Author Topic: Phoenix rising: long-term user, extreme insomniac, emerges from the ashes  (Read 2484 times)

[Buddie]

Oh MT.

Iím crying.

This is one I was waiting for.

You helped so many people here with your gratitude attitude, and your persistent calm in the face of unrelenting insomnia.

[...]ít go on. Iíll go on.

Thank you always.

[...]

Hey [...],

How nice to hear from you. Thank you for your touching words and for reminding me about "[...]'t go on. I'll go on." (Samuel Beckett). I forgot about him but I well remember saying dozens of times per day that "[...]'t." His words gave me a way to frame it. Yes, I felt I couldn't continue and yes, I was going to continue one freaking moment at a time.

I sure hope you're doing well. Thank you for your good work as a moderator. We need people like you!

MT
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

[...], congratulations!  Thank you so much for writing this incredible message of hope and strength.  You were on a real cocktail of meds, what an accomplishment in eliminating them from your life.  I wish you all the best in your future benzo free life.

[...]  :smitten:
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[Buddie]

Congratulations MT.  I remember your posts and your struggle with severe insomnia.  That was my major issue as well.  Weíre very close in our time off, Iím at 4 years and 1 month.  Insomnia is still a problem but much much better.  I think being premenopausal is contributing to my sleep issues at this time in my life.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

I like the idea of using the mantra, "It might get better." Seems more realistic in the state of mind we are in.

Did you have lots of other intrusive thoughts too?
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Congratulations, [...]! This is an awesome success story and an inspiration for me. Thanks for sharing!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

I like the idea of using the mantra, "It might get better." Seems more realistic in the state of mind we are in.

Did you have lots of other intrusive thoughts too?

Agreed. When I was in the darkest times, saying "It will get better" or "[...] do this" felt like a lie so it slid off my brain. "It might get better" and "Other's have improved despite dire circumstances" was something my mind could accept without calling BS. And seriously, that quote "[...]'t go on, I will go on" was a major mantra.

I had lots of intrusive, self-critical, negative, paranoid, etc. thoughts. It was like my usual battle but with the volume and frequency waaaay turned up. The upside is I had to become a bit of a Jedi master at working with these so that when they come up now I'm far more skilled at working with them. Going through wd is like an extreme version of special forces training. They put those folks through torture but then they're far more prepared for whatever comes up. I tried to frame all of this as my training to have a better life. When I wouldn't feel like exercising, for example, I'd tell myself that I was building/investing in a body that would be worth living in down the road. Maybe really far down the road but at least it was something to hang onto.

MT
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Wow what a great success story! I know how rough it is as I've been polydrugged and trying to get off all these meds.

You made it! Have a wonderful [...] of your life.

[...] :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

OMG
I just ran into your story, MT.  Can you believe you are in this place?

You have helped so many on here during the worst of your recovery.  I'm in a wave right now so not thinking straight.  More later.
Love you!
WBB
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[Buddie]

thank you MT <3 i hope better sleep comes to you soon :)

Thank you for your story! Can you speak more to the black depression that you had that started to lift around two years?

Did you basically feel fear about everything? Did random thoughts/triggers make you feel dark thoughts and take you to bad places mentally?

hey boom box boy, i'm going to chime in and say that i had black depression and fear about everything. anything became a trigger that took me to a bad place.

i'm two and a half years out and it started lifting recently. sometimes i am happy and smiling. hang in there it will dissapear and it will be like it never happened! :)

what helps me the most is going for walks , or jogs. just strolling through the park listening to music, skipping. keeping moving and like a little kid. :)
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[Buddie]

I like this "keep moving like a little kid"...this is how i feel many times:)
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.