Need my Benzo Buddies - Doctor wants to me to Go back on pills...

Need help! I've been sleeping scattered since Feb. 16 this year, after some crazy months of WD from Ativan and Ambien (good riddance). My initial insomnia has returned, and I've tried light lamps, crazy exercising, chamomile tea, benadryl (not effective), a mirtazapine thrown in here and there (works great and knocks me out for 14 plus hours, so not practical), Tylenol, meditation, Youtube sleep videos (keep me great company through the long nights), and magnesium.

My job let me off for about one more week, and it's better than it was -- I'm getting some nights of six or seven hours between the no sleep -- but I cannot cannot lose my job. I called my doc for some antidepressants or something and he prescribed me Sonata.  Gerrrh! That is just another z-drug. I thought about getting the RX filled and sliding through the rest of the semester (only a few weeks left) then returning to my struggle once summer hits and I can take some real months off work. BUT I don't want to go back to square one. Please give me advice! You are my go-to!  :smitten: :smitten:

You asked for my advice so I will give it to you. Don't bring this problem to your doctor again because there are no arrows in his/her quiver that will be able to help you and doctors tend to give in to their patient's pressure for immediate symptom relief. Going back on a benzo or z-drug now will be like digging yourself into a deeper hole while trying to ignore that you will someday just have to climb out of a deeper hole. You can't ignore this bill and a lot of interest just keeps on compounding if you try.

I too was terrified about the possible loss of my job. In looking back I now understand that increased anxiety comes with the territory while in withdrawal and lack of sleep only makes it worse. People commonly direct this anxiety toward health and career concerns where it tends to snowball. I would actually email my boss at 4am trying to explain why I might not being able to make it work in the morning just to calm myself down in hopes of finally being able to fall asleep. That behavior was more likely to have gotten me fired, but almost 4 years later I am at the same job and actually just got promoted. As it turns out, there is a pretty wide gulf between not being able to do your job and not being able to do it comfortably.

It won't be easy or anywhere near pleasant, but my advice is to keep putting distance between yourself and the last time you took a pill.

Thank you, aloha,

Your reply voiced my concerns exactly. You're sleeping better now, I hope? "If I can just make it until" has been my mantra and rationale for remaining on Ambien as long as I did. I wanted to hold out till my husband had a job, till this latest rough patch at work, till I got tenure... Now, I know those were all excuses. After spring break, I have seven more weeks of school to go, and then I have an entire summer to regulate. This has, in the past, been a convenient time to use the Ambien excuse (or whatever z-drug they prescribe).

Your right of course about digging an even deeper hole... I won't go fill that prescription. We're going camping this next week, so maybe lots of hiking and sleeping outside in a tent will be good for healing! Thanks for the reassuring words.

Best regards,

FS

Everything Aloha said.

I didn’t sleep more than 0-2 hours a night for two years, and it took a while after I jumped to gain a few more hours.

Now I’m sleeping 8-12 hours, whenever I feel like it.

And even though I was afraid that I would, I didn’t lose my (extremely challenging) job.

Please don’t give up!

Thanks, Leslie. I would not have your fortitude to go that long with only 2 hours a night! Wow! Last night, I slept better, so I'm getting there. When we go back to read our journals, we can see the improvement, just seems to take a looooong time.

After my ER visits over Christmas and all the trouble, you'd think my doctor wouldn't go back to another z-drug. It reminds me of the poem by Christina Rossetti, "Goblin Market" where the goblin men say, "Come buy, come buy" to the two sisters. I guess we have to take the responsibility for our own bodies and say "no" to the goblin men...

Best regards,

FS

Leslie ash

I you don’t mind me asking , I have been sleeping like that now for about 10 months I have maybe 2 nights a week that I sleep for 4 hours . How do you cope ? I have done everything right and still no sleep , falling asleep is awful staying asleep is impossible .

Lisa

Tech21,

You already know the answer to your question since you have been coping for 10 months now. All of us who have gone through this have had just as hard of a time as your are having now and we made it...just as you will make it.