Author Topic: PTSD Club  (Read 4642 times)

[Buddie]

Re: PTSD Club
« Reply #10 on: March 13, 2019, 07:01:43 pm »
For me, there may always be some physiological response to PTSD no matter how much I heal from a psychological perspective. Maybe not. I’m thinking this is more subtle and insidious in complicated PTSD.

When I was recovering from an acute phase of PTSD, and still living and breathing it, I remember driving with my sister in the car. It was a semi-heated conversation we were having and I was at a left turn signal. When the signal turned green, I turned and the sunlight changed rapidly...I threw up my right hand quickly to avoid a perceived blow (in my mind of course but to my body it might as well have been an impending blow). That really drove home my state of mind and body at the time...neurologically sensitized in a perpetual trauma response. I’m exponentially improved but that trickster still crops up. For years, I have been discovering environmental triggers, no matter how tiny. The more I have discovered, the greater I appreciate the primitive brain’s strength and from that the “spirit’s” strength for lack of a better word at the moment.

So for children, who are still in the process of development, the true understanding of the trauma isn’t always present and the trauma’s imprint on the brain greater. Personality, behaviors, interpersonal and intrapersonal dynamics affected...self care, low self esteem, seeking not what is best for us but what our trauma brain knows, turning to situations or people that are like the initial situation or person(s) because our brain may be telling us that’s what we deserve. Then poof...we break through that imprint just a little and the facade cracks or the floodgates open. Do we choose to drown it out, pretend it’s not there or look at it and sit with it? It’s hard for me to put it all into words right now. Maybe that’s the benzo brain or maybe I’m not yet ready to shed another little piece of it now. Every day I grow a little more. These past few months, there’s been a lot of growth. It’s kinda crazy but it’s positive.

Annie

« Last Edit: March 13, 2019, 07:16:10 pm by [Buddie] »
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[Buddie]

Re: PTSD Club
« Reply #11 on: March 13, 2019, 07:05:46 pm »
I’d like to follow, thank you for creating this area.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: PTSD Club
« Reply #12 on: March 13, 2019, 07:21:53 pm »
I remember sitting with my husband about a month ago and he was under the assumption that I may once again care if he threatened to leave me. I actually think he knew I changed and wanted to see if I had. He pulled that silly veiled threat again and I looked him in the eyes and I told him I didn’t care. I told him if he wants to leave, to go ahead and then I very truthfully said to him without any knowledge I was going to say it that I didn’t care anymore because “I don’t hate myself anymore.” It felt right. It was my truth.  :)
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: PTSD Club
« Reply #13 on: March 13, 2019, 07:23:56 pm »
I love both of your last posts today here Annie. Thank you so much.  :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: PTSD Club
« Reply #14 on: March 13, 2019, 07:35:12 pm »
Thank you so much [...].  :smitten: That really means a lot to me.

Annie  :)
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: PTSD Club
« Reply #15 on: March 13, 2019, 07:55:09 pm »
Welcome everyone!  It's so nice to have a place to talk about this.  I often wonder if any type of anxiety could be linked to some sort of trauma that happened to someone in their lives.  I am kind of driving myself nuts trying to figure out what incident, if any, actually caused my PTSD.  I feel like if I could just pinpoint it, then I could start getting better quicker.  I can remember feeling paranoid of people being out to get me, just because I went on benzos.  Does anyone know if being paranoid, suspicious and thinking people are out to get you is part of PTSD? 
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: PTSD Club
« Reply #16 on: March 13, 2019, 09:45:59 pm »
YES Annie!!  Way to go!!  Like [...], can relate totally to both posts.  Feels good, doesn't it, to come home...
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: PTSD Club
« Reply #17 on: March 14, 2019, 01:22:04 pm »
I was reading this list of common symptoms and it does include distrust of others.  This gives me hope.  https://themighty.com/2019/03/habits-living-with-complex-ptsd/

[...]-  Your description about the trauma always being present according to the brain is spot on. 
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: PTSD Club
« Reply #18 on: March 14, 2019, 01:35:28 pm »
I was reading this list of common symptoms and it does include distrust of others.  This gives me hope.  https://themighty.com/2019/03/habits-living-with-complex-ptsd/

I haven’t felt I fit into the PTSD experience so much from anything in my childhood or adolescence but I relate to everything in this article - EVERYTHING.  I had been living in benzo hell for years and it took a huge toll. I don’t have the classical “flashbacks” per se but “what-ifs” and “emotional flashbacks” can send me spiraling. Everything else is spot on.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: PTSD Club
« Reply #19 on: March 14, 2019, 04:47:34 pm »
[...] [et al]

thanks so much for your kind + thoughtful advice.... v grateful for your care + concern.

in a very dark place right now -- struggling w/ 3rd failed Ashton c/o... feels like a double c/t..... the latest in a huge catalogue of errors.

back to square 1.... more setbacks = more disability.

re-living the repeating failures to get off these benzos has got me at the end of my rope.

this has become chronic PTSD in desperately trying to taper but not totally lose mobility.

it just keeps getting worse -- physical sxs snowballing for months + untreated due to effects of meds + immobility combined... so i fear i will never heal physically, like joints, tendons, etc. 

tried osteopathy months ago -- barely coped + it just made things worse / rebound. 

sorry to sound so down.... maybe i'm in the wrong place here.... just losing hope :(

many thanks to anyone reading this anyway, otherwise feel as if crying out in a void x
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.