working whilst in withdrawal - support, suggestions, experiences

hi, could anyone here who is working whilst in early withdrawal, especially those who underwent rapid w/d or c/t please chime in with support or experiences here?

 

Do you think 5 weeks out of a c/t then reinstatement with rapid taper of 2 mg of clonazepam after over two years of being prescribed is too soon to work?

 

The most significant problems I have while at work are cognitive problems that interfere with my ability to think and communicate, as well as akathisia, which makes it difficult for me to stay in one place without feeling the need to get up and move around, which I cannot exactly do in my line of work. Last week was my first 2 shifts back at work since being in w/d, and it was very difficult.  The first night, after I got home, I went into an episode of panic and flashbacks that seemed to be triggered by a very upsetting story a coworker told me.  The second day, I had to take hydroxyzine to even be able to cope, and my cognitive function was so impaired that, along with the akathisia, I could hardly do my job efficiently or cope.

 

I really need to keep working.  I only work part-time, and my finances are a mess because of all that has happened.  In hindsight, now that I know what paradoxical effects are, I realize I was having paradoxical effects whilst on the clonazepam. 

 

I saw a support thread earlier today for people who are working/employed who are going through this, but, being new to the forum, I now cannot find it.

 

Thanks so much.

I worked immediately. I never stopped. I had no choice as I am self-employed as a music instructor. It was pure hell dealing with students and their parents while trying to keep a smile and an illusion of stability and normalcy.

 

Of course I was about two months into acute before I found this forum. I didn't even know what was happening to me. I had never heard of any of this. I suspected it had something to do with c/t off the pills but I was still ignorant.

 

I remember days at work feeling like the room was closing in on me, my hand and leg going numb, thinking I was having a stroke, thought I would have to have a student call an ambulance, thought I would end up on the floor foolishly flailing around.

 

I would try to breath slowly and steadily, sometimes go into the restroom where I could let go of the fake 'face' I had to maintain, drank lots of water, kept a 'worry' stone with me, chewed on mint infused toothpicks.

 

I was also c/t off cigarettes and marijuana same time. It was the most intense challenge of my life.

Hey, amongtheliving.  Thank you for sharing this.  Our experiences sound very similar, and to know someone else has gone through this and come out on the other side is a very valuable source of support. Would you be open to keeping in contact via PM?

 

How much clonazepam were you prescribed? Thank you so much again for reaching out -- I greatly appreciate it.

I will help as much as I can.

 

Lol I wasn't prescribed any of this stuff. I knew at the time that anything that feels as good as benzos do will have a price to pay, I just didn't think it would be so high.

I have worked the whole time also, it’s is extremely difficult. The interactions, stimulation, pressure. No one knows the pain I am in and just maintaining any level of “normal” is the most heroic thing I’ve ever done. I use to be a perfectionist, now I don’t give two shits- I just want to survive! We may come out of this better than we went in, but man it’s tough.

AmongTheLiving,  I can empathize, I can.  I am working.  Two weeks ago I had a very similar situation happen and I left work (for the first time) and sat in the parking lot of an Urgent Care.  It was a panic attack (though it exhibited symptoms that were quite different from any previous panic attack).  I truly thought I was having a stroke. It started in the back of my neck, nausea, the feeling of being on a boat, speech distortions.  Turns out I wasn't having a stroke just brand new symptoms of WD resulting in a full-blown a panic attack (haven't had one in over a year!).

 

Today, at work (almost finished up with my day) I thanked God above because I felt "normal", like myself, a window.  ah!  I made it until 3pm.

An hour before time to head home  - the nausea, discomfort at the base of my neck, an uncomfortable feeling maybe a bit like choking (this is new), dizzy, sea-sick-like/being on a boat feeling (like, my stomach literally turned) - hit like a wave.  I just packed up and headed out a few minutes early. And ... here I sit (6 hours later), consumed with the thought that it MUST be something OTHER than WD.

 

I have thought multiple times that my new office (have only been in the new office for 3 weeks) may be triggering symptoms.  I also thought it was the lights (I bought new, dimmer lights). I have my diffuser in my office with essential oils. But, most of the time I just think I am having a stroke or I have brain tumor. I had the cognitive - hard to string two words or two sentences together and some serious fog; but, now that I think of it, that has seemed to subside. The nausea, neck discomfort, discomfort at the base of my neck/head, dizziness, anxiety and fear seem to be my current at-work symptoms.  And, mornings ...getting out of bed and moving, is, sometimes, just plain awful. 

 

I ll keep checking back on this thread to see if anyone is able to provide you (us) with the work support forum.  I think that would be helpful.

 

Keep fighting the good fight!

They say we are healing so let's heal (and work!) together.

AmongTheLiving,  I can empathize, I can.  I am working.  Two weeks ago I had a very similar situation happen and I left work (for the first time) and sat in the parking lot of an Urgent Care.  It was a panic attack (though it exhibited symptoms that were quite different from any previous panic attack).  I truly thought I was having a stroke. It started in the back of my neck, nausea, the feeling of being on a boat, speech distortions.  Turns out I wasn't having a stroke just brand new symptoms of WD resulting in a full-blown a panic attack (haven't had one in over a year!).

 

Today, at work (almost finished up with my day) I thanked God above because I felt "normal", like myself, a window.  ah!  I made it until 3pm.

An hour before time to head home  - the nausea, discomfort at the base of my neck, an uncomfortable feeling maybe a bit like choking (this is new), dizzy, sea-sick-like/being on a boat feeling (like, my stomach literally turned) - hit like a wave.  I just packed up and headed out a few minutes early. And ... here I sit (6 hours later), consumed with the thought that it MUST be something OTHER than WD.

 

I have thought multiple times that my new office (have only been in the new office for 3 weeks) may be triggering symptoms.  I also thought it was the lights (I bought new, dimmer lights). I have my diffuser in my office with essential oils. But, most of the time I just think I am having a stroke or I have brain tumor. I had the cognitive - hard to string two words or two sentences together and some serious fog; but, now that I think of it, that has seemed to subside. The nausea, neck discomfort, discomfort at the base of my neck/head, dizziness, anxiety and fear seem to be my current at-work symptoms.  And, the fact that mornings, getting out of bed bad moving, are just plain awful. 

 

I ll keep checking back on this thread to see if anyone is able to provide you (us) with the work support forum.  I think that would be helpful.

 

Keep fighting the good fight!

They say we are healing so let's heal (and work!) together.

My symptoms were similar. Mine were pretty much every workday for months. And for the next two years it would still happen if I was under pressure on the job from having to deal with too many people at once. I still get mild episodes once in a while.

In the beginning when it would happen the effects would last hours (decreasing in magnitude). More precisely the after effect was like I had run a marathon and then been in a wrestling match.

More than once, right in the middle of a lesson, my right hand would go completely numb and I couldn't play my guitar. I would try to hide this from the student by trying to talk about something else.

My tongue and face would feel fat and unusable.

My right leg would feel like it was 400 pounds.

I´ve been having so much trouble organizing my thoughts and then processing them to communicate verbally......and then I get panicked that I cannot do it, and it loops back over and over.

 

I also noticed a heaviness in my extremities.  It seems to have gotten worse the past couple of days.

 

So were you sx free after 2 yrs?

 

Thanks so much for the reply <3

Good morning purple heart,

 

I have continued to work throughout this whole ordeal. I did an 8 week taper off 2mg of lorazepam after a year of use. It’s been almost 9 months since the jump and things have improved a lot, but I still have some issues. I have bad health anxiety in regards to my heart, as I have a constant chest pain/ burning that hasn’t let up much. As for work, I try to dive into whatever I’m doing and just power through the anxiety/pain. My doctor had me wear a 48 hour holster monitor, as well as an ecg  and bloodwork. The palpitations cause anxiety some days, but I try to put faith in the fact that my doc said they are nothing to worry about. I find it hard to see any real progress, but I am definitely farther along than I was 9 months ago. Also, I’m a shift worker working a 2 day/2night schedule, so sleep is something that I definitely need more of!

I´ve been having so much trouble organizing my thoughts and then processing them to communicate verbally......and then I get panicked that I cannot do it, and it loops back over and over.

 

I also noticed a heaviness in my extremities.  It seems to have gotten worse the past couple of days.

 

So were you sx free after 2 yrs?

 

Thanks so much for the reply <3

I was not symptom free after 2 years but the windows got bigger and more frequent and the wave less severe. Plus I'm not sure everything that happens to me is benzo. A lot of my 'physical' problems I think are the stress and pressure I have in my regular life and the anxiety creates many of my problems.

 

I mean there is a reason I used drugs all my life. I was trying to feel normal.

Eazi and Amongst , thank you for sharing your experiences.

 

Amongst, I can definitely hear what you are saying about preexistening symptoms, and that is what makes me wonder if I need to ask my doc about something like seroquel or perhaps remeron

 

I’m worried that my nervous system might be too weak for either of these, but I really need to find a way to keep pushing through this and maintain my employment. I am so ready to move forward in life, but I know I need to be patient

 

I know both those meds have yucky side effects too, so I’m not sure what to do about conditions that I had previous to benzo w/d

 

If anyone has ideas, suggestions, or experiences on this, I’m all ears

 

Thank you both again so much <3

Good morning purple heart,

 

I have continued to work throughout this whole ordeal. I did an 8 week taper off 2mg of lorazepam after a year of use. It’s been almost 9 months since the jump and things have improved a lot, but I still have some issues. I have bad health anxiety in regards to my heart, as I have a constant chest pain/ burning that hasn’t let up much. As for work, I try to dive into whatever I’m doing and just power through the anxiety/pain. My doctor had me wear a 48 hour holster monitor, as well as an ecg  and bloodwork. The palpitations cause anxiety some days, but I try to put faith in the fact that my doc said they are nothing to worry about. I find it hard to see any real progress, but I am definitely farther along than I was 9 months ago. Also, I’m a shift worker working a 2 day/2night schedule, so sleep is something that I definitely need more of!

 

Wow! This is not for the weak. at least your doctor isn’t telling you you’re imagining this.

Eazi and Amongst , thank you for sharing your experiences.

 

Amongst, I can definitely hear what you are saying about preexistening symptoms, and that is what makes me wonder if I need to ask my doc about something like seroquel or perhaps remeron

 

I’m worried that my nervous system might be too weak for either of these, but I really need to find a way to keep pushing through this and maintain my employment. I am so ready to move forward in life, but I know I need to be patient

 

I know both those meds have yucky side effects too, so I’m not sure what to do about conditions that I had previous to benzo w/d

 

If anyone has ideas, suggestions, or experiences on this, I’m all ears

 

Thank you both again so much <3

 

Well, I'm seriously considering counseling/therapy (non-drug). I want to actually. I really don't have anyone to listen to me. I have a lot of people counting on me and no one to back me up.

Only problem is I'm sure it is expensive and requires long term commitment and my insurance is useless so I would pretty much be paying for all of it.

Good morning purple heart,

 

I have continued to work throughout this whole ordeal. I did an 8 week taper off 2mg of lorazepam after a year of use. It’s been almost 9 months since the jump and things have improved a lot, but I still have some issues. I have bad health anxiety in regards to my heart, as I have a constant chest pain/ burning that hasn’t let up much. As for work, I try to dive into whatever I’m doing and just power through the anxiety/pain. My doctor had me wear a 48 hour holster monitor, as well as an ecg  and bloodwork. The palpitations cause anxiety some days, but I try to put faith in the fact that my doc said they are nothing to worry about. I find it hard to see any real progress, but I am definitely farther along than I was 9 months ago. Also, I’m a shift worker working a 2 day/2night schedule, so sleep is something that I definitely need more of!

 

Wow! This is not for the weak. at least your doctor isn’t telling you you’re imagining this.

 

Oh, my doctors are in denial.  My therapist might be now, too.  She first told me 2 weeks out that I had no defenses, then at my last appt at 4 weeks out (I think it was 4), she said she didn´t think this could still be w/d. 

 

I am kind of getting the impression that none of them believe me.

Eazi and Amongst , thank you for sharing your experiences.

 

Amongst, I can definitely hear what you are saying about preexistening symptoms, and that is what makes me wonder if I need to ask my doc about something like seroquel or perhaps remeron

 

I’m worried that my nervous system might be too weak for either of these, but I really need to find a way to keep pushing through this and maintain my employment. I am so ready to move forward in life, but I know I need to be patient

 

I know both those meds have yucky side effects too, so I’m not sure what to do about conditions that I had previous to benzo w/d

 

If anyone has ideas, suggestions, or experiences on this, I’m all ears

 

Thank you both again so much <3

 

Well, I'm seriously considering counseling/therapy (non-drug). I want to actually. I really don't have anyone to listen to me. I have a lot of people counting on me and no one to back me up.

Only problem is I'm sure it is expensive and requires long term commitment and my insurance is useless so I would pretty much be paying for all of it.

 

Amongst, a lot of places that do therapy have program you can sign up for if you do not have insurance that will cover sessions or if you meet certain income requirements

I'm having a hard time working. I quit after using xanax after 2 weeks. All my life I've taken very few medical leaves. I'm 3 weeks out and I've only taken one leave yet.

I've an aggressive operation and maintenance job. All day I smile like a joker. Putting a fake smile is very difficult. No one wants to see a sad face. I try hard to pass the day and nights are like hell. Too tired and still unable to sleep. First 2 weeks I'd severe symptoms.

I don't want to say but I'm lacking a determination to work amd live.

On the positive side going to office keeps me distracted. I cannot pass a day at home. It keeps me moving. I'm the sole bread winner in the family. I cannot quit my job and I cannot get leaves. It is what it is. I've to accept it. It may never end but I'm still giving it a fight! Perhaps one day it will end with me! :'(