My MRI results

So, my neurologist called me and told me my brain scan came out normal. But they found some lesion in the left side of my jaw though. You can see it in the report. At least it isn't in my brain or spinal cord. They want to give me another MRI with contrast to investigate it further. WOnder what it is. It said it might be a cyst. 

 

Study Result

Narrative

 

PROCEDURE: MRI BRAIN WO CONTRAST

 

HISTORY: Cognitive impairment

 

COMPARISON: None

 

TECHNIQUE: Axial T2, FLAIR, GRE, DWI/ADC and coronal T2 and MP-RAGE images were acquired.

 

FINDINGS: The ventricles and sulci are within normal limits. There is no midline shift or mass effect. There are no areas of restricted diffusion.

 

There are no areas of abnormal parenchymal signal. There are no extra-axial fluid collections. Expected flow voids of the major intracranial vascular structures are present.

 

There is a mildly lobulated T1 hypointense, T2 hyperintense 1.6 x 2.9 cm (TV/CC) lesion within the left masticator space medial to the mandible.

 

IMPRESSION: No acute intracranial abnormality is identified on MR examination of the brain.

 

There is an abnormal lesion in the left masticator space. Further evaluation with dedicated MR face/soft tissue neck is recommended.

 

 

 

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11604-014-0289-x

 

Here is a link of possible things that could be in my masticator space near the left jaw. Got paranoid yesterday on an edible that I have some rare malignant tumor in my salivary gland from melting too much weird shit under my tongue including Suboxone for years and years. Tumors in the sublingual glands seem extremely rare and unlikely but my brain loves to create these pretend diseases I think. The kanna extract I've been taking has been making the stress bearable at least and I'm still enjoying myself. Very grateful my brain seems ok. That was scary. I do have alot of lipomas. All over my body. So it may just be a lipoma. Lipomas do show up after injuries for people like me possibly.

 

I'm going to start intermittent fasting and eat from 3pm-6pm every day until I get this MRI. Only thing I will consume is either black coffee, matcha green tea, or coca tea to enhance autophagy as much as possible. Very little coca tea. Like 3g worth. I'm going to try to shrink my lipomas as much as I can. Ultimately, I may have to do a water fast eventually when I'm off all meds to get rid of these things.

 

Unfortunately, I used to punch myself in the face while tapering Librium. Kind of hard. I developed a hematoma in my right jaw, which I stupidly poked with the tip of an exacto knife while on ketamine, while I had tolerance wd and paranoia on benzos. I have a small scar there now. I used to punch myself in the left jaw and right jaw, so I'm also wondering if I caused some type of mass to grow in my left jaw from punching myself.

Mamoot, I hope your punching yourself in the face days are over. I think the fasting is a good idea. I've been trying to do it myself, but my schedule keeps getting f'ed up by varying degrees of sleep. My calorie needs vary wildly because of this. My stomach is still pretty messed up, so I kind of need 4 hours sleep+ per night to continue gaining weight back. When sleep an diet are inconsistent, it's tough for me to tell how much I should eat and for how long prior to bed. Very easy to either eat too much or too little, which messes up sleep further. But I am still way better off than the early days.

 

Hopefully the thing in your jaw is a lipoma and will disappear with fasting. Or it could be just a benign growth. I had one in my gall bladder during late stages of benzo use when I was getting really sick. It has shrank now, even though I've slept so little for 11 months now. Cholesterol and triglycerides were also good in spite of the sleep and alternating between a carnivore and keto diet. We'll see if your body heals itself once you're done tapering. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised

Don't worry, I never punch myself anymore. It was just when I was coming off benzos and that cocktail I was on was really burning me down. I wasn't coping well. It was shortly before the time I seriously contemplated ending it. It's in the past.

 

Fasting has been increasing catecholamines. Reacted poorly to my morning cup of coffee with high blood pressure. My dad chewed me out pretty good too for my irresponsible spending. My PayPal debt, health club fees, food, supplements, costs at least 2k a month. I need to start becoming a little functional and make some effort even if it seems beneath me or my relationships will continue to suffer. I need to face the fact that I need to start working more or I'm going to continue being stressed out. I need to stop worrying about imaginary diseases and MRI's so much I guess. I need this to be over because I'm just mentally ill over it and it shows from my history.

Mamoot, there is no question all the drugs you've taken could have induced multiple disorders. I've been entertaining the fact that not a single diagnosis I've received since I took my first psych drug 19 years ago would have occurred without taking the initial drug (and all the subsequent ones). Maybe one would have arisen as a result of using street drugs, but that's not tough to accept.

 

I used Klonopin for a long time, and I remember staying home many a weekend night, simply due to exhaustion, while I knew friends were out playing pool or at a party. It was incredibly depressing. It is a pretty great feeling drawing down the drugs and feeling the cloud of sedation gradually lift, although you do get impatient over the many months. I was pretty thrilled when my memory started to come back, since I knew permanent cognitive impairment was a possibility. It's a hell of a nightmare getting back to health in once piece, but the success stories definitely make it seem worth the effort. All this because doctors have literally no idea what they are doing...

 

What kind of work are you planning to do?

Hey D_G. Benzos and antipsychotics don't do what street drugs do with the exception of shake and bake small town methamphetamines. Seems like impure meth causes some serious damage. I'm glad I never tried meth. Believe it or not meth is the only drug I never tried as far as popular street drugs go. I have done my fair share of Adderall though. For some reason I could just never take Adderall at a low dosage when I was into drugs otherwise I probably be a self made success because that drug made me feel like I was unstoppable. All it did was make me obsessed with sex and porn because I did such large dosages with Suboxone. This was all before I even did benzos. Before benzos I used phenibut as well on and off but never like now. I did have a few one month stretches on phenibut before 2013. If you can kindle on phenibut boy have I. Then my mom died of lung cancer in 2014 in the summer. A few months later I got that injury and then I started to take xananx and snort heroin, a few weeks later I got scared I would try shooting up for the first time, I could see my death coming, then I went to the GI doctor and asked him for Suboxone. This was right around the time he started prescribing me Xanax and then I quickly switched to klonopin because I never did well on Xanax. The rest is history.

 

I had one stint with high dosages of quetiapine in 2005 for a week. But I immediately knew that this was a bad drug and did a wiki search back when I had dial up internet and found out that it was associated with bad side effect and diabetes. I am very lucky I didn't end up on AP's. I've seen what they can do to people when you don't come off them correctly and it is scary. A friend of mine is schizophrenic now and I don't believe he ever would of been if it wasn't for coming off Seroquel and Klonopin cold turkey. I don't know what he is to be honest but he is nuts. He leaves notes in people mailboxes and messes with their patio furniture. Will write love letters to his friends mom's, and even has a hit list....he also hates Mexicans for brings the coke into America because he said a cocaine overdose is the cause of his mental illness. But the thing is he is half Mexican. I feel bad for the guy. He's actually a good guy but his mother is a pharmacist and ruined her sons life apparently. I don't think they knew better. Brainwashed by Pharma.

 

Just a hustle my dad has with buying and selling equipment on ebay and craigslist. I need to start helping my dad organize some stuff and create ads and take some pictures. Should be doable if I can manage to get my anxiety under control. I don't know I struggle with such basic stuff but it feels as if I just have low energy levels or low motivation and just negative thought loops that prevent me from moving forward. I need to continue tapering too to reduced these cog impairment sxs some more. It seems when I lower and taper I get big cognitive boosts.

 

The success stories do seem worth it. I do feel like I will solve my mental illness with OCD and anxiety once I'm done with everything. The key to avoiding permanent brain disfunction is to come off everything slowing and take holds when you need to and pray to God if you believe. I don't pray. Some type of mental block where it makes me uncomfortable. I feel like I lost my faith and that there is no way to know all that. It's just way above my head. I don't know and never will. Very hard to believe. I just need to try to believe in myself. I'm really jealous of people who can pray to God and get that relief because all I feel is doubt and emptiness. A part of me wants to believe because that's the way I was raised so I just pretend that I do. It's crazy.

My mind is starting to think that it is some type of oral cancer now. I found the 1.6 x 2.9 cm lesion in the MRI disc, this T2 picture, it is very bright/hyperintense and it looks pretty damn big and scary. It looks like it is by my wisdom teeth but I don't know, I'm not a doctor. My tongue is in bad shape, it is covered with white patches that never go away no matter how many times I brush my tongue. They do partially go away it seems but they come back. My mouth hurts all the time. I do feel an urge to swallow all the time. I did use tobacco products for a while. Used to dip a little bit too a long time ago but I wouldn't think enough to get oral cancer. Looks like it's going to be a long week for me. Have to wait 3 more days to get another scan and maybe another 2 to find out something. So 5 days of this shit.

My mind is starting to think that it is some type of oral cancer now. I found the 1.6 x 2.9 cm lesion in the MRI disc, this T2 picture, it is very bright/hyperintense and it looks pretty damn big and scary. It looks like it is by my wisdom teeth but I don't know, I'm not a doctor. My tongue is in bad shape, it is covered with white patches that never go away no matter how many times I brush my tongue. They do partially go away it seems but they come back. My mouth hurts all the time. I do feel an urge to swallow all the time. I did use tobacco products for a while. Used to dip a little bit too a long time ago but I wouldn't think enough to get oral cancer. Looks like it's going to be a long week for me. Have to wait 3 more days to get another scan and maybe another 2 to find out something. So 5 days of this shit.

 

Mamoot,

 

I'm going to respond to your other message, but I will do that later, I'm in a state of hyperacusis and photophobia right now from a combination of food reactions and sensory overload. It should subside in a couple days.

 

The growth in your jaw could easily benign, but you will just a have to wait a bit and see. What all these GABA drugs have in common is that they generally worsen anxiety when taken long term. Most of them are useless for treating anything other than catatonia and bringing people back from stimulant overdoses. I think the drugs have probably induced depression and anxiety, otherwise you would not feel quite so bad about everything. I have generally felt much better about things the last couple months, even though some objectively bad symptoms have not improved. I attribute that to the withdrawal anxiety lifting, since I haven't done much in the way of therapy, other than exercising.

 

In the latter stages of using benzos, I had a dark blotch on the top of my tongue that wouldn't go away. I initially thought it was from chewing peptobismol, and it may very well have been, but it kind of never left until after I jumped. Your problem may be similar, but it's hard to say. These drugs cause all sorts of weird, inexplicable shit to happen.

Well thank you for responding to this first dude. I know you are not feeling great right now. As you can probably guess, I've been reading on the internet with all the energy I can muster trying to figure out what it could be, which isn't a good idea since I haven't done the next MRI yet, which will be key in diagnosing this. Here is the image I uploaded from imgur. that I found on the MRI that is more than likely what the radiologist found, COR T2 TSE (MR). I also posted some useful info that helps distinguish malignancy. So far it seems it is hyperintense on T2 weighted images and displays inhomogeneous MR signal intensity. I haven't really though much past this. However, it also saying that lesions less than 3cm, with well defined margins that are lobulated suggest that they are benign. The lesion seems well defined and lobulated and it is 1.6 X 2.9cm. I suspect a dental problem right now mostly because my molars have been hurting intermittently for awhile now. I just blocked out the pain but it seems like something is up. Not sure if it is pus or some type of infection. But I have no idea. I'm grasping at straws.

 

 

 

 

https://imgur.com/ZMgZPI7

 

the mass is in the bottom-right corner.

 

 

Lesion Morphologic Characteristics

 

The likelihood that a lesion is malignant is increased by the presence of certain conventional imaging features (Table 2). Although the relative sensitivity and specificity of any single feature is low, the probability of malignancy increases with the number of suspicious features present (1). In general, a lesion size of more than 5 cm and a location deep to fascia are characteristics that are often associated with malignancy. Lesion size of less than 3 cm, lobulated or smooth well-defined margins, and a superficial location are suggestive of benignity.

 

Table 2 Imaging Features Suggestive of Soft Tissue Tumor Malignancy

 

Table 2

large volume, extracompartmental extention, poorly defined margins, broad interface with underlying fascia, inhomogeneous MR signal intensity, high signal intensity on T2-weighted MR images, invasion of bone or neurovascular structures, intratumoral necrosis, marked, primarly peripheral enhancement 

Note.—Adapted, with permission, from reference 1.

 

This is the most comprehensive link i found:  https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11604-014-0289-x

 

Edit: right now my best guess if it is benign is an ameloblastoma. I suspect something happened with my jaw due to an injury or when I got my wisdom teeth taken out years ago. Also, based on the scale in the picture, it seems the lesion is closer to 1.8 X 2.75cm the way I'm looking at it. I'm not a radiologist though so I don't know.

 

Edit: Looking inside my mouth it looks like there is an outgrowth of hard calcified tissue or bone right behind where my 3rd molar was extracted. Wondering if the dentist who removed it did remove all of it and something happened. There is definitely something up with that area.

 

Edit: Updated guess is an osteoblastoma. Just hope it isn't an osteosarcoma. Thing is it is relatively painless. If it was malignant I would expect more pain.

 

Edit: So today is the day of the MRI w/ and w/o contrast. My neurologist also told me to go to the dentist so I'm going to the same dentist who extracted my third molar in 2006. The growth is literally sitting right on top of it hiding in plain site. It just appears like an outgrowth of my jaw. Funny thing is I noticed it awhile ago how it looked asymmetric but didn't think anything of it. It is relatively painless but tender to the touch. It feels like calcified tissue but I couldn't say what it is yet. Maybe an x-ray at the dentist will reveal more. My suspicion is there may piece of tooth that wasn't removed  but from what I recall they all came out in one piece I think. I still have the teeth and they all look like they came out whole. I saved them. I don't know what it is. 

I'm interested to hear the result when you get it, Mamoot. I don't know much of anything about tumors or growths, so I couldn't even really make a guess? Maybe you had an extra tooth? I think that's not so uncommon.

 

Anyway, just wanted to say good luck and I hope it is nothing serious.

Ok. Got the MRI yesterday so I should get a diagnosis soon hopefully. I did go to the dentist yesterday as well and they took an x-ray and he confirmed a growth in that area where I suspected by that 3rd molar. The tissue didn't seem like bone though more like soft tissue according to the signal it gave off in the X-ray.. The dentist said it may be a cyst and referred me to an oral surgeon but he didn't know. It almost looked like an incomplete picture on the X-ray too because these mouthpieces they use to take the X-ray only go so deep in the mouth. The margins looked well defined though, it had this soap bubble shape from the parts I saw which was 90%. It was a two dimensional image though. Now, looking at the new MRI pictures you can see way more detail. It's even displaying some homogenous signals on T1 and T2 images now and also even some heterogeneous signals within the growth itself revealing flow voids. I guess I'll find out soon. I'll post some new pictures in a min

https://m.imgur.com/a/jnXpUAQ

 

Took the wrong pictures on some of these. You can see it in the one with my teeth that thing by my chin is probably a salivary gland. My bad

I got the results:

 

Comments from the Doctor's Office

I would have the dentist evaluate this MRI.

 

Dr Shepard

 

Study Result

Narrative

PROCEDURE: MRI FACE NECK W WO CONTRAST

 

HISTORY: Recent MRI the brain demonstrated a T2 hyperintense lesion in the left masticator space. Patient states the third molar tooth was extracted in the region of the "growth/lesion".

 

COMPARISON: Prior MRI of the brain dated 2/7/2019. No prior CT or MRI examinations of the face are available for comparison.

 

TECHNIQUE: 3 plane T2 with fat suppression, 3 plane T1, and 3 plane postcontrast T1 with fat suppression through the face were performed. Axial postcontrast T1-weighted images with fat suppression through the remainder the neck was also obtained.

 

FINDINGS: There is a lobulated/partially loculated, T2 hyperintense, minimally peripherally enhancing lesion located within the posterior left hemimandibular body and extending into left hemimandibular ramus measuring approximately 2.7 cm x 1.7 cm in axial dimension by 3.7 cm in CC dimension. No solid nodular enhancing finding within the lesion is appreciated. The affected mandible is expanded and remodeled by the lesion, suggesting a chronic lesion. Dental amalgam artifact limits assessment of the oral cavity, including numbering of the teeth. This lobulated lesion may extend into a posterior molar tooth socket along the left hemimandible, although this would be much better assessed by CT, as clinically warranted. No tooth is currently associated with this finding, within the limits of this exam.

 

No additional masses are identified. The pharynx and larynx are unremarkable. The thyroid gland, submandibular glands, and parotid glands are unremarkable.

 

A mildly enlarged left jugulodigastric lymph node measuring 1.7 cm (image 10, series 21) and a mildly enlarged 1.3 cm left level III lymph node (image 15, series 21) are present.

 

IMPRESSION:

 

2.7 cm x 1.7 cm x 3.7 cm, T2 hyperintense, multilobulated/partially septated, minimally peripherally enhancing mass within the posterior left hemimandibular body and extending into the ramus. No solid nodular enhancing abnormality within the lesion is appreciated. The affected mandible is remodeled and expanded. The lesion extends into the expected location of a left molar tooth socket, although this is difficult to ascertain due to artifact on this MRI. The patient does provide a history of a prior molar tooth extraction in this area, further suggesting that the lesion is likely odontogenic in origin. Moreover, the lack of solid nodular enhancement suggests that this is likely benign. However, at this point, the finding is nonspecific and a noncontrast CT of the face is recommended for further assessment.

 

A couple mildly enlarged left neck lymph nodes are identified, as detailed above.

Kinda sucks. But what should I expect. Not sure what to do with this damn thing now. I've been experiencing more weird pains in my jaw too. Not sure if it is anxiety. All I know is this fucker has been growing for a really long time, maybe before I did benzos, not sure though.

It seems that lots of issues can arise from getting your wisdom teeth taken out. Or even other procedures like root canals. All sorts of toxic bacteria in the mouth. I never really had the best oral hygiene throughout my life and that is something that I'm going to change.

 

I watched this documentary on Netflix called Root Cause. Not sure how legit it is but it really struck a chord. I recommend anyone who got a root canal or a tooth taken out to watch it. According to the documentary it causes problems making people sick.

It seems that lots of issues can arise from getting your wisdom teeth taken out. Or even other procedures like root canals. All sorts of toxic bacteria in the mouth. I never really had the best oral hygiene throughout my life and that is something that I'm going to change.

 

I watched this documentary on Netflix called Root Cause. Not sure how legit it is but it really struck a chord. I recommend anyone who got a root canal or a tooth taken out to watch it. According to the documentary it causes problems making people sick.

 

But you can never tell if things like that are because the tooth was taken out, or were the cause of the tooth needing to be taken out.

Not sure if getting my wisdom teeth taken out is giving me problems other than that growth but it does make you wonder. That documentary was really far out there though but I can't stop thinking about it. Wonder how much truth there is to it because if any of that is true that is disturbing.

Not sure if getting my wisdom teeth taken out is giving me problems other than that growth but it does make you wonder. That documentary was really far out there though but I can't stop thinking about it. Wonder how much truth there is to it because if any of that is true that is disturbing.

 

How are you doing, Mamoot? I've never seen that documentary, but I think we've probably learned better than to take healthcare workers word when weighing risks about treatments and procedures. There seems to be a pervasive culture of exaggerating the benefits while downplaying the risks. I suppose it is a business, after all.

 

Do you have any plans for further investigations? Or do they just recommend watchful waiting?

Hey. I'm doing okay, I guess a little better than okay considering how I was before during the fall months. The next step is finding an oral, maxillofacial surgeon and having them investigate the MRI and getting an opinion on what to do. If surgery is recommended I will see if I can do it later on when I'm finished tapering ideally. I'll try to get an alternate anesthesia so it doesn't have benzos in it too but I'm not too worried about it. I could probably eat some benzos right now and not be too negatively impacted from a single day of using it but can't say for sure. That would really suck getting surgery and waking up with benzo withdrawal that lingers for weeks and sucked down that hole again. But thats life I guess. Been eating more carbs. I've been eating really small amounts of these Japanese yams every day. But basically making a small sized yam last 3-4 days. Just started eating this blend of Swiss green chard and green and red dandelion root. I'm just boiling those and then straining the water out. Then I portion it in ziplock bags and freeze it. All I put on it is some apple cider vinegar, oil and salt. Trying to eat these greens with every meal now to stay healthier  because I have an addiction to basically coconut butter and cacao, and pretty much almond butter. There are these things called Keto Cups. I'm like an over indulged child with these keto cups and almond butter when I eat this cannibis infused coconut oil which gives me munchies that is really difficult to control. Wonder if the gabaergic drug side effects makes it harder to resist the munchy problem. I like the edible cannabis because it sedates me and obviously is increasing gaba or acting as a potent glutamate blocker. Only problem I just get hungry and eat to the point I get sick. I think I need to just stop buying keto cups and just switch to cacao nibs and coconut butter to get my fix. Ultimately, I would like to give caffeine a break, including cacao and its unique stimulants as well. Really can't wait to get to the point where I'm off everything. It seems I'm still in keto despite reintroducing more carbs in. Woke up with a fasting glucose level of 84mg/dl. I'd guess around 0.8mmol for blood ketones but I ran out of strips for that.

 

My main obstacle is getting my blood pressure spikes down in the morning. I feel good enough to taper faster than I am now and that is pretty cool considering how messed up I was before eating this way. Basically just need to eat healthier. I'm going to manipulate this diet too and decrease my fat intake some days but still keep carbs low as possible. Too easy to over do the fats and my gallbladder hurts when I eat too much keto cups and almond butter, or at least I am imagining it hurting. I'm stoned on edibles right now, feels like another wasted day because I don't get much done in the way of anything productive like this and at risk of overeating which makes me miserable and afraid for my health. I gained about 5lbs too recently but some muscle though. Just need to take it to the next level now and eat right, taper faster and smart, and keep exercising as much as possible. Going in the sauna before working out seems to lower my blood pressure as long as I wait after doing it and cool off for a few minutes before working out. The sauna helps you manage the way your body releases norepinephrine. I strongly recommend it in 10 minute intervals. I'm pretty sick of keto but it's because I mess up and eat those foods. I think doing keto right is hard though. It takes a certain discipline that I need to obtain. I don't want anything to happen to me either. I question whether keto is safe when I overdose on almond butter and keto cups and I get this pain in my liver area.

Hey everyone. I got the results of the biopsy today and the diagnosis is inflamed odontogenic cyst with intramural ameloblastic fibroma. It's benign and non aggressive. I have a plastic drainage tube that I have to keep in for several months in order to decompress/shrink the cyst. I also have to irrigate the cyst by injecting salt water or this mouthwash in the tube. There was some bone loss but it should fill back in as it shrinks. I'm going to need surgery though and they will remove the membranous sac of the cyst. The cyst was basically liquid.

 

It could of been worse. If it was aggressive they would of had to remove a big portion of my jaw and replace it with a piece of my leg bone. I would of had a big scar in my face. Looks like I'm lucky concidering.

 

After reading some stuff on ameloblastic fibroma's it seems they have the potential to become malignant, which wasn't what they told me at the doctor's office. They made it seem non aggressive and low recurrence rate. Hopefully, I'm just confused about what I read and what the hell this thing is. I'm probably going to have to go back and ask more questions to relieve my worries over it. I can't assume I know more than the doctor's do based on a quick Google search either.

 

Edit: I plan on going back to the dental clinic to ask more questions on Monday. I read a handful of scientific publications about ameloblastic fibromas and they seem pretty rare and it depends on who you ask I think about recurrence rates. From what I read, they have the potential to become malignant if they recur after being removed. They are going to remove the cyst and scrape around the bone to remove all traces of it and keep a close eye on it I think. I don't know what the odds are of it becoming malignant after recurring because there is some variance on the source. I may have a 3% chance of this becoming cancer one day but I have no idea. This is just a guess based on everything I read so far. I'll just keep eating healthy but start eating less. I do have a tendency to overeat a little bit. I'm just worried about the drugs I take though. I rather be completely medication free after the surgery in case any of these drugs I take increase risk of cancers I'm thinking. The follow up appointment is in 3 months. The surgery can happen any time after that but the decompression phase can be anywhere from 3-12 months depending on some stuff. I guess I need to get off the rest of this crap or at least get to really low dosages especially with the phenibut.

That's great news, Mamoot! Not only benign, but you also get to keep your movie star good looks intact . I guess the bad news is that I kind of doubt you'll be able to get off those doses of phenibut and gabapentin in only a few months.

 

How has the tapering been going? You can't really win with these drugs. Stay on them too long, you end up with a neuropsychiatric disorder. Try to taper them too fast, you end up in a horrible withdrawal state and also have a psychiatric disorder. I strongly suspect some of those research compounds that failed in clinical trials would have some carcinogenic properties. Heck, quite a few drugs that passed the approval process are carcinogenic. Certain benzos, for one thing. Hopefully you can get off all this crap in one piece. I think I managed it, barely, but I am starting to wonder if the legacy of it will affect the mutation rate of my germ cells, and if it does, for how long? Ugh. Not something I expect scientists will generally get research funding for.

The odds are that I will be able to keep my mandible but if the tumor came back after they removed it they will recommend a hemimandibulectomy. Google that and look at the images. It's horrifying. I went to the dental clinic and spoke with the doctor today and he said that I will be able to wait until I'm finished tapering all the meds before they do the surgery and scoop it out. So, if it takes a year to finish tapering, I will do the conservative surgery then. The tumor is benign and they are not worried about it. They just need to make sure it doesn't get any bigger and eat up more bone tissue. I want to be off all meds and poisons before I do the surgery. I'm done with research chemicals. There are no shortcuts to healing worth the risk of getting my jaw removed. None of that stuff works that great anyways. My next goal is to eat less. I want to eat about 1200 kcal a day and super clean. I may do multiple long term water fasts after the surgery too to try to reduce the chances of the tumor recurring. The doctor told me that the rate of recurrence for the type of tumor I have is 10%. I read from different sources that it is 18%. I basically have an 85% chance of keeping my jaw. Probably higher if I'm top of things.  Just need to stay positive.

 

The most beautiful Barred owl visited me a few days ago. I got to pet it and pick it up. I'm not sure if it was hurt or tired but I kept it all day and it flew away that same day around dusk. It was so docile. I have pics and video of it. It was amazing. I think it came to me for a reason to help get me through these dark times. Owls can see in the dark, hopefully I'll be able to now better. I'm going to make a big gabapentin drop tomorrow.

Wow, that's cool. Those things can get pretty big. I'm amazed it let you touch it. I'd definitely be interested in the video if you post it somewhere.

 

I hope you have plenty of support for your taper Mamoot. How much are you dropping the Gabapentin today? I imagine the receptor occupancy curve for that one is similar to the benzos, so you should be able to taper at an ok rate until you get to a lower dose, assuming you don't have any problems. Are the dosages in your signature up to date?

 

Glad to hear you're done with the research compounds. Those things are bad news. Obviously it's impossible to know whether they are carcinogenic, but I wouldn't worry about that now or blame yourself for taking them. Just hope you can get through it and the tumor doesn't recur.

 

I think the caloric deficit would make sense after you have recovered, but when your CNS is trying to reorganize and you've got to recover from surgery, you probably want to at least eat enough to cover your basal metabolic rate and any exercise you do (lots if you can). After you have recovered, fasting like that would probably be more beneficial. I think maybe you could do intermittent fasting while still eating the requisite calories and get the benefits of autophagy and neuroprotection while tapering. What do you think?

I might post something with the owl but I'm not really sure where. I updated my signature recently. I put the date of the last update I made on the top line of the sig to clarify things but I haven't been keeping track of all my drops. I went from 675mg to 595mg today. It is easier than I thought it would be so I'm going to go to 545mg tomorrow. The contents inside each 300mg gabapentin capsule I have weigh  ~380mg.

 

As far as the research compounds, I'm not sure if any of the ones I've done are carcinogenic. Probably not. I used some peptides that are supposed to be benign and pretty safe. If anything benzos and my on and off use of tobacco caused the cyst. Still, I'm not going to take any more risks and use unproven chemicals that are not even necessary when I think about it now. If anything I will be extra careful from now on. I want to start getting medical grade cannabis as well. I don't want to use street weed anymore because I don't know if it is safe. I'm laying off the weed as much as possible right now because I've been getting horrible panic attacks. Plus edibles really make it impossible for me to not overeat. Again, and I really want medical grade organic cannabis from now on. I want to continue to use CBD. I recently discovered kratom is helping with the WD. Also, I have been taking memantine again in short cycles and quickly down titrating with each successive drop I make. Besides this, I use baicalin sometimes and magnolia bark. Also, mushroom extracts like red reishi, maitaki, lion's mane, etc....basically everything I use has anti tumor properties now. I want to keep things natural. No more Russian drugs and nootropics for the foreseeable future. I may consider using ketamine once in a while but not sure if that is the best idea right now.

 

Yes, exercise and intermittent fasting makes sense right after the surgery followed by an extended fast.

 

Edit: I told the doctor that I wanted to finish getting off the meds before they do the enucleation with curettage which is the removal of the cyst and some of the surrounding bone which may contain some of the lining of the cyst. So far they did marsupialization and I have this plastic drainage tube. I have to irrigate the area with salt water regularly. I'm going to stay on top of oral hygiene from now on. I'll do whatever I have to so this doesn't come back. As long as the cyst shrinks and stops growing I won't have to get surgery for year or longer if I wanted to.

Videos of Barred owl:

 

That's awesome, Mamoot. He's your spirit animal. From now on you will be a wise owl in serene contentment