Just happened to log in today and thought I'd comment just to say that things are STILL getting better in my life. You have so much to look forward to, you don't even know!
I didn't mention it in my earlier comment, but I was completely alone for at least six months during the first year of the pandemic. The only actual social contact I had was at the grocery store. If you had told me during recovery that I was going to go through that, I would have told you that I couldn't survive it. But I would have been wrong! I survived and even thrived at times. I'm so much stronger than I ever thought, and so are you.
In the past few weeks I've had a major breakthrough in dealing with some old, old trauma (stuff that happened 12 years ago, while I was still on Xanax). It feels like I am finally, FULLY back to myself and in control of my life. I have had a bit of trouble sleeping, but only because I'm so happy and excited that it's hard to settle down. But that is really not a big deal, and exercise and meditation both help a lot. Exercise is so fun and easy for me now, and it really works like a charm for anxiety! (That was not true during recovery or even before that—it was almost impossible to find the motivation to do it and I could never really tell if it was helping.)
All the survival skills you have had to work so hard on during recovery will stay with you. They'll continue to help you even after you're mostly back to normal. You're going to be VASTLY more resilient than the average person. You'll also have a much easier time feeling gratitude and enjoyment because of your hard-earned wisdom. I'm sending you all the love, [...], and luck that [...]. Hang in there. You deserve peace and you will find it.
