Author Topic: 5 Years Free and Still Walking the Path to the Sea  (Read 2280 times)

[Buddie]

Re: 5 Years Free and Still Walking the Path to the Sea
« Reply #10 on: March 17, 2019, 03:01:13 pm »
[...] yes, it is what it is until it isn't and yes, day to day we can choose our response to each moment, each sensation

We are ill as we walk our path and we walk it with our resilience, our steadfastness, and the affirmation that we have chosen to walk this path of recovery ... and we shall do our walking with dignity

And sometimes during, usually afterwards, we share our witness of the journey that is our testimony that it our gift to our community

Many blessings Be well
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[Buddie]

Re: 5 Years Free and Still Walking the Path to the Sea
« Reply #11 on: March 17, 2019, 03:33:36 pm »
[...],

Congrats on feeling better after five years! Did you suffer severe depression because of quitting benzos and has that gotten better in the five years you've been off?

Hello boomboxboy, I was lucky I did NOT suffer depression, and I believe I have the support and camaraderie of this forum to thank for that. :mybuddy:
I experienced a lot of fear, confusion and bone-weary exhaustion, but my friends here saw me through, especially when the rest of the people in my life had no understanding.

I looked back in your posts a bit and I see you are almost 1 year free. That's still pretty early out, and even though you used a lower dose of K, you used it for quite a few years, and it will take your receptors some time to up-regulate again.

I see you've had concerns about functioning in your capacity as a high school teacher, and that's quite understandable, especially given the head pain you've been suffering. If your curriculum is at all flexible, maybe you can try altering your presentation style a bit? - maybe less stand-up lecturing and more digital + visual aids. Maybe have the students engage in more peer to peer work.... I don't know what your options are, but maybe there's a creative way you can get yourself off the hook a bit and lighten the pressure.

One thing I learned from my time in withdrawal is that people are satisfied with much less input from me than I previously realized. Sometimes doing less truly is doing more. It could even be an opportunity to give the kids a chance at more independent thinking, and learning to take pride in their own thoughts. .... There's an old saying in show biz, "90% is just showing up."  Hope you find some peace soon. :smitten:
« Last Edit: March 17, 2019, 03:46:22 pm by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 5 Years Free and Still Walking the Path to the Sea
« Reply #12 on: March 17, 2019, 03:45:54 pm »
To my friends from the old days - love and misses!  :hug:

[...], I'm so proud of the work you do here now. You've come so far and through it all your sense of humor has never left you. :smitten:

[...], I see you're still helping buddies navigate their choices in healing, and you've certainly accumulated a lot of knowledge and compassion along your very bumpy road. It's lovely to hear from you again. :smitten:

Nova, I'm thrilled to read your poetic words again! You'l be proud to know I've become much more mindful than I used to be. I didn't know how spiritually empty those drugs had made me, and you are one of the people who showed me - by example - the healing power of the human spirit. :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 5 Years Free and Still Walking the Path to the Sea
« Reply #13 on: March 17, 2019, 07:49:33 pm »
Although I'm very depressed and hopeless today, your story has given me some hope. Thanks for reminding us that this pain and suffering shall pass.
 :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 5 Years Free and Still Walking the Path to the Sea
« Reply #14 on: March 17, 2019, 08:53:03 pm »
Thanks for coming back to share...you do give us hope!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 5 Years Free and Still Walking the Path to the Sea
« Reply #15 on: March 17, 2019, 10:12:16 pm »
Dearest [...]...such a beautiful post! As always your writing touched my heart. Thank you! It is wonderful to know you are doing so well. Your path was rough and you shared your struggles with great truth which felt like a hand to hold through this miserable trek. Please keep checking in to tell us your news...it's inspiring. Plus it is a treat to read.  :)

Today I am 3 years 8 months free....much better but more healing to be had. I'm well enough to travel again and have spent the winter away from the chilly grey Pacific Northwest in sunny Loreto Mexico. It's a small town in Baja rich with history and tremendous warmth...from the sun and the people. I am deeply grateful for my progress and for the healing of my friends. Nothing feels better than hearing others have made it. One step at a time we all do.

Much love to you and your beautiful family. So so good to hear your news!

Warmly,
[...] :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 5 Years Free and Still Walking the Path to the Sea
« Reply #16 on: March 17, 2019, 11:15:46 pm »
Dearest [...]...such a beautiful post! As always your writing touched my heart. Thank you! It is wonderful to know you are doing so well. Your path was rough and you shared your struggles with great truth which felt like a hand to hold through this miserable trek. Please keep checking in to tell us your news...it's inspiring. Plus it is a treat to read.  :)

Today I am 3 years 8 months free....much better but more healing to be had. I'm well enough to travel again and have spent the winter away from the chilly grey Pacific Northwest in sunny Loreto Mexico. It's a small town in Baja rich with history and tremendous warmth...from the sun and the people. I am deeply grateful for my progress and for the healing of my friends. Nothing feels better than hearing others have made it. One step at a time we all do.

Much love to you and your beautiful family. So so good to hear your news!

Warmly,
[...] :smitten:

Hello Dear [...]!

Thank you for your encouragement - I never know if people truly want to hear from old-timers, or if it just makes their journey seem that much longer.
You sound well, and your travels show that your CNS is more stabilized now and able to take the impact.

Loreto!!!  I was in Cabo San Lucas 30 years ago, at the tip of the peninsula.  But I remember it vividly for the delicious shrimp from the Sea of Cortez - they were so plentiful I even had shrimp cocktail for breakfast! I also remember the light and shadows down there - so long, so surreal. it was easy to slip into a mystical state of mind. I hope it will be magical for you too.

I'm so grateful you enjoy my writing. It is something I nurtured in my blog when I was house-bound in w/d and could do little else. A gift, as it turns out. I've been writing for a broader audience now and have recently finished my first dramatic play. We've had a reading already and the whole process of development is very exciting to me. Funny, I've returned to a lot of the subjects I first pondered in my blog -  in what I felt at the time was a state of incoherency. But now I see that there were seeds of truth there. Again, gifts, i could not fully appreciate at the time.

I believe we have a period of deep and profound insight during withdrawal, a clarity that may be partially chemically induced, but nonetheless real. And learning to decipher what thoughts are toxic and what thoughts are inspired has been my favorite part of healing.

Love and hugs,  :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 5 Years Free and Still Walking the Path to the Sea
« Reply #17 on: March 19, 2019, 08:12:33 pm »
Hi [...] it's a pleasure to read the travel of the old timers, they make all the difference, they give us hope that one day we will be ok and that the journey means something. I've been following your posts your words are so beautiful that it's great you have written a play, you are very creative with words. One of my main symptoms today is heaviness in the body, lack of refreshing sleep (I'm sleeping a lot but most of it is toxic) and tinnitus, that's the worst, it's 24/7, I've had it for 1 year, I'm 10 months off [...] 23 years of moderate benzo use. Is your tinnitus gone? I've read on a group on facebook that one lady had it for 7 years! Keep on posting as your words are greatly appreciated! Take care!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 5 Years Free and Still Walking the Path to the Sea
« Reply #18 on: March 19, 2019, 09:43:56 pm »
Hi [...] it's a pleasure to read the travel of the old timers, they make all the difference, they give us hope that one day we will be ok and that the journey means something. I've been following your posts your words are so beautiful that it's great you have written a play, you are very creative with words. One of my main symptoms today is heaviness in the body, lack of refreshing sleep (I'm sleeping a lot but most of it is toxic) and tinnitus, that's the worst, it's 24/7, I've had it for 1 year, I'm 10 months off [...] 23 years of moderate benzo use. Is your tinnitus gone? I've read on a group on facebook that one lady had it for 7 years! Keep on posting as your words are greatly appreciated! Take care!

Pleasure to meet you, [...]!  I had to look up bromazepam, as it's not marketed in the US. It looks like it's most closely equivalent to valium. Yes, with 23 years of use, I'm not surprised to hear you're still symptomatic and your sleep is toxic. But at least you're getting some sleep and that's a good start. As for the tinnitus - yes, mine did go away (although I still get some mild tinnitus when I'm really pushing myself too hard). I was really fortunate to have an MD of Functional Medicine helping me during recovery, and he recommended Taurine Powder - I full scoop (1 gram) mixed w Tart Cherry juice at bedtime. It worked for me. Didn't make the tinnitus go away completely, but made it bearable. Here's a link to an article about Taurine, you can scroll down to the paragraph about tinnitus. https://www.lifeextension.com/magazine/2013/6/The-Forgotten-Longevity-Benefits-of-Taurine/Page-01

And here's the actual powder I used (although there are others) https://www.amazon.com/Designs-Health-Taurine-Pressure-Support/dp/B000FGXM5Y/ref=sxts_sxwds-bia?crid=11PS7ZLAGC1CC&keywords=taurine+powder&pd_rd_i=B000FGXM5Y&pd_rd_r=e8426965-f2b7-4f68-9c28-fd07503906ac&pd_rd_w=Ex41m&pd_rd_wg=Y2686&pf_rd_p=23754a30-606a-4e0a-ba42-b43d14507217&pf_rd_r=9S131ZTBH52YZEQ300E3&qid=1553030849&s=gateway&sprefix=taur%2Caps%2C142

And i also found this sound machine, used at bedtime on the Summer Nights setting (crickets and peepers), made it much easier to masque the ringing in my ears. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01H6WXUX8/ref=oh_aui_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1 

And regarding the feeling of heaviness in the body - Yes, had that one too! Be kind to your body, and push when you can, but remember to build in extra recovery time. Early on it used to take me 2-3 days to recover from a big push, but that time got shorter and shorter, and now I actually miss having that "quiet time"!

I'm happy to share what worked for me, but I don't want to sound preachy, and certainly everyone has to find what works for their own body. But maybe these things are worth looking into. Not sure about how to find equivalents in Argentina, but I'll bet you're pretty good at that.

And I'd like to compliment you on your English. I wish I had taken my high school Spanish lessons more seriously! :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 5 Years Free and Still Walking the Path to the Sea
« Reply #19 on: March 19, 2019, 10:27:53 pm »
You are beyond kind [...], I'll look for all the things that may improve my tinnitus, but after all what we all need is time and patience! Thanks for being there, you have helped me in my journey with your beautiful words and your experience, you are a God send! Take care!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.