Disability? Not sure where to post this, but support, experiences, advice needed

I am not sure where to post this, so my apologies in advance to everyone if this post is not appropriate in this series of threads.

 

I have finally surrendered to the fact that I cannot do my job like this.

 

I really need to work because I have no savings, and I have substantial student loan debt, so this is not an easy decision for me.  I have gone back and forth about it for 8-9 weeks now --  I kept thinking I can do it, I can do it, this is just all in my head -- then last week, my first two shifts back at work were so brutal.  I could not think, and I kept wanting to run away from the akasthisia/flight responses.  After my first shift, I came home and had severe flashbacks that were triggered by a very troubling story that someone told me at work.  I had to take hydroxyzine the next day to get through, but it made me so drowsy and further impaired my cognitive processes and thinking that I could barely do my job (didn´t do ANYTHING for the akasthisia --  it really only helped me sleep the night prior after the flashbacks).

 

I realize it is a long process, but I realize I may need to apply for disability, especially considering I am only 5 weeks out of a clonazepam (2 mg for 2+ years) c/t then rapid, 3 week taper, as instructed by my physician. 

 

Has anyone applied for disability and can you share your experiences, suggestions, or anything related that is pertinent?

This is going to be so hard to do when I can barely leave the house. I really do not want to have to do this, but I feel I have no other option.

I am supposed to see my primary physician tomorrow, but I don´t know if I am going to feel up to driving out of town.

This is so brutal and I am so tired of living this way. Like many others, I have already lost so much, and now I am going to have to give up my career.  This is never what I wanted for myself.

 

Additionally, to complicate matters, I currently only have a part-time position, so I have been on medicaid, and none of the physicians I have seen believe that this is due to w/d symptoms -- even the therapist I have been seeing said to me the last time I saw her a little over a week ago that she doesn´t think that at 4 weeks out my symptoms could be due to withdrawal, so I have no idea how I will have support from a physician for the diagnosis/diagnoses in order to apply for disability.

 

Thank you in advance to anyone and all that might be of advice, help, and/or support in this matter.  I am so incredibly broken that it has come to this.

The fastest way would be  to get a letter from your doctor stating you cannot work for 12 months because you have anxiety and depression and then go to Social Security administration and apply for Social Security.

I really want to fight through this.  I don´t want to give up my last shred of independence.  I have already lost too much.

 

With the d/p and d/r, though, and all of the conflicting information I have been told by doctors as opposed to what is actually happening to me and what I have learned through researching, this forum, and accounts of what others have been through, I am riddled with self-doubt and wondering if what I am experiencing is really happening or not (?).  Does that make sense?

 

Maybe I no longer know if this is a matter of fighting myself and my symptoms or accepting and realizing what is actually happening to me.  I don´t know if what I am feeling is real or not anymore.  Because I am being given so much conflicting information, I don´t know whether to trust my experience or what the doctors or telling me or what anymore. I hope what I am saying is coherent here.

 

 

Idk about the states but guaranteed that here in Canada if you tried to apply for disability benefits from withdrawal they would stamp DENIED on your application, you might however be able to get sick benefits from E.I here (unemployment insurance) which is paid 15 weeks off but no way would they say this would qualify for disability benefits long term.

You would be better off getting disability for a diagnosis of anxiety or depression or ptsd, than benzo withdrawal, just because it is recognized by many doctors. 

Thanks Nick and Greencup for your replies.

 

Nick, in the states even if I got a diagnosis and a doc to write me the letter, I have read and heard from others that it would take an extended period of time to get a determination and it would likely involve getting a lawyer (if I am mistaken on this, someone please correct me).

 

Financially, quitting my job is not really an option for me, and I would like to keep the last bit of independence I have -- so I will see how it goes this week. 

 

Right now, hydroxyzine seems to calm me a bit and I can get a couple hours of sleep if I have to.  I did not want to take anything at all, but perhaps I will have to take this at least for the time being so I can stay employed.

 

Thank you all again so much for your replies and support.  It really means the world to me. <3

Remember working is one of the few great things lots of us here gave up on due to our decisions or symptoms, don’t let it affect you. Working is amazing for coping mechanisms and normalcy. Distracting distracting distracting.

I suggest you contact an attorney who specializes in SSDI & let him/her handle most of the stress associated with the application, the denial, the appeal & finally the determination from an 'administrative law judge'.

 

The attorney will deduct his/her fee from the settlement, which may take 2 years from the initial application.  best wishes

I really want to fight through this.  I don´t want to give up my last shred of independence.  I have already lost too much.

 

With the d/p and d/r, though, and all of the conflicting information I have been told by doctors as opposed to what is actually happening to me and what I have learned through researching, this forum, and accounts of what others have been through, I am riddled with self-doubt and wondering if what I am experiencing is really happening or not (?).  Does that make sense?

 

Maybe I no longer know if this is a matter of fighting myself and my symptoms or accepting and realizing what is actually happening to me.  I don´t know if what I am feeling is real or not anymore.  Because I am being given so much conflicting information, I don´t know whether to trust my experience or what the doctors or telling me or what anymore. I hope what I am saying is coherent here.

 

This especially, makes sense to me, purpleheart18.  Unfortunately this is "the system" so many of us have been lost and hung up in.  I'm sorry you're going through this and experiencing difficult side effects while trying to get off the medication at the same time.  Your feelings are valid.  Listen to yourself and if you know this is not right and similar to what other people have described, then it's not in your head despite "professionals" telling you otherwise.

 

I have heard it's difficult to get disability and you'll need a Dr. and an anxiety and/or depression diagnosis and/or a disability lawyer.  There are a lot of good resources and people here and if you spend a little time here, you'll develop a way of talking about what's going on with you that will give you a little more empowerment to help fight through all the crap you're facing out there.  I have, at least, anyway, but it's been from within me, I just learned about what other people went through on here.

 

As far as working, some have said they were glad they had their work (for many reasons) while others say it was too much.  For me, I stopped working and that was the right thing for me.  You seem pretty competent but I'll just say anyway, be weary of anyone who tells you what you should do.  You know yourself best.

 

My disability was accepted years before I even began withdrawal from Klonopin.  I had no idea that the side affects of Klonopin was causing all this stuff.  So they diagnosed me with permanent "fibromyalgia".  Most of my symptoms have just slowly faded away. 

 

If I were you I would not discuss that you think this is withdrawal.  That will NOT be an acceptable diagnosis for disability.  However, I would focus on your disabiling symptoms.  Not a doctor in the world is going to agree that medications did this to you, that would open up the way for massive class action lawsuits.  Just very innocently discuss all your disabiling conditions.  Your doctor most likely knows this is withdrawal but will never put it in writing and most likely blame it on this or that.  Good luck.

 

 

 

If I were you I would not discuss that you think this is withdrawal.  That will NOT be an acceptable diagnosis for disability.  However, I would focus on your disabiling symptoms.  Not a doctor in the world is going to agree that medications did this to you, that would open up the way for massive class action lawsuits.  Just very innocently discuss all your disabiling conditions.  Your doctor most likely knows this is withdrawal but will never put it in writing and most likely blame it on this or that.  Good luck.

 

I think in order for me to continue working, I am going to need a medication (I really shudder and hesitate to no end in even considering taking a medication whilst in withdrawal to stabilise me.  I do not think my psychiatrist will consider reinstating a benzo. 

 

The only med I am currently taking is hydroxyzine, and, while it helps, it is not sufficient to sustain the pressure and anxiety I feel with regard to work (I can barely be in one place for an HOUR due to the anxiety attacks and akasthisia!).

 

That said, has anyone had success with an add-on medication to use, at least temporarily, so I can work my part-time gig so that I can apply for disability and still have a bit of an income while the outcome is determined.  It seems counter-productive on both levels in that I may be healed (fingers crossed) by the time I would be eligible for disability and I know adding on a medication is likely not the optimal route to take whilst healing from benzo damage, but I really, really need to keep my job!

Hi there. I’m also trying to navigate disability and medical leave from work. I expect that the rules vary depending on where you live and your particular employment situation. My company offers three months of paid short term disability, so I have submitted a claim to the insurance company.  A representative from the insurance company called me to interview me about my medical  condition  and diagnosis. They also requested medical records and permission to contact my doctors.  It seems that support from a doctor is necessary to take  disability.  Because I live in California, I also need to submit a claim to the state. I am seeing my doctor this week to try to sort out the paperwork ...  I am really hoping that they will be supportive of me taking at least three months off because I think I will need it! There’s absolutely no way I can work right now.

If I have to take extended time off, my employer will need to replace me.

 

 

If I were you I would not discuss that you think this is withdrawal.  That will NOT be an acceptable diagnosis for disability.  However, I would focus on your disabiling symptoms.  Not a doctor in the world is going to agree that medications did this to you, that would open up the way for massive class action lawsuits.  Just very innocently discuss all your disabiling conditions.  Your doctor most likely knows this is withdrawal but will never put it in writing and most likely blame it on this or that.  Good luck.

 

 

I was wondering about this myself.  Have no idea whether it’s appropriate to list benzo withdrawal for disability purposes .... I’ve been diagnosed with adjustment disorder ( The sudden onset of a health condition triggered anxiety which led me to taking the benzo and Zoloft) ... Had I not taken a benzo, I expect I would be fine and fully functional by now. Unfortunately, accidental tolerance and with drawl has  brought on a whole new set of debilitating symptoms ( as everyone on this site is aware) ...

 

I feel like an idiot because the mental health nurse practitioner who prescribed me the Ativan mentioned that it was addictive ...  but I had no idea HOW addictive....  I was taking such a low-dose (.25mg)  for a short period of time .... And when I asked her if it was OK to keep taking it, she said YES.  I saw her a couple of weeks ago to describe my weird physical symptoms and I asked if I was in with drawl, and she said NO, it’s not withdrawal. I also described my symptoms to a neurologist,  who also said that it’s not possible for me to be in withdrawal  ....  however, I know what’s happening to me  and I have many classic symptoms . I also told two friends who have taken Ativan ... They were very skeptical  that I could be experiencing with drawl after taking such a low-dose for a short period of time ... Needless to say, I’m reluctant to talk to either one of them right now.

 

My internal medicine doctor is my one health care provider who actually agrees with me that I’m experiencing with drawl ....  and it’s because he took a benzo for six weeks after getting in a car accident and having surgery ... He’s gone through with drawl himself so has personal experience with it.  He even had a lot of the same symptoms that I have right now. Thank goodness at least one person believes me!

I think in order for me to continue working, I am going to need a medication (I really shudder and hesitate to no end in even considering taking a medication whilst in withdrawal to stabilise me.  I do not think my psychiatrist will consider reinstating a benzo. 

 

The only med I am currently taking is hydroxyzine, and, while it helps, it is not sufficient to sustain the pressure and anxiety I feel with regard to work (I can barely be in one place for an HOUR due to the anxiety attacks and akasthisia!).

 

That said, has anyone had success with an add-on medication to use, at least temporarily, so I can work my part-time gig so that I can apply for disability and still have a bit of an income while the outcome is determined.  It seems counter-productive on both levels in that I may be healed (fingers crossed) by the time I would be eligible for disability and I know adding on a medication is likely not the optimal route to take whilst healing from benzo damage, but I really, really need to keep my job!

 

I think taking another benzo is playing with fire if you have been off for a while. I know that I will never ever touch another benzo for the rest of my life!!!  You may want to check out the other medications and alternative supplements sections on the site ...  some people take medications like Remeron  or herbs such as passionflower  or CBD oil  ...  The use of additional medications and supplements is controversial and everyone reacts differently ( what works well for one person may have an adverse effect and someone else )  so you should do some research and proceed carefully before introducing something new to your body ...

Yeah, I do not want to take another, benzo. I was thinking something more like remeron. Thank you so much for the input.  <3

I wish to god i had gone for disability when all this began, i had NO idea what i was in for, work has been beyond torturous, i used to sob in the garage before i crawled out to my car, legs shaking, agoraphobic, morning toxic death feeling, it literally was like being poisoned and having to get up as if from a hospital bed or something and going into work, ugh, it was soooooo hard.

 

some people will say work through it as a distraction, well they may not be experiencing the level of withdrawal you are. as awful as it is to sacrifice (hopefully temporarily) a career, i will never in my life subject myself to that level of torture again. if its that bad, go for it, disability, its a huge strain trying to get through 8+ hour days feeling like this.

 

nearly 21 months off and work is still very hard, though not quite the torture it used to be...