Depressive nightmares

Does anyone have dark and ugly nightmares? Mine are getting for frequent and more troubling. I wake up feeling so guilty for the terrible person I am in the dreams and then panic/anxiety sets in. My overall state is getting worse as far as depression and sensitivity to stress. The slightest noise at night causes me to jump and feel a painful shock in the mid section. I honestly feel I'm going insane, having a harder time thinking straight and everything about me just seems to be going further downhill. Have yet to have windows or see any light or signs of an end to this tunnel. Am trying to hang in there, waiting for the 2nd SSDI hearing - so if anything happens there would be something to leave to my wife. She's stuck by me where most couples would break it off. I've burned most those bridges now and cannot blame anyone. Seems this Benzo thing really unravels the dark cornerstones in the mind and I can hardly bare the person I see in the mirror. I'm on pretty high dosages on other (addictive) psyche meds and they seem to be failing. I have a history of depression, OCD etc. - as did my mom when I was about 7. My brother took his life from depression as did 2 cousins. My family is all gone now, lost my job, career, car, assets and feel so lousy living off my wife's small income. I've sought support with a spiritual group but they are telling me I need to "hit bottom" and stop using the "Benzo excuse". I am bed ridden most of the time and can contribute little to ease her burden. Am trying to play music as stress permits - can't really play well at all anymore but it's at least something. I hang out with the cat that comes by everyday. Not a lot of options at this point.

I feel like I'm living a dark nightmare half the time, if that helps. I don't usually remember much from my dreams at night though.

 

You've been off the Seroquel and Clonazepam since August 2016, Catt? Sounds like that must have been pretty rough. Have you improved over the last couple years? You were on a hell of a dose of Clonazepam. Hang in there.

Phosphatidylserine made from Sun Lecithin removes Depression.  It is as good as or even better than Antidepressants.

I feel like I'm living a dark nightmare half the time, if that helps. I don't usually remember much from my dreams at night though.

 

You've been off the Seroquel and Clonazepam since August 2016, Catt? Sounds like that must have been pretty rough. Have you improved over the last couple years? You were on a hell of a dose of Clonazepam. Hang in there.

 

It's been a nightmare since getting off. The depression is getting worse it seems - not sure why. I may have overdone it - causing further damage - hopefully not permanent. One day at a time.

Either very dark or very weird.

 

Better since I'm on lyrica, but I dont think its helping withdrawal at all, just helping me sleep a little.

 

Many dreams where I die.

I feel like I'm living a dark nightmare half the time, if that helps. I don't usually remember much from my dreams at night though.

 

You've been off the Seroquel and Clonazepam since August 2016, Catt? Sounds like that must have been pretty rough. Have you improved over the last couple years? You were on a hell of a dose of Clonazepam. Hang in there.

 

It's been a nightmare since getting off. The depression is getting worse it seems - not sure why. I may have overdone it - causing further damage - hopefully not permanent. One day at a time.

 

Catt, what do you mean "overdone it"? Overexerted yourself?

 

I found that after I jumped of Clonazepam after long term use that I became intolerant to the other medications I was taking. I'm not really sure why that happens to some people.

 

I see you're still on fairly large doses of Effexor and Gabapentin. Either of those could be making things worse. They're not really tested beyond 1 year trials, and most trials are 3-6 months at most. Almost every one of these drugs is capable of inducing various other mental disorders, or just a feeling of malaise. Not saying that is happening in your case, but it is a possibility. I hope you start improving soon, you had a hell of a withdrawal.