Ego death

One of the symptoms that used to worry me the most was ego death. I heard this first described by a guy on YouTube that goes by the name Sixslow. He’s been incredibly helpful for me during this process so if anyone is struggling to see or feel any success in the healing process, I suggest that you check him out. I thought for month’s that I had done too much damage to my brain and was too far gone to ever be myself again. I’m incredibly grateful to say that it’s not permanent. In the month’s leading up to my CT and for several month’s after I was crushed by no longer feeling the confidence I used to have. Things that I have done for year’s on end seemed too difficult to do anymore. Being an artist my entire life, this was literally soul crushing. I thought I had lost my creativity for good. And to top it all off, I couldn’t even focus long enough to sit down & work let alone keep my hand steady. Now in month 5 and I haven’t felt this sound mentally in the last two years. Not only do I feel my confidence returning but it seems to be stronger than ever. My decision making skills r much more precise & I feel incredibly sure of myself in almost everything I do. I know I’m not completely healed yet, and still have quite a way to go but I’m really looking forward to the future for the first time in a long time. A not just being my old self again, but a newer, better version. It’s such a great feeling. I appreciate it so much more now than I ever did. For those out there that r having trouble, I hope this can help. I understand healing is unique to every individual, but it DOES happen. Be sure to celebrate what seem to be such small successes bc nobody truly knows the difficulty of this unless they’ve been through it. It feels great to know that this will all be just a memory one day. 

Nice to hear. This is also one of my biggest fear. Will I ever feel like me again?

Easy-

 

Thanks so much for the encouraging post! I'm looking forward to experiencing the same sort of feelings I had after tapering off of my anti-depressant after 30 years (pre-benzo). At that point, I mentioned to a friend that, "I never thought it would feel this good!"- to actually have access to my emotions again and experience a true sense of self!

I have a mental wave since a few days ago. I am in a severe state of dp...and this is killing my ego really bad. I feel like I dont know who I am , where I live or what I stands for. It is like a blank paper...empty no feelings no emotions...nothing. I cant hear my inner voice

Did you suffer from DR DP?

When one is without ego, one becomes immediately free of all personal judgments, and perceives life and the world with divine eyes and mind.

Nothing is offensive to them and they remain in perfect serenity and peace always.

Ego death doesn't really exist. There is no scientific definition of such thing. However when going thru things like this traumas of sorts, derealisation, depersonilation dissociative states may manifests.

 

Dont try to dwell on things like "ego" or really "death" for that matter.

When one is without ego, one becomes immediately free of all personal judgments, and perceives life and the world with divine eyes and mind.

Nothing is offensive to them and they remain in perfect serenity and peace always.

 

I was in this state you describe for the first two years off while my body and brain were frying.  My spirit somehow woke up during my taper and threw off my ego self.  Unfortunately my ego slowly came back.  Dammit.  I thought this is what the OP was going to discuss, that it happened to him as well.

Ego death is probably a good thing for everyone in withdrawal, the ego is what can keep us in that constant loop of thinking something is wrong thus continuing the vicious cycle. Once I just accepted things and started living my life again is when I started feeling better.. I stopped listening to the stupid voice in my head telling me something was wrong, your ego has sense but its not always right..

One of the symptoms that used to worry me the most was ego death. I heard this first described by a guy on YouTube that goes by the name Sixslow. He’s been incredibly helpful for me during this process so if anyone is struggling to see or feel any success in the healing process, I suggest that you check him out. I thought for month’s that I had done too much damage to my brain and was too far gone to ever be myself again. I’m incredibly grateful to say that it’s not permanent. In the month’s leading up to my CT and for several month’s after I was crushed by no longer feeling the confidence I used to have. Things that I have done for year’s on end seemed too difficult to do anymore. Being an artist my entire life, this was literally soul crushing. I thought I had lost my creativity for good. And to top it all off, I couldn’t even focus long enough to sit down & work let alone keep my hand steady. Now in month 5 and I haven’t felt this sound mentally in the last two years. Not only do I feel my confidence returning but it seems to be stronger than ever. My decision making skills r much more precise & I feel incredibly sure of myself in almost everything I do. I know I’m not completely healed yet, and still have quite a way to go but I’m really looking forward to the future for the first time in a long time. A not just being my old self again, but a newer, better version. It’s such a great feeling. I appreciate it so much more now than I ever did. For those out there that r having trouble, I hope this can help. I understand healing is unique to every individual, but it DOES happen. Be sure to celebrate what seem to be such small successes bc nobody truly knows the difficulty of this unless they’ve been through it. It feels great to know that this will all be just a memory one day.

 

Six slow is a member here.......jonnyb347

 

 

When one is without ego, one becomes immediately free of all personal judgments, and perceives life and the world with divine eyes and mind.

Nothing is offensive to them and they remain in perfect serenity and peace always.

 

This

Ego death is probably a good thing for everyone in withdrawal, the ego is what can keep us in that constant loop of thinking something is wrong thus continuing the vicious cycle. Once I just accepted things and started living my life again is when I started feeling better.. I stopped listening to the stupid voice in my head telling me something was wrong, your ego has sense but its not always right..

 

 

Though even Pema Chodron says, and I quote:

 

¨Nobody wants to take their medicine.¨

¨Everybody has to take their medicine.¨

 

I´ve been chewing on that quite a lot whilst in benzo w/d.

 

Does this mean that I should have gone ahead and discontinued the benzo, but an add-on medication is okay to help me get through the w/d?

Does it mean that I never should have discontinued the benzo?

Does it mean that the w/d itself is my ¨medicine¨?

 

 

Eckhart Tolle might say that questioning the statement is just the mind´s way of generating more thought.....to look for the gaps in thought instead of feeding the constant generation of thoughts.....perhaps to be in a state of total acceptance....

 

Hmm.  I don´t know if w/d is conducive to philosophical thoughts or if it is a hindrance.......but that is just generating more thought.  LOL