17 months down...and still getting nowhere

So, like the title says, I've been in this fight for 17 months now and I'm just stuck - well, so much for the brain's ability to heal. This insane fear and anxiety isn't getting better and for the last year, all I've thought about is ending it both for my benefit and for the benefit of my family. I can't believe that my life has come to this - I used to be a normal guy with a normal life which I took for granted, but now I spend my days sitting in a corner, crying, sweating and feeling terrified before falling into bed at night to get 3 or 4 hours of sleep, waking up soaked in sweat and then doing it all over again. All of my early hopes for recovery are gone, they just sort of evaporated as I drew close to the 1 year mark with nothing to show for it other than a weight loss of almost 40 pounds. I was a skinny sort of guy before all of this began, but now I look like...ugh, it's just sick. What am I supposed to do? The thought that I might have to live this way for another God knows how many years, maybe even the rest of my life, is just horrific beyond words 

So, like the title says, I've been in this fight for 17 months now and I'm just stuck - well, so much for the brain's ability to heal. This insane fear and anxiety isn't getting better and for the last year, all I've thought about is ending it both for my benefit and for the benefit of my family. I can't believe that my life has come to this - I used to be a normal guy with a normal life which I took for granted, but now I spend my days sitting in a corner, crying, sweating and feeling terrified before falling into bed at night to get 3 or 4 hours of sleep, waking up soaked in sweat and then doing it all over again. All of my early hopes for recovery are gone, they just sort of evaporated as I drew close to the 1 year mark with nothing to show for it other than a weight loss of almost 40 pounds. I was a skinny sort of guy before all of this began, but now I look like...ugh, it's just sick. What am I supposed to do? The thought that I might have to live this way for another God knows how many years, maybe even the rest of my life, is just horrific beyond words 

 

I feel like you. I am 15 months off. It has to be better. Other people heal why wont we? I am so afraid of getting stucked in this mess. I have just a few symptoms left but they are torture. I am sick sick sick and tired of being stucked in my sofa not able to live my normal wonderful life. Damn I hate this. I am a prisoner in my own body not able to function at all

 

The fear and terror is killing me! And the electric nonstop feeling in my whole body! Is your use of "benzo" zopliclone? I am so sorry that you have to go thru this hell after such a short use.

I used zolpidem for 9 years ^^.....I had not think about that these also is a part of my w/d... I have put them in my sign now. But I could stop zolpidem CT in 2016 without trouble...my hell open im may 2017

 

I do have some kind of windows. But I am never total free even in my window but I can take it. I used to cry all the time and I was so suicidal that I had to be at the hospital for 6 weeks. But it had stopped. I am very sick but I am gonna beat this. I have too. I hate every minute of my day. My days is on repeat...same shit every day. Around xmas I got the worse wave ever it was brutal. It had gone from brutal to really bad. I cant handle it yet it is way to much. It feels like I am gonna lose my mind fall down dead...

I hope you will start to feel better soon and live your life as you used to.

Dear Zopvictim. Don't give up! You have done the hard miles! Just today I saw a doctor because of a rib injury (mountain biking), I saw him in May last year and mentioned my benzo struggle to him, he said it was impossible for me to still have withdrawals as I was 3 months off already by then. I did not argue even though I personally know better.

 

When I saw him today I told him in two weeks I will be off for a year and that I still have trouble sleeping and some minor side effects. I mentioned  the down regulation of GABA receptors and the need for them to be up-regulated apparently according to theory. He said I must persevere as it would take about three years for my entire body to achieve homeostasis again.

 

So, he changed his tune dramatically since my last visit and he encouraged me to persevere through the whole process. I neverexpected this from a doctor!

 

It seems that the medical community are catching on to the realities of benzos even though it appears they are under the spell of big pharma. This means we are on course to a tipping point with the matter - when that is reached there will be far more structured, professional support for benzo victims than there is now  - I digress....

 

You were on a large dose, your battle is larger than mine, but you have done it! 17 months out is a long long road, please be kind to yourself and support your symptoms as much as possible while living the most disciplined routine to ensure you are resting as much as is absolutely possible. You will get better, it will all be worth it. Please do not put too much weight on the horror stories of those who take long to recover - blaze your own trail of recovery. Mental attitude does play a role in all of this.

 

All of the best!

"Under the spell of big pharma" is right!  They're just getting started on lawsuits over opioids and I think the benzos will be next.

Hi zopvictim, wow you sound just like me and I’m 19.5 months off. I’m so depressed at how slow my healing is taking, I moan for my old life where doing things life travel and having a social life we’re things I enjoyed. I’m a shadow of my former self, I’m a couch potato when I used to be fit and active. I also miss my old brain, I feel stupid now like I still have terrible memory and cog fog. I’m thinking I might not heal till year 3 at least. This has to get better, I’m in a real depression right now, so it’s hard to be optimistic but there are thousands of success stories, so very must get better

You haven't logged in for a while.  I hope you are doing okay.

I understand the frustration, and feeling disheartened. It happens to all of us who have longer, more intense wd. I hope this note is encouraging.  I can say you're not alone, and others have said/thought all the things you are probably thinking/doing now. Please hang in there. It will end; may be not today or next week, but it will end. You have already handled severe adversity, and remain civil, and determined. Applaud your own tenacity, and strength. Well done.

 

I am writing to offer things that help me.  Everyone has to do what they think is best. I use high dose vitamin C ( buffered to save the guts),

taurine, and niacin.  The vit C and niacin comes from Dr. A. Hoffer (Canadian psychiatrist). You can find videos on YT.  Helps with anxiety, and sleep. The taurine helps the muscle spasm/shakes with sweating.  It will definitely drop blood sugar so you must eat when you take it. It can be a couple of teaspoons of peanut butter. In general, if your BS drops, you're more likely to have symptoms.

 

I am 19 months off pre-gabalin, and 8 months off a very low Valium taper.  Got suddenly hit by a wave today after a nap.(Just doesn't seem possible!) All the symptoms showing themselves. I'm tremoring, and sweating as I type. Unexpected, and aggravating. Taking my supplements, and weathering the storm. Remember, this is temporary.

Same here almost 16m. Off... Nothing is changed. My dreams for recovery are gone!