Protracted withdrawal

Ten years back, i suffered a major panic attack. I remember having to public speak in front of 100 people. My mind started racing, heart rate increased.. Rather than facing it, i cowered my head and ran. I felt defeated. Went to the docter, and she prescribed xanax. Xanax became my safeguard. It made me feel in control. At the drop of a dime, i could take that little blue pill and escape my fears. It was a psychological coping mechanism. And i was dependent. I was addicted. Slowly over time, i had to increase my dose. This turned into 3 mg per day after about 1.5 years. I begain noticing extreme side effects at this point. If i missed a dose, absolute terror. Everything would feel extremely intense. I was completely trapped. If i missed even the slightest dose it would send me into full blown withdrawals.

My doctors said it was all in my head, and that xanax couldn't possibly cause such side effects. So i started reducing my dose at this point. .25 mg every two weeks. It was the WORST experienxce of my life. Crazy flash-backs, future fears, terrible intrusive thoughts..

Over the course of the next year, after my last dose 'april 2014' things became progressively worst. My perception started to change. I could no longer feel anything. I was numb. Along with feeling in a constant state of terror. This continured for 3 years.

The fourth year is when i began noticing slight improvements. Nothing significant. But it was enough to keep me motivated and hopeful.

This past year i notice i can feel emotions again. I'm sleeping almost every night. Im getting close. But i still have some improvements to make. I still cant work out or lift weights without paying for it for the next few days afterwords. I also don't feel completely coordinated yet. My legs dont feel 'one' with my nervous system.

I'm also in the process of rebuilding my life after the train wreck of benzo syndrome

Welcome to BenzoBuddies!  We are glad you decided to join us.  You'll find a lot of support and information on this forum, which is the only one of its kind online.  I was also on xanax for severe anxiety, and I know how wonderful it feels at first.  After my third withdrawal, it took me almost 3 years to heal.  So, I understand how you feel, and I'm glad some of your symptoms are getting better.

For those starting a taper, we generally recommend starting out at a rate of 5 to 10% every 10-14 days, then adjusting the taper to suit your own needs.  Note: very short term users may be able to taper faster.

Withdrawal symptoms, which vary widely but commonly include anxiety and insomnia, often occur during a taper, but these are temporary and will get better in time.  In general, first tapers are easier, but cold turkeys or multiple withdrawals may be more severe and longer lasting.  Here are a few links to get you started:

The Ashton Manual, a concise reference for tapering and symptom issues.

Post Withdrawal Support

Once again, welcome!