Author Topic: Thoughts /Irational, Intrusive, Past  (Read 2165 times)

[Buddie]

Thoughts /Irational, Intrusive, Past
« on: July 19, 2010, 06:03:52 pm »
When I quit Valium in 1978 it was in large part because of the irrational thoughts that had become so prominent I could no longer function in the every day world. Work, driving, doing the laundry, everything became impossible because the irrational thoughts were constantly telling me to kill myself. In addition, very old, and I thought forgotten, memories were coming to the surface and interfering with the present.

I simply couldn't stand it any more, so went to treatment. Ah, a safe, controlled environment was exactly what I needed for a while. A good long while, 58 days as it turned out, and I would have stayed longer if they'd let me.

However, I do believe the hidden and unknown areas are the subconscious. All sorts of garbage and stuff has been stored in there since our earliest days in the womb. Yes, babies perceive things and are affected even before being born. Then as we are growing up we continue to store all sorts of things in there, many things we may not even realize have been put there.If you stop to think that everything we've experienced, every movie we've seen, every book we've read, every bit of scenery we've seen just walking down the street is stored somewhere in our wonderful brains, that's an overwhelming amount of information.

So our brains must act something like filing cabinets to store all this information in various places, some places we need to access when needed, like being able to do simple math to pay for dinner.But then there's tons of other, mostly useless information, that's still stored deep in there somewhere in the bottom filing cabinets and mostly forgotten. We'd never be able to function unless the brain worked that way. We'd be overwhelmed with all the flow of information and unable to function otherwise, which was what happened to me during withdrawal.

So there's a real physical reason why this happens. Alcohol and our benzos anesthetize the upper file cabinet, the controlling part of the brain, releasing the subconscious or lower levels to erupt as irrational thinking. Irrational in the sense that the thoughts aren't relevant to current reality.

The last few months I was taking Valium whenever I was home, the drapes were drawn, doors locked and I was terrified that "they" were coming to get me. There really weren't any "they" coming to get me, but the drugs had made me so paranoid I was afraid they were.So we start to taper off drugs, or stop completely and whamo. All those irrational thoughts erupt with a vengeance and have no relationship to our current reality.

So what to do? Keep busy. Keep reminding yourself that these thoughts aren't based in reality. It might be helpful to wear a rubber band around the wrist and when these thoughts attack, flick the rubber band to help focus on the present. Pinch yourself. Look around and say out loud everything you see to focus attention "out there" and away from inside the head. Look for the ducks. If someone's at work or around other people, it's probably not a good idea to talk out loud, so do it quietly. (LOL) Experiment and you may come up with a better way, some way to focus attention outside of self. And keep repeating this just isn't real.

Keep putting useful, positive information in your head. Read poetry, read biographies, read spiritual books, read anything positive. Don't be surprised to have some really vivid, awesome dreams, that's the brain healing. Write down as much as possible, it helps get it out of your head. And some things can be saved that way to refer back to later, when withdrawal is over and you're feeling more normal.And keep repeating that these thoughts aren't reality. Keep repeating that these irrational thoughts are just a symptom of what the drugs have done and that you can still function and they will go away.

They WILL go away. It may take more time than anybody likes, but they will stop. Oh, I don't have a psychology degree and don't want one. But I have a doctorate in surviving the worst that benzos dish out. It does get better.
   * I did not write this post,  found it on the internet but it has helped me tremendously to keep focused when these dang thoughts hit.  [...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Thoughts /Irational, Intrusive, Past
« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2010, 03:10:35 am »
thank you, [...]...  i needed to read that.   :)
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Thoughts /Irational, Intrusive, Past
« Reply #2 on: July 20, 2010, 01:26:35 pm »
[...],
That's the post I told you about.  I am glad it helped a bit.  Hang tough..this will all go away.           Smile.           [...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Thoughts /Irational, Intrusive, Past
« Reply #3 on: July 24, 2010, 05:37:28 am »
Lately I've been thinking horrible thoughts and I panick and think it's me and I'm a horrible person and that it's not related to the emd.  I sure hope it's the emd and that they go away.  It would be nice to not have anger against people I don't want anger towards.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Thoughts /Irational, Intrusive, Past
« Reply #4 on: September 14, 2010, 02:18:02 pm »
I too have had bizarre and terrifying thoughts from out of my past and fears about the future as well.  I believe that these thoughts are caused by the feelings of anxiety; they are not the primary producers of those feelings.  It is as if there is a pandora's box in the mind that is opened by the feelings that are caused by benzo withdrawal.  Once these thoughts are out of the box they produce even more anxiety.  But when the primary feeling of anxiety caused by benzo withdrawal is removed (for example, during a window) these thoughts go back into their box and leave us alone.  Thanks for posting this story.  It is helpful to have confirmation that I'm not the only one who has struggled with these things. 
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Thoughts /Irational, Intrusive, Past
« Reply #5 on: September 14, 2010, 04:52:29 pm »
Irrational in the sense that the thoughts aren't relevant to current reality........

............. All those irrational thoughts erupt with a vengeance and have no relationship to our current reality.



Very good post. I would also add "flashbacks" to the irrational thoughts having no relationship to current reality.

Elke
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Thoughts /Irational, Intrusive, Past
« Reply #6 on: September 20, 2010, 07:10:45 pm »
Great post - I so needed to read this today....like [...] says - when you have a window, those thoughts take a back seat, but once the window closes - bam - there they are again, torturing and twisting your mind.  I am benzo-free for 13 days now, but these terrible thoughts
haven't left me -and so I worry that "this is really me and my mind is permanently going to be this way."  It is so scary that I don't know what to do.  I want to jump up and run away, but those thoughts would just come with me - I am going to copy this post - [...] - you also put a good
piece on my blog that I have copies - thanks for these pieces that you post - they are so helpful!  [...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Thoughts /Irational, Intrusive, Past
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2010, 07:03:16 am »
Well I read several places that they're technically normal for "regular people" anyway, but that people with anxiety, OCD, etc... take them seriously wheras others don't.  I am pretty sure I didn't have them nearly as often before being on benzos though.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Thoughts /Irational, Intrusive, Past
« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2010, 12:07:13 pm »
HI [...] - yes you are right, but as a psychiatrist explained to me, most people are able to put those thoughts in the back of their mind, where they belong.....and I was always able to do that - but I sure have a hard time doing that now - in the morning when my anxiety is worse, then the thoughts are the worst, but as evening comes around, and my anxiety calms downs and leaves me alone, then those thoughts are gone..............this is so darn weird - not to have control of our minds - I can't believe that this is possible. thanks for your comments - [...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Thoughts /Irational, Intrusive, Past
« Reply #9 on: September 21, 2010, 12:44:16 pm »
Hey [...], I could have written the exact same post as you just did (except for what your psych explained to you). My psych does nothing besides writing me a Rx.  Wishing you and everyone peace, Darrin
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.