Xanax dependence...who knew

Hi everyone. I am still in a bit of shock as I sit and type this intro through tears.

I am an incredibly active and healthy 42yo female. In Oct 2017 I experienced a terrible family situation. At that time I was having terrible anxiety and insomnia due to racing thoughts. I saw my doctor and he prescribed .5mg Xanax twice daily as needed. He told me to split those in half and essentially take .25mg as needed. Knowing I am drug sensitive, I split them into fourths and essentially took .125mg as needed for anxiety and insomnia for the last 16 mos while trying to endure the painfully long, frightening, legal situation.

I can't even say for certain how mush or how often I took the Xanax, but I do know that I never exceeding .5mg on any given day. In fact, that was likely my max and only a few times on my worst days.

I am not an addictive personality. I knew nothing about physical dependence. I never in a million years saw this coming.

In January the legal case finally came to an end and I believe I started using Xanax far less.  Bear with me, my brain is currently in such a fog I can't recall things easily. On Jan 28th I awoke with a subtle headache, chalked it up to not enough caffeine, and went about my day. Over the next couple of days I developed the worst headache of my life. I thought I was having my first ever migraine. My neck was incredibly stiff and the shoulder muscles were also in spasms. After two days the intense headache subsided but the the muscle aches continued. I recall not taking any Xanax at all during the 36 hour intense headache. I still had no clue what was happening to me....flash forward two weeks still incredibly fatigued for a week followed by insomnia, brain fog, blurred vision, stiff neck, jaw pain, ear pain and fullness, jittery, nausea and diminished appetite. When I do start to doze off I jerk awake.

on 2/13 I started to Google my symptoms. I can't recall my exact AHA moment but I realized that evening it was the Xanax. I'm still in shock. I had no idea this toxic drug was so terrible. I trusted my doctor. I assumed it was in and out of my body in hours and that is why it was okay to "nibble as needed". 

I'm still trying to figure out what to do...

I'm so grateful I found this forum, but also SO SCARED.

I don't even know my exact dosage. If I had to guess I would say it was .125-.375mg and not even every day but probably one variation of that dosage at least daily. I started immediately tapering on Wed night I took .125mg then waited an entire 17 hours before taking the next .125mg on Thurs. I then waited another 11 hours and took the next .125mg. Then waited another 17 hours before taking the next .125mg. My above symptoms were not really better nor worse at this point. I took that dose at 5pm yesterday and by midnight I was feeling a few different symptoms, my brain felt really weird, no idea how to explain it, it scared me, so out of fear of tapering too much, I took .125mg ( 7 hours in between dosages ). Slept terribly. Four hours total.  This morning I have a terrible headache to add to my list. Not unbearable but feels like a hangover. I can;t even type correctly. My brain just does not function like it did two weeks ago before all of this ensued...

My questions: did I really unknowingly screw myself up by going "cold turkey" in the three days I had my initial headache?? Then unknowingly took random doses after for what I now realize was obviously withdrawal? Am I tapering too fast? Too long in between dosages? Can anyone recommend another way until I see my doc on 2/27?

Any and all help is so appreciated. I am truly, truly, devastated. And so scared I have permanently damaged my brain.

Hello, Lalaland77 – welcome to BenzoBuddies!

I’m so sorry for the ordeal you’ve been through. Please don’t worry though, you’re not going to be permanently damaged from this.

Xanax is an extremely powerful tranquilizer, and it doesn’t take an enormous amount to cause dependence. If I were in your situation, I’d resume taking a dose closer to what your body became used to, and at a point where you feel a little more ‘normal,’ you could try stabilizing there briefly, and then begin to taper off very gradually.

Members here will be happy to help you plan a comfortable taper, and you may be able to go off the Xanax smoothly and with far less misery. 

I'm glad that you decided to join the forum – our members have gone through benzodiazepine use and withdrawal themselves, so you'll find plenty of information and support here.

Here are a couple of links that may be a good starting place for you:

  General Taper Plans

  Withdrawal Support

Please take a moment to Create a Signature – you can enter your pertinent drug and taper history in the box at the bottom. This will allow members to see where you are in the process, so that they can better support you.

Looking forward to seeing you on the forum!

Leslie 

The Ashton Manual is an authoritative resource on what to expect during withdrawal and recovery. It provides information that can be very reassuring during any stage of this process, including a list of common symptoms with helpful explanations.

For those who are currently tapering, a starting guideline is that the dosage not be reduced faster than by 5-10% every 10-14 days, although some taper even more slowly than that. One exception: very short-term users of a few weeks or less may be able to taper somewhat faster.

Hi Lala -

Glad you found this forum. You need to taper slowly and you will heal. I would consider a DLMT - a Daily Liquid Micro Taper - which is much smoother and slower than a cut and hold taper or what you have been doing. Co to the Titration board and post there and a member will definitely help you with a plan.

Don't be scared - you will taper and heal!

thank you both.

My dosage before this awfulness was so sporadic it's difficult to know.

I definitely think I acquired all of my initial symptoms due to interdose w/d so I really have no idea what dosage will make me feel better at this point.

Should I transition to Valium?

thank you both.

 

My dosage before this awfulness was so sporadic it's difficult to know.

I definitely think I acquired all of my initial symptoms due to interdose w/d so I really have no idea what dosage will make me feel better at this point.

 

Should I transition to Valium?

Well, you may not want to jump into that option right away, since you’d have to know what base dose to begin with anyway.

If you post your question in one of these links, someone will be sure to help you figure out how to begin by stabilizing on Xanax for now.

  General Taper Plans

  Withdrawal Support

Stabilize stabilize stabilize! Most important. Don’t taper more that 10% and stay there until you’re comfortable to make another dose change. No matter how long that takes. That was crucial for me and I don’t think I would have been successful in my taper had I rushed it. I jumped 54 days ago from .25 Xanax. Today, I feel amazing! I can’t say I felt amazing two weeks ago though. It took me over a year to taper from 4mg Xanax.

I actually wasn’t ready to jump, but I had such a bad cold (which felt like the flu & kept me in bed for 3 days) that I took NyQuil and slept and didn’t realize I had missed my Xanax doses. So I decided I was done for good. It was hell once the NyQuil wore off. And I keep thinking maybe it would have been more tolerable had I continued to taper and jump from a much smaller dose. But here I am, and even after weeks of hell, I’m better now than I’ve ever been. Keep your tapers small, and keep going. You’ll get there!