2 years off today

Today I “celebrate” my 2 years off rapid taper from valium. The worst decision of my life, but like most of you we had no idea about the consequences. I am in a very rough spot right now, I guess the traditional 2 year wave. On the other side from a list of 100 symptoms, many of them are gone or dimished. I would say mental and emotional I am closed to normal, but physical it’s very hard lately. When in a wave I am pacing the ground still.

 

I found out that the most horrible waves bring the best healing. Just came out a 2 week wave where

I could barely walk and breath. It seems to vanish in a 2-4 weekly cycle now. Although the waves are much deeper and intens than year 1, the outcome is a better baseline in that area.

 

Today I write this because I am so much better than yesterday and Saturday, but remember how difficult it is we will reach the finishline. I am not giving up, I will defeat the beast!

 

All the best warriors!!!

Congratulations on this big milestone, dear HopeHope! 

 

Two years off, two years you will never have to endure ever again. You've made it this far, the worst is behind you. Now more healing is to come, and soon, healing will start meaning relief, not pain.

 

The worst decision of your life? I'm not sure I agree there. Sure, a rapid-taper is probably not the best decision, but now that you are off and have been free of drugs for 2 years, you have EVERYTHING to regain. Your emotions, your clarity, and soon, your physical wellness will ensue  Long-term benzos often act as a time-bomb, that time of your life is well and truly behind you.

 

I know, the intensity of symptoms even this far out is just beggar's belief. I too still struggle with akathisia (21 months out) and I can't wait to see this get better. Our CNSs are still out of balance, but trust that it is going to come together 

 

I'm delighted you can see definite improvement on how you have been through the weekend, may that me your proof that healing is taking place, your brain and CNS are capable of this calmer, more comfortable state. Waves sure suck to say the least, but I've heard many say that waves indeed mean intense and deep healing, as good baseline improvement usually follows!

 

Keep the fighting spirit, you ARE defeating the beast!  ...it is only a matter of time before your Success Story! 

 

Hugs,

Julz

Thanks Julz, appreciate your kind words. At the end we will get stronger!

 

The CNS is a very strange thing....

Its the drug, not the taper, in my opinion. Good you didnt take more than you needed.

 

Wishing yiu continued healing

I think you did the best thing possible...for you. Yes, a long taper is considered safer. But many people do not read the Ashton Manual or have access to this sort of info.

I am an RN of many years. I worked on a psych unit and in detox center. I had NO idea benzo WD could be that bad.

 

No one knows why benzo WD is so bad for a few people. Most people get off them without a bit of trouble. And only a lucky, privileged few find their way to BB.

 

No matter how you get off benzos, you may find that you are a lot healthier and wiser than before. Benzos are powerful drugs that work on your brain. The withdrawal can be awful, but the healing may lead you to a new and better life.

east

I really hope so East! My patience to push through is somewhere below 0. Thanks for your words!

I STILL find it interesting that people have such different and varying patterns of recovering from benzos. I never had a single wave or a window. My recovery was just very long and super slow. Maybe this has to do with how long I took benzos...? But I have met many people along the way who suffer just as bad as I did and only took benzos for a couple months AND tapered off. This stuff is baffling, isn't it?

Accentuate the positive, Hopehope. ZYou got off benzos and you did it very well. That is something to be proud of. Not all people can take it. Many reinstate and we don't hear from then again on BB.

 

Keep on pushing through, friend. I would guess right now you are in wave of some sort, feeling so scared and making everything seem so negative to you. That is, unfortunately, a very common WD symptom. But Hope, better days ARE coming as long as you just hang on. Keep posting, and if you ever need a private boost of support, PM me. I only get here once a day but always answer PMs. When I was going through this, PMs were a Godsend.

east

Hi hopehope,

 

Very few people really know what is long withdrawal.

That's a huge effort to reach this milestone.

 

You stayed aware what your  mental and physical state is until now, that's an other exploit.

 

It's very difficult to keep the mental clear ( haha!) and positive during such a burning hell.

 

You can be proud of you.

 

Thanks for sharing your experience. It's so important to compare our journey to others patterns.

 

Of course we are going to heal.

All of us.

The question is when...

 

I hope is going to be soon for you.

 

Keep the faith, stay strong

Thanks Braddis, I see that you are going through a very tough withdrawal as well. Let's keep our fingerz crossed for a better year 3.

 

I appreciate your words. Stay strong buddy and keep up the positive vibe. I agree this is sometimes to much on a day, but we have no choice.

We can handle everything in life after this, I am pretty convinced.

Congrats to you! I am in the same boat--short term user, long term healer. Totally know what you mean when you say "worst decision of my life"... I feel exactly the same way.

Greetings! You will definitely win! God bless you!

Thank you Bazil4uk, it’s a very tough road wish I never made the decision to go cold-turky. But nothing I can do about it after 25 months.

It's okay! May God bless you!

Congratulations on the success of your Journey & thanks for sharing, your an inspiration!