A New Post on Guilt from Jennifer Leigh

This has been such a tough one to handle - guilt and regret. I'm glad Jennifer has a post on it. I didn't realize that it fades away just like the other symptoms.

The Layers Of Guilt In Benzo Withdrawal

by Jennifer Leigh | Feb 4, 2019 | Coping Skills | 0 comments

Like An Onion

Guilt in benzo withdrawal is oftentimes like an onion—so many layers and each one can make us weep! Our hearts are heavy with the burden of regrets, wishing we could undo what we did or didn’t do. If you are feeling guilt, know that it is a very common emotion in benzo withdrawal. Know too, that it eventually fades away, just as the other benzo withdrawal symptoms will fade away.

These are some of the things that people tell me they feel guilty about. I thought I’d share them with you so you don’t feel so alone in the emotional quagmire of withdrawal.

We Swallowed The Pill

This is one of the more common causes for guilt. We wish with all of our might that we had turned down our doctor’s prescription. We feel guilty for believing our doctors and having such blind faith in the medical community. How we wish we could turn back the hands of time and never, ever swallow that first pill! But we can’t go back. We must accept that we are where we are and trust that we will recover. We need to have compassion for ourselves. We made the best decision at the time.

Too Slow. Too Fast. Cold Turkey

Guilt over how we managed our tapers, perhaps too slow or too fast, or how we plowed through with a cold turkey, plagues many people. Their minds won’t stop torturing them with thoughts that if they had only done things differently, they wouldn’t be suffering. There is no way to know what our symptoms would be had we done anything differently. We did the best we could to get free. It doesn’t help to look back, but our minds insist at times.

Family and Friends

We feel guilty that our family and friends are suffering with us. We feel guilty that we can’t be the mother, father, wife, or husband that we want to be. Feeling that we’ve let down our family (due to our withdrawal symptoms, inability to work, etc.) can be overwhelming for some, causing a deepening of the depression that often goes hand in hand with benzo withdrawal. It’s good to remind ourselves that we won’t be sick forever and that our family (and friendships) will one day go back to normal as we resume normal life activities again.

Original Diagnosis

Some people confess that they feel guilt over having had anxiety, or panic, or whatever their original diagnosis was that led them to see a doctor. They feel that they were “less than” in some way for having had a psychological or medical problem.

Past Mistakes

Guilt over past mistakes or “missteps” haunt many people in withdrawal. This dark view of our past and of ourselves seems to go hand-in-hand with the doom and gloom that is so common in benzo withdrawal. Some people become fixated on their past, reliving it over and over, like a horrible dream. If we seek medical help, we may be told that we’ve acquired OCD or some other psychological ailment. However, this isn’t likely, as this preoccupation with our “skeletons in the closet” is just another benzo withdrawal symptom. It goes away just as the other benzo withdrawal symptoms go away.

How To Cope

What can we do if we find ourselves stuck in one (or more) layers of benzo withdrawal guilt? We can gently observe the emotions without getting hooked into believing their dire messages. We can remind ourselves through positive self-talk, that guilt is a common benzo withdrawal symptom and will go away as our receptors heal and our nervous systems settle down. Extending compassion to ourselves goes a long way in helping us avoid the doom and gloom that benzo withdrawal wants us to believe.

Practicing love for ourselves helps us bypass the darkness of guilt. It can be helpful to write down positive statements about ourselves and post them where we can see them daily. Daily affirmations of positive encouragement also help. Distraction is also helpful. We can find things to do that take our minds off of the preoccupation of guilt. The mind often follows the hands, so it is good to engage in something that requires the use of our hands. Gardening, painting, knitting, etc. can give us some relief from the guilt, even if for only a little while.

Remember that guilt is another benzo withdrawal symptom. it does fade away in time. You won’t be stuck in that dark place forever. Of course, if you are struggling with guilt to the point that you can’t cope, please seek help. Talk to someone who can listen and love you. Surround yourself with a caring community. Perhaps work with a benzo-wise therapist or counselor. Spiritual Direction is also helpful, as is gentle massage from a trained bodyworker. Some people find that acupuncture can be helpful  (others feel revved up by it). Gentle Yoga, breathwork, prayer, meditation, and other contemplative or energy practices can give some relief. You’ll need to find what works best for you.

What has your experience with guilt been like in benzo withdrawal? Feel free to leave a comment and share with us.

This has been such a tough one to handle - guilt and regret. I'm glad Jennifer has a post on it. I didn't realize that it fades away just like the other symptoms.

 

 

The Layers Of Guilt In Benzo Withdrawal

by Jennifer Leigh | Feb 4, 2019 | Coping Skills | 0 comments

 

Like An Onion

Guilt in benzo withdrawal is oftentimes like an onion—so many layers and each one can make us weep! Our hearts are heavy with the burden of regrets, wishing we could undo what we did or didn’t do. If you are feeling guilt, know that it is a very common emotion in benzo withdrawal. Know too, that it eventually fades away, just as the other benzo withdrawal symptoms will fade away.

 

These are some of the things that people tell me they feel guilty about. I thought I’d share them with you so you don’t feel so alone in the emotional quagmire of withdrawal.

 

We Swallowed The Pill

This is one of the more common causes for guilt. We wish with all of our might that we had turned down our doctor’s prescription. We feel guilty for believing our doctors and having such blind faith in the medical community. How we wish we could turn back the hands of time and never, ever swallow that first pill! But we can’t go back. We must accept that we are where we are and trust that we will recover. We need to have compassion for ourselves. We made the best decision at the time.

 

Too Slow. Too Fast. Cold Turkey

Guilt over how we managed our tapers, perhaps too slow or too fast, or how we plowed through with a cold turkey, plagues many people. Their minds won’t stop torturing them with thoughts that if they had only done things differently, they wouldn’t be suffering. There is no way to know what our symptoms would be had we done anything differently. We did the best we could to get free. It doesn’t help to look back, but our minds insist at times.

 

Family and Friends

We feel guilty that our family and friends are suffering with us. We feel guilty that we can’t be the mother, father, wife, or husband that we want to be. Feeling that we’ve let down our family (due to our withdrawal symptoms, inability to work, etc.) can be overwhelming for some, causing a deepening of the depression that often goes hand in hand with benzo withdrawal. It’s good to remind ourselves that we won’t be sick forever and that our family (and friendships) will one day go back to normal as we resume normal life activities again.

 

Original Diagnosis

Some people confess that they feel guilt over having had anxiety, or panic, or whatever their original diagnosis was that led them to see a doctor. They feel that they were “less than” in some way for having had a psychological or medical problem.

 

Past Mistakes

Guilt over past mistakes or “missteps” haunt many people in withdrawal. This dark view of our past and of ourselves seems to go hand-in-hand with the doom and gloom that is so common in benzo withdrawal. Some people become fixated on their past, reliving it over and over, like a horrible dream. If we seek medical help, we may be told that we’ve acquired OCD or some other psychological ailment. However, this isn’t likely, as this preoccupation with our “skeletons in the closet” is just another benzo withdrawal symptom. It goes away just as the other benzo withdrawal symptoms go away.

 

How To Cope

What can we do if we find ourselves stuck in one (or more) layers of benzo withdrawal guilt? We can gently observe the emotions without getting hooked into believing their dire messages. We can remind ourselves through positive self-talk, that guilt is a common benzo withdrawal symptom and will go away as our receptors heal and our nervous systems settle down. Extending compassion to ourselves goes a long way in helping us avoid the doom and gloom that benzo withdrawal wants us to believe.

 

Practicing love for ourselves helps us bypass the darkness of guilt. It can be helpful to write down positive statements about ourselves and post them where we can see them daily. Daily affirmations of positive encouragement also help. Distraction is also helpful. We can find things to do that take our minds off of the preoccupation of guilt. The mind often follows the hands, so it is good to engage in something that requires the use of our hands. Gardening, painting, knitting, etc. can give us some relief from the guilt, even if for only a little while.

 

Remember that guilt is another benzo withdrawal symptom. it does fade away in time. You won’t be stuck in that dark place forever. Of course, if you are struggling with guilt to the point that you can’t cope, please seek help. Talk to someone who can listen and love you. Surround yourself with a caring community. Perhaps work with a benzo-wise therapist or counselor. Spiritual Direction is also helpful, as is gentle massage from a trained bodyworker. Some people find that acupuncture can be helpful  (others feel revved up by it). Gentle Yoga, breathwork, prayer, meditation, and other contemplative or energy practices can give some relief. You’ll need to find what works best for you.

What has your experience with guilt been like in benzo withdrawal? Feel free to leave a comment and share with us.

Thanks for posting, Terry.  This has certainly been true for me.  There are a couple of things that are not discussed that came to mind.

1. Long tapers have an effect on healing from the guilt in my opinion.

2. A timeframe is not discussed and in my experience it takes a long time.

3. Social connections for coping are much more important than is discussed here, in my opinion.

This is one of those symptoms that I believe will stick with you the rest of your life but will, I agree too, fade over time.  I am over 5 months off now and it is noticeably fading.  The amount of will power and positive self-talk and active ignoring of those negative beliefs is a lot and it is easy to lose hope and get lost in the process.  When this has happened, I remind myself of the determination and commitment I made to myself to get through no matter what and let what happens happen.  I can compound the guilt but again, with more time, it does fade.

Coping strategies like talking to someone, surrounding yourself with a caring community, and finding and using a benzo-wise therapist or counselor are much more difficult than as stated.  One is already in a socially compromised position and I found that I had to fall back on the closest relationships I have ever had and when doing so, it even put those relationships at risk.  If it were not for blood-bound ties, I am unsure if I would have some of the support I have now.  I would say that thinking of new strategies to make new connections with supportive people may help.  Don't lean on one relationship too much unless you have no other choices or the relationship will not be greatly harmed by the medication.  Social connection is so important to healing, I believe, and should be just as important as personal health and efforts to get moving.

All of your points are well-said, seltzerer. This is very important:  The amount of will power and positive self-talk and active ignoring of those negative beliefs is a lot and it is easy to lose hope and get lost in the process.  When this has happened, I remind myself of the determination and commitment I made to myself to get through no matter what and let what happens happen.  I can compound the guilt but again, with more time, it does fade.

I tend to find that I have a lot more regret than guilt, but as both you and Jennifer said, it does go away with time.

What you mentioned about people to surround yourself with is also very important, though, I must admit, I let friendships fall by the wayside because of bad symptoms, never knowing when I'd feel better, and just an all-around blunted outlook. I have leaned HEAVILY on my son because the rest of my family just thinks that's this is the way I am and will continue to be. So my social ties are very few. I agree, though, that if you have strong ties, they're very important for healing.

“ Coping strategies like talking to someone, surrounding yourself with a caring community, and finding and using a benzo-wise therapist or counselor are much more difficult than as stated.  One is already in a socially compromised position and I found that I had to fall back on the closest relationships I have ever had and when doing so, it even put those relationships at risk.  If it were not for blood-bound ties, I am unsure if I would have some of the support I have now. “

Thank you seltzerer.

It is a good article for the guilt feelings, but what seltzerer has said here is all too true. If not for my mother I would have been SOL. It’s too bad it feels like being completely truthful about all of this is some kind of unacceptable way of describing the actual situation. The more palatable versions of our story seem to always be more popular. I guess it’s best to try and focus on what is good, but when the coping strategies, including seeking a supportive social network, are not possible or available it can tend to add guilt to the one reading these kinds of things. Like, “she covered some of this but I don’t have those things in my life and they truly aren’t going to likely materialize, must be something wrong with my poor a$$.”

Must be nice to have a supportive spouse and a comfortable amount of money in the bank, or extra help and support of various kinds. It would be a humane gesture for those of us who don’t and can’t afford benzo coaches though, to have some acknowledgement sometimes apart from the wailing in pain we get to do here.

Awful experience for anyone, but far worse for those who’s pockets aren’t full and who have only an aging parent or perhaps no one. I’m sure there are all kinds of scenarios which never get any air time because of the other social stigmas which affect human beings apart from bzd w/d. These can even happen to those who did previously have enough to support themselves and who worked.

Guess that I’ll have to take the judgment for being a “Negative Nancy” again, making the rich and socially well-supported feel uncomfortable because of my existence. Thankful I’m not homeless, don’t get me wrong... I probably would be if not for my mother. Good to remember the good things, focus on the good—I agree I agree!

It’s that some other experiences also need to be shared apart from those of the wealthy. Thanks. Would that I have left it alone and only focused on the most emotionally supportive parts of this, there would be the emotional parts that are poor ugly monster parts (or at least those that feel that way) because the advice given cannot be applied. A conundrum.

 

Must be nice to have a supportive spouse and a comfortable amount of money in the bank, or extra help and support of various kinds. It would be a humane gesture for those of us who don’t and can’t afford benzo coaches though, to have some acknowledgement sometimes apart from the wailing in pain we get to do here.

 

Awful experience for anyone, but far worse for those who’s pockets aren’t full and who have only an aging parent or perhaps no one. I’m sure there are all kinds of scenarios which never get any air time because of the other social stigmas which affect human beings apart from bzd w/d. These can even happen to those who did previously have enough to support themselves and who worked.

 

Guess that I’ll have to take the judgment for being a “Negative Nancy” again, making the rich and socially well-supported feel uncomfortable because of my existence. Thankful I’m not homeless, don’t get me wrong... I probably would be if not for my mother. Good to remember the good things, focus on the good—I agree I agree!

 

Just that some other experiences also need to be shared apart from those of the wealthy. Thanks.

I am sorry that you are in this situation, MP.  I totally agree that it is easier with money in the bank and social support, I have both of these things.  I cannot imagine how I would have coped without this, I doubt very much that I would have been able to. 

I tend to find that I have a lot more regret than guilt, but as both you and Jennifer said, it does go away with time.

I feel a great sense of loss, and of course I regret ever seeking medical help in the first place.  The sense of loss will always be with me. 

Thank you lookingforward. I’m glad you do have support and are financially covered. I truthfully am thankful you do have these things.

I suppose that the finding social support bit of advice can be significantly challenging for those who have enough also, I guess it’s that finding it is all the more exponentially rough when one does not.

There were good thoughts and ideas shared here, and I’m sorry to have to pick these things out. I wish I would stop. I really liked what Terry quoted from seltzerer about blocking negative thoughts out too. Time for me to focus on those kinds of things if I can manage not to beat myself up for pointing out what I don’t feel gets enough recognition or acknowledgement... and in many ways understandably so. Important to remember we are all human, though. Thank you for always making me feel human too, looking... and for those like you in that sense who have the things we wish we all did.

mon pilote, I'm in your situation. I have to use my son's money, adding up to thousands of dollars per year. That is very embarrassing!!! Because of all the medical procedures, ER visits, hospitalizations, bills piling up and not being able to work (I was just about to get a stipend job - even had the interview, fingerprints taken, etc., and had to forgo that because of sudden vertigo from the Ativan that I couldn't walk - SCARY!!!). I never imagined my life being this way and used to delight in buying him things. Now the tables are turned, and I hate every moment of it.  If he didn't give me money, I'd have to move out of my condo and would be living hand to mouth. I'm living that way, anyway.

Fiona, I completely understand. I'm hoping that the regret will fade, but I must think about it every day. My deepest regret was in taking Aleve and thinking, naively, that over-the-counter drugs were safe (where was my head???) and in listening to my sister, who said her husband ate Advil "like candy," not realizing that all bodies are very, very different.

Thank you lookingforward. I’m glad you do have support and are financially covered. I truthfully am thankful you do have these things.

 

I suppose that the finding social support bit of advice can be significantly challenging for those who have enough also, I guess it’s that finding it is all the more exponentially rough when one does not.

 

There were good thoughts and ideas shared here, and I’m sorry to have to pick these things out. I wish I would stop. I really liked what Terry quoted from seltzerer about blocking negative thoughts out too. Time for me to focus on those kinds of things if I can manage not to beat myself up for pointing out what I don’t feel gets enough recognition or acknowledgement... and in many ways understandably so. Important to remember we are all human, though. Thank you for always making me feel human too, looking... and for those like you in that sense who have the things we wish we all did.

Thanks, MP.  Finding social support is difficult even for me.  I have very good friends but do not wish to depend on them more than I do already.  I pay for a home help service, thankful to have the money.  Cannot now meet new people because of limited ability to function outside the home.  I worry about the future ... I have little family support and no partner/spouse or children.  I feel intensely lonely as I only see people for a few hours, 2 or 3 times a week.  It isn't a great deal and I cannot see a way out of it at the present time as I am not well enough to engage in life outside my home.  These thoughts keep me awake at night.

Fiona, I completely understand. I'm hoping that the regret will fade, but I must think about it every day. My deepest regret was in taking Aleve and thinking, naively, that over-the-counter drugs were safe (where was my head???) and in listening to my sister, who said her husband ate Advil "like candy," not realizing that all bodies are very, very different.

I am sorry you feel the same, I think for me the losses are too great for my feelings about them ever to be resolved, like many who suffer loss and grief, it is really a case of learning to live with it, and hoping it will become less dominant.

Oh Terry, my heart breaks for you... and trying the way you did to get work must have been so, so scary and disheartening. I agree with the words and phrasing you used about how it feels being hand to mouth like this. It’s hard to find the words, for what has happened. I am so sorry you have found yourself in this situation, and it was by nothing wrong you did. The guilt and regret are hard to cope with, and I do believe in optimism. I also feel thankful that I can actually convey my real feelings with you guys and find some way to come to terms with the realities of every day. Finding sometimes more grounded ways to be hopeful is very important to me, and it seems from you and looking and others that we actually do have that chance here (to my sometimes great astonishment.) I’m feeling now that I can relate to quite a few bb’s, I think this fact is slowly setting in.

Looking, 3 hrs. a week is not enough, I agree. I see what you mean. All of the feelings you have and thoughts are absolutely reasonable. My heart goes out to you too, looking. I have similar fears for later in life. I can understand.

 

Looking, 3 hrs. a week is not enough, I agree. I see what you mean. All of the feelings you have and thoughts are absolutely reasonable. My heart goes out to you too, looking. I have similar fears for later in life. I can understand.

 

Thank you so much, I know many sick and disabled people face exactly the same issues, but it is very hard.  I am thankful for the internet, it would be intolerable without it.  I do hope we will all see improvements and life will become a little easier. 

What has your experience with guilt been like in benzo withdrawal? Feel free to leave a comment and share with us.

I've no guilt for seeking the help of a physician.

This really resonated today.  Thank you for posting, Terry.  The more protracted I am, the guiltier I seem to feel (regarding how this is effecting my loves ones).  Especially my husband, who has supported both of us financially for nearly four years now. Also, my profession is in social services, so I also feel guilt about having to be so self-centered throughout the past four years.  Most of my time and effort is spent coping with symptoms, recovery, etc.  Ugh.  Hang in there buddies.  WR

I tend to find that I have a lot more regret than guilt, but as both you and Jennifer said, it does go away with time.

 

I feel a great sense of loss, and of course I regret ever seeking medical help in the first place.  The sense of loss will always be with me.

Oh, Fiona, I'm hoping that one day you'll be free of the sense of loss.  :'(

Oh Terry, my heart breaks for you... and trying the way you did to get work must have been so, so scary and disheartening. I agree with the words and phrasing you used about how it feels being hand to mouth like this. It’s hard to find the words, for what has happened. I am so sorry you have found yourself in this situation, and it was by nothing wrong you did. The guilt and regret are hard to cope with, and I do believe in optimism. I also feel thankful that I can actually convey my real feelings with you guys and find some way to come to terms with the realities of every day. Finding sometimes more grounded ways to be hopeful is very important to me, and it seems from you and looking and others that we actually do have that chance here (to my sometimes great astonishment.) I’m feeling now that I can relate to quite a few bb’s, I think this fact is slowly setting in.

 

Looking, 3 hrs. a week is not enough, I agree. I see what you mean. All of the feelings you have and thoughts are absolutely reasonable. My heart goes out to you too, looking. I have similar fears for later in life. I can understand.

:smitten: 

This really resonated today.  Thank you for posting, Terry.  The more protracted I am, the guiltier I seem to feel (regarding how this is effecting my loves ones).  Especially my husband, who has supported both of us financially for nearly four years now. Also, my profession is in social services, so I also feel guilt about having to be so self-centered throughout the past four years.  Most of my time and effort is spent coping with symptoms, recovery, etc.  Ugh.  Hang in there buddies.  WR

I really hope your guilt, WR, fades with healing. You've carried quite a load on your back. The most important thing is to spend time healing the best way you know how, but I know how very difficult that can be when you've known a different life before this. Since no one else (except those who have gone through this) understands, it's hard to convey to others how VERY DIFFICULT and all-encompassing this is. Who wouldn't feel the same way when you never know how you're going to feel from one hour to the next, let alone one minute. But I have no doubt that you're doing the very best that you can, and who can fault that??

Those who have written success stories often say that it was all worth it. Since I'm not there yet, of course I don't see what I've gone through as worth it. But I have to believe that they know what they're talking about. Someday I hope that you feel wonderful after having been through this and emerging on the other side as a person who is no longer guilt-ridden.

This really resonated today.  Thank you for posting, Terry.  The more protracted I am, the guiltier I seem to feel (regarding how this is effecting my loves ones).  Especially my husband, who has supported both of us financially for nearly four years now. Also, my profession is in social services, so I also feel guilt about having to be so self-centered throughout the past four years.  Most of my time and effort is spent coping with symptoms, recovery, etc.  Ugh.  Hang in there buddies.  WR

 

I really hope your guilt, WR, fades with healing. You've carried quite a load on your back. The most important thing is to spend time healing the best way you know how, but I know how very difficult that can be when you've known a different life before this. Since no one else (except those who have gone through this) understands, it's hard to convey to others how VERY DIFFICULT and all-encompassing this is. Who wouldn't feel the same way when you never know how you're going to feel from one hour to the next, let alone one minute. But I have no doubt that you're doing the very best that you can, and who can fault that??

 

Those who have written success stories often say that it was all worth it. Since I'm not there yet, of course I don't see what I've gone through as worth it. But I have to believe that they know what they're talking about. Someday I hope that you feel wonderful after having been through this and emerging on the other side as a person who is no longer guilt-ridden.

Thanks for your support, Terry.  Yes, it's incredibly hard to put this suffering into words.  Most don't understand how much bravery and perseverance and strength this demands from us, day in and day out, for YEARS.  I'm so fortunate to have a supportive partner, and feel so grateful.  When I express my feelings of guilt for being unable to work (ETC!) - he's always told me "you have one job" (to take care of myself and heal).

Thankfully I get windows that prove to me this is worth it, 100++%.  I can't really put the window experience into words yet either, especially now while in this long and torturous wave, but I remember the essence of it - deep inner peace, joy, gratitude, on and on.  What I've always wished for myself. What people in the success stories write is true.  Our day is coming.

:smitten:

WR

How beautiful that your husband said "you have one job." WOW!!! He sounds like a keeper!!!  :thumbsup:

Most don't understand how much bravery and perseverance and strength this demands from us, day in and day out, for YEARS.  That's the gist of it in a nutshell. The bravery and perseverance and strength we show in the face of this is constant!! Not only that, putting on a "good face" when we're with others can be wearing.

Oh, that's wonderful about the windows. That's another sign that healing is imminent.  :thumbsup:

Though I haven't gotten much in the way of windows, I'm seeing progress. Doing meditation and breathing exercises has really helped. I've learned a lot in my struggles to be free of this, and one thing I've learned is that my body is more resilient than I ever realized. Yes, our day is coming (but I certainly wish it would hurry up!!!).  :smitten: