Author Topic: 5 Years Free and Still Walking the Path to the Sea  (Read 2081 times)

[Buddie]

5 Years Free and Still Walking the Path to the Sea
« on: March 16, 2019, 07:39:47 pm »
Today Iím 5 Years Free from klonopin 4mg + xanax 1mg, and feeling more clear-minded and grounded than ever before.

I live about a mile and a half from the ocean. And five years ago that felt like an impossibly long way to walk, because the path to the sea is rocky, with clusters of steep hills to climb.

I remember trying to walk to this path when I was merely 5 Months Free.  It was mid-August and swarms of no-see-um flies were buzzing even louder than the ringing in my ears. The day was hot and humid and I was sweating so much that my glasses fogged up. And my world was still spinning with every step. The hilly terrain made my heart race, and when the pounding got too intense I gave up, and took solace at this stream along the way ó

(stream video 0:26)  https://www.dropbox.com/s/lr1uyfcxygups5v/IMG_0428.m4v?dl=0

I seated myself on this rock and soaked my bare feet and ankles in the shaded water of the woods. I was grateful for the momentís relief, but so discouraged that I could go no further. I never made it to the ocean that day, and wondered if I ever would.
 

It seemed like my body had deserted me. Or had I deserted myself? So much pain and discomfort for so very long had left me dissociated from my own being.

Then the simple act of listening to running water reminded me that there is a flow to life, and we fare better when we try not to resist the current. But at that time I was still trapped in a shallow pool on the sidelines, and the best I could do was watch life flow by.

As it turned out, surrendering to stillness would become the key to my healing. I took time to listen, to look and to breathe. And on that day so early in my freedom, as my beat-up body was comforted by cool water, so too was my spirit released from its prison of pain. Though I could not complete my journey that day, I felt my soul reach up for the sunlight and take root in a soft bed of decomposing leaves. I was strengthened by the beauty of nature.


The ocean continued to wait for me, and as my physical discomforts subsided, the hills became easier to climb. And as months became years, I continued to take each upward step with growing confidence, supported by the well-paced stamina of one who has done battle and lived to tell the tale.

And when I finally made it to the sea, I realized that life is bigger and older and more enduring than any of the discomforts that had plagued me. And that time and patience are so much more than platitudes to see us through. Time and patience are our guides on the path to reclaim our bodies and our lives.

(beach video 0:22) https://www.dropbox.com/s/s1g04l0724vh7ww/IMG_0417.m4v?dl=0

Iím returning today to offer you hope and perspective. Though your discomforts may be overwhelming right now, in time, they will flow away. This too shall pass. Take comfort in my story of repeated attempts to walk to the sea, and in the timeless words of emperor/ warrior/ philosopher/ poet Marcus Aurelius ó


Your spirit is resilient and will carry you through, even when it feels like your body will fail you. And when you look back at your benzo journey from a perspective of hard-won success, you will see that even in the midst of overwhelming pain and suffering, there were indeed gifts that were given along the way that will be yours to keep forever. Hold them in your heart and remember that every step counts.

Wishing you visions and strength, fellow warriors,
Love,
[...]  :smitten:
« Last Edit: March 17, 2019, 12:52:05 am by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 5 Years Free and Still Walking the Path to the Sea
« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2019, 07:50:11 pm »
Beautiful!!! THANK YOU!!!  :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 5 Years Free and Still Walking the Path to the Sea
« Reply #2 on: March 17, 2019, 12:44:12 am »
Hey there!

Love this post....

You are doing so well now [...]! Very evident in the way you articulate your story in this most recent post. Magnificent photos too  :o  :smitten:

Many will truly find hope and inspiration from this most recent update...thanks for sharing this my friend  :hug:  :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 5 Years Free and Still Walking the Path to the Sea
« Reply #3 on: March 17, 2019, 02:40:38 am »

Congratulations on living again!

[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 5 Years Free and Still Walking the Path to the Sea
« Reply #4 on: March 17, 2019, 02:57:01 am »
This is great news. Thanks for sharing. It gives hope to so many of us at the beginning of this journey.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 5 Years Free and Still Walking the Path to the Sea
« Reply #5 on: March 17, 2019, 03:18:20 am »
Thank you so much for your inspirational post that was so wholeheartedly written.  So amazing and gives hope to those of us who want a real life back because life on benzos truly isn't real.  Bless you!   :angel:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 5 Years Free and Still Walking the Path to the Sea
« Reply #6 on: March 17, 2019, 04:16:30 am »
So beautiful! I needed a good dose of this truth and inspiration tonight. Thank you!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 5 Years Free and Still Walking the Path to the Sea
« Reply #7 on: March 17, 2019, 11:49:34 am »
Thank you all for your kind words. Yesterday i had no idea what I would have to say, but I wanted to share something. So I decided to walk the path I have walked so many times before, but this time with the limitations of benzo withdrawal in mind. And I surprised myself. It wasnít just a collection of horrible memories that came back to me; there were actually some aspects of my illness that held beauty. For instance, even though I couldnít move forward very fast, I could use that time in stillness to turn inward, listen and observe more intently than I do when Iím in full motion. This is what I mean by gifts. And I hope all of you are able to discover in this journey new aspects of yourselves that you will keep with you when you have moved through. :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 5 Years Free and Still Walking the Path to the Sea
« Reply #8 on: March 17, 2019, 12:54:32 pm »
This is beautiful [...],  :hug: you sound wonderful and I couldnít be more happy for you.  :smitten:  :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 5 Years Free and Still Walking the Path to the Sea
« Reply #9 on: March 17, 2019, 02:07:30 pm »
[...],

Congrats on feeling better after five years! Did you suffer severe depression because of quitting benzos and has that gotten better in the five years you've been off?
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.