18-30 MONTHS AND UPWARDS

I am 13,5 months off and when I've read the most of the answers in this post really I am losing my hope totally! 24,30,36 months and still suffering? Probably I will give myself another 10 months to hit 24months off and if I am not healed or with huge improvements maybe I will have to take this poisons forever.

I am 13,5 months off and when I've read the most of the answers in this post really I am losing my hope totally! 24,30,36 months and still suffering? Probably I will give myself another 10 months to hit 24months off and if I am not healed or with huge improvements maybe I will have to take this poisons forever.

 

Don't lose hope, Lexsant! Because SOME are still struggling at 20 or 30 months doesn't mean YOU will end up protracted! Your healing is YOUR healing. It will unfold like no one else's - and that is what every one of us must remember. We connect here to find belonging, to find people who can relate to what we are going through, us to them, but in the end, it truly is us and our very own healing, our very own timeline. No two success stories are the same, and yours too will be unique. So just keep doing what you do, get through this. Don't fall in the trap of projecting others' healing as your own, a general rule of healing or whatever. It goes against our instincts not to have any predictable rule to follow - and be sure you will have gained some serious strength for going through something as alienating as this is. But you can do it, proof of that is that you are here, 13.5 months off! So keep going 

 

Warm Hugs!

Julz xx

28 months now, month 29 starts today. Hopefully a smoother ride happens soon, rather than the constant up / down.

hey Klungo. same here....I thought it be done by now honestly. my last month was very rough. started to feel physically weak now.

having some happy moments here and there, but usually 1pm-6pm is the worst.

 

28 months now, month 29 starts today. Hopefully a smoother ride happens soon, rather than the constant up / down.

hey Klungo. same here....I thought it be done by now honestly. my last month was very rough. started to feel physically weak now.

having some happy moments here and there, but usually 1pm-6pm is the worst.

 

28 months now, month 29 starts today. Hopefully a smoother ride happens soon, rather than the constant up / down.

 

Looks like we share the same jump date.. though you had a taper at least.. I feel like I'm on the edge of getting better.. if I'm very calm and don't do too much.. I feel like last 2 weeks things have dropped a bit, though I still get crappy stuff too..

 

I'm with you, can't believe I'm 28 and not done yet, however we are in the zone. Seems that 30-36 is where it really happens for most protracted peeps. Almost there.. 'almos't feels forever, but we really are.

I do have hopes that this is towards to end here too. I remember reading on the surviving AD site, that first chunk of healing comes month 18, and healing for good happens month 36.

now AD's have a different profile, but it indeed appears that something happens at month 18 for many....including me, and I still have not gotten to month 36.

 

hey Klungo. same here....I thought it be done by now honestly. my last month was very rough. started to feel physically weak now.

having some happy moments here and there, but usually 1pm-6pm is the worst.

 

28 months now, month 29 starts today. Hopefully a smoother ride happens soon, rather than the constant up / down.

 

Looks like we share the same jump date.. though you had a taper at least.. I feel like I'm on the edge of getting better.. if I'm very calm and don't do too much.. I feel like last 2 weeks things have dropped a bit, though I still get crappy stuff too..

 

I'm with you, can't believe I'm 28 and not done yet, however we are in the zone. Seems that 30-36 is where it really happens for most protracted peeps. Almost there.. 'almos't feels forever, but we really are.

I do have hopes that this is towards to end here too. I remember reading on the surviving AD site, that first chunk of healing comes month 18, and healing for good happens month 36.

now AD's have a different profile, but it indeed appears that something happens at month 18 for many....including me, and I still have not gotten to month 36.

 

hey Klungo. same here....I thought it be done by now honestly. my last month was very rough. started to feel physically weak now.

having some happy moments here and there, but usually 1pm-6pm is the worst.

 

28 months now, month 29 starts today. Hopefully a smoother ride happens soon, rather than the constant up / down.

 

Looks like we share the same jump date.. though you had a taper at least.. I feel like I'm on the edge of getting better.. if I'm very calm and don't do too much.. I feel like last 2 weeks things have dropped a bit, though I still get crappy stuff too..

 

I'm with you, can't believe I'm 28 and not done yet, however we are in the zone. Seems that 30-36 is where it really happens for most protracted peeps. Almost there.. 'almos't feels forever, but we really are.

 

Yeah I've been told by Jen Leigh, Baylissa, and heard from Dr Wright through a friend, that almost all their clients are done by 36 months.. and a few may go over but it's very minor and maybe a few more months, not years.. A lot turn big corners around 30 too.. it makes sense if it takes up to 36 that things have to really start changing very soon.. it's so slow it's unlikely it will happen over night, but a few months seems plausible for things to wind down

Jumping into this thread. Almost at 19 months just plain tired. Been some decent times but nothing ever seems to last. Recently its seems like one constant wave. Hanging in there though....some how

Hey, Buddies, most of us will see improvement in this new chapter of our recovery. Our brains will have had up to 30 months of daily repair from drugs, tapers and CTs. Imagine that, 30 months with no day off, every single minute, repairing everything, from top to bottom. What we experience isn't an objective measure of our healing, it is what our brains are able to put online as they busy themselves working. Symptoms. It sucks. BWD sucks A LOT. And those of us who report here are those for which it is taking a little longer than the 'average' 18 months, if ever it is correct to say there is an 'average' (we can't state that for a fact without scientifically valid surveys) - but hey, how ever long this has to take, we are each and every one on our very own healing journey and hope will eventually take over on benzo lies and doubts, as signs of healing come stronger. At some point, it will become undeniable that healing is happening. But while we are still airing in this limbo, being tortured by symptoms and waves, we have BBs and threads like this one. Success Stories of course! And all the rest of our coping skills and techniques 'in real life'. We've been at this for over 1.5 years, or even longer. We are professionals at coping and surviving this sh!t. WD can't take us down! We'll see ourselves into the light again. And that is to start unfolding soon.

 

Just keep going Buddies. It's going to be ok. After everything that we have been through... it's going to be more than OK!

 

Warm Hugs 

Julz xx

Thanks for the encouraging post, Julia.  Even after 4 years (with taper), I still have a hard time believing that symptoms are a sign of recovery.  Again and again, it has proven to be true, but when in a wave, it just feels impossible.  Like now!  I'm on day 19 of this wave, and it's a bad one.  Typically I get waves/windows that fluctuate throughout the day.  This has been one long horrible acute-esque torture wave. On the bright side, two long-term symptoms have improved almost 100% in the past month - digestion issues, and sleep is back to normal, for the most part. I'm having a hard time rejoicing though, b/c the other symptoms are so disturbing.  Mostly mental, which are the toughest for me to cope with.

 

And like you, I still have no sensation of hunger, or satiety.  I thought it was linked to the belly akasthesia, but not so.  I still have numb face and body parts also.  That symptom used to lift in windows, but for the last year, it's with me all of the time.

 

Also, thank you Klungo for relaying again what you've heard from Jen Leigh and Baylissa about recovery duration.  It gives me hope that I'm/we're getting close.

 

Take care dear buddies.

 

Love,

WR

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

my recent wave, of 3-4 weeks or so (with ups and downs, this Tuesday being an absolute low of nightmare), did seem finally to leave.

I still am in sort of a shock, so not quite sure how I feel. but I noticed good energy today, motivation for work, enjoying little thing etc.

there is still this buzz and micro moments of 'I am still in wave or no?' during the day, but overall things are improving for sure.

it does seem like the waves usually come pretty sudden for me, develop within 24h.  then its a rough ride with ups and downs for couple days/weeks, downs being hell, ups being 'light in the tunnel', but still 'i know i'm in a wave'. and they do seem to resolve slowly, like earthquake aftershocks....

 

 

my recent wave, of 3-4 weeks or so (with ups and downs, this Tuesday being an absolute low of nightmare), did seem finally to leave.

 

it does seem like the waves usually come pretty sudden for me, develop within 24h.  then its a rough ride with ups and downs for couple days/weeks, downs being hell, ups being 'light in the tunnel', but still 'i know i'm in a wave'. and they do seem to resolve slowly, like earthquake....

 

 

This is my case as well, since when did you notice this trend? It’s a very rapid cycle.

And the downs are very bad I can relate to this. I have very deep dreams now, close to nightmare but not as shocking as a month ago. So there is improvement, but things are returning for no reason.

 

 

I am really loving this thread . Everyone is so positive and the shared information is great . Let's keep it going and support each other through this  ( Let's hope ) final stage of healing .

 

Julia , I completely get how horrible the akathesia  is . I think that it has been my worst symptom and there have been nights when I was close to losing it . The feeling that your body can never rest is horrible . Thankfully that is something that is getting better all the time , and is a good indication that a lot of healing has happened .

 

Hugs  :smitten:

I did not had this since month 6/7 or so honestly till month 22.

after I left acute after jump which was hell, things settled. it was just a constant misery baseline, but i was functional. by month 18 I felt amazing. I was very revved, hard to sleep, but felt very positive and energized.

around month 22/23 this started. one morning I woke up and felt off. extremely sensitive to all stuff, even caffeine which I did not had before. (reduced coffee to small cup)

so all in all I feel like I'm back to month 9 or so, although with a higher baseline.

 

 

my recent wave, of 3-4 weeks or so (with ups and downs, this Tuesday being an absolute low of nightmare), did seem finally to leave.

 

it does seem like the waves usually come pretty sudden for me, develop within 24h.  then its a rough ride with ups and downs for couple days/weeks, downs being hell, ups being 'light in the tunnel', but still 'i know i'm in a wave'. and they do seem to resolve slowly, like earthquake....

 

 

This is my case as well, since when did you notice this trend? It’s a very rapid cycle.

And the downs are very bad I can relate to this. I have very deep dreams now, close to nightmare but not as shocking as a month ago. So there is improvement, but things are returning for no reason.

Hi All!! 

 

Just shy of month 20 here. And I’m experiencing a new (to me) and similar (to many bbs) pattern of turbulent change. I stepped off 16-17 months of waiting on the platform, and now I’m finally on the roller coaster. Symptoms cycle quickly, some go, new ones come, some revisit at a lesser intensity. They never seem to get their act together and all make a coordinated departure for a real window. So there’s always something. I can feel it now, the change, the healing, but I still have brutal hold-on-for-dear-life waves that shoot me straight back to month 10. I’m also having some relatively normal days though they are definitely no where close to where I was pre benzo.

 

I’ve tried to read and learn and I think definitely for most the next months will bring big change. Seems by month 30 most are on way smoother seas. We just have to hang in there! But, wow, am I tired.

 

McS

 

 

 

 

Almost 20 months, still deep in the fight but the last 3 weeks or so have shown some encouraging signs.

I still cant sleep well or nearly enough, the burning anxiousness in my chest has reduced, but still too uncomfortable to fall into zzzz's.

 

I dont have the toxic 24/7 chemical feeling like dying poisoned death feelings nearly as bad as a year and more ago, so for that im thankful. for a long time i existed feeling like i had some hell injected into my veins.

 

still dizzy, still battling waves of vertigo, still get adrenaline surges.

 

the nerve discomfort in my spine is better, for 2 years i couldnt roll over to either side in bed without having a shot of numbness through my back or pain lighting up in my temples. im still weird feeling on my side but its better.

 

i dunno, still not really able to have any measure of a normal life, but some of the horror has diminished. unless i fall back into hell land (which i know is possible) 19 months may be where i could say there was actually a small turning point. the agoraphobia isnt nearly what it was, i can manage some days to go into the pharmacy and whatnot.

 

work is still a struggle and it will remain as the hardest most torturous thing ive ever done, enduring work through tolerance, tapering and protracted withdrawal. it was beyond awful. i cant believe i didnt get fired or leave, and even here ill never be able to describe all those torturous days, im practically traumatized thinking what i endured in front of people who had no idea what i felt like. i felt like people who should be bedridden for a year, and i had to get up and crawl into work, oftentimes in tears. horrible, ugh. i will never put myself through that level of hell again, never in my life will i purposefully endure something that bad for that long...thanks so much bills and bank debt and life expenses..my life in hell over pennies basically.

 

but here i am. 19 months on. id say id hope that by 24 months i could start actually reengaging with my music life and friends, but we all know trying to predict any of this is futile, so ill just say i hope by 2 years its all just tolerable, and the horror of this starts to subside, even if im not fully healed. ive had enough, ive had waaayyy too much torture since the fall of 2015 now.

 

im an older guy, and i look it and feel it. ill be 48 freaking years old this year. when i went sober 5 years ago, which began my whole ordeal, i felt like a kid, i looked like a kid, even in my early 40s, now im a weathered older guy - its so weird. i still just wana play guitar and watch my sci fi movies. lol.

 

peace and prayers to all.

 

 

Luke I can feel your pain, but keep in mind that we are all suffering tremendously. I am focussing on the 2 year mark as well, although from my own experience I get dissapointed by numbers every single time. At least I have something to look forward to. I am a couple of months further in the journey and yes it’s crap all over the place. But I don’t believe we stay like this forever. Slow healing is also healing. Stay strong!

Jumping in this thread as I’m finally past 18 months and into my 19th in this beautiful existence known as Benzo WD (kidding obviously). I’ll have more to say as we go along yet I’ve pretty much set my landmark at 30 months for awhile now. I’m still having an insane stomach pain tha leaves me basically keeled over in pain but when it lightens up I have been able to be more functional and exercise etc. Now I’m focused on getting to 20, 2 years and hitting that 30 month flag stick with you guys... onward!!! 

Thanks for the encouraging post, Julia.  Even after 4 years (with taper), I still have a hard time believing that symptoms are a sign of recovery.  Again and again, it has proven to be true, but when in a wave, it just feels impossible.  Like now!  I'm on day 19 of this wave, and it's a bad one.  Typically I get waves/windows that fluctuate throughout the day.  This has been one long horrible acute-esque torture wave. On the bright side, two long-term symptoms have improved almost 100% in the past month - digestion issues, and sleep is back to normal, for the most part. I'm having a hard time rejoicing though, b/c the other symptoms are so disturbing.  Mostly mental, which are the toughest for me to cope with.

 

And like you, I still have no sensation of hunger, or satiety.  I thought it was linked to the belly akasthesia, but not so.  I still have numb face and body parts also.  That symptom used to lift in windows, but for the last year, it's with me all of the time.

 

Also, thank you Klungo for relaying again what you've heard from Jen Leigh and Baylissa about recovery duration.  It gives me hope that I'm/we're getting close.

 

Take care dear buddies.

 

Love,

WR

 

Dear NYCWaverider,

 

I'm so sorry you are still struggling, my Friend. It has been a long road for you, and definitely not a smooth ride to say the least. But you have witnessed healing and know that it is happening, even if right now you can't truly believe it, from the wave you are experiencing. Yes, benzo lies and doubts are symptoms of withdrawal, that is what we seem to see again and again around the forum. Many Success Stories begin with 'I never thought I was ever going to recover', or something along those lines. Symptoms feel so permanent! Long periods of status quo and deep waves will have us believe this is our new reality - when our brains are quite simply going through intense repair. And we need our minds to get through this, keep perspective on things, all the while they are in this 'compromised state'. Waw, that takes effort, skill... support!... and sometimes, our minds might want to give up on this faith. How else could that be, when reality apparently points so very hard towards the contrary?

The good news is that your reality has brought many proofs of healing, so whether you are keeping lists, a diary, mental images... hold onto every little sign.

 

Yes, the mental symptoms are the worst for me too... hard to cope. But we are here, aren't we? We've made it this far, which goes to show that we are stronger than this BS 

It's wonderful to hear that two of your worst symptoms have let up! And I believe better digestion and sleep can lead to deeper day to day recovery, coping, and of course healing. It will all add up, I'm sure it will. That's something else I've seen on BBs, with better sleep comes stronger healing, and that makes sense. Hold on, this too shall pass!

 

Arg, the hunger/satiety thing. What a nightmare this is. Yes, I thought it was akathisia in my tummy but it may well be just plain numbness. The other thing is that when we eat carbs or something sweet especially, it is supposed to cause a dopamine hit or something pleasant, at the cerebral level, I'm quite sure I get none of that. If I don't know that I've just sat down to eat dinner and if I don't over-eat to the point of being over-full and feeling my tummy expand (which I usually do because I'm so desperate to feel something!), I honestly couldn't tell whether I have eaten or not! This is one torturous journey indeed. It has to get better... surely!

 

I'm thinking of you, NYCWaverider. 2019 has got to be our year!

Warm Healing Hugs 

Julia xx

 

 

I am really loving this thread . Everyone is so positive and the shared information is great . Let's keep it going and support each other through this  ( Let's hope ) final stage of healing .

 

Julia , I completely get how horrible the akathesia  is . I think that it has been my worst symptom and there have been nights when I was close to losing it . The feeling that your body can never rest is horrible . Thankfully that is something that is getting better all the time , and is a good indication that a lot of healing has happened .

 

Hugs  :smitten:

 

Thank you Brave Rabbit! 

 

I'm delighted to read across the boards that you are beginning to feel better, this truly warms my heart! After the torture of akathisia... being able to just be, in stillness of body and mind... oh my, what a dream! That is one of the simple things one learns to appreciate so much. I never realized how precious this was, until it was taken away from me. Now, I promise to cherish the feeling of comfort when it comes back...!

Thank you so much for coming back to BBs and sharing hope with us. I often say those who have had real signs of healing hold the light for those who are still walking in the darkness, and this helps so much.

 

Warm Healing Hugs 

Julia xx

Hi All!! 

 

Just shy of month 20 here. And I’m experiencing a new (to me) and similar (to many bbs) pattern of turbulent change. I stepped off 16-17 months of waiting on the platform, and now I’m finally on the roller coaster. Symptoms cycle quickly, some go, new ones come, some revisit at a lesser intensity. They never seem to get their act together and all make a coordinated departure for a real window. So there’s always something. I can feel it now, the change, the healing, but I still have brutal hold-on-for-dear-life waves that shoot me straight back to month 10. I’m also having some relatively normal days though they are definitely no where close to where I was pre benzo.

 

I’ve tried to read and learn and I think definitely for most the next months will bring big change. Seems by month 30 most are on way smoother seas. We just have to hang in there! But, wow, am I tired.

 

McS

 

Dear McS!

It's been a while, it's nice to hear from you, even if I would've liked to hear through your success story, but hey, that will come.

Do you mean you went through 'status quo' for the first 16-17 months? Because that's what it has felt like for me so far. Day in and day out, it's been the exact same thing, over and over again. No cycling, no window but no wave either, just the same sh!t over and over. It's hard to believe anything will ever change when ... when things don't! 

So yes, I think you beginning to cycle more rapidly is a good sign. It seems to be  At least, it might remind you that things are changing and that healing is happening 

You also say you get days of feeling 'close to normal' - waw! What can else can I say?! You still might not feel like your pre-benzo self but that is still a very good sign indeed, and it will get so much better - because you are improving, without a doubt!

 

Warm Healing Hugs! 

Julia xx

Dear Fellow Warriors 

 

It looks like we are here in clusters, a group of 30-months Buddies and another group of 20-months Buddies. I feel like I know all of you, I've been reading your posts for some long months. It breaks my heart to read there is still so much suffering for much, but for those of you who are beginning to see and feel true healing, I am so very happy. Yes, healing can be slow and painful, but it is happening, and thank you for sharing your light with those of us who still have to walk in the darkness for a little while longer!

 

WD is an alienating condition, but we have each other. We will make it, Buddies. Life will get good again. Focus on the positives, even if they still look minuscule. It doesn't take away the fact that they are the most meaningful things happening to us right now. And just keep going, doing whatever works to cope through this ordeal. It has to get better!

 

Warm Healing Hugs!

Julia xx

Great thread. At 19 months off I’m not as far along as I would like, although I suppose I’m seeing improvements. I still miss the old me that had energy and enthusiasm, I sometimes think I’m going to be stuck as this fatigued couch potato. I’ll keep hope alive that there is still plenty of healing to be had and it could be another year or more till I’m the old me again. Sorry to be a downer but I’ve popped on the protracted board a few times and there are people 4,5,6 and more years off and still suffering, so maybe I shouldn’t hold my breath.

i like to remind myself that in 6 months it will be the middle of the summer and we're all going to probably feel much better!

 

 

excited for summer.

 

 

all about staying as positive as possible no matter how dark it gets.

 

 

i am seeing a physical therapist for back and next pain and she told me to look up. literally. stand tall and look up. i did, and starting feeling much better. no wonder why my neck always hurt i was looking at the dirt all day!

 

 

our future lives await us.... 

What a wonderful, positive thread this is. Glad I stumbled onto it.

I went CT off benzos 6.5 years ago. I consider myself fully healed. I do still have to minbor symptoms that only started during withdrawal but I just live with them. BB taught me to do that. I still find iut amazing how much healthier I am now that I don't take benzos OR ADs. Yes, I am almost 69 now, but my health is darned good for an old lady. Getting off benzos did this, and I know this for sure.

Tolerance withdrawal is sort of complicated, but now I do understand that for many years, that was what caused my old miserable health symptoms. Doctors told me I had this thing or that thing (mostly garbage diagnoses like Fibromyalgia and CFS-) and it all turned out to be due to benzos. Life IS good now, I am will forever be grateful top BB.

east