Scared

Three months off as of yesterday. Cold turkey off clonazepam, 2 mg for almost 20 years,  I wasn't given a choice but forced into it.

 

I had the classic windows and waves pattern, but now I seem to be stuck in nothing but waves. And by far the biggest symptom is fear. Unrelenting, unending, pointless fear and panic. I'm afraid because I'm on my own, I'm afraid because people seem to think this is all somehow imagined. Some days I I wonder the same thing. I do very little besides cry and work to distract myself. I'm so afraid that this is never going to go away. Can't even get through this stupid post without crying. I feel so hopeless and so damn frightened.

 

Please, someone tell me if this ever gets better. Perhaps it never does, and this is just my life now. I just need to know the truth.

All we can do is go by success stories and assume that withdrawal does end at some point, if we try to stay as healthy as possible. I went through waves and windows the first two months off and actually thought I was getting better. Then I entered a wave around 2.5 months and it hasn't fully improved. I am nearing 10 months off now. I am constantly in fear that I will never get fully better. Still not feeling like myself at 10 months off. But from everything I've read, most people say it will get better eventually.

Bette,

I wish I could hug you. I too was forced to go CT after 3o years of benzo use. The withdrawal I went through was almost undescribable. It weas truly awful. But here I am now, almost 69 years old and happier and healthier than I have been in maybe 2o years. Fear was my worst symptom. I was afraid of everything, even my own beloved cats. I was afraid of vegatables, for crying out loud! I was SO fearful I walked slowly with my butt all tucked ib, as if I was going to be ambushed by a wild animal!

 

Bette. Go the Suyccess Stories and read the first couple pages of mine. You will then know you are NOT alone!!!! PLEASE do this and then Private Message me.

 

 

Everything you are feeling right now is completely normal. YES: normal. When a person suddenly stops taking benzos the brain goes a bit crazy for a while, giving you all sorts of weird and scary symptoms. Pain, itching burning skin, rashes, stomach pain, weakness, faintness, ringing in the ears, and so many others I cannot list them all. ALL of those symptoms come from your brain. Benzos work on your brain, relaxing the tiny part of your brain that produces fear and anxiety. So, when you suddenly stop taking benzos, that part of your brain goes crazy for a while. You should think of this as a TEMPORARY, fixable form of brain damage. I took benzos for 30 years. In the last 15 years I began having some seriously awful symptoms. Weakness, depression, increased anxiety, stomach trouble, IBS, and I also started falling down. I was diagnosed with a bunch of goofy stuff, like Fibromyalgia, MS, Parkinsons. I had NONE of those things. What caused all of that was simple: Benzos are physically addicting, and I am sure you know that. When a long time user of benzos goes a bit long between doses, the body goes into "tolerance withdrawal." This produces just about al;l the weird symptoms REAL withdrawal can cause. I have NONE of those diseases, and NONE of all my old symptoms now that I am off benzos.

Read my SS. Eastcoast's Trip  and then get back to me. I truly want to help you.

BIG HUG!

east

I know how that feels and yes it will go

 

what is it your fearing?

 

It may last for a time but one morning you will wake up and will notice a shift

 

Its a sign that you are healing

 

shania

Oh Bette. I am SO sorry.

It might help you to read my Success Story. I too was forced to go cold turkey, and it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. I am now 68, almost 69. I am now healthier and happier than I have been in many years. You don't know - yet - how much benzos have affected your health over those many years. I didn't either. I assumed I was either just getting old or that I had some dread  disease. At the end I was seriously considering moving into a nursing home. I was THAT bad due to benzos.

My SS is "eastcoast's trip." I write in it almost every day. Read the first couple pages and get back to me. Privately.

I know you are scared. I also know you can do this no matter how bad you feel now. I am not Superwoman. Just an aging Hippie who has had to deal with many drug issues in this life I have lead. I am currently trying to quit smoking...yet another addiction.

I KNOW you will recover from this! I am the perfect example of someone who took benzos for far too long (30 years) and was forced to go cold turkey. I am SO glad that this happened. If it hadn't, I would now be dead. Dead!BIG HUG TO YOU!!!!

east

 

Hello, it's me again.

 

I'm sorry for not checking in and writing. I got hit with a very nasty low, and it really left me incapacitated. I think I'm starting to leave the worst of it behind, and over the next couple of days I'll check out your success stories and try to write back.

 

But please understand that just hearing from you means so much. This whole process is terrifying, and knowing others understand helps me tremendously.

Bette - I want to give you a big hug too!!  I am remembering the worst of my withdrawal and was in the same horrid place of complete and utter panic/fear that seemed so endless.  Don't ever forget, no matter how bad it gets...healing is inevitable.  Don't ever give up hope because you will heal.  Pay no mind to what others think.  And it is not your imagination.  Now is the time to be very kind and compassionate toward yourself.  Cold turkey is a difficult path, and you are doing it!!! 

Hi Bette

So sorry t hear what you are going through. I CT'd off very long term Clonezapam (and other benzos) use almost 5 months ago. I was paralyzed by fear for the first 2-3 months. Everything was scary- I even thought members of my family were terrifying. It is getting better for me now- one day at a time I can see a little light. Take care

Bette, I am concerned about you. If it might help you, feel free to PM me.

Going CT off benzos after such a long time IS scary and perhaps even dangerous. I did it - was forced to  - and survived. And now I am GLAD I was forced to, because my addiction was that long and strong. 30 years is far too long. I never "felt" addicted. I never had cravings or even took benzos any other time than at night, for sleep. But my body was addicted and much of my mind too. I truly thought I could never sleep without a benzo.

Going CT off benzos is often much harder than a taper, but then again, many taperers seem to feel just as bad. Fear,  anxiety, FEAR, insomnia, physical and mental symptoms of all sorts are common and normal for this.

In the end, it will be the healing of your brain that will ease all of this. I know this concept may be difficult for some to get. Benzos work on the brain. They numb your Fear Center. And when you go OFF benzos that Fear Center goes haywire for a while. Slowly it will heal, and slowly you will feel better. It is the getting there that is so difficult.

Never give up. We all heal, given anough time. And do not reinstate no matter how bad you feel.

east