Author Topic: Phoenix rising: long-term user, extreme insomniac, emerges from the ashes  (Read 5578 times)

[Buddie]


what helps me the most is going for walks , or jogs. just strolling through the park listening to music, skipping. keeping moving and like a little kid. :)

It may seem odd, but from a neuroscience point of view (creating new neural connections, firing up mirror neurons) behaving like this is helpful for the black depression and anxiety. When things were exceptionally difficult I'd take time to play rowdy music, sing along, smile, and practice moving my body as if I felt well and happy. "Like a little kid" essentially. This has a positive effect on mood. And it helped me feel less victimized, less helpless, even if it felt a bit silly to be singing when inside I wanted to die. But honestly, when you're that depressed if you found out eating raw fish intestines could help lift your mood, wouldn't you do it?
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[Buddie]

I've been waking up the past few mornings and walking my stairs. I haven't noticed much of an impact on depression yet, but it's only been two days. In fact, today, I feel much worse than I did yesterday. Woke up from a bad dream and have felt depression all morning thus far even with the walking. I'm basically alternating between depression, anxiety with intrusive thoughts, and anger for no reason. They are all bad in their own respects. I'm hoping exercise reverses all this, as I'm nearing a year off these horrible drugs, but at some point, I have to ask how much of my depression is from work too. It's really hard to decipher. Just the thought of going to work or the stress of work often makes me dry heave in the morning and it did for years prior to benzos too.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Boombox,

I'm sorry to hear what a difficult time you're having. It does sound like your depression comes from wd and work. Mine is from multiple sources too. Have you tried therapy for it? Exercise doesn't necessarily kick in right away with depression. It seems to me like for some of us we have to get a "loading dose" of it and then we can maintain more balanced moods fairly well once we've been doing it a while. Now sometimes if I have a really rotten day if [...] force myself to do some hard exercise I will feel better afterwards but that didn't happen at first.

MT
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Thanks for the response, [...]. I am actually in therapy now. It's hard with my job because I signed a contract and now I have to try and get to the first week of June for the school year to be over. Today at work, it feels like I might collapse because of lightheadedness and the whole side of my head feels bad and numb. It might be time to acknowledge I need to do leave until the end of the year though. I am trying so hard to push through.

Where was your depression coming from? When did you start to notice improvements from exercise? I guess, when did you start noticing improvements at all?
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Thanks for the response, [...]. I am actually in therapy now. It's hard with my job because I signed a contract and now I have to try and get to the first week of June for the school year to be over. Today at work, it feels like I might collapse because of lightheadedness and the whole side of my head feels bad and numb. It might be time to acknowledge I need to do leave until the end of the year though. I am trying so hard to push through.

Where was your depression coming from? When did you start to notice improvements from exercise? I guess, when did you start noticing improvements at all?

Hey boombox I was just wondering if you were to quit your job what could you do for money? Not to be nosey but Im curious as to what alternatives there are for teachers. Like with my experience in the medical feild [...] do stuff like patient registerstion where I only have to talk to a people for a short period of time and keep it moving as to oppose to my position now where I have to do team work, talk to family members, talk to patients and do intrusive personal work on them.
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[Buddie]

Boombox,

I'm sure June feels really far away. When I was in the thick of it I had to keep reminding myself I just had to make it through this one day. Thinking too far ahead always overwhelms me.

I had depression off and on from the time I was 12 with some trauma, and medical problems,  contributing to the mess. It probably took weeks before I saw improvement but it was early in wd. By the time I was a year I started feeling like maybe it was OK to live sometimes, then I'd have little breaks from depression and when it was present it wasn't as deep. By 18 months it was the exception rather than the rule. It still happens now but the least I've ever experienced since I was 12.

I know this battle is really hard and sometimes you just feel like giving up. This is scary, painful, and extremely frustrating. You're in that chrysalis feeling like you're dissolving while your butterfly is ever so gradually being created. You will fly one day but this dissolving, burning process feels really lousy. Hang onto that future that will come.
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[Buddie]

Honestly, I have no idea what I would do for work if I weren't teaching. Right now, every day at work, I have a throbbing feeling in the side of my head, my vision goes bad, and I feel like I might fall over. I am worried I won't be able to finish the year. I still have eight weeks off for leave, but I'm pretty worried for my future, both leading up to the end of the year and beyond. The stress of being around students during this is getting to be too much and is why I was on benzos in the first place. Two years ago, I looked forward to Fridays and was excited it was the last day of the week. Now I dread every day.
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[Buddie]

Dear [...]:

I recently entered to BB again after a long hiatus, and I am elated that you have written your success story. I would like to apologize for not keeping in touch with you. So many things happened in life; ;I will PM to explain better (if you don't mind). You have been an inspiration to so many in the forum You were there for me when I was in the midst of my post withdrawal and I was in hell. You sustained me with your sound and loving advice. I miss you my friend! [...] relate to your story in so many levels. I also experienced an insomnia that I thought it couldn't possibly exist. I am surviving, but you taught me not to give up. And, here I am back again, and I am so happy to hear for you. Wish you the best and continue [...]! With God everything is possible! No fear, my friend!
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[Buddie]

I sleep for an hour every 2 to 5 days for 9 months since the pulled Ativan from me.. I was on I=t for 7 years ... they put me on when I was going thru throat cancer treatment... doctors switched and 9 months ago. I gone into insomnia like no-one can believe... I have one major problem...I am a single dad age 63 with a 8 year old daughter and 14 year old autistic son. very I high functioning ..I should say developmentally delayed....and I am by myself 24/7....I think I wrote a signature that shows up at the bottom what a physchiatrist I got 8 months ago has tried to do....I stand and move on ly because I have to care for children ... but feel I am going to die any day now anyway......so I focus hour by hour....but with no sleep am deteriorating fast
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Victor,

You're describing such a difficult, painful situation. How strong and brave you are to have made it this far! Of course you feel like you're going to die-that's how sleep deprivation makes us feel. You won't (die from this) but the feeling is strong. Hour by hour, day by day, you're moving toward a time when this will start improving. Look for the teeny tiniest signs of improvement. It's up and down and small at first but it will happen. You're not forever broken. Just recovering from a massive assault on your nervous system. You can do this-even when your brain is screaming at you that you can't. I felt like that all of the time-that I couldn't make it one more day and wanted to give up. I kept reminding myself that I didn't have to survive a year or even a month. Just this moment. I'm sending you kindness and strength.

MT
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.