Author Topic: Phoenix rising: long-term user, extreme insomniac, emerges from the ashes  (Read 5702 times)

[Buddie]

[...],

Recovery is real. Even if it takes a long time or if there are some lingering issues, [...] tell you adamantly, the fight is worth it. This is something I questioned repeatedly while in the thick of it so I just had to trust the ones who walked before me. I'm pulling for you.

MT

Thank you so much for that reassurance. 
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

[...],

Recovery is real. Even if it takes a long time or if there are some lingering issues, [...] tell you adamantly, the fight is worth it. This is something I questioned repeatedly while in the thick of it so I just had to trust the ones who walked before me. I'm pulling for you.

MT

Thank you so much for that reassurance.

 :thumbsup: :smitten: :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Just wanted to pop in the comments and thank you so much for sharing your story...all of it. To the poly-drugging, to the severe insomnia and to the daily reminders to keep chugging through it.

I also remember a pharmacist handing me my prescriptions and kindly saying "sweetheart, I don't know how you are walking and talking. These are enough drugs to put a horse in a coma."

I was so sick and sleeping much of the day.  It didn't occur to me that it was the drugs making me so sick! I was mentally numb and not putting it all together. But what she said stuck with me and served as a wake-up call. It took me years, as well, to taper and withdraw from 7 drugs. But I did it and couldn't be happier.

The sad thing is realizing all the lost years and lost opportunities from being under the influence. But I'm alive and recovering so there is hope for a redefined future.

Thankfully, the underlying condition of depression has not returned (which got me into this mess to begin with) but I am still suffering from cognitive issues which vary from day to day (those dementia type symptoms). I have trouble with concentration, comprehension, memory, some akathisia, some headaches, skin burning & flushing  and insomnia. I now sleep about four hours at night, which I suppose is not bad, but desperately need more.

I am praying for complete [...] of my cognitive symptoms. Thankfully, they have improved some but I still have a long way to go.

Just want to commend you on a wonderful success story. It was so beautifully written and really touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes!

 :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

[...],

Our stories sure share a lot in common. I'm so thankful for those health care providers who choose to speak up and express concern even if it feels like they're being blown off. Those words stick somewhere. It just takes a lot of [...] to decide to get off of drugs when you thought they were helping you.

Like you, I've been pleasantly surprised that the depression that really started the ball rolling, hasn't been a big issue. I was very depressed the first year or so of wd and I've had a couple of episodes but they were manageable, and mostly briefer than what I used to have. They also were far less frequent or severe than they were on meds for depression!

I worry about my cognitive capacity as well. I don't feel as smart as I was before coming off drugs but I often wonder how much of that is that I'm not medicating the anxiety about how well I'm thinking, I'm more self-conscious of any memory problems, and because I'm not taking a stimulant anymore. Some of it is clearly associated with the insomnia and fatigue. But I've learned to compensate for it. I write a lot down, use reminders on my phone, and plan ahead for everything possible. Like you, I'm hoping that the remaining symptoms improve with time and [...] extend myself the grace and compassion for whatever difficulties I have or that arise. Being human involves limitations and ultimately we all have to adapt to them.

I hope you see many improvements and can embrace the many present moments along the way.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

I worry about my cognitive capacity as well. I don't feel as smart as I was before coming off drugs but I often wonder how much of that is that I'm not medicating the anxiety about how well I'm thinking, I'm more self-conscious of any memory problems, and because I'm not taking a stimulant anymore. Some of it is clearly associated with the insomnia and fatigue. But I've learned to compensate for it. I write a lot down, use reminders on my phone, and plan ahead for everything possible. Like you, I'm hoping that the remaining symptoms improve with time and [...] extend myself the grace and compassion for whatever difficulties I have or that arise. Being human involves limitations and ultimately we all have to adapt to them.

I hope you see many improvements and can embrace the many present moments along the way.

Thanks, [...]!

It did take a lot of bravery to get off all these drugs and I guess I need to remind myself of that more. We are all very brave individuals who chose to put our health and well-being first, as scary as the process has been.

I finally started logging every little detail/accomplishemnt of my day in a calendar because I couldn't remember anything. I got sick of asking my boyfriend "what did we do yesterday?"

I also play the brain training game, Lumosity, everyday and even after a year, the memory portion is still my absolute worst category. My second worst is math as [...] barely remember elementary level math. I have used flash cards, but my memory will not hold the info.

This is very scary but I have noticed some improvement over time, so I have to maintain hope that more improvement will come.

I truly hope that you will keep us abreast of any improvements, especially in the cognitive department. I don't hear enough about cognitive/intellectual impairment and recovery in the community...hoping and praying that it exists!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

[...],

I complain about my cognitive issues but they're mild enough that [...] work in my job in health care two days a week and I'm always studying and learning stuff. It just takes me longer and material doesn't stick very well. It takes a lot of repetition. I've pretty much given up on memorization. I used to try to memorize Bible passages and it would take me a couple of weeks and I'd still mess up a 1-2 sentence passage. So frustrating! But there are worse things!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Yes, you are right, there are worse things. It just is very hard to process the comparison to how we used to be mentally and to how we are now.
Thankfully, we have google to look things up and calculators for math.
Wish I didn't have to use those tools, but such is the current situation.
Ironic, right, how when I had the capacity for memorization I used those tools, when I didn't need to, but now I NEED them.

Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Phoenix rising: long-term user, extreme insomniac, emerges from the ashes
« Reply #77 on: October 11, 2019, 05:49:38 pm »
i need words of encouragement. i started down this path because of a stress induced bought of insomnia. now i am not sleeping for weeks. i dont know what to do. i dont think [...] go on like this for much longer. i perhaps went off things too fast and everything was mis managed. i dont know. i cant find any doctors who know about ambien tolerance, withdrawl, temazapam protracted withdrrawl...now im on a low dose of remeron again which isnt even helping. i feel like im not going to make it. please help.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Phoenix rising: long-term user, extreme insomniac, emerges from the ashes
« Reply #78 on: October 11, 2019, 06:07:31 pm »
You made me cry at work!!   :laugh: Thank you for this. Gratitude is huge and so is giving others hope. Positive emotions override the negative and your brain heals more because of it.

This story fills me up with the hope that good people do exist in a world that can often seem so dark, especially for benzo sufferers.

God bless you...thank you for this message.

na-  :angel:



Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Phoenix rising: long-term user, extreme insomniac, emerges from the ashes
« Reply #79 on: October 11, 2019, 06:28:12 pm »
Thank you MT!   :)

What an amazing post!  I start a true taper today from Xanax and I am as prepared as [...] be.    ;)  I've been reading through the posts and this was such a great note to keep me motivated and to remind me that we DO HEAL!   :thumbsup:

Amazing what you've been through and to see such a positive frame of mind. I know that will help me so much as I move forward.  I've been suffering for years without being aware of the tolerance and I'm so ready to get this started and on my way to [...]!

Thank you again for sharing your experiences and spreading hope!
Mrs. No
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.