Two months off!!

Hi everybody! I just wanted to update everyone on my progress post benzo and to offer as much encouragement as possible. I was on klonopin from the end of April 2009 until I started to taper the first week of January 2010. So all in all, about 8 months. My dosage was around .5 the entire time, with a few months around .75.

My taper was interesting, and it's difficult for me to say if it "worked better" or not as compared to traditional tapers. My plan was to switch my entire dose to valium, however when I tried that I did it over night and woke up the next day basically in full blown w/d. This is because the proper way to switch to valium is in a series of doses over time, so that the valium gradually builds up in your system. Because I was freaking out from such terrible w/d symptoms, and because my head was basically in the toilet, I decided to switch half of my dose to valium, and I kept the other half klonopin (see my signature below). So I tapered the klono first, and then the valium. Like I said, hard for me to tell if this has any advantages or disadvantages, but all I know is that it worked!

 

Because withdrawal effects everybody different, the most important thing that we must keep in mind is that everybody will have different experiences. Although benzo forums are a god-send (literally) for those looking to get off benzos, they also harbor many of peoples opinions that are sometimes stated as fact. Please always keep an open mind to everything that you read. Once I did this and stopped trying to predict the future, my body seemed much more content with what I had to endure.

 

Like many of you, I have had so many ups and downs. For me, the lower I got on my taper, the more it felt like my "threshold" was coming loose. What I mean by that is, although I started to have bad depression at the beginning of my taper, I still had no anxiety out in public, ect. Eventually, something strange happened about half way through the taper. I started to feel more and more like going out and being around people (of which I hated at the beginning of the taper because I was so depressed and scared), yet I would start to get socially anxious. I think at this stage my brain was returning back to normal in the sense of wanting to enjoy life, but because the benzo was leaving and my receptors were shot, my body was literally experiencing chemically-induced anxiety, or anxiety related to the destruction of my receptors. Because I would think to myself ("Why am I anxious to talk to my mom? I've never had this before")..I believe it was purely because of the lack of benzo in my body. NOT a return of "pre-benzo anxiety" or whatever psychiatrists and doctors try labeling it as.

 

At two months off, the only lingering symptoms that I have (as far as I know) are tinnitus, muscle issues, and a tiny bit of anxiety which I believe it still related to the gaba receptors having been fried from the benzo. The one that bugs me most are the muscle issues. I still have occasional twitches (which I dont think anybody can really notice) but to me its a sign that something still has to fix itself. I also noticed that my strength has gone down the tubes. Lifting weights is not what it use to be. It seems to be getting better, but I cant lift what I was able to before benzos and while on benzos...and I also dont think that my body recovers as properly as it used to.

 

I dont know how many young people are on this forum, but another issue that has caused me much grief (mainly because of my youth) is drinking alcohol. I have not had a glass of alcohol since x-mas, and frankly, I don't know when I will. I know that I will heal, but I constantly get down and wonder "Will I ever be able to drink again?" The reports are so mixed. Some say that alcohol brought back w/d symptoms a year or two out. Some say within a few months they are back to drinking a few beers and getting buzzed without being thrown back into w/d. Although I never want to get wasted again (I mean to the point that kids get in college  ), I would like to be able to have 3-5 beers over the course of a night and enjoy myself like every other young person 

 

The most that I can say to everyone, is that no matter how long it takes, you will heal. I know that line is repeated so much in these circles, but I am finally moving to the other side and I now know what those people meant when I read "you will heal" at the lowest points in my w/d.

 

Also, like many others before me have said, be good to yourself! Eat the right things, exercise whenever possible, dont take on too much stress, and always give yourself time to relax and clear your mind.

 

I believe that in a few months I will be able to report back and say I'm 100%, so for now, good luck to everyone and always remember that you can and will get through this!!

 

 

Aw, HY, this is a wonderful post!

Thank you so much for the update and words of encouragement. 

Thank you for writing your success story, many people will read this and hang onto every word.  These stories are what helps get many people through the day, so thank you again. 

Hello HotelYorba,

 

This is a really nice Success Story.

 

I enjoyed reading it. Great message regarding your comment and experience that ...........you will heal, not matter how long it takes.

 

I wish you well,

Summer

What a great post! Congratulations to you and I'm so happy you are feeling so good!

 

 

Yes we do need these stories.  Pamster is right!  It makes our day, I mean pychologically.  Yes WE WILL HEAL! Can't hear that enough.  Thank you very much.  Linder