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Hi!  I was put on Clonazepam at 20 and have been using it for 26 years with the exception of being off while pregnant.  For the past few years I was at 2 mg per day.  I am down to .5 and starting to dry microtaper with a scale. I’m happy with the progress, it’s taken me about 6 months to get here.  I have all the symptoms but after doing this before they don’t scare me as much and that in itself seems to calm the flares quickly.  I am nervous about getting to the smaller benchmarks and jumping but I also try to just focus on today.  I have been reading these posts daily and am looking forward to meeting people who actually understand so much about this process and ultimately healing. 
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Welcome to BenzoBuddies!  We are glad you decided to join us.  You'll find a lot of support and information on this forum, which is the only one of its kind online. Congratulations on your taper so far.

 

For those starting a taper, we generally recommend starting out at a rate of 5 to 10% every 10-14 days, then adjusting the taper to suit your own needs.  Note: very short term users may be able to taper faster.

 

Withdrawal symptoms, which vary widely but commonly include anxiety and insomnia, often occur during a taper, but these are temporary and will get better in time.  In general, first tapers are easier, but cold turkeys or multiple withdrawals may be more severe and longer lasting.  Here are a few links to get you started:

 

The Ashton Manual, a concise reference for tapering and symptom issues.

 

Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

 

Once again, welcome!

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Hi Saige - sounds like you have a good attitude about your symptoms.  That alone took me far, and I think it will for you too!  Just knowing it's withdrawal and healing helps me keep a good perspective and I really believe helps healing happen a little faster.  All we have is today and it doesn't do much good to be terrified of what may happen along the way.  You did great getting your dose down so low in a safe time frame!  Which benzo are you on? 

 

Good luck with your journey.

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Klonopin...that was mine too.  I did a really stupid taper because I didn't know any better.  Was at 1mg Klon for only about 14 months, but that was enough!!  It put it in perspective when I realized 1mg klon = 20 mg valium.  That 1mg sounds so innocent but it's really big pharma trying to hide Dolly Parton in a string bikini  :)  I've noticed on this site there are some people who were only on for a few months and had bad protracted withdrawal...and then there are some like you that are doing okay even though they were on for decades.  It's such a crap shoot!  But 'way to go' getting it down from 2mg.  There's really only one way out - the only other path is to keep jacking up the dose which is the real trail of tears.

 

26 years is a long time.  And you started at such a young age.  Very brave of you to take the path to freedom.  How did you do when you were off it while pregnant?  What are your worst symptoms?  Are you noticing anything getting significantly better?

 

 

 

 

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Yes, it’s unbelievable the road it puts you on wether you are only on it for a few weeks or for years.  I had panic and I am thankful for It’s help with that during my life, but now I would do anything to be off and to have a healthy brain.  I was actually doing well while off Klonopin when I got pregnant, but I’m convinced the extra progesterone was the reason.  I started again after having my daughter.  Then 6 years later I got pregnant again but it wasn’t planned! This was awful because I know the first trimester is so important.  I tried to C/t but was afraid the intense symptoms would hurt the baby so I did what I could and was off about 4 months into the pregnancy.  Then...I started again after she was born.  So, I have 26 years and two periods of going off.  I know I’m not in the best prognosis but as long as the anxiety isn’t extreme, I’ve been okay. Things like occasional tinnitus actually make me happy because I can hear my brain trying to repair things.  But there are some upsetting things, like a new symptom that started a few days ago, I guess it’s called Jamais Vu.  I couldn’t recognize the word meditate!  I knew that I knew it, but it was like speaking a foreign language to say or even read it.  I feel like I understand amnesia now because this is one of the craziest things ever.  Why that word?  So interesting/upsetting.  But, I’m not panicking so I’m just going to look at this as my brain reaaaaly trying to heal.  Thank you so much for your kind words and for welcoming me. How are you doing now?
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Ha! I can tell you have a decent sense of humor...a much needed commodity to get through some days!

 

I know what you mean about the anxiety - as long as that isn't bad I can get through most stuff.  The extreme anxiety was a real trip for me - the worst of the sx and it started while I was still on the 1mg.  Horrid panic, but that seems to be behind me now, especially since I jumped a few weeks ago.  You say your prognosis isn't good, but you sound like you're doing relatively ok, all things considered.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that you'll be one of the lucky ones.  It's definitely not a totally painless path - but hopefully manageable.

 

I started keeping a loose journal for symptoms which helped.  Just sort of tracked the big six or seven gremlins.  So whenever I get discouraged I look back and say...hey, things are looking up.  Just like the insidiousness of the drug brings you down piece by piece when on it...healing can be insidious too and sneaks up on you little by little.  I had a lot of GI issues too which are straightening out finally.  The gut/brain thing.  Lots of people experience that in varied ways.  Thank God that gremlin is gone now too.

 

The symptoms can be odd, eh?  What you said about the word 'meditation'.  Strange things can pop up while the brain is readjusting itself.  I remember a three week stretch where every time I wrote a grocery list (or anything else) I left off the last letter of every single word!!!  Go figure.

 

I'm rooting for you!!!  Like you, every time a symptom rears its ugly head I try to look at it as healing.  It's easy to see healing when your having a decent day (or hour...or minute...) but not so easy to see the pain as healing when you're going through a stretch of suffering.  But that's why we're here!  I was just telling a friend...consider us the complaint department!!!  And I guarantee, no matter how odd the symptom, you're going to find it somewhere else on this site.  The list seems endless.

 

Just keep reaching out.  It helps.  The isolation can be a bitch because not many people get it, unless you're going through it or have gone through it.  Some of us call them the 'normies'.  :)

 

I'm sure you know already to eat healthy and stay hydrated.  I had killer dehydration.  Still have it, but not quite as bad.

 

Hopefully others will join your thread.  Or you can start another if you are having a particularly bothersome symptom and at least get some support.  I highly recommend reading the post by Parker on What's Happening to Your Brain While Healing (I may not have that exactly right, but close).  It gives an optimistic view of the healing process of the brain. It pops up every so often at the top of the support forum.  Again, very optimistic view of the healing process.

 

Probably a good idea to do your signature so folks know exactly where you're at....like you can see mine at the bottom of my post.

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Wow!! Every sentence you wrote is a gem! It is really incredible to talk (write) to someone who truly understands this struggle.  Yes, when I feel good I feel like I can’t possibly have any more waves, but of course, they cone and those pessimistic thoughts come running.  I’m so glad some of your gremlins are leaving.  I will watch your progress closely as you were on the same Benzo and are ahead of me.  Congrats for being Benzo free!!i made my signature, thank you for the advice. It’s nice to be excited about having a “group” of people who get this.  And yes, humor is my favorite thing!  No I’m going to go m e d I t a t e....no idea how to even pronounce that! :laugh:
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Klonopin...that was mine too.  I did a really stupid taper because I didn't know any better.  Was at 1mg Klon for only about 14 months, but that was enough!!  It put it in perspective when I realized 1mg klon = 20 mg valium.  That 1mg sounds so innocent but it's really big pharma trying to hide Dolly Parton in a string bikini  :)  I've noticed on this site there are some people who were only on for a few months and had bad protracted withdrawal...and then there are some like you that are doing okay even though they were on for decades.  It's such a crap shoot!  But 'way to go' getting it down from 2mg.  There's really only one way out - the only other path is to keep jacking up the dose which is the real trail of tears.

 

26 years is a long time.  And you started at such a young age.  Very brave of you to take the path to freedom.  How did you do when you were off it while pregnant?  What are your worst symptoms?  Are you noticing anything getting significantly better?

 

K is Dolly Parton in a string bikini - best analogy ever!!!!!

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Yes, the Dolly comment is now a great way to visualize it!  Im doing okay, thanks for asking. Mornings are hard. Did/do you wake up with a depression? I’m not usually prone to it but have had this in the mornings. I think it’s after a night with lots of bad dreams. Again I think that is my brain repairing itself but it takes a bit of a toll in the morning.  Hope you are doing well too!
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Mornings seem to be the hardest for everyone.  Don't know why...maybe our brain chemicals are the most sensitive then.  I went from the phase of over the top morning panic that grew into a dread of the day...which I guess is depression.  Working on exhaustion/depression at the moment, with a few glimmers of normal here and there.  I'm grateful sleep has been kind to me, mostly.  Everything else seems to have more of a "suck" quota when you don't get sleep.

 

Sorry if my posts seem a little disjointed of late.  Working on overcoming some recent bad news.  Life keeps happening and coming at us I suppose.  At least I'm smart enough now not to deal with it by taking a pill!!!

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Hi Welchie - sorry about the bad news - dealing with that myself too which is hard while tapering but better than popping pills to numb everything.

 

I have been well - starting a DLMT which I am excited about - hopefully it will be smoother than the cutting and holding I have done to get from 10mg of V to 3mg of V!

 

Sending you and Saige loads of love and healing!

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I’m so sorry to hear you both are dealing with non Benzo struggles, it’s the last thing we need.  Your description of depression fits exactly what I feel, dread of the day.  Hope you get some relief from what your dealing with now.  Fish oil has helped me with this depression in the past and I think I might be more diligent about taking it (yuck) Wishing you well with your DLMT, if I was on V I know I would try that too, seems like you can be very concise and hopefully it will keep the symptoms minir.  Again, it’s realky awesome to have people to talk to....family just doesn’t get it. Not their fault, but very isolating.
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I'm having really good luck with fish oil too!!  I'm doing Green Pastures Fermented Cod.  Double yuck!  I'm adding other good fats too, like olive oil I bought straight from Italy...it has more of the omega 7 (cousin to omega 9 and 3) and is unadulterated.  I was thinking that the brain loves fats and it's basically a food and not a pill supplement.  So many people post that they get reactions to supplements, myself included, though they never bothered me before.  It seems to be doing something good all around since I've started it.  There's another product that Green Pastures sells called Butter Oil.  It has very high Vit K in it naturally, which heals the gut. 

 

Thanks Sober and Saige for sending along the good mojo.  It helps.  I think what really heals on this site is the sharing and caring.  If there was a cure for all this we'd be billionaires tanning our toes in the Bahamas now.  And yes, you'll find lots and lots of posts about family not getting it, though I'm blessed with my Hubby's patience and love.

 

Sober - If my feeble brain serves me right - you've been holding at 3mg V for about three or four weeks now?  That's great you got it down this low and are in the home stretch now.  Show that bezo who's BOSS!!!  Take no prisoners!!!  You too Seige!!!

 

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Thanks Saige and Welchie - I agree that being kind and supportive on here is therapeutic, big time. I try and stay as optimistic as I can always and cheer everyone on their path to being benzo-free.

 

I am about to start my DLMT from 3mg down...going slow at 5% every 14 days. I have been on 3mg for about 3 weeks I think (I should keep track). I am ready to start going down again. I truly hope I react well to the liquid. Fingers crossed!

 

Hope you guys are having a peaceful Saturday!

 

We are all in this together and we will heal!

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Fingers, eyes and toes crossed for your titration Sober.  I'm really looking forward to hearing about your good progress too!  Just so you know - both of you - the other side of the jump is a good place to be and healing is happening.  Don't ever stop believing that.
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Fingers, eyes and toes crossed for your titration Sober.  I'm really looking forward to hearing about your good progress too!  Just so you know - both of you - the other side of the jump is a good place to be and healing is happening.  Don't ever stop believing that.

 

Thank you so much Welchie! I just made a 15 day batch and start tomorrow...nervous/excited. I do think a DLMT will be smoother than the cut and holds of the past. I really look forward to stepping off to being benzo-free. Your support means the world to me - it's so nice to know someone has your back. Thank you!

 

Pete :)

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Oh wow, I know the excited nervous feeling before you start a new taper or progress down.  Hoping it goes splendidly!  Welchie, I’m doing the cod liver too lol! I’m going to look into the other things you mentioned!  I’ve been worrying now about glutamate, but it seems to be in everything.  I know the gut is just as important as the brain here and am trying to figure all that out too! 
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Yeah - no Chinese food for us.  I miss Klondike bars too, damnit!!!  And just once would like to stick a pizza in the oven for dinner.  Someone I know can't eat garlic.  Now THAT is cruel and unusual punishment.  Harmph!

 

I bought a weighted blanket off Amazon.  Not sure I mentioned that.  They're pricey, but supposedly good for sleep.  Will report back on whether they actually work. 

 

Gonna crawl off to the recliner and stare brainlessly at the tv with the sound down low (noise sensitive still).  Maybe we'll  wake up tomorrow CURED!!!  Hope everyone has a good eve - (or day, depending where you are!)

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Yes I feel like so many foods are not options anymore.  I wondered about garlic, I love garlic but something has made me fear it because of its sulfur or whatever makes it so strong, onions too.  Night you guys! You must be far from California because it’s still early here.  Hoping right with you that tomorrow is a good day!!!
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