Been off for 26 days

26 days ago I took the last dose of Clonopin.  I had a real bad panic attack lasting half the day on the 4th day and the increased insomnia up until two weeks ago when it became almost total insomnia for a couple not consecutive days with 6 or 8 hours not in a row.  The last 4 days or so My panic has been at a 10 the majority of the day after experiencing it most of the night as well.  It seems when I exercise it get better for 2 or 3 hours.  Also In the daytime Vistaril helps.  I believe it is an anti histamine used in benzo withdrawal sometimes.  The panic attacks are the worst thin I have ever experienced and make me feel like I am going to die and I can not possibly do one again.  I went to two different emergency rooms and a mental health place within a couple days of each other they were so intense.  Except for the breaks between I feel I am losing my mind.  I am home now and do not know how it will go.  But I was sure I couldn't keep doing rehab with symptoms this strong and them not understanding.

You have already put in 26 days on CT, and survived. Write that on a sticky note and paste it where you can see it. Healing from CT can take 6 months to 2 years, it is quite variable.

 

This is a time to start finding activities and experiences which help calm your nervous system down, as well as support, perhaps from a psychologist (they don't prescribe medication, so are more focused on therapies which allow you to accept and cope with your situation.)

 

You need to start gathering coping mechanisms. One very effective and easy one is simply deep breathing. And, you need to know your going to come out of this: you will. Mindfullness is good. And distraction is crucial. When you are engaged in a mental and or/physical activity, your not so focused on how you feel. Get up and leave the room your in. Go outside. Start doing something. within reason, you don't think you can. When you are in a sate of depletion, go to bed. You can't give to others when you are depleted, You have to build your strength back up. Practice self care, from allowing yourself to remove all stimulation to engaging in a sport. Find as many coping mechanisms as you can, no matter how silly. I sometimes write on my arm in sharpie, "temporary," or "healing." I have a cuff that says "Keep &%#$@ going."

 

By using copint techniques, you are not only calming down your system, but developing what can become a lifelong tool box for coping with painful and distressing situations.

 

There are some good books on the topic, as well as on line lectures and meditations. Heather Ashton has a serious of lectures. She is very effective at validating the pain, then expressing that it is normal, and not be frightened by it.

 

Here are some helpful links:

 

rapid wd/ct http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=53153.0

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=133.0

 

This is a list of withdraw symptoms:

https://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzcha03.htm#4

 

In the forums pertinent to your circumstances, you will find other buddies going through their own cold turkey and protracted withdraw. You are not yet at the place where protracted withdraw is in play, but if it does happen, there is member support for it. This is a good place to ask questions, and receive guidance.

 

Welcome to Benzo Buddies, you have come to a safe, confidential informative support group, and we are happy to have you as a member.

 

Please take some time to Create a Signature. This will help other members understand your history so they will be better able to support you. Go to the top of the page and select Profile, then choose Forum Profile, insert drug history/timelines into the text box and click Change Profile.

 

We look forward to reading more from you over the forthcoming days and weeks.

 

Take care,

 

 

BB Team

26 days. I wish I could skip ahead to that point, but then I'm sure you wish you could skip ahead to another point. My POINT is, you're out of the woods, but you still have a little walk back to town. Dont run back into the woods because of fear, or a temporary feeling. It will pass in time just like everything. I always get asked what's the hardest symptom and I'd say that's it. The impending doom. every single second is one second closer to victory. Every moment is a moment that forces you to deal with it. Remember how strong those little pills were? I have 26 days worth of reasons why you're stronger than they are.

Thank You that is very encouraging.  It has been extremely difficult and every night when the long panic has begun and the sleep does not come I think I may not make it.  I have a friend in real life who sent me to this site and though it is at times a bit technical for me and my memory function right now it is a good tool. I do continue to be amazed but what I am still able to do when panic is at a 10.  Also amazed that somehow people can not tell what I am going through.  It is super difficult to explain in words so only one friend and you guys understand.  Glad to have some people who understand I can try and connect with now.  So much time to find a way through and to practice positivity through.  Sometimes I wish I had had a really long consistent taper but ultimately, at least for my friend, she says it was not much different for her than I am experiencing right now.  Grass is often greener I know.  I look at her blog and think man if I had tapered longer I would maybe be ok.  But that's maybe just my mind seeking more.  You are right I have 28 days on it and no seizures or crazy physical side effects.  Just worst long lasting anxiety I have ever had and insomnia and a few other accompanying symptoms.  Those are enough without other complication that can effect people in the beginning on cold turkey for sure and on some tapers.  I am free and clear of those.  So that is positive and a relief.  I even only had a couple of high blood pressure spikes.  i definitely took the plunge into fear.  None of the doctors I have had seem to really understand how the taper is important to avoid life threatening things.  It can't be done like in detox in a week.  You really have to start earlier.  I feel lucky considering how many people are not taught this and I got through it.  Now the next hard part.  Healing continued.  Thank you for the comment.  You helped me gain some perspective!

Hi, Conscious Observer.  I am 5 weeks off from 1st a cold turkey and an ill-advised, over-rapid, 3 week taper of 2 mg daily of klonopin taken as prescribed for over 2 years.  You are not alone here.  I am so thankful for this site, and also for the community on youtube.  If it were not for all of you and the youtubers, I would not have known what in the he*! was going on with me, especially in early w/d.

 

I still have lots of symptoms, but the ones I feel are most keeping me from doing my job are the problems with social interactions due to cognitive deficits, problems with information process and short-term memory and concentration, akasthisia.  I am probably forgetting some as I type because of the trouble I am having with organizing my thoughts.

 

Anyway, thank you for your post and know that we are here for you.  I cannot concentrate too well at the moment, but I wanted to let you know that I am here for you and I am rooting for you.  I think our timeframes and situations are somewhat similar. Please feel free to message me on here anytime if you like.  Stay strong, stay positive, keep distracting yourself (I have become master of distractions lately, lol), and keep the faith that we will get through this.  <3

Are you having insomnia and extreme anxiety most of the time accompanied by other symptoms like stomach upst rapid pulse at times sweating at night, desensitization?  Thank you for the encouragment

Yup, all of the above, except I don´t think my stomach is currently as severe. Well, maybe it is bc of constipation.

 

So glad we are all here for one another as we move through this. Many big hugs.

 

 

I had such a rough night.  No sleep and just felt so stuck the whole night.  only small little time periods of less intense symptoms.  i have been through so many guided meditations and have so much trouble breathing deep or slow.  Also can't seem to drink water it just feels so not good.  I did eat a little yesterday but not much it has become more difficult to eat.  I can't imagine doing things that feel overwhelming but then doing nothing does not sound better.  To much time to keep trying to fill.  I keep trying things but so far very little has any impact and now i am unable to read much as my eyes will keep uncontrollably closing like I would sleep but I do not.I am lucky I do nt currently have to support myself as i DO NOT know howI would consistantly go to a job.  I am so humbled and amazed by others who have been through this and are going through it and doing things at the same time.  I have never felt so out of balance or relentlessly not ok. I am grateful I am not homeless during this really harsh winter and I am thankful that I got some sleep Sunday night and for my other health being good and for this cite where at least some other kind of understand.  I WOULD like to find the site easier to use.  I am out of the look with computers as I have not used them much for awile prior to sstopping the drugs.  So I do not understand entirely how to utilize the site or what to ask how to do even.  It is very frustrating not to be able to explain what you evn have a problem doing.  I never wanted to use more since going drug free than now because they symptoms ar real bad but the problem is there is almost no break.  I feel so self pitying and do not like how tha makes me act.  I try not to be super negative when looking at this but also honesst about how i feel , A very difficult balance.  I go read what I write and it makes sense but feels much tougher to get out.  Just so amazed at how people can sound so normal in there posts.  But then,  I look normal, which is deceptive.  It is hard to be gently with yourself about blame and guilt when the symptoms are so unbearable,  I worry that as I was unable to do a long taper, if that is why these symptoms or whatever we should call then are so extreme.  Anyway they all say it gets better. I keep thinking about that and trying not to be totally negative which is a long time habit of mine and does not help I am with my mom, I believe she cares but is very negative, in her own life as she is older and has bad chronic pain from arthritis. She is not able to help other than to keep a roof over my head which is a huge deal I need to be more grateful for.  It is a huge help.  Seems like in my life I was rarely satisfied with anything how it was.  I really want to learn to accept things as they are and fill that void we all feel with kindness and compassion for others rather than expectations from people, places and things.  However accepting my current state is a tall order I will maybe have to start smaller. I also feel I am need to work on pushing myself and realizing when maybe I am not ready to tackle something. I do not think I was ready to go grocery shooping yesterday, I went anyway and my anxiety skyrocketed and it made it all so much harder but I just could not tell if I was not pushing myself or if I should have just sat that one out. 

 

Hugs and best of luck especially to others feeling a bit alone in this.  At least some people here can understand and relate

I can relate to so much of what you said on every level.

And I have many of the same issues and mental processes.

I think being grateful for the blessings we do have in this situation, as you described in your post, as well as aiming for compassion is a very effective coping strategy.

Yes, we are struggling, but we are surviving this. Let’s keep putting one foot in front of the other. <3

I have found guided meditation to be ineffective in helping my wd symptoms. Not knocking it as a whole, but it just makes me more aware of how psychically bizarre and awful I feel. Meditation is not for everyone, and there are times when it is not a quality aid.

 

I do yoga daily. It incorporates deep breathing and motion, my mind is on maintaining my breath and very much focused on maintaining the proper forms as I go through my practice. I do 2 hours a day, but I am advanced, and have been at it for years.

 

Yoga is very flexible, from very easy and newbie oriented, to more advanced. Perhaps try it instead of guided meditation? It doesn't matter how brain fogged one is, yoga is not a practice that takes us in to our (distorted) thinking or requires any kind of cognitional clarity. Some exercises are just breathing with minimal activity. I use those when I am really dizzy or sore.

 

YOUTube has a ton of very high quality Yoga sites, and they are free. Also, many yoga exercises designed to calm down the nervous system and get through stress, anxiety and panic. Many of the founders of these sites suffer from anxiety disorder, and design classes to deal with it, as well as mini lectures.

 

DoYogaWithMe is one such site. Their are others.

Thank You.  Yes I have been trying guided meditation but it seems the symptoms are too strong for them ad I can not seem to consistently breath deep.  But when not doin an active thing I do not know what to listen to to stay out of the head.  Have not figured that out yet.  I want to start a progress log and blog but do not understand how to repeat post and have trouble navigating the site so have not figured that out yet.  I submitted a ticket to help today and hope it was coherent .  All of what I have done on here so fa hs been with help?  it may be a immense help if I undertstood how to use the site better.  I have no experience with a website of this nature.

It's completely normal to find it difficult to navigate the site, don't feel bad. Keep submitting help tickets, that's part of what we moderators are here for. We are all fluent in incoherence, we will figure out what your needing.