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It’s been 3 months since my trigger and the return of withdrawal like symptoms. I am finally getting a better understanding of what’s going on with me but still a huge sense of being overwhelmed.  I’ve been to so many doctors trying to figure it out and they all think I’m just premenopausal. I know it’s somehow related to the trauma of my klonopin use/withdrawal experience.  None of the doctors believe it’s a biological connection- that my GABA receptors we’re permanently affected. I think I was definitely affected by the experience somehow and that there is at least a definite emotional connection.  I think the emotional connection is a big part of the puzzle.  I had 8 good years following my withdrawal recovery. It makes me so sad, scared and confused that I’m experiencing this again. I’m thinking if I can overcome the emotional part it will help settle down whatever is going on in my brain.  Just wondering for those of you who have PTSD from withdrawal what had worked for you in dealing with it.

 

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PTSD here as well. Mine was caused by childhood trauma. This caused the chronic insomnia, which is how I ended up on benzos/Zs. I've had EMDR/CBT therapy for about a year and a half before I decided that I was healed well enough to try to go through WD.

 

Another couple good books are "The Body Keeps the Score", and "The iRest Program for Healing PTSD".

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I'm starting a free course for stopping emotional flashbacks by Richard Grannon.  He can be found on youtube and has a website.  I like him because he's real.  I'm also doing a daily writing practice as taught by the Crappy Childhood Fairy for healing CPTSD on youtube.  I finally feel like I'm well enough to do these things or at least attempt to do them.  Probably won't do it perfectly but I'm on the road.

 

All the best to you all that experience CPTSD, may you find your path to healing.  :smitten:

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I'm starting a free course for stopping emotional flashbacks by Richard Grannon.  He can be found on youtube and has a website.  I like him because he's real.  I'm also doing a daily writing practice as taught by the Crappy Childhood Fairy for healing CPTSD on youtube.  I finally feel like I'm well enough to do these things or at least attempt to do them.  Probably won't do it perfectly but I'm on the road.

 

All the best to you all that experience CPTSD, may you find your path to healing.  :smitten:

 

Can you provide the links?

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Recently I enjoyed this hour long podcast of the Crappy Childhood Fairy which includes instructions on the daily writing practice.

 

 

To get the daily practice instructions only.  (8 minutes long)

 

 

The Richard Grannon  How To Stop An Emotional Flashback  (I am providing the link I was sent, I had to sign up with my email and was sent this free course)

 

http://spartanlifecoach.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/HOW-TO-STOP-AN-EMOTIONAL-FLASHBACK-2018-V4.pdf

 

He has lots of videos on healing CPTSR on youtube.  He uses the R as Response rather than the D for Disorder as the last letter.  I agree with his thinking.

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How many of us here are the "Family Scapegoat"?

 

I bet a lot.

 

Yes, that is me.  I actually had to separate completely from my siblings (5 of them, parents are deceased) during my taper and beyond for self preservation.  I knew I wouldn’t succeed at what I was attempting to do (getting off pdrugs and tossing the label) if they were in my life.  No such thing as love and support in my family of origin.

 

On another CPTSD note ... Shortly after waking this morning, I got thrown into an emotional flashback just from my own inner critic judging me.  I was able to observe it, be with it and allow it to pass using the method as taught by Richard Grannon.  I realized this method is similar to Tara Brach’s RAIN.  Recognize ... Allow ... Investigate ... Nurture.  She’s on YouTube and Dharmaseed.org for anyone interested.  I think the important thing is to be self aware and have a practice for when a flashback occurs.  I going to keep at it because I want to heal my whole life.  :)

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That's great you've found a path to wellness.  :)

 

I do what I can with the tools available.

 

No money for either a new computer or my own Internet connection.

 

Sometimes I just don't know what to do with the grief.  How would my life have been different if I had had some family support?  Useless sentiment, I know, but how to reconcile the cruelty at the hands of my 'loved ones' for very little expendable cash?

 

Lost my kids to parental alienation, too.  If I had money, I'd have a family.

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Grieving the losses we’ve had is a crucial part of healing trauma.  If you’re able to or interested in doing the work, there are Adult Child meetings to help with being raised in a dysfunctional family system (which the majority of people have been).  All kinds of meetings ... in person, phone and online. I do phone meetings myself.  The site to check it out is called Adultchild.org.  Really helps the scapegoats and lost children or whatever your role in your dysfunctional family.  How could families not be dysfunctional as we live in a dysfunctional society?  There is help and hope.
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Thanks, Whoopsie.

 

I tried NA early post jump and rebelled at being coerced into saying I was an "addict".  I'm not.  Also the whole "god" thing creeps me out.  Not a xtian.  Not going to sit in some meeting and agree with shit just to get a modicum of support.  Glad it is helping you.

 

I am seeing a counselor, (medi-cal covers it!) she is a new grad doing her internship and I'm educating her about our lovely "Mental Health" system and the psych meds they push.  Why is there so much resistance to looking at the mileu and focusing on the individual's BRAIN?

 

O I know the answer to that... :P

 

I ultimately don't know that my counselor is helpful in any way other than letting me vent, and reminding me of the techniques I have found somewhat helpful over the years of my iatrogenic nightmare.  But even those tools don't prevent the flashbacks and feelings of abandonment and disgust for what our "culture" has become.  Dog eat dog and whoever has the most money wins...

 

I am always shocked by people's cruelty.

 

and hey, I'm not perfect, either.

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Cookienose ... and others reading or interested or not interested in the 12 Step meetings for healing childhood trauma ... it’s not a religious program but a spiritual one.  Your Higher Power can be whatever you say.  I’m not a Christian either, far from it, I have an aversion to any form of religion as that was part of my childhood abuse.  I actually don’t have a real concept of the life force that keeps this Universe alive but I am getting help, free help, from this group.  Far better than any therapy I’ve ever had and I’ve had lots.  Do whatever you want but I want to make it real clear that 12 Step groups are not religious and people that make it that way are out of line with the traditions of the program.  I avoid them and stick with others that have similar feelings about life as I do for my own emotional safety and comfort which is now of paramount importance.  Namaste 🙏
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Thanks, Whoopsie for explaining.

 

I think spirituality is a personal affair. 

 

Reading the site checklists, "God" is mentioned repeatedly.  Just creeps me out...tried overlooking it but feels coercive.  The NA group was populated with surprising individuals (high powered community members) all working on themselves, I admired them.  But there's something I find oppressive about 12 step programs.

 

Mileage may vary for some of us.

 

Thanks again for the link and the info.  Glad it's available and you find it helpful!

 

 

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It's unfortunate that the original 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous has the word God in it four times and the word Him and His a bunch more times referring to a Fatherly Deity.  There was sure a heavy dose of Christianity in that program from 1935 including the use of the Lords Prayer at the end of meetings.  Many people that are drawn to and need 12 Step meetings have an aversion to that aspect of the program and those that stay anyways are having an influence in making sure that the program is safe for nonreligious people.  I notice that the Christian references are being phased out more and more.  I know it turns me off too.  Believe me.  In the Adult Child program there is an alternate set of Steps offered that do not use the word God at all and certainly no Hims or His either but the word Higher Power is used instead.  I don't know if that bothers you too Cookienose but I can live with that term.  I feel like there is a Higher Self within and that is what I want to tap into, an inner intuitive guiding force.  Anyways, I don't want to come off as preachy but I'd hate people to not check it out based on the fears you present.

 

Here is a link to a random ACA group that uses those 12 Steps which I also use myself and often those Steps are read and focused on in phone meetings as well although the other Steps are sometimes read.  It really turns my stomach when a member will talk about their Christian beliefs in a meeting, (it occasionally happens but not often) for those I have a mute button.  I would never subject myself to that.  I've been told I'm going to hell way too many times to put up with any of that.

 

https://aca-arizona.org/tony-as-original-12-steps/

 

The author of these 12 Steps was the guy who started the ACOA program in the late 1970's.  It was originally for Adult Children of Alcoholics but has grown to include anyone from any type of dysfunctional family where there is no alcoholism or addiction present as the main problem.  It's a good place to focus on Inner Child work for anyone that is into that.  Lots of the members are in therapy as well as ACA and there hasn't been much talk about using "meds" but that also happens occasionally and also the mute button is again engaged for those.  In studying the Big Red Book which is the text used, I have come across several references to pdrugs that do not condone their use.  This one on page xxx, first paragraph, of the chapter titled The Doctors Opinion states "In my clinical experience, psychiatric drugs do not eliminate the effects of childhood trauma, and seldom result in more than superficial improvement or conclusive, long-term benefits." I really like that the text says stuff like that which supports my position and beliefs.

 

Thanks for being open and listening to what I have to say about the program.  I totally respect your decision about attending or not attending as you choose.

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I belonged to a 12 step for a while the Lady who ran it was Wonderful We used to share back and forth a few months ago Her Husband wrote that She had passed as for family that's still living I've never had any support for abuse or for what I going though now Sad really because I have noone
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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi everyone;

 

I just discovered this man on YouTube recently who deals with attachment trauma. He seems to have some things to say that may help with this.

 

 

I’ll just go ahead and take one for the team, with the topic. It went on far too long in my life, and I didn’t understand it, so I’m resolved to listen to what this man is saying.

 

His name is Alan Robarge.

 

He doesn’t just speak on romantic relationship, but all kinds of areas of attachment trauma and how it affects a person.

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  • 3 months later...

Many people that are drawn to and need 12 Step meetings have an aversion to that aspect of the program and those that stay anyways are having an influence in making sure that the program is safe for nonreligious people.  I notice that the Christian references are being phased out more and more. 

 

This is WELCOME information... At the beginning, (history has been buried, but I downloaded the last scraps before Yahoo went south) there was a bit of a struggle, as Both Founders (Bill esp) had background in the Lodge... As well over half the first 20 AA's, who succeeded in "squechling" the puritanic Oxford Influence to some degree. Hence, in spite of the Oxford roots "Direct Preach-ery" hit the cutting floor even back then. I'm hugely grateful of the progress since.

 

It's ESPECIALLY hopeful, though there's barely ACA within 40 miles here... My Son, a principled Agnositc, would find this appealing. He's never seen me actively "wet", but - especially witnessing this "Benzo Dependency" and attempt (so far) to Recover...

 

I wish the resource was more available here.

 

THANK YoU :smitten:

LC

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  • 10 months later...
I was diagnosed with ptsd leading into tolerance. I was definitely feeling hyper vigilant, exaggerated Startle response And anxiety before it started, but hard to tell if it was because I was building tolerance or because I actually had developed ptsd. Either way, I am severely traumatized by what has happened to me at the hands of drs, so do I have ptsd now. Most definitely
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  • 1 month later...

I still have an exaggerated startle response.  This makes me think I am not healing from trauma so far.  I think I AM healing a lot from benzos and their damage.  Does anyone know about any treatments for trauma?  (other than drugs).  I am so curious about this.  I recently listened to some Mad In America podcasts and heard more than one person say that their opinion of mental illness, is that most or all of it, anxiety, mania, depression, is caused by some sort of trauma.  This leads me to think I have unresolved trauma, and so do a lot of us! 

 

I found one resource that kind of made sense recently.  It said to constantly make yourself aware of how safe you are now.  Like I do feel pretty safe in my house and with covid, there's not even a lot going on outside the house.  But I STILL have a crazy reactive startle reaction.  I have screamed with fear for just my husband entering the room, more than once. 

 

I ordered the book, "The Body Keeps the Score" and am interested in what it will have to say.

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EMDR helps with trauma

Neurofeedback helps a lot with anxiety and depression as well

 

You need to find a licensed therapist who can perform this, but it does work great I hear.

 

I have had traumatic things in my life that have happened to me - lost a identical twin daughter at birth.

 

However, I worked very hard over the past 14 years to resolve all that trauma.

Lots of therapy and antidepressants that I successfully came off of 5 years ago.

I did a lot of neurofeedback in the past few years - to show my ADHD daughter it was safe.

I was in the most happiest place and least stressful and least anxious time of my life.

For me this literally started with antibiotics disrupting my microbiome and caused this physiological anxiety inside me that I cannot even describe - it was awful.

This led me to zopiclone, as this weird anxiety would wake me up at 3 am - jolt me out of bed.

I wasn't anxious about anything.

Then I got sick and suspected pneumonia, so more antibiotics, which led to the most intolerable anxiety and panic in me I've ever felt, it was from the drug. My heart has never been the same. The weird HR increases led me to use Ativan.

And this is where I sit now, in this hell of wd that I didn't even plan and I can't even get off this drug.

 

All the anxiety I'm currently having is from this drug, as well as the anxiety of the situation I'm now in of course.

 

So while a lot of people have unresolved trauma, there are some that find themselves in this position purely from the use of medicines and drugs.

 

I do think I'll have some form of PTSD from all of this experience!

I already don't trust any doctor now!

 

WinnieDog

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I’ve tried EMDR I don’t think it did anything. But again I’m not 100% sure I have ptsd from what the therapist said I had it for at least. She was focusing on my brother passing away. I think she needed to focus on wd and anxiety. I was also prescribed prozazin which is spose to help and that also did nothing.

 

But both these have good success rates in the ptsd community so I think trying these is a good idea if ur suffering. Prozasin is only an old blood pressure med so it’s not a benzo or ad and it’s helped some people with nightmares by blocking adrenaline.

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I have really bad PTSD from my damaged nervous system.  I cannot handle anything anymore without severe panic and confusion, fear, etc.  These drugs have destroyed my body!  It's criminal.  Someone should be in jail for injuring me so much.
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