Author Topic: Phoenix rising: long-term user, extreme insomniac, emerges from the ashes  (Read 9013 times)

[Buddie]

Re: Phoenix rising: long-term user, extreme insomniac, emerges from the ashes
« Reply #80 on: October 11, 2019, 07:50:39 pm »
i need words of encouragement. i started down this path because of a stress induced bought of insomnia. now i am not sleeping for weeks. i dont know what to do. i dont think [...] go on like this for much longer. i perhaps went off things too fast and everything was mis managed. i dont know. i cant find any doctors who know about ambien tolerance, withdrawl, temazapam protracted withdrrawl...now im on a low dose of remeron again which isnt even helping. i feel like im not going to make it. please help.

I remember that feeling-that I wouldn't make it. Unfortunately, it can become a mantra that we repeat over and over: "[...]'t do it. I'm not going to make it." Even, "I just want to die." When we do this we're essentially programming our computer with these messages. I understand, these messages are strong and loud but they need something to counter them.

I recommend that you develop some new words to live by, something like, "This is really tough but [...] get through this one day at a time" or "I have the strength to do this." Strength often doesn't feel strong but is the determination to keep going. As silly as Galaxy Quest was, I often had to repeat to myself, "Never give up, never surrender."

In reality, you CAN survive this. Going without sleep is definitely torture but it's not permanent. Your body and mind needs [...]. You can survive on [...] even without sleep. That's why things like doing the guided body scan or any form of meditation is helpful. You can meditate all night long. When sleep deprived your mind will be all over the place but with someone talking you through this you can do it. Here are some resources:

https://www.mindfulness-solution.com/DownloadMeditations.html

http://sittingtogether.com/meditations.php

Listening to books on audio or nonstimulating podcasts at night can also provide [...]. I listen to Lightspeed or Clarkesworld for free science-fiction and fantasy. I'm sure there are other genres available. It gives your brain something to do other than obsess about sleep. Obsessing about sleep is a sleep killer. You have to start programming yourself with the belief that, regardless of the amount of sleep you did or didn't get, you can get through this next day, even if it's one hour at a time.

[...]'t emphasize enough the importance of looking for even teeny, tiny things that are going well, that you can be grateful for. Perhaps you have a roof over your head so that while not sleeping, at least you can have some level of comfort and safety. Are there trees or flowers near you? When did you last watch a sunrise or sunset? Can you go out and hear the laughter of a small child, or even an adult? Do you have clean water? Were you able to dress yourself today?

You absolutely can make it through this. Time is distorted and this feels like forever, but it isn't and it won't be. Take comfort in the fact that there are thousands of people all over the planet going through this. You may not know them, most aren't on BB, but you aren't alone. On BB a bunch of us have been through this and come to the other side. That was once a fictional land of unicorns and rainbows but it ultimately happened. My life isn't perfect because of my pre-existing health issues, but benzo hell is behind me. One day it will be for you as well. And you will be so proud of yourself for being such a bad ass survivor.

MT

Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Phoenix rising: long-term user, extreme insomniac, emerges from the ashes
« Reply #81 on: December 12, 2019, 12:52:16 pm »
How are you doing MT? Your recovery has been really amazing. People could not do much better than follow your advice. I think you provide a great template for everyone. Do you still have symptoms? How is your functionality relative to the last few decades?

Hope you're doing well and congrats :)
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Phoenix rising: long-term user, extreme insomniac, emerges from the ashes
« Reply #82 on: December 12, 2019, 10:28:45 pm »
I'm thankful to read a success story from someone else who was severely poly-drugged.
I definitely identify with your symptoms.
I look forward to the day [...] write a success story of my own.
Thank you for taking the time to write this, MT!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Phoenix rising: long-term user, extreme insomniac, emerges from the ashes
« Reply #83 on: December 12, 2019, 11:39:19 pm »
Data guy and [...],

Thank you for the positive comments. This is a long road and it can feel like forever, but you, and everyone else, will see yourself progress as long as you stay in the fight. Your success stories will be such a gift to others.

My functionality is dramatically different from the past two decades. Even though I still have CFS, which bites, I exercise around 4-5 hours a week, can hike 5-9 miles (I've done more but it leaves me destroyed for a week or two), and am more active with household chores  and social interaction than I've ever been. I used to spend the vast majority of my time lying down and now I'm up all day some days and the vast majority of the day the [...]. It's still not what a "normal" would be doing without CFS but outstanding for me.

I've been working the program from Unlearn Your Pain/Unlearn Your Anxiety and Depression (those are two different books and he has a website: https://www.unlearnyourpain.com/) because I believe that following it [...] further decrease my CFS symptoms, and maybe even get over it since others have.

My only remaining clear wd symptom is a mild facial paresthesia-it feels wet and tingly. My sleep isn't great-I get around 6 hours, sometimes 7, most nights with 3-4 wakeups. However, it's not that much different from other women my age and sleep issues are common with CFS and in my family so this may be 100% unrelated to wd. I first had insomnia when I was 11. Still, considering all of the meds and 27 years of continuously using sedating medications at night, even if it is related to the meds, it's not a bad outcome. [...] live with this and I feel grateful every day for the sleep I do get. When I have a bad night I consider myself a fellow member of the human race. Once I opened up my ears I discovered how many normals struggle with sleep. Those of us in recovery don't have a monopoly on suffering but it's easy to get in that mindset.

I'll be 5 years off on Saturday and I'm excited about that. That felt impossible for a long time but I made myself press on and try to believe.

Be kind to yourselves. And others.

MT
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Phoenix rising: long-term user, extreme insomniac, emerges from the ashes
« Reply #84 on: December 16, 2019, 04:48:03 pm »
Congratulations [...] :thumbsup:  Thank you for sharing your success story.  You are such an inspiration!

I am dealing with pre-existing health conditions, too but, feel that benzo symptoms are mainly behind me now .  I would like to share a success story soon in hopes that it may help others.

[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Phoenix rising: long-term user, extreme insomniac, emerges from the ashes
« Reply #85 on: December 16, 2019, 10:47:49 pm »
Congratulations [...] :thumbsup:  Thank you for sharing your success story.  You are such an inspiration!

I am dealing with pre-existing health conditions, too but, feel that benzo symptoms are mainly behind me now .  I would like to share a success story soon in hopes that it may help others.

[...]

I look forward to reading your success story. It's so hard to believe it will happen when you're still in the thick of it. Hope can me a dark, slippery critter. But it's there, waiting and it's all the sweeter for the time it felt absent.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Phoenix rising: long-term user, extreme insomniac, emerges from the ashes
« Reply #86 on: December 17, 2019, 11:30:49 am »
Data guy and [...],

Thank you for the positive comments. This is a long road and it can feel like forever, but you, and everyone else, will see yourself progress as long as you stay in the fight. Your success stories will be such a gift to others.

My functionality is dramatically different from the past two decades. Even though I still have CFS, which bites, I exercise around 4-5 hours a week, can hike 5-9 miles (I've done more but it leaves me destroyed for a week or two), and am more active with household chores  and social interaction than I've ever been. I used to spend the vast majority of my time lying down and now I'm up all day some days and the vast majority of the day the [...]. It's still not what a "normal" would be doing without CFS but outstanding for me.

I've been working the program from Unlearn Your Pain/Unlearn Your Anxiety and Depression (those are two different books and he has a website: https://www.unlearnyourpain.com/) because I believe that following it [...] further decrease my CFS symptoms, and maybe even get over it since others have.

My only remaining clear wd symptom is a mild facial paresthesia-it feels wet and tingly. My sleep isn't great-I get around 6 hours, sometimes 7, most nights with 3-4 wakeups. However, it's not that much different from other women my age and sleep issues are common with CFS and in my family so this may be 100% unrelated to wd. I first had insomnia when I was 11. Still, considering all of the meds and 27 years of continuously using sedating medications at night, even if it is related to the meds, it's not a bad outcome. [...] live with this and I feel grateful every day for the sleep I do get. When I have a bad night I consider myself a fellow member of the human race. Once I opened up my ears I discovered how many normals struggle with sleep. Those of us in recovery don't have a monopoly on suffering but it's easy to get in that mindset.

I'll be 5 years off on Saturday and I'm excited about that. That felt impossible for a long time but I made myself press on and try to believe.

Be kind to yourselves. And others.

MT

Thanks for the response MT. Looking at all the drugs you were prescribed, I'm still pretty astounded that you recovered in the time you did. I think maybe you have [...] superpowers and that the CFS is merely an annoying hitchhiker that comes along for the ride :)

Happy anniversary in advance  :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Phoenix rising: long-term user, extreme insomniac, emerges from the ashes
« Reply #87 on: December 17, 2019, 12:48:17 pm »
Oh how I [...] this post and this thread. I am in a tsunami, not a wave....and the advice to take this an hour at a time is spot on. Survival is far from my mind, but this minute, this hour, is my battleground. And I absolutely will incorporate cultivating joy in myself by nurturing and vicariously celebrating the joyful things my loved ones are doing. Thank you.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Phoenix rising: long-term user, extreme insomniac, emerges from the ashes
« Reply #88 on: December 18, 2019, 03:56:20 am »
Thank you for sharing! I will now get up in the morning saying...Never give up! Never surrender!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Phoenix rising: long-term user, extreme insomniac, emerges from the ashes
« Reply #89 on: December 18, 2019, 05:29:56 am »
What are your cfs symptoms that are still present? Iím 20 months off and Iím afraid I have cfs not wd. I took afivan for anxiety. Now being off I have seneroy issues, full fuzzy heavy head. Overstimulation VERay easy. Fatigue. Hard to tell whatís what. I know my anxiety did not feel this way before I took Ativan. [...]ít even handle taking to people if they come to the door it makes me head all heavy and fuzzy. Canít be out of my house linger than an hour else itís too much and I have to lay in a dark quiet room. From the time I wake up until I go to bed everyday no change same crap differnt day.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.