Author Topic: Phoenix rising: long-term user, extreme insomniac, emerges from the ashes  (Read 5909 times)

[Buddie]

WOW!  Congratulations, MT!!  You give me tons of hope that my sleep will eventually return.  Did you take take supplements for sleep or just tough it out with nothing?  I'm 4.5 months out and the insomnia, pain/tension from not sleeping, anxiety and depression still linger.  I think the change of seasons will help get me outside and progress.  I only took the meds for a year before I tapered.  I managed to travel this month to Florida for a week.  It was tough, but I did it and am happy that I did.  Gotta keep living.

Wishing you all the best life has to offer!  Enjoy!!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

[...] your story, inspiring and uplifting. Thank you so much to come back to let us know you made it! Im so happy for you!
Can I ask do you take any supplements?
May your life continue with good health and lots of happiness. :smitten:
[...]

Hi [...].

I didn't find supplements at all helpful when I was in the thick of it, especially for sleep-absolutely useless despite trying just about everything out there. So much wasted money. Peppermint tea helped some with nausea. Now I take a variety of vitamins and supplements that are all supposed to help with CFS and help prevent dementia since I have multiple risk factors. The only supplement [...] identify as having been clearly helpful is D-Ribose. It addresses energy issues in the power center of the cell (mitochondria) and is well researched. My energy is a bit better on it.

Even though I still have CFS, I'm able to work two days a week, exercise around 4 hours a week and take periodic hikes. When I started all of this I had to use handicapped parking and spent almost all of my not work hours lying down. I also used to have a headache or migraine every single day and now it's exceptionally rare. I believe all of those drugs were making my conditions worse. While I had hoped the CFS would go away, I'm thankful for the improvement.

Hang in there!

MT
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Dear MT,

Thank you so much for your inspiring success story and congratulations!  Well done!!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

...your pre-existing issues will probably stay with you.

So Iíll still have diabetes? Shit.

Hahahahaha Iíll still be bald

And I still can't dance or play the [...]. I feel so cheated ;D
Hey MT!!!  :hug: Fantastic to see you writing in this section !!!  :highfive:  :highfive: :yippee: :yippee:  :thumbsup: All the 'Well I'll still have'' or still can't'' posts reminds me of my friend who was a miracle after being in a really bad car crash in coma for ages brain damaged, not expected to live but survived and thrived, and is back to pissing off the same people he did  before his accident  ;D

When he was still under going  counselling with a shrink the shrink asked him what was up as he was very depressed during one particular session to which he replied ''[...]'t win at playing cards, I keep losing no matter what card game it is!!"  So'' replied the shrink'' You were a bit of a card shark before the accident were you?'' 'No'' replied my friend 'I was fkn shit at cards then as well!!  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Many Congrats I am SOOOO pleased for you, and may your [...] keep continuing the best is yet to come  :thumbsup:

[...] [...] xxxx   :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Congratulations MT on your strength and attitude to make it! Wow, you were on alot of drugs, unfortunately doctor's answers to most problems is to prescribe drugs, even when many of the initial problems came from drugs. Thanks for your story and prayers for your future!

[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Thank you for your story! Can you speak more to the black depression that you had that started to lift around two years?

Did you basically feel fear about everything? Did random thoughts/triggers make you feel dark thoughts and take you to bad places mentally?
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Thank you all for the kind words and supportive comments. BB is a great place for helping, supporting and cheering each other on.

Boombox,

I'd had depression and anxiety off and on prior to wd but it was constant once I started getting off of drugs. For about 18 months I went off and on different benzos and other drugs. That's when the absolutely black, aching to die, depression and anxiety/panic/terror started. After I jumped off the final benzo it remained constant for another 6-12 months then gradually lightened. I was in such abject misery and saw no relief in sight so every day was hard to face. I was afraid my brain was permanently damaged and I had really enjoyed my brain before this. So my baseline was very depressed and it took nothing to trigger something even deeper to the point of being paralyzed. There were times I was crying so much my eyes were swollen. I told people at work I was having severe allergies. Now I have the least depression I've had in almost 30 years. It still happens but it's typically just a day or so. I had one of several weeks but it was related to the PTSD (from childhood, not wd) and I'd been triggered. I took all of those stupid drugs for depression, anxiety, insomnia, ADD, migraines, fibro pain and tachycardia and every single one of those things (except sleep is a bit of a toss up) is dramatically better off of them. Unrefreshing sleep is a symptom of CFS though so no surprise there.

I take it you're dealing with a lot of depression and anxiety? How are you holding up? It's incredibly difficult to bear.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

I am still dealing with depression and anxiety at nearly a year off, yes. It sort of just alternates between the two states. Some days I wake up super early with the physical sensation of anxiety in my stomach like extreme butterflies and then at work that day I get physical sensations in my chest, which I think it costochondritis. Then today I've just been depressed most of the day and it started with my shower which was non-stop worry about the future. On top of that, I am dealing with intrusive thoughts, apathy about everything, and the feeling like my mind could slip away at any time. It just goes on and on and then I start blaming things around me like my wife, my job, etc. I don't know what to do anymore. I guess just keep living.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Oh MT.

Iím crying.

This is one I was waiting for.

You helped so many people here with your gratitude attitude, and your persistent calm in the face of unrelenting insomnia.

[...]ít go on. Iíll go on.

Thank you always.

[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

I am still dealing with depression and anxiety at nearly a year off, yes. It sort of just alternates between the two states. Some days I wake up super early with the physical sensation of anxiety in my stomach like extreme butterflies and then at work that day I get physical sensations in my chest, which I think it costochondritis. Then today I've just been depressed most of the day and it started with my shower which was non-stop worry about the future. On top of that, I am dealing with intrusive thoughts, apathy about everything, and the feeling like my mind could slip away at any time. It just goes on and on and then I start blaming things around me like my wife, my job, etc. I don't know what to do anymore. I guess just keep living.

That intense depression and anxiety is a heavy load. It can be hard to believe it will lift but that's the brain's trash talk. Your brain and body is working so hard right now to get better, to heal. There's all of this behind the scene work that you can't see or feel. I remember someone on BB writing about how they thanked their brain for how hard it was working to heal and that they knew it was doing its very best. I started doing that, especially when I felt the most hopeless.

An important distinction to make is that feelings of hopelessness are different from there being no hope. You can use a different part of your brain to separate facts from feelings. The facts are that right now you're so many months into wd and you have this that and the other symptom. Nothing about the future is fact. That's all interpretation and fear. I have to remind myself to practice this over and over.

I discovered this article the other day for coping with intrusive thoughts of hopelessness or even wanting to die. It includes this coping phrase: "It might get better." Maybe you can't believe it will get better but your mind will let you consider that "it might." Until then, you can trust those who've walked through the fires before you to shine the light of hope up ahead until you're marching on the road with us and knowing to your bones, "It does get better." Until then, "I think [...]. I think [...]. I think [...]" because "It might get better."

MT
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.