that OCD as well as memory issues r definitely symptoms of wd. I have experienced something similar to this. Even though I had just put something away, I’d have to double check bc no matter how recent it had been I still had to make sure that I did. I was really concerned about my memory in the beginning but now I’d say it’s back to about 80% normal. As for the OCD, I didn’t feel the need to do things over & over for the sake of doing them, more so just for reassurance that I had done it. Like I was never 100% that I had just done what I had. In month 7 now & haven’t thought about this in quite some time. What I’ve noticed is that over time, the awareness of every little thing ur doing while ur doing it slowly fades. It has been exhausting analyzing the most mundane day to day tasks that we never used to give much thought to. IMO, just our brains doing what they need to do to return to proper balance. Hope this is helpful, hang in there it does get better. I notice the biggest changes month to month.

 

Thank you SO much. Your reply is incredibly helpful! It was getting to the point where I was a little concerned with how much I am aware of every.single.thing.  Thank you for replying and I’m so glad you’re almost back to 100% with your memory

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I’ve read that OCD as well as memory issues r definitely symptoms of wd. I have experienced something similar to this. Even though I had just put something away, I’d have to double check bc no matter how recent it had been I still had to make sure that I did. I was really concerned about my memory in the beginning but now I’d say it’s back to about 80% normal. As for the OCD, I didn’t feel the need to do things over & over for the sake of doing them, more so just for reassurance that I had done it. Like I was never 100% that I had just done what I had. In month 7 now & haven’t thought about this in quite some time. What I’ve noticed is that over time, the awareness of every little thing ur doing while ur doing it slowly fades. It has been exhausting analyzing the most mundane day to day tasks that we never used to give much thought to. IMO, just our brains doing what they need to do to return to proper balance. Hope this is helpful, hang in there it does get better. I notice the biggest changes month to month.

 

Thank you SO much. Your reply is incredibly helpful! It was getting to the point where I was a little concerned with how much I am aware of every.single.thing.  Thank you for replying and I’m so glad you’re almost back to 100% with your memory

 

Of course. I’m really glad that I can help. Reading about other’s experiences & asking questions has given me an indescribable amount of ease. That hyper awareness is pretty scary at first but as time goes on it just fades away. It may return in high amounts of stress but knowing that it’s just a temporary reaction is definitely helpful. When I get hit with one of those brutal waves now? I just let it run its course. I’ll usually go walk until my body calms down. What used to take hrs & last for days, now takes about 30 min & last’s for only hrs max. I know that it’s difficult, but remind urself over & over that it’s just the benzo’s messing with ur head. Just remember that if it wasn’t there before the benzo’s, there’s no logical reason for it to stick around after. All the best in healing! Take care.

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I’ve read that OCD as well as memory issues r definitely symptoms of wd. I have experienced something similar to this. Even though I had just put something away, I’d have to double check bc no matter how recent it had been I still had to make sure that I did. I was really concerned about my memory in the beginning but now I’d say it’s back to about 80% normal. As for the OCD, I didn’t feel the need to do things over & over for the sake of doing them, more so just for reassurance that I had done it. Like I was never 100% that I had just done what I had. In month 7 now & haven’t thought about this in quite some time. What I’ve noticed is that over time, the awareness of every little thing ur doing while ur doing it slowly fades. It has been exhausting analyzing the most mundane day to day tasks that we never used to give much thought to. IMO, just our brains doing what they need to do to return to proper balance. Hope this is helpful, hang in there it does get better. I notice the biggest changes month to month.

 

Thank you SO much. Your reply is incredibly helpful! It was getting to the point where I was a little concerned with how much I am aware of every.single.thing.  Thank you for replying and I’m so glad you’re almost back to 100% with your memory

 

Of course. I’m really glad that I can help. Reading about other’s experiences & asking questions has given me an indescribable amount of ease. That hyper awareness is pretty scary at first but as time goes on it just fades away. It may return in high amounts of stress but knowing that it’s just a temporary reaction is definitely helpful. When I get hit with one of those brutal waves now? I just let it run its course. I’ll usually go walk until my body calms down. What used to take hrs & last for days, now takes about 30 min & last’s for only hrs max. I know that it’s difficult, but remind urself over & over that it’s just the benzo’s messing with ur head. Just remember that if it wasn’t there before the benzo’s, there’s no logical reason for it to stick around after. All the best in healing! Take care.

 

Thanks again, I really appreciate your kind words & reassurance. That’s wonderful it doesn’t last long for you now! I’m looking forward to reaching that point.. I do get worried it will last because I may have dealt with things similar before benzos but NEVER to this extent. But reading your words is the perfect reassurance. I can’t thank you enough!!

On a slightly different symptom, did you ever get freaked out about time? Life seems to be going by so much quicker (or thinking about memories and thinking how insanely fast it went by!)  which starts scaring me thinking it’s going too fast and then I begin to dwell and dwell on those thoughts. So hard to let it go. So scary sometimes

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Rain,

 

I call it hyper vigilance and it is totally frustrating!  Yet I feel part of BWD.  I’m so tired of being aware of every minute.

 

May we ALL heal soon!

 

SS :smitten:

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Rain,

 

I call it hyper vigilance and it is totally frustrating!  Yet I feel part of BWD.  I’m so tired of being aware of every minute.

 

May we ALL heal soon!

 

SS :smitten:

 

I just looked up hyper vigilance and it’s incredibly similar to me too. Wow!! Thank you for your reply!! It’s exhausting isn’t it? Do you have a hard time focusing too?

It’s nice to have a name for it now, thank you.

Healing blessings to you too! 

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Rain, what you are experiencing is totally normal after one goes CT off a benzo. Hypervigilance, definitely. because of how badly the fear center in your brain was temporarily damaged by benzos. OCD? I do think it may come out in WD. You may have had mild tendencies for this before but something about benzo WD seems to make it a lot worse. I will tell you a small part of my story. In 2012 I was forced to go CT off benzos and Ads. Holy hell ensued. The only symptom I may not have had was a seizure but I will know if I did or didn't. It took me 3 years to heal and during that time I DID become OCD, about cleaning. Oh LOL! I never cared a bit for cleaning but suddenly I became obsessed with this and started cleaning every single thing in my home. I was seriously deranged then, laughably so. Over time I actually became quite GOOD at cleaning, so much so that once I was fully healed, I started my own cleaning business! I am less OCD about it now, but I think that how I am now will probably stay that way. This old RBN now cleans houses and does well at it. And yes, I have to laugh about this. Who would have thought....???

east

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I’ve read that OCD as well as memory issues r definitely symptoms of wd. I have experienced something similar to this. Even though I had just put something away, I’d have to double check bc no matter how recent it had been I still had to make sure that I did. I was really concerned about my memory in the beginning but now I’d say it’s back to about 80% normal. As for the OCD, I didn’t feel the need to do things over & over for the sake of doing them, more so just for reassurance that I had done it. Like I was never 100% that I had just done what I had. In month 7 now & haven’t thought about this in quite some time. What I’ve noticed is that over time, the awareness of every little thing ur doing while ur doing it slowly fades. It has been exhausting analyzing the most mundane day to day tasks that we never used to give much thought to. IMO, just our brains doing what they need to do to return to proper balance. Hope this is helpful, hang in there it does get better. I notice the biggest changes month to month.

 

Thank you SO much. Your reply is incredibly helpful! It was getting to the point where I was a little concerned with how much I am aware of every.single.thing.  Thank you for replying and I’m so glad you’re almost back to 100% with your memory

 

Of course. I’m really glad that I can help. Reading about other’s experiences & asking questions has given me an indescribable amount of ease. That hyper awareness is pretty scary at first but as time goes on it just fades away. It may return in high amounts of stress but knowing that it’s just a temporary reaction is definitely helpful. When I get hit with one of those brutal waves now? I just let it run its course. I’ll usually go walk until my body calms down. What used to take hrs & last for days, now takes about 30 min & last’s for only hrs max. I know that it’s difficult, but remind urself over & over that it’s just the benzo’s messing with ur head. Just remember that if it wasn’t there before the benzo’s, there’s no logical reason for it to stick around after. All the best in healing! Take care.

 

Thanks again, I really appreciate your kind words & reassurance. That’s wonderful it doesn’t last long for you now! I’m looking forward to reaching that point.. I do get worried it will last because I may have dealt with things similar before benzos but NEVER to this extent. But reading your words is the perfect reassurance. I can’t thank you enough!!

On a slightly different symptom, did you ever get freaked out about time? Life seems to be going by so much quicker (or thinking about memories and thinking how insanely fast it went by!)  which starts scaring me thinking it’s going too fast and then I begin to dwell and dwell on those thoughts. So hard to let it go. So scary sometimes

 

Yep. Honestly, the best things u can do for the moment is try & keep ur mind occupied. Benzo’s mess with ur brain in so many different ways. I’m only in month 7 but I can already tell that it goes away completely as my healing has basically become linear now. Ur on the right track, I know how helpful that reassurance can b. I was really glad that I was able to find this site bc I had no clue what was going on with my mind or body until I did my do diligence. Glad to b of service, keep up the great work, you’ll b back to urself in no time at all! (No pun intended)

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Rain,

I do have trouble focusing most days (this has been only in BWD).  It is frustrating like the hypervigilence!  I’m sure it will pass with time.

 

Easy,

I’m so happy your healing is linear and happening.  I love reading about things getting better and healing.

 

SS :smitten:

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Hi! I'm going through the same thing. But getting better. I am sure that a full recovery will come for all of us!
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  • 4 weeks later...

I recently passed my 6 month mark but it seems like my symptoms are so much more intense than they were and I feel pretty crazy at times. I’m “checking” things alllll day to the point I’m exhausting myself and getting so frustrated I want to yell at myself. Ugh!!

It’s like my brain won’t shut off and I’m in a state of constant worry and panic about something bad happening to my loved ones, my mind will think and think and think about it to the point I don’t think about anything else.. I get so scared thinking about it and then I have anxiety attacks... ahhh I’m just at the point I needed to post on here again to see if I could get any advice. I’m so exhausted of these thoughts and I feel out of my mind.. I haven’t been taking supplements besides a vitamin B complex. Any herbs that can help?? I have another supplement which I don’t take because it has gaba in it (they’re called Anxie-T) anything that could help me on these really tough days?? I can feel myself want to shut down and just lay down all day because of all this checking and obsessing over those horrible thoughts.. thank you for any advice you can give

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Rain,

I definitely know how you feel. I felt the same way. Your are only 5 months out, which is considered early in BWD. I know it feels awful. Those horrid thoughts, racing, worrying, fearful mind are all very normal.

 

What helped me deal with this was learning just a bit about WHY I felt that way. Learning a bit about how benzos work on your brain and what happens when you go off them can be truly helpful. If you need help finding this info, just let me know. You can always PM me, too. I welcome PMs.

There is no supplement that will help. I tried a few, waste of time and money. What I now know is that it was my BRAIN that needed to heal, and that would occur as long as I stayed off benzos and learned to cope with withdrawal symptoms.

If you have not already, read my Success Story. It was moved to BuddieBlogs for some reason, but it remains my SS. Go to BuddieBlogs and look for "eastcoast's trip." Read the first few pages and then get back to me. You need to know that YES, I did heal.

I truly want to hear from you. My heart aches for you. I know just how bad you feel right now.

east

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Rain,

I definitely know how you feel. I felt the same way. Your are only 5 months out, which is considered early in BWD. I know it feels awful. Those horrid thoughts, racing, worrying, fearful mind are all very normal.

 

What helped me deal with this was learning just a bit about WHY I felt that way. Learning a bit about how benzos work on your brain and what happens when you go off them can be truly helpful. If you need help finding this info, just let me know. You can always PM me, too. I welcome PMs.

There is no supplement that will help. I tried a few, waste of time and money. What I now know is that it was my BRAIN that needed to heal, and that would occur as long as I stayed off benzos and learned to cope with withdrawal symptoms.

If you have not already, read my Success Story. It was moved to BuddieBlogs for some reason, but it remains my SS. Go to BuddieBlogs and look for "eastcoast's trip." Read the first few pages and then get back to me. You need to know that YES, I did heal.

I truly want to hear from you. My heart aches for you. I know just how bad you feel right now.

east

 

I actually have to disagree with the statement that there’s no supplements that will help. I think that this process is too unique to ea individual to definitively say that there isn’t any sort of relief that could possibly come from a supplement. I know for a fact that magnesium has helped in minimizing my muscle twitches & spasms without any negative side effects. There r just too many variables in ea person’s history & u really won’t know until u give it a try. At the same time, I don’t think that going out & buying a bunch of supplements to try & combat ea & every sx is a good idea either. There r much more healthier ways to deal with these sx & I also agree that letting ur brain do its thing naturally is definitely the best route to go.

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easy, if that helped you, that is wonderful. But many BB people experiments with many NOT so safe supplements, and end up regretting it. This is why I don't advise this. I have read so many posts from people who tried this or that in order to feel better (myself included!) and none of it helped a bit. I hope you understand my concerns on this. Everyone is free too try stuff, but in all honesty, I still feel no supplement will help you heal faster. Only time does that. If a supplement seems to be helping you and you have done the research on it, well, just take it and keep on going.
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Rain,  There are techniques that you can learn on how to retrain your thought patterns... your OCD may have been jump started into high gear with withdrawals and now is like a run away train.  I am NOT saying that it wasn't chemically induced - it is a known part of withdrawals.  However; using CBT and other therapeutic techniques (including mindfulness as well) that may help you create new ways to have a thought and not get caught up in obsessively taking action. 
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