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How to adapt to your new self/lifestyle.


[Ni...]

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As I taper down each day and my head becomes less fogged the reality check hits and I’m left with the every daunting fact that I have alienated myself these past many months to a point where my comfort level and normalcy was being sheltered and drugged away from truly living life and the outside world 🌎, how does one truly adjust to bring themselves back to that beautiful world out there when they’ve become so use to their abnormal comforts of isolation and loneliness yet secretly want to be productive and part of everyday society again? I have very little family support and don’t have the courage to just walk up and join a community group. Ughhh idk. Life was much more simpler when my brain could relax and not over stimulated over common everyday simple things, how did all you ex hermits here learn to be free again? Just curious that’s all? P.s.....one of my biggest hurdles is I’m very ashamed of what I have become and lost these past two years that I have real troubles trying to put myself back out there, I literally went from a good job with healthy relationships to being alone and not working etc....stupid scary decisions
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Good question.  I haven't really taken any steps towards socializing much, outside of my immediate family.  Making new friends seems really daunting.  I did try getting it touch with some friends I had before, or I think I had before, just haven't seen them in a while. That was hit or miss, mostly miss, so far. 

 

I honestly feel like I get sick and feel poorly too many days to try and commit to anything new, though I sort of wish someone would invite me to something. 

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Yeah myself too, tried calling my old so called friends however they just kept bringing up past and asking if I’m down for drinking and getting high etc....told them that part of my life is done with, so I guess I’m a nut shell where they my true friends anyway, they didn’t stick by my side through the thin. Just got to develop new friends that’s all. Real friends too not virtual friends on here lol no offence BB.
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This is a great question, Nick, and you articulated it so well, which i cannot seem to do at present.  Ugh, indeed.

 

I keep asking myself these same questions over and over.  Maybe I just need to stop and keep pushing forward, but I feel so disconnected that I worry that I don´t know what my own limitations are anymore, and I often get caught on the seesaw of not knowing if I cannot accept my limitations or if I am selling myself short.  I hope this makes sense.

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The biggest fear is the fear of the unknown and as humans we automatically progress back to our infant tendencies where we felt safe n protected. We need to face the new n unknown and put ourselves out there, but trust me lol I’m all talk no action truthfully I’m scared as shit. Likely more than most. (Sorry for cursing)
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Yes, indeed.  I realize that I can figure all of this out intellectually and employ coping mechanism, but I cannot control the symptoms.  I have surrendered to that.
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Yeah myself too, tried calling my old so called friends however they just kept bringing up past and asking if I’m down for drinking and getting high etc....told them that part of my life is done with, so I guess I’m a nut shell where they my true friends anyway, they didn’t stick by my side through the thin. Just got to develop new friends that’s all. Real friends too not virtual friends on here lol no offence BB.

 

Well, I am terribly offended  :D :laugh:Mary

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hey Nick and everybody...This subject is one that is under represented on this site.  It is tough to address or talk about since it is not a physical symptom ,a precise tapering schedule or a supplement.  It is so difficult to describe in concrete terms.  Heather Ashton speaks to this subject of emotional and psychological trauma due to benzo withdrawal. She doesn't have answers but great observations of the devastating effects.  This consequence of this benzo beast scares me the most.  I am watching my life melt away while I wait in isolation for symptoms to recede enough to live again.  How do I repair the broken relationships and re-enter my life?  The anxiety produced through this loss of self increases my symptoms ten fold.

 

I would like to see a major thread addressing this emotional trauma.  I think this loss of self is 75% of the healing that needs to occur.  We need to look at this now...no matter where you are at.  I am a few months out and see that I am losing everything.  This doesn't have to be.  There is a lot of knowledgeable and insightful people on this site.  Who can help with this???

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Nick,

You stated the issue very well!  I couldn’t have stated it any better.  You seem like a very insightful person. 

 

Circlestar

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Hey Nick and everybody...This subject is one that is under represented on this site.  It is tough to address or talk about since it is not a physical symptom ,a precise tapering schedule or a supplement.  It is so difficult to describe in concrete terms.  Heather Ashton speaks to this subject of emotional and psychological trauma due to benzo withdrawal. She doesn't have answers but great observations of the devastating effects.  This consequence of this benzo beast scares me the most.  I am watching my life melt away while I wait in isolation for symptoms to recede enough to live again.  How do I repair the broken relationships and re-enter my life?  The anxiety produced through this loss of self increases my symptoms ten fold.

 

I would like to see a major thread addressing this emotional trauma.  I think this loss of self is 75% of the healing that needs to occur.  We need to look at this now...no matter where you are at.  I am a few months out and see that I am losing everything.  This doesn't have to be.  There is a lot of knowledgeable and insightful people on this site.  Who can help with this???

 

I thoroughly agree. 

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For me joining a health club got me talking to new people. Particularly, in the dry sauna. You can meet all sorts of people in there of various ages and even do business deals with some. They all thought I was complete batshit last summer but they see the progress I've made and I have new friends now. It is stressful and annoying though to talk to new people. Especially when they text you all the time but it is better than complete isolation. We can't do this alone.
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  • 3 months later...

Thanks for this thread guys. I agree, this has been one of the hardest struggles for me. A complete loss of sense of self, social life, job, friendships and any romantic relationships. It has been hard to feel confident enough to talk to new people or make new friends because I’m so scared to say I’m not working, why.. etc. I think it’s my ego I need to let go of, accept where I am and give myself some credit for going through the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life and just let all of social anxiety and overwhelming thoughts of what other people think of me go (easier said than done obviously, this is a work in progress). I do agree with Mamoot, I joined a yoga studio about a year ago and I’ve met some really nice people. Even if we don’t hang out outside of the studio, it’s nice to socialize with other people, we may grab a cup of tea or something in the cafe, and just having other people in the general vicinity has been really helpful (I live alone so it’s just nice to see other human being lol). Another lesson I have learned about yoga is that many people practicing yoga are on a journey of healing from something and I have found it to be a very accepting community. I also found a local zen center that offers free guided mediation classes and free lunch afterwards. Again it feels as though there are many people in the zen community working through various processes of healing and I’ve found it to be another accepting community where no one seems to care what you do for work, how much money you make, if you don’t drink alcohol etc. you can also volunteer your time there working in the community garden or prepping food in the kitchen for the lunches offered. I find it helps to be around other people, even if we aren’t talking much. Most communities (at least in US) have some sort of zen communities nearby. I’ve also been volunteering at soup kitchens preparing and serving food to the less fortunate. When I’m feeling crappy it helps me to do something for someone else and get out of my own head and help someone else who may be in much harder life circumstances than me (it’s hard to imagine things harder than benzo withdrawal but there are. At least I have a roof over my head, a little savings to live off of temporarily, and family members who love me and would never let me be homeless).

 

Sorry, feel like I’m ranting a bit , but this thread really spoke to me. I’m mourning the old me and the person i once was and the active and vibrant social life I once had. But I am confident I will get it back, and yes it probably won’t be the same as my “old life” but who knows? Maybe it will be better! I think we will all be so much more self aware after this, we won’t take good mental and physical health for granted, we will have had time to reflect on who our true friends are, what we want out of the relationships in our lives and we’ll be stronger than ever.  If we can conquer this, we can conquer anything!

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I am not afraid to meet my old friends, but it's quite uncomfortable to go outside, because i feel like i look tired, and sick. Also i can't enjoy socializing that much anymore, because my social skills have been damaged. I don't have much social anxiety, but i feel incomplete after being with friends. Mostly i feel unloved, and a retard, without a gf. I wasted my time on getting messed up, and spending all my money on parties, without meeting new girls. That haunts me everyday. A man cannot just constantly suppress his love, he will enter madness, or become an alcoholic.
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Ever Hopeful,  Glad ya picked the thread up.  I posted on this thread when I was 3 months out from a c/t.  There was no way I could have connected with people.  This ability was 'gone' with acute.  I am 6 months out and I can connect to others...finally!  I am picking up the pieces of my life, one at a time.  I lost a lot while in tolerance, then acute w/d, so my life was messy.  But, everyday, it's coming back together because I can engage again.  Ever Hope, you are doing fantastic if you can be out there among people after 3 months off.  I love your volunteering even though ya feel like crap.  That's good stuff!  I don't have a zen community where I live but I created a room just for meditation and yoga.  I meet with Deepak chopra everyday to do my healing work.  Keep up the fight!
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Ever Hopeful,  Glad ya picked the thread up.  I posted on this thread when I was 3 months out from a c/t.  There was no way I could have connected with people.  This ability was 'gone' with acute.  I am 6 months out and I can connect to others...finally!  I am picking up the pieces of my life, one at a time.  I lost a lot while in tolerance, then acute w/d, so my life was messy.  But, everyday, it's coming back together because I can engage again.  Ever Hope, you are doing fantastic if you can be out there among people after 3 months off.  I love your volunteering even though ya feel like crap.  That's good stuff!  I don't have a zen community where I live but I created a room just for meditation and yoga.  I meet with Deepak chopra everyday to do my healing work.  Keep up the fight!

 

@DoveLuv thank you for the words of encouragement! I do have hard days but overall I do feel like Im doing well. Im trying my best to stay occupied and busy because when I'm not is when things get really bad. The idle mind is the devils playground as they say... My symptoms have mostly been mental instead of physical (for the most part). I didn't blog on here or keep a progress journal during my tapering, but in retrospect I think I was suffering way more throughout the taper period than post jump. The taper was the worst 8 months of my life. I think Im also just feeling so grateful that I finally conquered the beast and that poison is out of my body so I know things will only get better moving forward. I get really sad when I think of how many of my young years of life have been wasted on the benzo haze. Hind sight …

 

How are you doing in your healing journey DoveLuv? I downloaded the Power of Know by Deepak Chopra and have been trying to listen to it, Im not sure my brain is ready to comprehend the depth of his messages yet, but Im trying. Im also listening to the Happiness Advantage which talks about mindset and the power of a positive mind, and its helping. If we believe we are healing we will heal!

 

Anyone else suffering with loneliness? Has life just changed with technology where we are less connected as a society? Or is it just me feeling this way? Im so craving human connection and friendship and I feel like I always have been. I think the benzos masked my loneliness for many years and now that Im benzo free perhaps Im just feeling all emotions so much more acutely. But the loneliness is a killer for sure.

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I prefer talking to strangers. They have no idea just how confused I am.  :D

 

I tell my husband this everyday.  I only go where I know ... nobody.

 

SaraSue

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  • 2 months later...

For me joining a health club got me talking to new people. Particularly, in the dry sauna. You can meet all sorts of people in there of various ages and even do business deals with some. They all thought I was complete batshit last summer but they see the progress I've made and I have new friends now. It is stressful and annoying though to talk to new people. Especially when they text you all the time but it is better than complete isolation. We can't do this alone.

 

when i'm better, i would LOVE to go to a gym! especially to swim and maybe sauna/sweat if i can take the heat.

 

 

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for now though, i just soak up the sunshine, do chores around the house, try to get a shower everyday, brush and waterpik every night, take all meds at scheduled times, make sure i mix the 10 or 14 day supply liquid meds on schedule, try to keep a grocery list of things i'm running out of...

 

on good days, today was a window for me, i painted outside. it was awesome to do something i loved and was once professional at...even though i can't paint portraits yet, i'll get there. for now, i'm exploring abstract and watercolor'ish melting and blended colors type non-picture paintings. i can feel the parts of my old brain wanting to come back, but not there yet. taking it slow.

 

i listen to audiobooks now. it's my substitute for "therapy". the therapists i saw broke my trust and taught me badly anyways. now i pick and chose what i want to learn or listen to...and it's much better i think.

 

...to heal my trauma and anxiety (which caused me to take the first medication & "self medication")...

 

  because my withdrawal brain can't focus on the written page long enough to read a book, and because my eyesight is poor, and because i can relax and absorb the info when i'm just listening to someone's voice....

 

i listen to audiobooks on trauma, complex ptsd, ptsd, narcissistic abuse, dealing with childhood and adult abuse, how to rethink (everything), how to become aware of one's physical and mental body cues/symptoms and use them to change behavior, dietary and supplemental tools to effect positive healing change in the body and mind, alternative and holistic healing practices, meditation/mindfulness, how to regain self-sesteem, how to forgive, finding new ways to support oneself/career changes, disability and caregiving, the way our bodies work, brain plasticity, supplements and foods and drug interactions, reintegration into society after isolation, securing healthcare/providers on limited or no income, naturopathic and ayurvedic etc healing methods...etc!

 

my first real self-HELPFUL audiobook was:

https://www.amazon.com/Unfu-Yourself-Your-Head-into-ebook/dp/B071F7C5NQ/ref=pd_sim_351_2/146-5893554-1405956?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B071F7C5NQ&pd_rd_r=5fdd62d6-7cd2-41dd-b8e6-311ef8c2d695&pd_rd_w=ho0ar&pd_rd_wg=Kyon4&pf_rd_p=90485860-83e9-4fd9-b838-b28a9b7fda30&pf_rd_r=GZT7PZMQFN5Z5Q455EPK&psc=1&refRID=GZT7PZMQFN5Z5Q455EPK 

 

1. "Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life (Unfu*k Yourself series)" Kindle Edition by Gary John Bishop  :thumbsup:

 

my take on this audiobook: first of all, the author is also the narrator, and i LOVED his thick Scottish accent and his very frank to the point no BS or beatin around the bush style of speaking. it did not feel like a "book" being read. it felt like a bloke in a pub, or a really down to earth old soul, just telling me stuff. telling me things that i guess i knew in my heart but wouldn't or couldn't get to my conscious level of thinking. anyways, the things he explained, well, all i can say is my house is getting clean for the first time. like..ever.  i mean my actual home. i have been so unmotivated, or when i would get moments of motivation to clean, i would quickly get so overwhelmed and manic and confused that i'd give up midway between several tasks and nothing got done. so self- defeating. but for some reason, after listening to this guy speak to me, i just got up and started doing stuff. i started riding a bike again. i let go of a bunch of stuff that was weighing me down, mentally/emotionally and then physically. i started to eat better. this audiobook was so good i listened to it 2x. i wish he would narrate more books...it went by so fast!

 

as for reintegration...there's a great thread on the BB forum about this if you put reintegration in the search box...

 

i have no friends outside of Hubbs and i occassionally feel longing for some of the old ones i had, but the fact is they abandoned me. period. i don't need to go back to people who won't stick around when things get tough. so i'm just gonna have to make new friends. and that takes time...lots of time. i need to focus on bettering myself and my character flaws now...then making friends will come easy later down the road.

 

until then...i've made some nice aquaintances here.  :mybuddy: and maybe they will turn into real life friends later, who knows? but for me, i don't plan on putting myself out there until i'm more confident and strong. right now i'm too vulnerable and it's too easy for me to absorb other people's negativity, so i stay a loner for now. which works for me cause i need to paint. painting doesn't happen with socializing going on, for me anyways...

 

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I am in the same situation now. What I'm trying to do, after years of being alone, is to go out often to every possibile situation of "social life", even if it is my old aunt or my neighbour. I accept to stay even if I don't speak at all or don't enjoy company. I want to arrive to have the courage to face all social situation possibles. It's not easy but It seems I'm less shy lately. 😁

 

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This thread incites me to ask a suggestion related to "social life" to you kind guys.

I ended wd six months ago. I feel good generally, but I have setbacks often. Now it's a week that I sleep almost nothing.

I met a woman before last week, I felt very good, I like her, and  probably it's reciprocal. Anyway she wrote me this morning. But I am not in condition to invite her out again. Urghhhh!

Consider I broke with my girlfriend because of benzo, 3 years and a half ago. Since then I didn't see any woman at all.

About this new woman, considering that telling her the whole truth could be a bad idea, what I could say her? What should I do? To wait, to tell I don't feel good, putting her on hold.. I don't know really..

Now let's imagine we are on a date website 😁

It's so important for me to begin to live again, you know, but probably I am not in the condition still.

Help! (I love you guys so much, anyway).

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This thread incites me to ask a suggestion related to "social life" to you kind guys.

I ended wd six months ago. I feel good generally, but I have setbacks often. Now it's a week that I sleep almost nothing.

I met a woman before last week, I felt very good, I like her, and  probably it's reciprocal. Anyway she wrote me this morning. But I am not in condition to invite her out again. Urghhhh!

Consider I broke with my girlfriend because of benzo, 3 years and a half ago. Since then I didn't see any woman at all.

About this new woman, considering that telling her the whole truth could be a bad idea, what I could say her? What should I do? To wait, to tell I don't feel good, putting her on hold.. I don't know really..

Now let's imagine we are on a date website 😁

It's so important for me to begin to live again, you know, but probably I am not in the condition still.

Help! (I love you guys so much, anyway).

 

 

Jaco,

 

I think you should invite her out and be open with her and tell her that you're recovering from a medication you took in the past. I'm on a dating app and met a guy and told him and he was super interested, watching YouTube videos and everything. We're not together due to total lack of chemistry but not because of the wd thing. If she likes you and she's a nice girl, she won't mind. If she does mind then she's not worth it. Many guys are dating and they have real issues that should turn a woman away, not this. This is a very difficult problem which you're fighting and winning, and it was never your fault.

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Valiumnomore, thank you for your answer!

It looks like telling the truth could be the best thing, but I am not still sure about that. None really believes to the story of benzo wd when sympthoms take a long time. This benzo story is for me something so personal and critical that I can discuss it only on this forum and with my family.

In general I am a man who wants to tell the truth. I didn't lie or cheat in my relationships before benzo. But in this case people get scared, simply cannot understand.

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