I really dont feel I can do this...

I lost my job...

I have enough savings to pay for work insurance until the end of the year, choose this instead of medicaid because my local hospital doesn't accept medicaid for psych, and I've been there twice for it.

my psychiartist also doesnt accept medicaid but I dont really want to see her anymore anyway.

I'm trying to take this one second at a time, but things are so overwhelming!

 

I felt better after I made a cut, and then it went downhill again?

I cant be switched to valium and most likely it would be a bad idea anyway as I'm already very depressed.

 

This is my first withdrawal, unless you count one time uses? I've withdrawn from so many other meds, (tried every AD in the book), and that was easy compared to this.

I seriously feel like I'm losing it.

I cant work, ....applied for SSDI but doubt I'll get it (although my 10 er visits in 3 months might help, who knows)

I cant exercise, I feel like I have to vomit and my heartrate goes crazy...

I'm so lost, tried crisis hotlines and they just tell me to go to the hospital...

 

You're in a really tough situation and I am so sorry.  Oh, Byrjun, I wish I could reach through this screen and give you a hug.   

 

We love you here unconditionally. You must know that.  You are invaluable. 

 

It's really dark, but you will prevail and be better for it.  I know you don't feel that way right now and really need some support. 

 

Is there anyone, family or friend or neighbor, you can call?  Someone you trust? 

 

Please keep us posted.

 

Sending all my love,

 

sierra 

 

 

 

Hi Byrjun, I’m so sorry to hear this. Please hang on. I’m following these posts and thinking of you. It sounds like it was a good idea to stay with your current insurance. Can you get lined up with a new doc? Sometimes that can mean a world of difference if you find a good one. How about a therapist to work with? Please keep posting here too. And I agree about family, friends, or neighbors. Please let them know what’s going on if you can trust them. Sending hope and serenity to you.

Thank you both so much! Your kind words are really appreciated

 

I emailed a new psych, (well a nurse practitioner like I have already) and I'm going to call the only benzo wise doctor who is in my area on monday.

That sounds like a good plan.  The benzo-wise doctor especially.  Don’t hesitate to PM if you want a more immediate and direct response.  I’m around. 

That sounds like a good plan.  The benzo-wise doctor especially.  Don’t hesitate to PM if you want a more immediate and direct response.  I’m around. 

 

Youve always been such a sweetheart Seltz, I really appreciate it. I hope when I'm healed I can stay around and help others

I hope you will be okay.

Im angrybtoday at bb. People telling me things. Listen to your doctors. Ibthink going into hospital is not bad. They try and help.

 

Too many benzo ppl here makes me scared. I cant believe what i did. I wont make it. You might. You seem strong and  vaoable You can do things. I am scared and weak and fragile. I am falling apart here. I wish i had stopped sooner.

 

Listen to the doctors.

Thank you both so much! Your kind words are really appreciated

 

I emailed a new psych, (well a nurse practitioner like I have already) and I'm going to call the only benzo wise doctor who is in my area on monday.

 

Sounds like a good plan, Byrjun!  Thanks for keeping us posted. 

 

You've helped many people on these boards by reaching out and sharing your experiences & showing you care.  That's truly valuable. 

 

We're all vulnerable here, so the more each of us helps the others, we're all better off for it. 

 

This is a beautiful community - strangers helping strangers.  Each of us has purpose.  You're an integral part.  I'm glad you're here. 

 

xo,

sierra 

I hope you will be okay.

Im angrybtoday at bb. People telling me things. Listen to your doctors. Ibthink going into hospital is not bad. They try and help.

 

Too many benzo ppl here makes me scared. I cant believe what i did. I wont make it. You might. You seem strong and  vaoable You can do things. I am scared and weak and fragile. I am falling apart here. I wish i had stopped sooner.

 

Listen to the doctors.

Oh mama you'll be okay!

I'm weak and fragile too, always have been, sickly kid sickly teen sickly young adult. I got a break when I started klonopin, it was a miracle drug....or so I thought

Then it turned on me.

It sucks that it does so little for me but there's still withdrawals!

I really do want to go back to the hospital but I'm sure they'll just rip me off the benzos and give me something so i dont seize...

If my heart could handle it I would do it, but its so fast that I can't get out of bed without problems  :'(

Oh well, I guess I'm in for a long taper

I lost my job...

I have enough savings to pay for work insurance until the end of the year, choose this instead of medicaid because my local hospital doesn't accept medicaid for psych, and I've been there twice for it.

my psychiartist also doesnt accept medicaid but I dont really want to see her anymore anyway.

I'm trying to take this one second at a time, but things are so overwhelming!

 

I felt better after I made a cut, and then it went downhill again?

I cant be switched to valium and most likely it would be a bad idea anyway as I'm already very depressed.

 

This is my first withdrawal, unless you count one time uses? I've withdrawn from so many other meds, (tried every AD in the book), and that was easy compared to this.

I seriously feel like I'm losing it.

I cant work, ....applied for SSDI but doubt I'll get it (although my 10 er visits in 3 months might help, who knows)

I cant exercise, I feel like I have to vomit and my heartrate goes crazy...

I'm so lost, tried crisis hotlines and they just tell me to go to the hospital...

 

 

Byrjun, I am here if you need me so PM me also. Praying for you as always!

 

PG

I lost my job...

I have enough savings to pay for work insurance until the end of the year, choose this instead of medicaid because my local hospital doesn't accept medicaid for psych, and I've been there twice for it.

my psychiartist also doesnt accept medicaid but I dont really want to see her anymore anyway.

I'm trying to take this one second at a time, but things are so overwhelming!

 

I felt better after I made a cut, and then it went downhill again?

I cant be switched to valium and most likely it would be a bad idea anyway as I'm already very depressed.

 

This is my first withdrawal, unless you count one time uses? I've withdrawn from so many other meds, (tried every AD in the book), and that was easy compared to this.

I seriously feel like I'm losing it.

I cant work, ....applied for SSDI but doubt I'll get it (although my 10 er visits in 3 months might help, who knows)

I cant exercise, I feel like I have to vomit and my heartrate goes crazy...

I'm so lost, tried crisis hotlines and they just tell me to go to the hospital...

 

 

Byrjun, I am here if you need me so PM me also. Praying for you as always!

 

PG

Thank you PG

So sorry to hear about your current situation. Sounds like you have a history of depression - that's can be really rough going - I know something about that. I avoid stress any way I can because it can spin out of control so easily and so follows the depression/anxiety etc. But I know it's hard not to be stressed out given the crisis situation we often find ourselves in with the whole Benzo dealing with financial issues or even just trying to sort things out. I went through the SSDI process - now awaiting my second court hearing - having won the appeal to the first hearing and having the case remanded. The issue I'm trying to overcome is that I look fine on the outside and can't convey the mental anguish I'm going through, on the inside. Optics can have a huge impact - so if you can easily display the emotional state you are currently in, it carries a lot of weight in your favor. This time I'm going to have an expert witness by my psychiatrist. Also, the reports from you physicians is important - though the judge in my case didn't consider the weight of those. Has been 5 years since I lost my job, career and car and SSDI application and I really cannot afford to lose this time. The Benzo ordeal has been a nightmare as were the other MH issues I had that caused the job loss. I'm in California though so at least I was able to get state disability. Hope you have help/support towards all of which you are facing.

So sorry to hear about your current situation. Sounds like you have a history of depression - that's can be really rough going - I know something about that. I avoid stress any way I can because it can spin out of control so easily and so follows the depression/anxiety etc. But I know it's hard not to be stressed out given the crisis situation we often find ourselves in with the whole Benzo dealing with financial issues or even just trying to sort things out. I went through the SSDI process - now awaiting my second court hearing - having won the appeal to the first hearing and having the case remanded. The issue I'm trying to overcome is that I look fine on the outside and can't convey the mental anguish I'm going through, on the inside. Optics can have a huge impact - so if you can easily display the emotional state you are currently in, it carries a lot of weight in your favor. This time I'm going to have an expert witness by my psychiatrist. Also, the reports from you physicians is important - though the judge in my case didn't consider the weight of those. Has been 5 years since I lost my job, career and car and SSDI application and I really cannot afford to lose this time. The Benzo ordeal has been a nightmare as were the other MH issues I had that caused the job loss. I'm in California though so at least I was able to get state disability. Hope you have help/support towards all of which you are facing.

Bless you! Ill be praying for you!