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12 to 18 months off Support Thread


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I could not find the thread for this time frame.

 

Now that I'm 13 months off I'm hoping to connect to others in this time frame for POSITIVE support and encouragement.

 

I know I've come a long way in my healing since "acute", but some days just seem like I'll never heal.

 

All my symptoms are mental.  I have no physical symptoms that I blame on w/d.

 

At this point in time I practically have myself convinced that the whole w/d ordeal caused me to develop a pretty severe anxiety disorder and I'm going to be stuck like this for the rest of my life.  I was prescribed Ativan for insomnia NOT for anxiety but am realizing perhaps I had more anxiety than I realized before all this started.

 

Is this just the Benzo lie? 

 

Before all this happened I had what I considered normal human anxiety over things in life.  Yes, I'm a business owner so I had stress.  Who doesn't? 

But it never caused me to feel like THIS! 

 

Anyway, hoping others will jump on this thread or point me in the direction of a 12-18 month off thread so I can talk with others in my time frame.

 

Thanks so much. 

 

Fakeit

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Hey, I wanted to jump on this thread and get the ball rolling with you. Hopefully, more people will jump in. I am 12 months off yesterday.

 

I am still dealing with symptoms too at a year off, which are primarily mental in nature. I am dealing with low mood and depression still. My interests have not come back at all. Still triggered by many of my old interests and random thoughts that pop into my head. I get angry at people for no reason a lot. And the worst of all is worrying about being around my daughter and being at home.

 

I know I had anxiety before this, but the symptoms are on another level. I don't think these symptoms are anywhere near our preexisting anxiety because they are much different, for me anyway.

 

Some things have improved for me too, though. I sleep better than I did even three months ago. I feel way better at night and get glimpses of my old self, but I almost feel too excited at times, almost manic, occasionally. Anyway, hopefully more people will jump on this thread for a place to talk about daily symptoms.

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Anybody else want to jump in on this support thread between 12-18 months? It would be a good place to keep each other updated with symptoms and improvements.
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  • 2 weeks later...

I was hoping this group would take off, but it doesn't look like anybody has been posting anything. I will post my blog for the day.

 

I really feel like I'm stagnating mentally. Depression is still present after being off a year. My interests haven't come back yet. I don't really feel joy of any kind. On top of that, I have anger for no reason directed at anybody at my house. It's really scary because it just starts and there's no way to stop it. I have been told this is called neuro-anger. I don't actually act on any of the anger, it just burns inside of me for no reason. I was a little irritable before all this, but it was nothing like this crazy anger that burns on the inside.

 

My wife does so much stuff for me, including cooking, yet I don't feel like I appreciate it and I just feel mad for no reason. This anger came on for the first time at the end of February, so 11 months off this stuff. It's new and absolutely scary. Pair this with some of the intrusive thoughts, it can be even scarier. I feel a sense of anger inside me now as I write this directed at absolutely nobody, but since my wife and daughter are always on my mind, I think I associate it with them.

 

I meet with a new therapist tonight. I know she is going to tell me to try a different medication and maybe I should at this point but I'm scared. I wish this anger would cool down. I want my life back. Can one improve from this if they had a negative mindset before all this?

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I just came in to update my blog.

 

April 26th will be 14 months off.

 

I too am dealing with what I REFUSE to call "depression".  Acute showed me what true depression is.

What I'm dealing with is an unrelenting "sadness" mixed with "angst".

It's just this feeling that won't go away that 'something' is wrong.  I just can't seem to get rid of it no matter how hard I try.

My husband is being SO supportive.

I literally have ZERO in my life to be concerned about right now beyond my own health.

Yet, my mind goes 1,000 miles per hour FINDING things to be concerned about (My Mother is aging, I miss my family up North, how old will I live, how will I die, etc., etc.). 

I can't seem to find my old sense of peace and calm that I had before all of this.

I was not prescribed Ativan for anxiety.  It was prescribed for temporary insomnia (which I had never suffered before either).

SO much is SO much better than 4-6-8 months ago!  SO much better.  And I keep thanking God for that.

I just need this "monkey-brain" to go away. 

I need to find a way to stop thinking about it.  It's like that bad accident that you can't unsee.

I want this all to just be a bad memory and find that peace and happiness I read about in so many success stories.

I want that peace and calm and joy of a Sunday afternoon watching a football game or a Nascar race.

 

But so much is SO much better.  And everyone I talk with says it will just keep getting better with time.

And if I look back at how far I've come, it's absolutely true.

 

So, I'm off to the gym to give my brain some miracle grow (I read somewhere that exercise is like miracle grow for the brain).

 

One day at a time.

We've got this!

Time is our friend, not our enemy.

 

This too shall pass.

 

Hugs to all.

 

Fakeit

 

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  • 3 months later...

Hi! I think the folks who started this group may have moved on by now but I want to jump in here and bump the thread.  I am 11 1/2 months off and am in a wave at the moment.  It's not super duper bad (have had way worse) but it still sucks and while I know a window is around the corner (that's how it's always worked for me) I am starting to realize that my life may consist of windows and waves for a long long time.  Not sure why I think that maybe it's just WD brain but I feel like it's better to think of this as a marathon and settle into it than believe that during the windows I am healed. 

 

Anyone relate?

 

And how are y'all doing?

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  • 3 months later...

Hi! I came back today to report I am 99% healed.

 

I am 21months off Ativan. I am also 16 months since my short term antidepressant (Lexapro).

 

Life feels normal again. The anxiety and depression are gone. I feel like I have a second chance at life.

 

Almost two years of hell because I had trouble sleeping! Ironic part is that I'm still having some sleep issues but I'm not letting them bother me at all because life is so good again.

 

Hang in there!!  Healing happens.

 

Fakeit

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Im 1 year and 1 week off Ativan. My main remaining symptom is chest pains and palpitations. Mild depression and anxiety, mainly due to the fact that Im having chest pains. I feel like if I could get over this chest pain I could be close to claiming complete healing. But, until this passes it is difficult to put this all behind me. I hope that over the next few months the pain and palpitations will diminish so that I can move on with my life and put this all behind me. I want to excercise but the chest pain and discomfort has me apprehensive about doing any cardio. Im seeing a cardiologist next week to get the all clear for excercising. Who knows, maybe a little cardio is what I need. I havent excercised since 2017 when this all began. Good luck to everyone! And thanks to Fakeit for coming back and giving us all hope!
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Background:

  -I took Klonopin for 14 years.

  -I spent about 10 months doing a slow taper.

  -I stopped all benzos a little over one year ago.

 

All the nasty symptoms are mostly gone (heart palpitations, insomnia, anxiety, short of breath, back pain, and chest pains).

 

I think my only remaining real issue is stamina.  Unless I get 10 hours in bed, I have terrible fatigue.  Even with 8 to 10 hours of rest, I get tired out after about 1/2 of a normal day of activity and sometimes get headaches.

 

I should add - to get the 10 hours in bed, I struggle.  I wake up every 2 hours, I take over the counter stuff to help (Advil, aspirin, magnesium glycinate, vitamin B complex, zinc, antihistamines, L'Theanine, Chamomile, etc) and I do meditations.  With all that effort, I can drift in and out of sleep for 10 hours and feel ok.  But anything less than 10 hours, and I am on the couch all day.

 

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Bob! So great to see you here! I have been wondering how you've been doing and now I see your update.  I also have serious issues with stamina and exercise is a real issue.  I also need a TON of sleep or I feel exhausted all day long.  I get head pressure and some burning when I am just super busted.  I call it the boom and the bust.  Do you have any other symptoms? Have you been working still?
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Bob! So great to see you here! I have been wondering how you've been doing and now I see your update.  I also have serious issues with stamina and exercise is a real issue.  I also need a TON of sleep or I feel exhausted all day long.  I get head pressure and some burning when I am just super busted.  I call it the boom and the bust.  Do you have any other symptoms? Have you been working still?

Hi WW,

Good to hear from you.

 

I just retired about 10 days ago.  I am 57 years old so I feel blessed to be able to stop working.  The key is to have something to "retire to".  It is really keeping me stable.

 

Our symptoms are similar.  It has been over a year since my last bit of benzo and I really do need lots of rest to feel good.  Staying asleep is hard but I recently started vitamin b6 at bed with zinc and I think it is helping.  When I get about 9.5 hours sleep, I have pretty good days.  I think my headaches are from blood pressure medication so I changed the medication and no headache for 4 days now.

 

How is your life POST benzo?

 

Bob

 

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Hi Bob sorry for delay, I've been in a wave the last couple weeks.  Today I have intense sinus and head pressure.  I was worse last week this week I am back to functioning a bit more but I don't feel great.  Ugh.  Why do we still have symptoms? I have had awesome windows where I feel almost healed and totally back to my old personality.  My baseline is still good during waves I just have uncomfortable symptoms.  I had my absolute worst wave at 5.5-8.5 months off that had a severe acute period in there.  How about you?
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Hi Bob sorry for delay, I've been in a wave the last couple weeks.  Today I have intense sinus and head pressure.  I was worse last week this week I am back to functioning a bit more but I don't feel great.  Ugh.  Why do we still have symptoms? I have had awesome windows where I feel almost healed and totally back to my old personality.  My baseline is still good during waves I just have uncomfortable symptoms.  I had my absolute worst wave at 5.5-8.5 months off that had a severe acute period in there.  How about you?

I am glad we can share - it gives me hope that perhaps it is normal to have waves a year off benzos.

For me, my worst problems are anxiety induced insomnia.

It was very problematic while I was still working.  In fact, I would call those waves just because of the combination of having to go to work with symptoms is so difficult.

 

I have been retired for a few weeks now and, while I still have anxiety induced insomnia, I can accommodate for it by spending more time in bed. 

During the 14 months since stopping benzos, I have had some waves which are bad every few months but I think they are all related to external factors making me tired or giving me stress such that the waves feel worse.

I am healing.

I have read posts where it can take two years to heal so I have hope I will be doing better in 2020.

I wish the best for you.

Bob

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