Author Topic: Phoenix rising: long-term user, extreme insomniac, emerges from the ashes  (Read 6004 times)

[Buddie]

Hi [...], you sound like a kindred spirit. You're right, those small acts of kindness require little energy but the rewards are great in seeing someone else's load be lightened or to see them smile. There's a ton of research on how acts of kindness help with depression and other mental health issues as well.

I know it's frustrating to still have troublesome symptoms. You've come a long way already and with your attitude you've got much better times ahead. Your brain and body are performing the amazing, slow-moving miracle of recovery. I'm pulling for you!

MT
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[Buddie]

Thank you SO MUCH, dear [...]!  :smitten: Your support means so much to me. I know your words are sincere and heartfelt. THANK YOU.

Kindred spirit, that's exactly what came to mind when I read your beautiful account of [...] through light and altruism! I believe such an attitude towards life is what makes the reward at least tenfold. Use such a terrible experience as a springboard to bounce back as a much much much stronger, more connected and authentic person, and watch the most beautiful [...] and recovery story unfold before your eyes. Physiologically we heal, but that is only part of the puzzle. We became a greater version of ourselves, one we would have probably never even think of striving for hadn't we been through this madness.

It's easier to despair, whine and bargain with the universe for a window...  ::)

But [...] happens, there is no way around that  :thumbsup:

Thank you again for sharing your light!  :smitten:
Warm [...] Hugs,
[...] x
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

[...], Reading this was for me like looking in a mirror...thank you so much for sharing your long and weary journey. I'm so glad for you that you MADE IT and grateful to you for reminding me to take happiness from the lives of others especially now when it seems totally absent from mine. Your description of recovering from insomnia is so reassuring as I'm going through the exact same thing (sleep 2-4 hours with freq awakenings and nights when I don't seem to sleep at all). I tell myself that it'll go away and in time I'll heal but right now it's an intellectual exercise at best. Reading what you wrote sort of brings it home in a real way. Thanks and congratulations!!!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

[...], nice job coming off of all of those medications. I understand what a long, hard journey it is and being patient for progress is exceptionally difficult as well. It's easy to listen to what the fear-mind generates that it will never get better, it's too much, etc. It's completely natural for those thoughts to come up but we don't have to set the table for them, pull out the chair, and spoon feed them. That being said, I still catch myself doing that sometimes:-)

You're still relatively early so it's a good sign you're getting 2-4 hours of broken sleep. Recovery looks a bit different for those of us who have more extreme insomnia. All you can know for sure is your sleep will improve with time. You'll forever be grateful for whatever amount of sleep you get after this ordeal. I still start every morning off with gratitude for what sleep I had even if it was a short, or bad, night. I hope you turn a corner soon. Your strength will carry you as long as you need it to. :smitten: :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Thank you for your story. 

As I struggle in the deep fear that I will never recover, I need to know that someone else who was pollydrugged has made it.

I cling to stories like yours to keep me going. 

🙏
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

[...],

Recovery is real. Even if it takes a long time or if there are some lingering issues, [...] tell you adamantly, the fight is worth it. This is something I questioned repeatedly while in the thick of it so I just had to trust the ones who walked before me. I'm pulling for you.

MT
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

[...] you were on a hell of a drug list. As a pharmacist, I want to tell you Im proud of you for getting off all that shit. I see those types of lists all the time and [...] never get it to sink in that I think over half their problems are directly from it. Kudos to you, that must have been a hell of a ride.
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[Buddie]

Thanks, [...]. I had a few providers express concern over the years and their words stayed with me even if I wasn't ready to act. It's confusing as a patient. Every doctor is attached to the meds they prescribe, I was managing multiple health conditions and providers, and thought I needed all of that to have as normal of a life as possible. It's shocking how much better the quality of my life is off of them! It's not perfect. CFS still sucks and sleep isn't great but overall so much better. So keep sharing your concerns with patients, gently, so they know there is another way.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

MT,
It is amazing how you kept hopeful in a seemingly hopeless situation.  You stepped outside yourself to help others when you were drowning yourself. That is inspiring. How does one remain positive and hopeful when they don't experience progress/change?  When did your two year depression occur?  I fear that I will never experience joy again.  I am approaching 1 year depressed and this is the longest I have experienced this (previously 10 months was the longest).  This is coupled with anxiety.

I have not seen many people on here who have had a history of over a dozen meds and recovered.  Maybe only you and one pr two others. This scares me.  But I did recover before so that keeps me going.  I just don't know how many times the nervous system can bounce back. 

I am still not sleeping more than two hours.  I am using your experience to not get discouraged.  Was it 4 or 5 months before you consistently slept 2 or more hours? 
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[Buddie]

Uncomfortably Numb,

What you're going through is absolutely dreadful and there aren't many of us who go to this extreme. Truthfully, I didn't, and don't,  stay positive.  My training has given me some advantages in that I have a lot of skills to draw from. [...]'t prevent/stop that voice in my head (some people call it a part, distorted/irrational though or the negative wolf from the Native American story) from yipping on, telling me how horrible, hopeless and unfair it all is, etc. It's going to have its running commentary. That's what minds do. But what I've learned is that I have to feed the other wolf. Consciously, by a certain force of will, create another storyline that is less devastating, less personal, less permanent, and less pervasive. So while that yipping is going on in my head, I also will say to myself: "this is very difficult but it will pass," shift to noticing what's happening with my senses (like what my sense of touch picks up, what I hear, smell, and so forth or just focus on one), and what there is to be grateful for.

Sometimes I get totally lost/engaged with that other side. It's like getting sucked into a black hole. At some point I catch it (minutes, hours, days later) and shift myself back to using some of my skills. Part of surviving all of this is learning to coexist with the painful thoughts, feelings and sensations while you interact with yourself with as much kindness, acceptance and compassion as you can. This gives you two soundtracks that run in your mind (or more) but you can choose which soundtrack you're going to listen to and believe.

Imagine a small child who is terrified of a thunderstorm. You can't make the thunderstorm stop but you can hold the child and remind him/her that you are there, it will pass, and ultimately it will be OK. You can talk to yourself in the same way. I do this all of the time. This morning I felt terrified about going to work. No good reason other than I was really tired, but that part of me still needed comforting.

I did find Martin Seligman's book Learned Optimism helpful since I'm not a natural optimist. It's something I work on cultivating over and over and over.

A version of the wolf story: https://deanyeong.com/fight-two-wolves-inside/
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.