Overcoming fear/mistrust of Doctors.

I know from all posts I've read that I'm very far from alone in this and do have that question.  (I'm not even sure whether or not moderators will take down this thread or let it be, since I do find it a little odd that I haven't already come across a thread like this.  I do take great care composing a thread/posts that they won't possibly distress or offend anyone.)  I'm concerned some symptoms I'm having are serious, but I have these mistrust and fear issues.  My experiences with doctors haven't been highly favorable to begin with, never mind this travesty.  My doctor had prescribed for over a decade and when his group practice was taken over by a larger one informed me, on phone, that the refill he was giving was the last - which, rapid detox could've killed me.  I'd only known about tapers b/c I'd had a gut feeling that the depression I'd been feeling for 2 years @ that time was due to the ativan, so I'd already begun my research.  He'd also overprescribed, which I hadn't taken full amount, so I've had a reserve to do my dry cuts...

 

I've been experiencing many w/d sxs; won't go into all the details here; anyone wanting more back-story can click on my username and look through my posts history.  Since August '18 have experienced steady weight gain (especially in truck of body) and pain in right ankle.  I don't remember twisting it; but it's possible I did.  Since end of December, everything's much worse, & which I've attributed to w/d with decreasing amounts being in my system & all the poisons having to be expunged.  I can't, though, ignore how much worse the right ankle pain is (the only time I'm not in pain is when asleep, blessed relief/hard to come by), along w/both calves swelling now & the calf skin being tight & shiny.  Now, I'm thinking the additional weight gain may all be water-retention (esp. as I've been slim whole life & so were parents).

 

My concern is that this may be heart-related, as my blood pressure had been borderline high & it may have been the ativan keeping it even at that level & not higher.  During this same time period, a loved one had awful experiences of her closest loved ones & their ultimate demises; one of whom had much swelling w/skin weeping & an awful 2-3 months before he was finally granted the ultimate respite from a higher power, but not before doctors/hospitals tortured him further.  I know how much she detests and reviles doctors now, too, from those experiences, but that she does keep her own doctor appointments.  Hearing those experiences, combined with my own already existing ones during this same time period, I'm more mistrustful and fearful of the medical community than ever.  I do have a call out to her (leaving out the exact specifics, b/c even w/her, I'm afraid she'll just advise going to dr. or hospital) asking how she gets over any of her own feelings in order to visit a doctor at all.  She's actively grieving (& why I'd hated to pose this question to her at all, but did it as obliquely as possible, b/c I know she'll be concerned about me & she's been though enough) - so, I don't know if/when I'll hear from her...

 

Any helpful tips appreciated.   (on getting over the fear/mistrust - please, not just advising "go to" dr./hospital- thank you)

I have no intention of getting over my mistrust of Dr's, I think it's a healthy response given what they have put me through. From reading hundreds of posts and from my own experience I believe it's vital that we maintain a level of scepticism and do our own research re what Dr's tell us to avoid getting into this type of hell again. For me, mistrust of Dr's is what will keep me safe in the future.

I bring a "witness" to accompany me to some medical care appointments.  Wishing you the very best. 

Maintain the skepticism but get this checked out and get what you need from them.  They are better trained to recognize and accept the symptoms you describe that might relate to a cardiovascular illness than anything benzo related.  I wouldn't even mention that subject to them, but still tell them your dose and how often you take it.  They do have expertise and training you don't have and need so treat it as a transaction - your payment from your insurance for their diagnosis.  You don't have to believe or trust them but you can listen and take into consideration what they tell you.  Again, I think in this realm of possible illnesses you're likely safe listening and following their advice.  Long-term medication to manage anything they diagnose is more murky but you're not there yet and you can just go get checked out for now.  Any dietary or exercise advice is probably going to be appropriate.

Thanks...all good advice & thanks so much for Best Wishes...

And, so timely - bbs best people!

 

I had discussed w/a friend earlier this evening, after all (I'd had telephone ringers on & caught me @ a weak moment, since I wasn't going to get into this w/anyone else, but of anyone, it's best it was that person). Someone who'd actually just had a doppler done last week.  It came back w/50% blockage; dr. said that's okay...most people have 30% & don't know it.  They are having stress test next week.  This is also something I don't want to end up getting into, as I've read countless bb's going for test after test & all coming back inconclusive. 

 

That friend did also offer to accompany me,  (as also mentioned above to bring "witness" ) 

 

I'd come to same conclusion since I'd be having to see a new doctor that I'd been feeling it best to not give any of this benzo nightmare on my medical history; thanks seltzerer.  - I remember you!   I'd been hoping all along to not require any medical attention until out the other end, (b/c I know that I'm overdue for bloodwork, at least) but hopeful I'm nearly there & if I've got to go @ present (meaning within next week or 2; I've also got to get over the hurdle of letting a loved one/ones see the physical changes this has wrought in my appearance) then I will carry these useful tips & encouragement with me. 

 

I hope others' will find this useful, too.  Thanks, again for your thoughtfulness.

 

 

 

Just remember that doctors can be incompetent and dangerous, but they also can save your life. I had a horrible doctor who just prescribed pills - and I'm not complaining about that because I had migraines, and the benzos worked for that. Long story.

 

But he completely neglected everything else, so when I had an elevated PSA, he just ignored it. A doctor who replaced him - I was going to a place where there were several doctors - was alarmed at my benzo use and threatened to cut me off. She was young, and that would have done me no favors. But she also insisted that I go immediately for a biopsy, and that saved my life. I had prostate cancer, and they got it in time.

 

The surgeon was one of the best in the country. So that's the other side of it.

 

When I was a pre-teen I had a lazy eye, and two surgeons fixed it. I did not even have to wear glasses for decades. And my GP correctly guessed more than a year ago that I had bladder stones because I had to pee all the time and never felt like I emptied my bladder. That call got me to a urologist, and the stones were removed in fast out-patient surgery.

 

So most of us would not make it to age 70 or 80 without these doctors, and the perform miracles.

 

Unfortunately the prescribing of benzos is a horribly weak area, so they don't know much about this - yet.

 

Gaer