CALLING ALL HOPEFUL PEOPLE <3

Hello

Hi Tweed -

 

Thanks for posting something hopeful - I get very scared reading the horror stories on here and my heart aches for those people.

 

It is a struggle but I am often thankful that i am able to function and I am not bed-ridden and have never gone to the ER during this ordeal. And i do have windows - I felt great almost all day yesterday and even did hot yoga last night so that is a sign that there is a light at the end of this tunnel and that I am healing. We will all heal.

 

I have hope also that doing a slow taper down from 3mg of Valium to 0 will help me greatly in the long run. Slow and steady is so important in this situation.

 

Sending you lots of light and love - when I think of something funny, I will chime in. In a little bit of an anxious cloudy brain fog now but I do like to laugh and make others laugh

Great idea! I support it 100%. I was in a really difficult spot for years and years and in the past 5 1/2 months since I got off all psych medication, my life has started to turn around. I was bed bound for a couple weeks when I first started my last taper. I couldn't go walking, I couldn't do much but distract with movies and shows.  BB was scary. The turnaround and decision to try to get better all started with a little bit of hope. Anything small that was good, I held onto it and built on it.  I don't fear this place anymore and try to just be myself around here. The change has been in large part bc of my positive belief that I would heal. All the best.

Tweed, I am SO proud of you. I actually have tears in my eyes reading your thread. Sometimes just a small step like this is the thing that will turn things around.

Whenever I cry my nose runs and I just had to blow my nose. If I let myself, I WOULD cry right now. Your hurts and wishes just touch me so much. Typical woman, I don't want to ruin my mascara by crying so I hold it back. LOL!!!

 

Lets keep this thread going. BB needs positive threads. People who remain hopeful no matter how yucky they feel. Benzo WD can produce so many horrible symptoms. NO WONDER we are all scared! Who wouldn't be scared, feeling this way?

 

Early in my own WD journey, I dimly figured out that "faking it" would be helpful. Maybe because I am an RN and had worked on a psych unit...? Or because I had been in CBT therapy? Don't know. I just sensed I had to fake being better than I truly was. And that is what I did for that first horrific year. I faked it til I made it.

 

I did my research on this. Studies have shown that people who consistently told themselves they felt better than they really did felt much much better. They discovered that over time, faking it somehow changes how your brain SEES your troubles and problems. Over time you DO feel better, and healthier nd happier. Plus, NOT taking psych meds and benzos is an enormous step towards a healthier you.

 

Tweed I am so so proud of you. I am still a bit teary. This is an enormous step forward and I am so glad you did this. Way to go, girl.

east (annie)

 

 

Edit: Removed disallowed commentary

 

 

 

Great idea! I support it 100%. I was in a really difficult spot for years and years and in the past 5 1/2 months since I got off all psych medication, my life has started to turn around. I was bed bound for a couple weeks when I first started my last taper. I couldn't go walking, I couldn't do much but distract with movies and shows.  BB was scary. The turnaround and decision to try to get better all started with a little bit of hope. Anything small that was good, I held onto it and built on it.  I don't fear this place anymore and try to just be myself around here. The change has been in large part bc of my positive belief that I would heal. All the best.

 

Wow. Your post has encouraged me already! So thank you

 

I’ve had a horrific time with these drugs. I’m so pleased things are turning around for you. Hope is all you need. Even if it’s a tiny tiny glimmer at first.

 

What got you through the bad times? Belief you would heal?

 

Of course! Keep hope alive here on BB!  It is so desperately needed!

 

All I had was hope at times.  It was a complete free fall for me but I didn't want that fear including fear of myself anymore.  That and my commitment to myself that I wouldn't give up.

 

You are young and you have lots of opportunity ahead of you when you get through.  You got this! 

Thanks everyone for sharing - we all WILL heal. And we have each other to support one another and get through this. We are a tribe of warriors and stronger in numbers. Being optimistic and moving forward is how we will beat benzos.

 

I had a window yesterday - I even did hot yoga. That shows that I am healing...and what is waiting for me when I kick the benzo beast out of my life.

 

Sending you all love and light and healing!

 

Pete 

Tweed -

 

Hot Yoga is the same as regular yoga but the room is heated so you really sweat - I used to do it constantly but now it is more challenging to do as I taper which is frustrating but I did manage a class the other day.

 

Hope you are doing well!

seltzerer

 

Thank you for your kind words.

 

Can you tell me a bit more about your story?

 

Keeping hope alive is SO important. That’s why these forums and groups CAN be detrimental as we can see people lose hope through what they read/see. Some of the stuff I’ve seen online has traumatised me. The Benzo world can become very deep and dark. We have to be selective about what we pay attention to.

 

Agree it can be difficult to keep your hopes up after reading BB and for too long.  There is also an aspect of being able to share anything about what you're going through with others who've experienced similar that can be critical to recovery.  I agree it's best to protect yourself and avoid any areas of BB that make you uncomfortable.  You can also blocks posts from individual members.

 

I'm still working on my recovery but I'm in a much better place after a lot of work.  I got in such a bad place after years of not knowing what was going on with me.  When I first started taking the medication, I was so happy with how well it worked.  Over the years, I couldn't make the connection between my increasing anxiety levels and other issues and the medication.  I tried to handle everything by myself and told no one what I was going through and that eventually got out of hand.  Once I found out what to do about it, I figured out how I could get myself out of it.  Online communities were instrumental in helping me get to a better place.  That's it in a nutshell but it was a very long, painful, confusing and complex journey.  I wish you the best with yours and urge you to just get what you need out of this place and follow what you know what will help you get better and keep your spirits up! 

Keeping hope alive is so important when you heal from benzos and other psych meds.

Your brain needs some good thoughts instead of scared ones, painful ones. That is where faking it comes into play. I was told, in therapy, that whenever I had a negative thought (like "I am a failure and a jerk") I should replace it with the exact opposite thought. "I will overcome this and I am a good person." The more you do this, the better it works. At first it feels silly and totally fakey, because your mind has been thinking so negatively for so long. But if you keep at this, you slowly re-train your mind to BE more positive and hopeful.

 

I aint no saint. I don't know everything about this stuff. I STILL have to do more to be the person I was meant to me. But I am trying and will continue to try. Getting off all psych meds was my first big step. Getting off benzos and SSRIs was enormous for me. And terribly difficult. But I did it and that alone is wonderful!

 

As long as you try to be hopeful and positive you are helping yourself. Plus at the same time, YOUR attitude will rub off on people you meet here and elsewhere. Can you imagine what BB would be like if every single person only focused on negative, scary stuff? I wouldn't want to be here! I have always picked and chosen which posts I want to respond to and will always do that.

Good work, guys. Lets keep it going. NO ONE is so fully healed they don't need support, including little old me.

I'm all for a positive attitude, positive thinking and some humor about what we're going through. Like eastcoast said (in other words), if you think positively you will feel better and if you think negatively you will feel worse. But maybe that's my interpretation of what you meant, Eastcoast. Sorry if I misinterpreted it. Hope I didn't offend anyone with my words, but this is how I see it. And I've been in the dark place too.

 

I understand how lonely you can feel, Tweed. Even with a very supportive family and friends, you can feel so alone. I just had a groupsession with my 'panic group' called (freely translated) Powerfull through panic. It helps a lot to hear the stories of others, how they manage their anxiety, get tips and know you're not the only one going through it. It's a very supportive and positive group, we even laugh a lot. Eventhough I don't have panic attacks anymore, it still helps me to remember all the skills I developed. It keeps me sharp about staying positive and that I do not decide whether I have withdrawal symptoms or not, but I do decide how I feel about it and what I think.

 

 

 

I have to take the piss out of my symptoms sometimes because they're so god damn strange. Like I have this new fear my bones are going to pop out my skin. Oh dear... the images lol

 

One thing I do if I have a strange fear, is make fun of it or I exaggerate what I'm feeling. Like you did by imagining how it would look like if your bones actually would pop out. Comes in handy, by the way, if you get lost cause you can always find your way back!

 

At some point I was afraid of printing document at my work. Sounds stupid, but I was afraid that while I was waiting I would get a panic attack. So I started to imagine how dangerous the printer was. After all it's a large machine! I imagend it had eyes and a big mouth with a lot of sharp teeth. And then all the sudden it started to bite me, took away my whole arm! Worst part was that my document was covered with blood so I had to print the documents all over again!

Had a lot of fun with my fear and no panic attack.

 

So let's keep this thread alive!

I prayed this morning and that really encouraged me, lifted my spirits immensely.  We have to keep thinking good things, positive things even if we have to INVENT them.  Avoid the dark side at all costs.......we don't know what the future holds so no sense worrying about what may not happen.  Most likely won't happen.  We need to live in the present and take things one day at a time.

 

Worrying won't produce anything for us but anxiety and none of us need that!  So let us not even go there.  Have an attitude of gratitude knowing we will reach the end of this road we are traveling on and we are moving ahead day by day.

Caren, nope, you got it just right. This is a difficult concept for many to get. But in all truth its quite simple. The Benzo Brain just does not always get this stuff.

 

I love it, someone being scared of the copier machine! I had so many scary things that I cannot name them all. That weird fear that comes out of nowhere IS hard to deal with.

 

What I found was that if I was reading something on BB that upset or scared me, I had to click off of it and read something else. Super negative people truly bothered me. People who were obsessed with "permanent brain  damage" horrified me. I had to just click off those posts and read something else. I STILL do that! (Despite being healed....the benzo brain healed is STILL a bit sensitive!)

 

Hope, I could not agree more. "Even if we have to invent them", we have to stay positive. I too have been in the dark side. More than I would want. But I managed to get out of that by thinking positively. And yes! I had to invent things to be positive about.

This might make you laugh. I actually enjoy ironing. In WD I washed every article of clothing I had (weird and dumb I know) and then ironed just about everything. I enjoyed doing this, putting creases in my jeans, etc. I found this to be a very positive activity. The funny part is that none of my clothes were dirty. I just felt I had to "wash stuff out of my life" and washing clothing was just one way I could do that.

 

Oh the things we do just dealing with benzo WD! You do have to laugh and not let it get to you.

east

I prayed this morning and that really encouraged me, lifted my spirits immensely.  We have to keep thinking good things, positive things even if we have to INVENT them.  Avoid the dark side at all costs.......we don't know what the future holds so no sense worrying about what may not happen.  Most likely won't happen.  We need to live in the present and take things one day at a time.

 

Worrying won't produce anything for us but anxiety and none of us need that!  So let us not even go there.  Have an attitude of gratitude knowing we will reach the end of this road we are traveling on and we are moving ahead day by day.

 

Thanks for this Hope - just what I needed to hear today 

SOBERHOPE!

 

:hug:

Hey tweed!

 

So nice to meet you in these joyous circumstances 😝

Great idea on the thread! I’ve been off a while trying not to scare myself but good to find ppl in same situation!

 

I’m pretty bedridden, have been 6 months with bad WDs off things etc, won’t bore you with horrific history! I have been making myself walk as much as I can, eveyry dat or two, only about 1/2k shuffle but it helps ☺️ My anxiety is constant, a lot of physical pain and so much muscle wastage I have nothing left so I totally get you... I have Lyme as well so don’t know what’s what!

 

I also got some 1kg handweights abd just do 10 reps a few times a day, I could barely lift the first time but only a week in and it’s getting easier!! Try it! 💪🏼

Hard to distract when you’re physically 👎🏼 Wish I could just power walk off my anxiety like I used to!

 

But we will get there!! Need a laugh and positive sharing so thanks for starting!!

Hahaha, East, even in my wildest dreams I would never expect that ironing could be therapeutic! I only iron if I absolutely need to. Most of the time I just pretend that the fabric of my clothes are supposed to be wrinkled.

 

And hey, we already have 2 'hopes'!

 

Does anyone have/had problems with muscle wastage?

 

I lost 15 kg (is about 33 lbs) in 6 months during my taper. That was 20% of my total weight. Got medical dietary supplements from a dietitian. First to stop the weightloss (came close to being underweight) and then to gain some weight. Had not much fat on my body to begin with, so I probably also lost some muscle tissue. I'm walking and cycling a lot.

Now I'm back to a healthy weight, but am still a lot slimmer then I used to be. Went from size 38/40 (Dutch sizes) to 34 and now I'm a 36, so I had the perfect excuse to buy a lot of clothes!    Unfortunately the size of my feet didn't change, so no excuse to buy more shoes  ....

 

Dtrain, Lyme is not nice. Can it still be cured? My husband also had it, but knew it immediately (had those round red circles) and got rid of it by using antibiotics.

 

I'm going to go for a walk today but I want to be brave enough to try swimming soon if I can! That scares me a bit. All the lights, people, noise. But I might give it a go. When I'm feeling brave enough...

 

You are brave enough, Tweed! Otherwise you wouldn't have made it so far. If you really want to go swim and if you don't feel brave enough, just fake it. Like East said. Or imagine that you are, like Hopeforrecovery said.

 

I haven't had problems with anxiety or panic attacks for a while. Until 1 1/2 week ago. I had a fall back. Probably caused by switching generics. Switched back again and the withdrawal symptoms started to subside. But the anxiety is back again. Today I went to do some groceries. Don't do much groceries at the moment cause my husband lost his job. So I expected that it would be unpleasant cause I used to be afraid of doing groceries (just standing in line could cause a panic attack). So I went to several stores and yes, did manage to have two panic attacks in two different stores. But I'm proud of myself, cause I went eventhough I knew it wouldn't be pleasant. It's my only way to get rid of the anxiety again.

 

Later this afternoon, I decided to take my dog for a walk in the forest, which is close to my home. Well, forest is maybe an overstatement, in America you would call it a large park with a lot of trees. But in Holland everything is small, so we call it a forest. Last time I went to the forest, I did not have a great time. Afterwards it felt like I had walked a marathon. Probably cause I was very tensed and couldn't walk in a straight line due to the withdrawal. So I was a little anxious this afternoon, but went anyway. I once decided that nothing can stop me from doing what I want to do (call it 'my adventure to freedom') and I stick to that (okay, is not always possible but it's the attitude that counts). Even made up a story in advance if I would get scared. How tigers would be hiding behind the trees and that they were there to attack me and drag me to their cave. Do tigers have even have caves? Well, anyway, they would drag me to their cave and I would shout to my dog: 'Messi (that's his name), run! Rescue yourself! And then Messi would run home to alarm my husband and son and they would come to rescue me. They were too late, but Messi would be the hero of the day and it would be all over the news!

Well, didn't have a panic attack. Wasn't even anxious anymore. It was a little uncomfortable in the beginning, but that only lastest for a few minutes. My whole story went down the drain! Was even a little disappointed.

 

To make a very long story short. I had a fine day. Only have to get a good story for doing groceries. Any suggestions?

 

Well done for getting to the swimming pool and getting in the water, even if you didn't swim. I can only swim to the bottom and back even if I could get the swimming pool. Of course a different story when on holiday. Holiday mmmm forgotten what that is, but when I did go on holiday I enjoyed the swimming pool, especially on a hot day. Imagine me pretending to swim across the pool, when really I was walking across in the shallower depths and doing a breast stroke with my arms. Don't think I fooled anyone but I enjoyed it

 

Reduced my dose again yesterday and now down to 2.3mgs, and don't tell anyone but I think as I am going down, things are beginning to work in the nether region without the use of TNT.

 

 

Got the CBT lady tomorrow. I wonder what she will be able to teach me, poor girl is used to people who know nothing where with all the information we tend to gather going through this process I could teach her a thing or two. I had her doing some tapping last week.

 

 

Good idea Having a positive thread , well done T8 (V) Keep up the good work .

 

Caren  - so glad the grocery store trip and dog walk in the (little) forest was a success.

 

Tweedie - great that you got in a pool. I wish I had a pool nearby to swim in - NYC is not pool friendly in the winter.

 

I had 2 rough days or 2.5 but then felt much better this afternoon - a kind of mini-window. And windows give us hope - it's a sign of what is to come. We will all heal. One day we will all be healed and helping others who are starting this journey and we can celebrate. Let's plan a Healing Party!

That's great, Tweed!

 

And yes, it is a great success. You did something you wanted to do, eventhough you were scared! But you did it anyway! You made it there and even took a dip, despite how you felt!

It was totally out of your comfortzone, which is scary, so it's actually normal that you didn't jump into the water and swam like a mermaid. Be proud of yourself! And even if you aren't, I'm proud of you!

 

 

Hmm, I seem to like exclamation marks a lot... 

I have written TWO replies here and the damn computer gremlin made them disappear. PHOOEY on THIS!

I think you guys are the best. Keeping even a minor sense of humor during WD will go a long way to help you get through it all.

 

I STILL laugh at some of the weird and goofy stuff I did back then. Ironing and cleaning were only 2 things I did. Many other silly stuff, all in the name of distraction. Made some truly dumb

and ruined a couple of items but none of that matters now.

 

 

On swimming pools: I too ventured out to one of my community pools. Back then I was so scared of insects, especially ants, and that day the entire pool was chock full of insects. Ants all over the place, "love bugs": dead and floating in the pool. I gritted my teeth and MADE myself get in that damn pool. But I could not enjoy it because of all the insects. I ended up complaining to management about this and next time I went to the pool, there were a lot less bugs! LOL! I lived in a 55+ community. I remember a day at the pool when someone (either a child OR an adult) had pooped in the damn pool. Everyone was outraged.

I found it laughable. Nurses are like that.

 

No matter what, being more positive will always help you more than being negative. Even if you FAKE IT, you are doing more for yourself that will help you get well again. Faking it does work, even though it goes against what you might think.

Love all of you. We are the true backbone of BB.

east

What nutritional supplements did you take? It's amzing you can cycle etc! I'm so pleased you are able

To do that in withdrawal! I used to cycle and miss it so much.

 

It's called 'foreskin energy drink'. Contains 300 Cal, lots of proteins and that kind of things and all kinds of vitamins, etc. It's for gaining weight and for people who have trouble eating because they are ill.

Well, my withdrawal is very mild at the moment. Didn't happen overnight. But once I decided to give up trying to control my anxiety, I was able to get out of - what I call - the dark place and got the biggest part of my life back.

When I lost my sense of balance 1 1/2 week ago, I just stepped on my bike after a few days to see if I could still cycle to the busstop where I get on the bus to go to work (just a few minutes away from home). I even stepped into the bus and went to work for a few hours. It felt good, kept my mind of the withdrawal for a few hours, eventhough it was still there.

 

Soberhope, it's good to hear you are starting to feel better. And yes, we will all recover from the benzo's. A healingparty, that sounds great. But only if it's in NYC. Have never been there.

 

 

Caren - come to NYC! I'll host the party!

 

Glad you got on your bike too - we just have to keep going and doing normal things helps and work is a good distraction. Distraction is a great tool.

Certainly have got muscle wastage my friend. my thighs have vanished, I don't know where, and as for rear rear it seems to have vanished. lost it somewhere Not comfy in bed at all. I kept wondering what the lump was that I was lying on. It's the base of my spine. Not to worry it will come back eventually, when I get on my vibrator. No not one of those, I have a vibration machine that tones muscles by just standing on it, as well as an exercise bike that I hang clothes on. One day I will get out of this bed and used it to build my muscles back up, just as you will. Swimming is a really good exercise. Good idea to go when in a window.. That will give you confidence to keep doing it 

Hi Everyone. This is a great idea. I've been reading your positive stuff and surprise, surprise, I felt more positive.

Tweed, just wondered if it would be a good idea to move this great stuff over onto Support Groups? Just an idea.

Good Luck! I will be popping in to read positive things when I'm on the forum. 

I like Gilly's idea of having this whole thread as a support group...it's sometimes hard for me to find threads I want to read (and I am limiting what I read as some "scary stuff" brings me down...)

 

What do you think Tweed?