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Generalized anxiety disorder


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Hello everyone,

 

I was hoping someone could relate to how I was before jumping into benzo hell. 

 

I always thought my anxiety was somewhat different to everything I have read about anxiety.  I had anxiety 24/7 for many years. It wasn't about anything in particular.  It was just always "there" in the back of my mind.  It's really hard to explain.  The only time it ever went away was during an intense part of a movie or something that really caught my attention.  It would feel anxiety free for maybe 20 minutes during the day. 

 

Now the anxiety is relentless.  I am constantly in between mental panic and obsessive ruminations.  I was on 1mg Ativan for a week and then clonazepam 1mg for 2.5 weeks.  Reduced dose to .25mg over 4 days because my anxiety was lessening.  Drank a few cups of coffee one morning and then started to panic a little and took .5mg of clonazepam and something triggered in my brain.  Went crazy with panic for a whole week.  I have since been tapering down from .75mg making big cuts 25-50% every week because I had no other choice from the doctor and couldn't find another psychiatrist.  I have been going pretty crazy for the past 6 weeks of tapering but holding it together.  Nothing I do seems "right".

 

I went to see an endocrinologist before starting benzos and my ACTH was high so he did a 24-hour urine cortisol test and that was high. I need to get an MRI with and without contrast done but I have been too scared to go. 

 

I am currently at 0.015625 and my jump date is 1/11/18.  I never stabilized the whole time I was tapering.  My symptoms have been mostly mental (ruminating 24/7, slight depersonalization, anhedonia, mental panic attacks, 24/7 anxiety).  Palpitations but I've been dealing with those for years.  I am a pack a day smoker for 10 years. 

 

I am hoping someone can offer advice on anything I posted above.  Also, how do I make a signature?

 

Thanks, everyone

 

Peace and Love

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Hi,

 

This is my first time posting here after several years absent. Hopefully I can get a lot of support here too.

 

First, congratulation for your jump!

I understand it is not easy, but please believe in me, it will only last for a while. When I jumped from my last dose, nasty things happened. I started my day with full anxiety, sometimes panic, I got a jelly leg for almost 2 months, blurry eyes, and etc. But please believe in me thats how your body tries to regulate.

 

Once you completely free, those bad things will stay (anxiety, panic, etc), but just remember your self about your struggle that you are completely a better person.

 

I hope you can get into a better condition soon.

 

- Faris

 

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[79...]

Hi Faris,

 

Thanks for the reply.  I noticed from your signature you suffer from GAD.  Did what I explain above relate to what you go through with GAD.  It feels likes there is a monkey on my back at all times...

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